


Moments Lost

by Montreat11



Series: Moments Series [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery, Prequel, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-05-05 12:01:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 49
Words: 119,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5374517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Montreat11/pseuds/Montreat11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before Storybrooke, before there was a curse, before she met a man called Rumpelstiltskin there was just a girl; a girl with dreams far greater than those her family and her station could imagine for her. Prequel to the Moments Series, Belle's life before she met Rumpelstiltskin and fell in love with him. Begins with happy teenage years and ends just before Rumple arrives for her. Updated through 5x17.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning of the Beginning

She sighed as her eyes roamed over the last period in her book. It was a small noise, one that probably wouldn't have been given much notice around ordinary people. But her mother wasn't ordinary.

"What is the matter my darling?" she asked from across the room where she was working on a bit of embroidery by the fire. She glanced over the top of her book, looking oddly over at her from where she'd laid out on the sofa. She knew what was wrong...but she wondered if anyone else would understand it exactly. With another sigh she picked up her book again and looked over the last paragraph again.

"'And as day faded into evening,'" she read aloud, "'Princess Amaretha became Queen Amaretha in the sight of all her loving and adoring subjects, though the only eyes that mattered to her were those of her friends sitting in the back, clapping louder than any others and smiling with a look of pride no man or woman could match. They alone knew the struggles she'd endured, the adventures she'd taken, the perils she'd fought to reach this very place, and if it were not for their faithful intervention and knowledge, she would never have arrived in this place without them. From that moment on she vowed she would be the greatest Queen her kingdom had ever seen, not for the many, but for the individuals. She would treat everyone in her kingdom with respect and love, not as a group of faceless nobodies but as equal individuals, each just as important as her friends-'"

"'And to this day, in that kingdom, a Queen the likes of Queen Amaretha has never been known,'" her mother finished for her, a small smirk on her mouth as she went back to her embroidery. "The Rise of the Queen of Magdelarnia, I read it myself when I was your age. It was one of my favorites. Tell me, what did you think of it my darling?" What did she think of it? She closed the book and looked over the royal purple cover one last time and laid it over her stomach as she only managed to give another sigh. "Oh," her mother piqued from across the room. "Not a favorite of yours?"

"Oh no," she argued quickly sitting up and resting the book on her lap. "No, no, it was quite good, an amazing adventure, everything you told me it would be…"

"But…" her mother prodded, never missing a stitch.

"But it's over," she admitted. "I mean…she led this great life, had wonderful adventures, met amazing people and friends…and then it just ends. This book represents two weeks while the rest of her life is summed up in one sentence. 'She did everything she wanted to do and was the best Queen they'd ever known, the end.' It's just…it's…"

"A happy ending," her mother provided. "A happy ending with no more struggles or fights. It's what all good stories are made of!"

Was it? Was it really what all good stories were made of? Because it seemed more and more to her that stories were not made up of happy endings. They ended with happy endings. They were made of adventures, struggles, daring sword fights, magic spells, disguises, planning, plotting! Happily ever after…it was just three words. According to the logic of this and nearly every book she'd read the struggle was worth more than the happily ever after! And yet...

Maybe she was just crazy. Maybe she was just a minority that enjoyed the struggle far more than the happy ending. Not that she didn't enjoy happy endings, they just always seemed...too perfect. Yes...perhaps she was just different.

"Perhaps it's just that I'm always sad to see the characters go," she reasoned aloud. "At the end of a book I've grown to love so much parting is never easy."

"That is why you must always keep your library brimming with books my dear girl," her mother smiles. "So long as you have books, you'll never be lonely."

That small reminder put a smile on her face. Yes, that was the one great thing about ending an old book, with each happy ending there was always a new book with a brand new adventure that awaited her before the next "happily ever after". Or…

She supposed sometimes there was no harm in going back to some old friends once and a while.

She eagerly pushed herself up off her sofa, letting the wooden legs scrape against the floor as she moved to the bookshelf they kept in this small room, their "family room" as her mother called it. The place that they all often retired to after dinner for a few hours of peace together before bed. Here her mother would catch up on her sewing, or singing, or her own reading, her father, as he was now, stashed away at the desk across from her sofa was writing letters, and she could allow herself to get lost in whatever grand adventure her favorite books, those worthy to be in this room instead of the library, took her too.

She set Amaretha's story on her father's desk to be returned to the library first thing in the morning and pulled an old worn book from the shelf. Her Handsome Hero. If she couldn't go on an adventure of her own, then she may as well tag along as her favorite hero, Gideon, a peasant born to take over his father's unpopular profession as a shepherd. His story was one of valor, bravery, honor, and love as he set off to slay a dragon and defeat the evil sorcerer, Yensid, who threatened his town and Tabitha with marriage. Along the way, he proved to everyone, especially the beautiful Princess Tabitha, that a lowly shepherd had what it took to be more than just a man that watches goats.

"Oh! That one again!" her mother chastised clicking her tongue against her teeth. "Twice this month, you'll grow tired of it if you're not careful!"

"Let our girl be, Collette," her father finally inserted as she took her seat. "There are worse things she could do than read an old book you got her interested in."

"It's the best!"

She and her mother both glanced at each other and broke into smiles and laughter as they realized they'd spoken the same words at the same time. Her father was right. It had been years since her mother had first read the book to her and she'd fallen hopelessly in love with the adventure it presented her with. Over the years books had come and gone, but only this one, this story that she couldn't read without hearing her mother's voice as the narration in her head, remained her favorite.

As she glanced over at her parents, her father at his desk, his eyes unmoving from the letter he was writing and her mother at her sewing chair, unhindered in her work by their conversation, she had one of the best ideas she'd had in a while. "Mother," she pushed herself up, gently took the sewing from her mothers hands and set the book in her lap. "Will you read to me?"

"Oh," her mother giggled, tracing her hands over the cover of the book, "my girl you are far too old to need me to read it to you."

"I don't need you to read it to me I want you to. Please, I'm sixteen, how much more time do I have to hear you read me our favorite story."

"Oh my girl," her mother sighed, reaching up and gently stroking her cheek tenderly. "You're right! You're right, of course, of course," she beamed, then took her daughter's hand and led her back to her sofa. Her mother sat against the corner of the sofa and she happily fit herself against her, laying her head against her shoulder so she could see the pages of the book. Her mother reached up, pushed hair back from her face and smothered the top of her head with small kisses before she finally took a deep breath that told her she was about to begin.

"'Once upon a time in a Kingdom that time has forgotten, there was an ordinary-"

"Your majesty!" the door squeaking open disturbed their bliss and made them all turn in its direction. A servant. Her stomach flipped over. They knew not to disturb them in this room, not unless it was something serious! She and her mother watched as the boy, only a few years older than her, trotted inside, a piece of old paper folded in his hand. "A scout from the eastern border sent this for you! He said it was urgent!"

Her father took the note from him, unfolded it quickly, and leaned into the candlelight to read it as she and her mother held their breath, waiting for news. But instead her father scoffed angrily. What was it?!

"This is ridiculous! Don't disturb me with this nonsense! Find that scout and make sure he is properly censured for reporting such idiocy and spreading nothing but fear with his lies! I want his name by morning's light! And find the child and see it's put to work where it belongs!"

"Yes sir, right away sir!" the boy grabbed the paper again and quickly scrambled out of the room, leaving nothing but silence as they stared over at the suddenly quiet man behind the desk.

"Papa?" she finally asked.

"Maurice, what was it?" her mother asked, concern clear in her voice.

"Nothing my darlings," her father growled in irritation. "Some scout claims he saw an ogre in the mountains."

"A child? Again? But Maurice-"

"Not a child," her father corrected. "And adult! Probably had too much to drink. Can you imagine…an adult ogre disobeying our treaties! If they can't control their breeding they can at least control the wandering their children do! A full grown ogre...it's a ridiculous notion and I'll not have such rumors spread about the castle of all places! If word spread to the people we'd have a riot on our hands!"

Yes, it was silly. Fully grown ogres never ventured over the mountains, they kept to the little Valley they had on the other side and never caused any problems so long as no one crossed the invisible barrier the mountains had created for him. Their children however sometimes wandered over the boarders in their childish ignorance, but it was infrequently because the ogres knew the punishment for allowing their children to do such a thing. The ogre would be captured and sold off as livestock, usually to a farmer to help with the harvesting. It was cheap labor she understood that, but she hated the idea of children, babies even, no matter how big they were being used in such a way. Her father, clearly, had no problem with it. His upset was a little thing; her father hated to be disturbed during their evenings together. Frankly, they all hated to be disturbed. This place was their sanctuary! It was a time they could be mother and father and daughter instead of King, Queen, and Princess. Rude interruptions...they were frowned upon in the castle, but even she knew that it couldn't be avoided entirely given their status.

"Maurice, why don't you put that silly pen down and come and sit with us, my dear. Listen to the story," her mother urged.

"Because Ogre's may not be a threat in this Kingdom but if our finances don't hold-"

"The finances will be fine until tomorrow, you can spare an evening with your wife and daughter!" she argued.

"I'm already with my wife and daughter."

She and her mother exchanged glances. He was with them, just as he was every night, but until he put down his pen and left that desk he wouldn't really be with them. Her mother nodded at her and moved her shoulder, encouraging her to get up. So she did. She opened a drawer at the table and filled her father's pipe before wandering over to her father and placing her hand against his own. "Please, Papa," she whispered, offering him his pipe. A small smile pulled at the corner of his mouth as he looked at her.

"Please Maurice," her mother added, "she is right, our girl. How much more time do we have to sit together, just the three of us, in this room?"

"Not nearly enough I'm afraid," he muttered, taking his pipe and staring up at her with sadness in his eyes that she didn't understand. "Alright," he sighed after a while, "how can I resist the 'please' of my two beautiful girls!" he joked rising and pulling her against him, his hugs were always the best thing she'd ever known. "Alright, Collette my love," he whispered moving around her and taking his place in the chair by the fire, the one across from her mother's where he happily lit his pip and allowed himself to relax, "begin again."

Her mother opened her arms for her again and once more she fitted herself next to her, just as she had been. Her mother sighed, kissed her forehead tenderly and returned to the book.

"'Once upon a time…'"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! For those of you that are just checking out this fiction, welcome! For those of you who are a fan of the Moments Series, welcome back! I hope you'll enjoy this fiction. It's the prequel to the Moments Series, a series that is an attempt at an accurate portrayal of Belle's perspective during the Once Upon a Time series. This fiction features everything that happened in Belle's life before she met Rumpelstiltskin in "Skin Deep".
> 
> Because I am working to keep this series as accurate as possible, there might be changes made to this fiction, as needed. As of right now Moments Lost, and the rest of the series, is currently updated through 5x17, Her Handsome Hero. But I won't bore you with those details, if you really want them check out the "chapter updates" section at the very end of the fiction or follow me on twitter at Montreat11 to be sure to never miss an update.
> 
> If you enjoy this fiction, please leave kudos or a comment! I always enjoy those wonderful gems waiting for me in my inbox and I love writing back to thank you personally for reading! It helps me know that I'm doing a decent job! Peace and Happy Reading!


	2. Family and Friends and Pawns

She was in a hurry. Ordinarily she wouldn't be on a Saturday, she preferred to sleep in on the one day she didn't have lessons or instructions or meetings with anyone, adult, young, female, or especially male! But today was different. When Lydia had come in at her regular time to wake her, before she could tell her to let her sleep another few hours, she'd let something slip. Samuel was in the castle.

The name was all it took to have her fling herself out of bed, dress, and practically run down the stairs that would take her to the courtyard. It was the place that she knew he'd be waiting simply because it was the place that he was always waiting for her this time of day. She couldn't wait to-

"Oh!" she cried as she collided with someone in the hall. "Mother! I'm so sorry I…I didn't see you!"

"Belle, what on earth?"

"Sorry," she smiled checking the basket she was carrying with her, the one she'd retrieved from the kitchen only minutes ago with a picnic lunch in it. Everything still seemed in place. "Sorry, I have to go! Samuel is here!"

"Belle!" But she didn't hear any of what her mother had to say because she'd taken off for the courtyard yet again. She made it in record time and the moment she saw the boy that was standing there for her she let the basket drop from her hands and threw her arms around him. "Samuel!"

"It's good to see you too!" he exclaimed hugging her back.

"What are you doing here?" she questioned when he finally let her drop back to the ground.

"What am I doing here? What are you doing here? Father and I have come once, sometimes even twice a month for nearly the last four months and you are always the one that seems absent."

She took a deep breath and shook her head. The last four months...she'd rather not think about them, but if she had to think about them she'd rather it be here, with Samuel than anyone else. "It's a long story," she excused.

"I have time to listen to it. Lord knows I have all the time in the world!"

She glared at her best friend, the son of the general, but couldn't hide the smile of amusement that crept onto her face. "Your father brings you to the meetings for a reason Samuel, you might try attending them every once in a while..."

"Gah! Meetings. Dull, ghastly, very boring, your life on the other hand...much more interesting. So...tell me where you've been, it's probably more interesting than artillery reports."

"I seriously doubt it," she groaned picking up the picnic basket and climbing the little hill in the courtyard with Samuel so they could sit and eat dinner under their favorite tree. She'd known Samuel for years, ever since she was a child. His father was her fathers most highly decorated general and oversaw most of the small army they had. Because of that he reported to the castle every six months to give her father updates and status reports. He often brought Samuel with him, for educational purposes as he hoped that Samuel might one day be nearly as successful as he had in the army. But Samuel was a carefree spirit. While she had no doubt that he had all the talent required to be like his father Samuel didn't have half the motivation. He was a boy in a man's body and didn't seem to mind or want to change. Which was unfortunate because it seemed like more and more the world wanted them to change.

The the last four months she'd returned to the castle only to learn that Samuel and his father had been there, but she hadn't. She'd been off doing what her mother called "her duty". What exactly was her duty? Men. Lots of them. Her birthday was six months ago, she and Samuel had celebrated right here on this very hill and only a few weeks later, her mother had taken her to her first appointment. The first was a duke, the second the cousin of a king, the third was a prince in a neighboring kingdom by the fourth she'd begun to get suspicious and asked her mother why she had to meet all these men. It was her duty, her mother told her, now that she was of marrying age it was time to choose a proper suitor for marriage. The announcement had nearly made her jaw drop. She'd argued with her mother, told her over and over again it wasn't true, that she didn't want it to be this way. Her mother looked flabbergasted. Surly she had known that it must be this way, it was the kingdom's tradition, she couldn't rule without a husband, she needed one. She didn't honestly expect to find a shepherd or a tailor from the village did she? Honestly she hadn't known what to expect. She was a princess, somewhere in the back of her mind she always knew it worked that way, she'd just never really considered it before. There were times that she felt very much like Samuel, like she was still a child only in a woman's body and she was too young for all this. But her parents disagreed and it was done whether she was ready or not.

She explained all of this to Samuel as they ate their lunch on the hill and she told him story after story of the men she'd met that were asking for her hand. She was lucky, her parents dismissed some of them on sight for her. "A duke!" her mother had spouted when they got back into the carriage, "I should have known he'd lie about his age. I am sorry my love, we'll find someone closer to your age, you shouldn't have to spend the rest of your life wit a leacher looking for a bit of fame!" Others were dismissed for the opposite reason. One boy had been just that, a boy of no more than sixteen, hardly a suitable match for her. But the majority of them...they were disappointing all on their own. She had yet to find one that really impressed her simply because they all tried too hard to be "impressive".

"He's an idiot," Samuel declared, sitting up and grabbing a bunch of grapes from the basket. "Any man that wonders how you read a book with no pictures is certainly not for you."

She breathed a sigh of relief at Samuel's agreement and popped a few grapes in her mouth as well. It was nice to be with Samuel, someone who was familiar and a friend, not to mention someone who finally agreed with her about all of this. "I don't suppose you've gotten any offers yet from _him_ have you."

There was no need to ask Samuel who the "him" was. She could think of only one person in all the Kingdoms that held the possibility of suitors which one he meant and for once she felt absolutely relieved that there was one person she had yet to meet. "No, nothing from Gaston...yet."

"You should count yourself lucky then."

She smiled. "Trust me, I'm thrilled every day that he doesn't come around here. You've heard the things they say about him! I doubt I'd be able to fit in the banquet hall with that big head of his."

"Big head...probably has the worlds smallest brain. I've met him you know...his fathers army is outstanding, my father has taken me several times to watch their drills and each time I feel like there is this horrible expression in his pretty little face. Openly tried to court not one, but two unaccompanied women right in front of us. Nothing but vanity and lies I'm sure," he concluded almost bitterly. Too bitterly. These lunches used to be fun, her only source of fun for long periods of time! She didn't like where this one had gone and she certainly didn't like that she was spending her time with Samuel being bitter rather than laughing like they usually did.

"Well it's not as if you haven't had your fair share of lies. You told me that the flower I drew from my first drawing lesson was brilliant," she suggested trying to lighten the mood.

"It was brilliant!" he argued.

"It looked like wilting pile of manure!"

"Well…yes but…it was a brilliant wilting pile of manure!" A smile cracked at the corner of his mouth and she finally let out a snort at their conversation, happy that she'd successfully diverted it. It was silly to think it, she knew. He was her oldest friend, her best friend, not to mention her only friend besides her mother and father. He knew everything about her and she knew everything about him, but...lately, sometimes, she wondered if they were beginning to outgrow one another and if it was possible to grow into one another again as time wore on. Sometimes he just seemed so distracted and opinionated. He seemed to look at everything so negatively as opposed to when they were younger and he had not one bad thing to say about the world. But now...

"Did you get the invitation yet?" she asked taking the sandwiches the cooks had prepared for her from the basket. It was better that than wondering what would happen if she and Samuel weren't friends. And talking about something like a happy marriage was far better than talking about an unhappy one.

"For that wedding next year? Aye, the betrothal finally became official. Poor saps."

"You don't know they were betrothed. Who says they didn't ask for it?" she defended, upset that he could turn something as happy as a wedding back into something unhappy. "Who says that they didn't fall in love? Who says they didn't meet at a ball, dance until dawn…fall in love?"

"Common sense," he drawled. "They're both the children of nobles. Nobles who happen to have a strong alliance and need something like a marriage to 'seal the deal' as it were. The chances of them ever meeting and falling in love all by themselves on a whim is-"

"Not impossible!"

"Slim. I was going to say the chances are not impossible but small." He was right. Again. It was logical and made sense in the simplest way. But she hated that such a thing as arranged marriages and betrothals were the reality in this kingdom, in her class. She hated that it was happening to her. She preferred the world her books presented her with; a world where heroes triumphed and did miraculous deeds and proved their worth! Where they fell in love with brave Princesses and married them because they couldn't wait to spend the rest of their lives together. Not because they were contractually bound to. Frankly, the only way she was getting through suitor after suitor was by allowing herself to imagine that one day she was going to go to a ball or get our of a carriage and be absolutely taken with the handsome young man before her. He'd be smart and witty, he'd like the things that she liked, they'd have conversations by the fire about books and politics, and she'd feel like they were a single unit instead of two awkwardly shaped pieces of metal welded together no matter how poorly they fit.

"I think I'd rather not know," she admitted as Samuel munched. "I think I'd rather just imagine some whirl wind romance than know the truth sometimes."

"Since when are you a head strong girl? To deny the truth is to be just as ignorant as...oh what was the one you just told me about? Simpleton? Simpson?"

"Sampson. And when did you become so pessimistic?"

"I'm not, I'm just…preparing for the inevitable."

"The inevitable?"

Samuel nodded then sighed as he stared deeply into his sandwich, avoiding her eyes. "The truth is you're not the only one meeting people they'd rather not. It seems I can't go to a ball these days without my father personally introducing me to the daughters of some noble or other. It's just our age. More often than not I tell my father I don't like them and he tells me not to shut them out. Whether I like them or not doesn't seem to be important. Politics reign supreme at our level. I fear in the end the connections we make in our matches will do far more to determine our happiness."

"No, not for me," she insisted shaking her head. "My father would never do that to me and my mother certainly wouldn't allow it! Force me to marry a man I don't like?! One I don't love! Never. That's why they're having me meet so many, they don't want me to be unhappy."

"You're one of the lucky ones then, perhaps that's the joy of being true royalty instead of nobility. Maybe you have options we don't."

"You have options!"

"Yeah, as a child. But it's a law of the universe, you can't get something for nothing. Look around us, we have lived wonderful, joyful, spoiled childhoods. And the price we'll someday pay will be a prison of marriage."

She felt a sudden swell of sadness inside her chest. Strange. She looked forward to seeing Samuel so that they could talk and laugh and have a good time together instead of focusing on their dull lives and when she'd heard he was in the castle this morning she'd been excited to see him and leave reality behind but this conversation was hardly what she'd hoped it would be. She had no idea when it had become so depressing, when he had become so…opinionated.

"You don't know that will happen to you…" she encouraged, trying to get her friend back from this dark turn he'd suddenly taken. "You might meet someone at the wedding and find you can't live without her."

He only smirked and shook his head while he chewed and swallowed. "The truth is that as long as there are nobles and royals, peasants and paupers…we will never be people. Only pawns in a great chess match."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Samuel! Alright, refresher because I don't think it's been long but I know that it feels like a long time. This year Once Upon a Time released their second comic book, Out of the Past, that had a Rumbelle story called "Truths and Daggers". That story was the first appearance of Samuel and because A&E have said that what is in the comics is canon (that wasn't easy trust me) Samuel made his first appearance in Moments Series in May when I added him and the comic story into Moments Known and Unknown. So...here is the origins to Samuel and Belle. If you need further refresher Samuel's story is in chapters 30-37 in MK&U and here we can already begin to see a bit of the man that Samuel will become there shining through. Obviously he has a hint of those values and opinions that will only grow as time goes on and turn him into the Samuel we encountered there...will encounter? This prequel stuff is weird. Also, fun fact, the last chapter was really more of a prologue. Moments Lost is going to cover 6-7 years of Belle's life so obviously there will be jumps in the chapters over months, but even with that I see chapter 1, Belle with her family, taking place 2-3 years before the fiction really gets started (I don't count that last chapter in the 6-7 years). Chapter 1 is intro and this chapter I see as being the real start of the story.
> 
> Yay! Thank you to Deweymay for your comment on the last chapter! I'm so glad that ya'll are back to read this fiction with me! I hope that you'll like what I've crafted for you here and I won't let you down! Peace and Happy Reading!


	3. An Unplanned Match

"That's enough Lydia!" she whined as her nurse picked at her finished braid. "Honestly, I'm going riding with my father, not getting ready for a ball!"

"Oh ya never know who you'll meet miss!" she responded scrutinizing her work.

She rolled her eyes and finally stood up. "It's fine!" she breathed. "I'm late enough as it is."

"But Miss!"

"Rocks and trees Lydia!" she called as she put her jacket on and started down the hallway. "Rocks and trees is all we're planning to meet!"

She was late and she was eager. She couldn't remember the last time that she and her father had spent time together, just the two of them. It seemed like an eternity! They'd grow so distant over these last few years, when she wasn't with him and her mother then he was introducing her to a suitor. But a riding trip! They hadn't done this in five years at least.

The stables were just as busy as they always were. A couple of horses were tied up in the center being groomed by a few of the stable boys. They bowed appropriately when she walked in and didn't even bother to check her own horses stall. She knew that he wouldn't be there. He'd been in isolation for the past six weeks with some illness or other. Today was the first day that he was supposed to be allowed out, which was why her father had told her a ride was in order! It was to celebrate!

But her father wasn't in the stable. His horse wasn't one of the ones being groomed now or even tacked? When she glanced into it's stall she found his horse there as always, munching on some hay…but her father wasn't with him. "Excuse me," she asked catching one of the stable boys. "H-have you seen my father?"

"Yes Miss he's…he's around here somewhere…" the boy explained looking wildly over his shoulder and around the stable. "I…I can help you look after I put this away!" the boy offered with wide eyes. He was no more than thirteen and the saddle that he was carrying was at least half his size. It wasn't necessary, she was a big girl she could find him on her own.

"No, that's alright I'll find him. Father?!" she called turning away from the boy and looking around. He had said that he'd seen him. He was around here somewhere. "Father?!" she called glancing around, still unable to find him. "Father are you in here?"

"I'm right here Belle!" she heard him call from just around the corner. There he was! In the isolation room with her own horse. And…not in riding pants…

"Well…we're supposed to go riding today, why aren't you dressed for it?" she questioned looking him over. Had he forgotten? Why would he be here if he forgot?

"Plans have changed," he explained with a smile. "We have a visitor in the castle today, the eldest son of Lord LeGume."

"Father, no!" she refused right away, already sensing what he was thinking and why he'd done this. It was another set up. And with a man that, frankly, she'd rather not meet. "I do not want to meet any more suitors, especially not that Cretan!"

"So you know him?!" her father questioned sounding almost excited as she turned toward her poor isolated creature. He'd be free of this prison soon, unlike her and this endless parade of men that her father was ushering toward her. Frankly she was surprised that this particular young man had taken so long from what she knew of him. She been beginning to hope that he wouldn't take note at all at this point.

"Well, I know _of_ him," she corrected as the horse nickered at her touch. "He's supposedly the vainest man in all the land, fanciest himself quite the hunter both of animals and of women!"

"At least give him a chance," her father urged as though he hadn't heard her at all. "Don't judge someone until you know their whole story!" That tone. She hated that tone, the one he used when he spoke to her as though she was a child! Was it just her or did she feel like that tone was starting to come out more and more over these last few months? It repulsed her and suddenly spending the afternoon out riding with her father seemed like the last thing she wanted to do. She'd rather lock herself in her room and let Lydia play with her hair. She knew this was important, she knew that she'd have to marry one day for her crown but she had a choice in it and that monster was not her choice.

"Well, I know enough," she refused giving the horse a final pat and excusing herself.

"Belle wait!" her father cried. "There's more at stake!"

That got her attention and she finally stopped running and turned to let him explain. It had better be good. More at stake? More at stake than a throne, more than the implication that she couldn't rule this kingdom that she'd been born in and grown up in just because of her gender? What else was there? "On our northern borders there have been skirmishes with the ogres. Good men have died," her father explained in a low serious tone. The look on his face…small encounters with the ogres were not exactly rare, perhaps there was a time they had been but not anymore, they happened. But her father didn't look like he normally did when he received word of it. He actually looked scared.

"That's horrible," she allowed, though she still didn't see what this had to do with Gaston.

"Belle, Lord LeGume has a powerful army, if you were to marry his son-"

"Whoa, whoa, marry him?!" she shrieked. "Are you mad?!" Yes, she knew that was what all of this had been about, all the men she'd met was about finding her a husband but no one had yet to actually say the words out loud before she even met the person. Usually her mother told her the opposite! "I'm not asking you to marry him Belle, I'm just asking you to see if you get along with him." Had it really come to this?! Finding a proper suitor and betrothal was one thing that she was struggling with as it was but discussing something as serious as engagement and marriage was another. "What does mother have to say about this?"

"She agrees with me," he insisted firmly.

She tried to speak but she had no words. Her mother agreed with him. Her mother…she really thought this? She really thought that this was a good idea, that he was a good match? Her mother really wanted her to find a husband this soon? It didn't make sense. She'd always taught her to follow her heart…how could she want a man like that for her.

"I'm not arranging a wedding Belle, I simply want you to meet him." Meetings. There was the line that she expected! That was how they all started but this…this was different than all those other moments when he'd arranged meetings. This was…it was a planned political move, the motive was clearly already on the table and it made her feel like meat, or gold, or even a trophy, anything of value but not in the way that she wanted to be of value. She felt like her father was using her for collateral. It made her stomach turn. She wasn't going to do it. Not anymore, not if-

"Am I too early?" a strange voice from behind her asked.

She felt her eyes go wide as she looked at her father and put everything together. He wasn't in riding clothes because he'd never been the one he intended to ride with her. He'd tried to plan it so that she went riding with Gaston.

"You're right on time, come in!" her father answered with a smile looking passed her and her glare. Probably because if he looked in her eyes right now she would have burned him. "Meet my daughter…"

Politics. Pawns. The urge to simply turn and leave the barn and go to her room was strong, but she knew that she couldn't. It would create more problems than solutions. She was stuck. In the worst way. She wasn't sure how, but somehow by the time she turned to face him she'd managed to wipe the look of shock and anger off her face and present him with a polite, "political" smile.

"Belle…this is Gaston." Well…he was certainly polite. When she presented her hand he didn't hesitate, merely reached out right away and raised it to his lips. His perfectly shaped lips. She couldn't help but stare. She was young, naturally a lot of the men she'd been introduced to were either too close to her age and she'd barely call them "men" or they were far to old for her to ever pay a second glance to. Gaston though…he wasn't too old, but she could tell that he was older than her. And he certainly did look like a man. A very, very handsome man. She hated to admit it, but he was handsome. He'd give a few of the princes that she'd met in the courts a run for their money where looks were concerned. Dark hair, eyes so black and deep she could get lost in them, he was taller than her of course, but who wasn't? Still, she'd heard about his looks, she'd heard about them because apparently he even knew he was gorgeous! That was terribly unattractive, especially if there was nothing beneath those looks except brute strength.

"It's lovely to meet you Belle," he nodded as he took a couple of steps away.

"Gaston, I…I've heard so much about you," she smiled back. And not all of it good. For what felt like an eternity it was obvious that neither of them had anything to say to one another. They stared, sizing each other up, they smiled, thinking of something to say, finally she turned hoping her father would provide her with words, something, anything they could talk about but-

"I'm sorry," Gaston apologized before she could look at him. "This is terribly awkward, isn't it? Do you hate these set ups as much as I do?" he asked.

She felt her jaw drop open at his questioning. That was…actually it was the perfect thing to say. She could talk about how much she despised things like this all day long with the right person. "Well, since you're asking, yes."

"I've heard you're a charming and intelligent young woman and you certainly live up to your name."

Her name…did he mean that the way she thought he did? Did he know what it meant, that her parents had named her "beauty" in a foreign language her mother had been studying just before she'd been born. Or was he talking figuratively, simply saying that she lived up to all the hype he'd heard. Either way, it was a compliment. One that no other man she'd met so far had managed to get right. It was too perfect.

"But…?"

"You've heard of me and you're not interested in this, which is fine, I understand. If it is your wish I shall turn around and head home, no hard feelings."

Her wish? He'd leave if she wanted him too? That was…better than the right thing to say. Out of all the men she'd met so far none had given her the choice of continuing in their set ups. He was the first one. If he was a hunter of women she could see how he got that reputation, he'd just lured her in with a few carefully chosen words and she knew it. No, right words or not, she couldn't. Sensing her decision perhaps he offered a small bow and turned to leave. It was amazing. He really had meant what he'd said. It was her wish and he was actually going to follow through, just as he'd said?! She turned to face her father to make a comment about it but his face, the desperate look on it…Gaston was handsome, polite, he'd said all the right things, and his father did have an army.

"Ah…a-actually!" she called before he got too far away. He turned back to her immediately and watched her with anticipation. "Ah…one walk couldn't hurt anyone," she conceded putting everything she and Samuel had talked about months ago away. Gaston looked pleased. She felt, oddly fine with it, there was even a little flutter in her belly at the smile that he offered. The look her father gave her when she decided to go off with him made her smile broaden. She was smart, she understood math well enough. What were the chances that out of all the men she'd seen, one of them would be a match?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so we finally have the first chapter of 5x17 up. For the most part this episode fit fairly well into Moments Lost, but of course there was a lot of editing to do to the first half or so, minor edits to the second half. Loved the episode or hate it I hope you'll enjoy how I incorporated it into Moments Lost but first...more 5x17 chapters!
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	4. Truth and Rumors

"Do you enjoy gardens? I hear you have lovely ones in your castle, perhaps you could treat me to the sight of them?" Gaston questioned as she took her place beside him.

She saw through his suggestion too easily, out here in the middle of the woods was hardly a place for a young woman of her title. According to all the women of the courts gardens existed to give women a proper place to sit and read, to talk with one another, and take pleasant strolls, all the feelings of being outdoors, with all the tame and paved qualities of their homes. The truth was that normally she didn't mind the Gardens at home, he was right they were lovely, but today with Gaston by her side she did mind them. She'd pushed the buttons of suitors she knew less about than the infinitely vain Gaston and she was curious…what would he think about the type of woman she was.

"Actually I prefer the woods," she lied. "I don't get out much to hike in them, but their untamed beauty is far more attractive to me than the gardens, though they are 'lovely' as you said."

"Ah…perhaps another time then. I'm familiar with such restraints," he commented as they strolled. "I think a perfect day for me would be a hunt alone in the woods with only a book to read and a tree to nap against in my off time. But alas a man of my family isn't allowed to venture so far on his own and I'm afraid the idea of me sitting under a tree to read would earn me more than a couple of chastising whispers. It does get tiresome if I do say so, being followed all the time, having your life planned out for you. It's exhausting. After a while it begins to feel as though you have less freedom than the lowest of your servants."

He was chuckling, awkwardly. It was as if he was nervous. Was he nervous? The great Gaston LeGume? Was it possible she made him nervous on this walk? Or was it all a show? A farce to convince her that he was a certain way when he wasn't? And…had he mentioned books?

"Did you say you like to read?" she questioned as her interest peeked.

He nodded. "Economics, political history, and military strategy of course. But I must admit, if I had a day to spend in the woods all by myself, without the fear of someone catching me of course, I think I'd enjoy a good adventure novel myself. Something exciting and daring!"

She smiled. "Those are my favorite kind," she admitted.

"Yes I've heard that you have a soft spot for a good book or two. I think the whole Kingdom knows."

She shrugged. "Well...I did get caught once, reading a book while I was supposed to be enjoying a ball. I smuggled it in under my skirts and hadn't realized it was a problem until my mother took it from me and explained that there was a time and place for everything and that wasn't the place for reading. Everyone went on an on about it as though I'd committed some heinous crime but…it was one of my favorite books and in the middle of all that-"

"I imagine you longed for a bit of an escape," Gaston suggested.

She smirked and glanced up at him. His hands were appropriately behind his back and his gaze was stuck on the forest floor ahead of him was they watched instead of her. He was interested in her, but he didn't stare at her like some of the men she'd met at the courts who may as well have had their tongues hanging from their mouths. He was respectful. And yes, he seemed to understand a lot of what she was saying. It was almost as though she was his equal. "Yes…I long for that quite a bit," she admitted softly. "So…what's your favorite? Book I mean?! Maybe I've read it or have it…"

"Oh! Well…" he sighed and picked up his head, his eyes squinting in thought. "I don't know that I could name just one! It would be like asking me to name my favorite arrow or my favorite family trip. There are just too many to count! Could you name just one?"

"Just one book? Well…yes actually but second place is tied for too many to count. And I may not have a favorite arrow but I do have a favorite family trip! I thought most people did."

"'Most people' are not 'all people'. But I am intrigued. What trip did you take as a family that is held above all others?"

She smiled as the memories came back to her. That was an easy question to answer. "My family has another castle in Avonlea that we live at sometimes. It's nice…close to the beach, the weather is always fair… One day my mother and I went out to the beach while my father was working. We took our books and our lunch and planned to spend the day reading but…there was a storm that had struck the night before and the beach was littered with starfish. Poor things…they were drying up in the sun so my mother and I walked along the beach for a while throwing the starfish back into the sea. After a while my father came down because we were late for dinner and all three of us hiked down the beach throwing starfish after starfish back into the ocean. We hiked so far down the beach the sun went down and my father carried me when I was too exhausted to carry on. I woke up when my parents put me back to bed that night. I asked if we did it, if we saved them all. My mother told me we hadn't. I told her I was sorry, for not making a difference. She told me I did, that every starfish I threw back would live a perfectly happy life and it was all because of me."

"Sounds like you were the hero of the day."

"For a few…not for all. But it was a start."

"Well it seems that not much has changed about you since that day…though I am impressed that your ability to walk long distances has improved. I can hardly see the stables from here, you haven't exhausted like you did then, and look just how far you've hiked. I suppose your perseverance is matched only by your beauty."

She raised her eyebrows at him because until now they'd been having a decent conversation, but that just seemed so…planned! "Really?" she giggled thrown off by the odd compliment. "Does that line work on all your first dates?"

"Have we moved from meeting to a date?" he inquired quickly with a smile that…he really was very handsome. No wonder when Samuel insulted the man he never insulted his looks, there was no fault there. It was almost dazzling and mind consuming. But she wouldn't fall prey to it. Not yet at least.

"You know what I meant!" she chastised as they walked on.

"I bet you think I'm the same Gaston as all the stories you've heard about."

She considered that for a moment. All the stories she'd heard about him, was he the same man as that? Before today she wouldn't have given him a sideways glance but now…he was handsome, yes. He seemed perfectly intelligent and suave would might attribute to what she'd heard about hunting women. He seemed to be naturally flirtatious. Beyond that…she wasn't really sure who he was yet. One walk didn't exactly answer a lot of questions and she didn't intend for it to. Though she had to admit, it was going better than she thought it would have from the "stories" she'd heard. "I must say I have heard some unflattering tales," she admitted carefully, so carefully it was almost political. Her mother would be so proud.

"Well I profoundly apologize!" he joked. "I have this friend, LaFou, who loves to spread tall tales to embarrass me."

"Ahh…so you're not this great hunter of women I've heard so much about," she questioned up front. It wasn't that she couldn't relate to friends spreading "tall tales", her and Samuel had often made fun of each other in public when they were younger like that but the chances that one friend could spread rumors like that so far and wide…it was suspicious. And she didn't know what she wanted to happen after this walk, but she knew that she wasn't going to let it go any further than one walk if he didn't address those rumors in particular. She was not a prize to be won or game to be hunted. She was human and she did hope there was something more to him than his handsome looks.

"I hunt only wild game, I assure you." She looked him over, but what she saw…something wasn't right. It was in his eyes they were…dark, somehow. For once he wasn't looking at her with a smile or joking, he was looking straight ahead with a straight face and an even straighter tone. It made her nervous. "My love life has been tragically empty. Actually I've spent my whole life looking for a woman of your substance," he admitted finally taking another coy glance at her from underneath long dark eyelashes.

Was that true? It was certainly the right thing to say, but perhaps that was what made her so suspicious of it. But then again…all these encounters had gone so horribly wrong for her for the last few months. Was she simply used to meeting the wrong kind of men? Was she suspicious because of them, or because he'd said the right thing? She smirked as she looked him over. Maybe he was all he seemed. Just as she was more than her title and crown and inheritance. Her substance? Did he really already know what she was made of with just one walk? Was that truly all it took to know a person's "substance". If her books were any indication then yes. How many of those romances had started just because the hero had looked into the eyes of a stranger and known who they truly were? How many times had a strangers single act of bravery been enough to tell them more about who they were than their name and status? Was that what was happening now? If she looked into Gaston's eyes what would she see? Would it be-

"Wait!" he muttered quickly coming to a stop beside her. She stopped with him and watched his face as his eyes seemed to focus and narrow on nothing at all.

"What is it?" she asked.

He looked off to his left into the empty forest and a moment later pulled the bow free from his body. "Wild creature, very large, very close," he identified so emotionlessly it was almost clinical. She didn't understand. She was looking where he was and it was empty as far as she could see! All she heard were birds and the occasional rodent! What was happening? Before she could ask he turned back and gave her a dashing smile she'd come to expect from him but his eyes…they were no longer in the smile. Where they were she couldn't tell. It was just...odd she supposed. "Stay here," he commanded before tearing off into the woods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x17 part II! I'll tell you probably the most difficult thing in this chapter was figuring out what to have them talk about on their date. The scene starts with "look how far you've hiked" and I had a difficult time trying to back into that. I'm happy that in the end it all just kind of came to me. I hope that you'll find it acceptable! I do live to serve after all!
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	5. The Ogre Test

That was it?! A large wild animal was somewhere close by and Gaston-the only one with the bow and arrow, the weapons and protection-he was just going to leave her there?! Standing alone and defenseless in the middle of the woods? Not a chance! She liked to believe in fairy tales and tell herself that she was really very independent and strong but all that went out the window the moment she believed there was a chance something might eat her!

"Gaston!" she called chasing after him. "Gaston!?"

She ran, but she wasn't used to it. As a girl she used to run circles around the castle to get rid of her energy before bed but she hadn't done that in years and right now she felt every single one of those years clawing at her sides. One moment Gaston had been right by her side and the next he was gone. She still did her best to keep up on his heels, follow footsteps in the soft earth as a thief in a book she'd once read often did to avoid capture. But after a few moments it seemed useless. Gaston was fast and in only a few seconds he'd already run out of sight.

"Gaston?!" she called out. But it was useless, he was gone. And that left her alone in the woods with no weapon and if he was right a very large wild animal on the loose. Had she ever had a worse idea than going after him?! She should have just stayed put where the experienced hunter had told her to stay. What did she know about hunting and wild animals?

Still, she pushed forward, thinking it was better to go forward the way she'd seen him go than stand there lost in the middle of the woods. She ran down a hill, over some logs, nearly tripped once on some lifted tree roots, and then-

There! Out of the corner of her eye she caught a flash of red. The same red of Gaston's coat. She moved for it as quickly as she could so that it wouldn't disappear again. Finally she found him. He was kneeling on the ground by a few trees in the middle of the woods looking down into…something.

"Gaston?" she questioned moving toward him slowly as she tried to catch her breath. Her ribs hurt. Her legs would probably be sore in the morning. As far as she was concerned she didn't want to run like that for a long time.

He glanced up at her and she did her best to try and identify what he was looking at. To her it just seemed like a hole. Though when she gazed into it she did see that it was a very large, very deep hole. But still a hole all the same. "Well I'm afraid this won't be much of a hunt," he finally answered after a moment. "Whatever that was it found this old hunting pit…"

A hunting pit. And it had just…fallen in! That was awful! The thought that an animal, a baby deer or even a bear cub might have just been out wandering around, minding its own business and actually fallen down in there and just-

The thought nearly brought tears to her eyes. That was an awful way to-

"Impossible!" Gaston declared suddenly rising up from the side of the hole, looking in shock.

"What is it?" she asked moving closer. Was it alive down there? Could it be rescued, or put out of it's misery?

"The war is closer than we thought," he stated gazing down. "It's an ogre."

She gasped as she followed his line of sight and peeked down into the black pit trying to see for herself. "No! There's never been an ogre anywhere near the castle before!" And yet…the smell that was coming from the pit was so overwhelming it made it difficult to look down into the hole. But when the sun hit the pit just right she saw a creature she'd seen drawings of in books but never with her own two eyes moving around against an invisible black bottom. It looked…well…it looked oddly human. Two arms, two legs, a body, even two…eyes. The ogre had eyes. She knew it had eyes of course they all had eyes but this one actually had distinguishable pupils that were looking up at the pair of them, focused and…pleading. They were so confused it was almost sad. Adult ogres didn't have eyes like that. Adult ogres couldn't see at all, once an ogre reached adulthood it's eyesight began to fade and eventually fail completely. Adult ogres relied on smell and sound to hunt and attack, but this creature…it could still see. It wasn't an adult, it was a baby. A very big, very smelly baby.

"Look at him, he-he's barely full grown, he's just a child! Maybe he wandered too far from home!"

"No!" Gaston refuted quickly. "Maybe they're using their young as scouts and their entire army is following behind!"

What? No! There was no chance that this ogre was fighting in the war. Adult ogres weren't even smart enough to organize something like this, they were nothing but killing machines, monsters not men, that's what her father had always told her. It wasn't one of the ogre's responsible for the fights in the north and it certainly wasn't a "war" as Gaston had called it!

"We have to haul him up, take him back to your father!"

Back to the village. "No, we can't!" she breathed. No, absolutely not, not when she knew what became of baby ogres in this land. Frankly she wasn't so sure that wasn't part of the problem! If someone stole their children and used them to plow fields, never returning them to home, simply destroying the creatures when they were of no more use she'd be angry enough to riot too! She wasn't going to let that happen to this ogre, not if he truly had just fallen into the pit. Nothing deserved that. "We bring this creature back to the castle the soldiers'll torture him, we have to find another way."

"This isn't our decision, the whole Kingdom could be at risk," Gaston insisted gently.

"I know," she affirmed. She liked that he was arguing so gently with her. They were fighting but it didn't sound like fighting, it sounded like a conversation she'd overheard her mother and father having a million times. It was good, it was how the Kingdom ran so well.

The Kingdom…it was enough to shake the stars out of her eyes. He was handsome alright, distractingly so, and yes it was a good sign that they were arguing so amicably but this wasn't the time to be thinking of signs or getting lost in eyes and perfect cheek bones. It wasn't a time to think about the possibility of marriage someday. It was a time to think about the Kingdom now. Her parents always worked well with opposite opinions because it made them compromise. Surely there had to be one here! Something she could come up with that Gaston would agree to and allow her to ease her own conscious about the poor creature's fate. What would her parents do in this situation? How would her mother react?

She knew exactly what to do.

"And I realize that you've only known me an hour but…if you trust me I promise I can find out what this ogre's after without hurting him."

Gaston looked down into the pit at the creature, clearly torn, but then sighed. He glanced quickly back up at her smiled. "Lead the way…" he encouraged finally giving into her.

She found herself grinning ear to ear. He'd listened to her. He'd actually listened to her and allowed her to make the decisions! He allowed her to decide what they were going to do or at least to help decide, that was more than her father had ever done! Maybe this chance meeting, this date, hadn't been a complete waste. Maybe meeting an ogre was exactly what she'd needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's short I know. I could have combined it with the last chapter but in the end I just felt the two of them were so different that I wanted them to be apart and really, unless there's a good reason, I'm always going to go more toward the idea of using shorter chapters than longer chapters. That helps it have that individual moments feel that I really want the entire series to have. Odd? Maybe. But hey, my fanfiction, my rules! And let's face it, I do better with consistency than the writers/producers. Come on guys, from the very beginning ogres have been blind, but now all of a sudden this ogre has eyesight? Right...way to keep track of your own world.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	6. The Compromise

"Is there a reason we're hiding?" Gaston whispered next to her. The question was earned. She had a plan but she knew that she had to keep it to herself. It wasn't just her father that wouldn't want her to do this, but her mother as well. On her orders they'd left the ogre where it was in the pit, she'd assured him it was safe there and the pair of them had quickly returned to the castle. They'd been on their way up to the library when she heard a familiar tone of voice and pushed Gaston behind a column.

"It's my mother," she explained listening carefully. She couldn't exactly make out the words or who she was talking to, but her tone was low and authoritative. It was probably just a servant asking about what she wanted for dinner plans that night. Nothing to be worried about so long as she didn't catch the pair of them. She wasn't good at lying and not only would her mother not like what she was about to do, she'd been told dozens of times not to retrieve what she needed to retrieve in order to pull this off.

"Okay…come on…" she whispered when her mother was finally gone. The pair of them entered the library but not unnoticed.

"Belle," the librarian nodded. She froze at his greeting. "You'll be happy to know that the servants have just returned the books you borrowed last week. They found them lying out in the conservatory this time."

She blushed as she found the pile. She liked the Librarian, but their only problem was her thoughtlessness when she finished a dearly loved book. Sometimes she just liked to set it aside and smile, basking in the glow of a happy ending. And, sometimes, after she was done "basking", she just happened to get up and forget the book was there.

"Sorry…they were really good books though!" she offered, hoping to satisfy him.

"Good books deserve good treatment. The library is where they belong when they are not being read. Try to remember that in the future."

She nodded and was happy to see the librarian pick up a stack of books and step away to excuse himself before looking back at her…and then over her shoulder. She glanced over and found that he was staring at Gaston. Had he just now noticed that she wasn't alone?

"Did you need something?" he asked looking back at her.

"No," she answered shaking her head. "I know my way around well enough." The librarian looked over at Gaston and then back to her again. But he must have found the answer fair because eventually he gave a sigh and left for his office. Perfect.

"Stay right here," she whispered leaving Gaston by the table. "I'm going to grab something to help us. I'll be right back."

Back into the shelves she went. She passed the adventures she usually loved to read, the fictions she got lost in, the mysteries that captivated her, even the fairy tales. At the very back of the library, in a room that was usually kept locked but for once in her life left unlocked there was an entire room for magical books. She'd only been allowed in a few times in her life and never without her mother looking down at her and telling her never to use these books on her own because they were dangerous, but one of the visits she'd made here a few months ago was with her mother when she'd finished a special "project" and placed it securely in this room. Then, just like every other time, she'd been told not to look in the book alone because of the information that it held but desperate times called for desperate measures and if the library and her mother both wanted to keep her out so badly then they should have remembered to lock the door! She located the green book now easily enough, right where her mother had placed it months ago and quietly smuggled it out of the room.

When she returned she found Gaston perched upon the same table that she'd left him at. "I found it!" she whispered setting it on the table beside Gaston.

" _An Alphabetized Inventory of Magical Antiquities"_ Gaston read aloud before she opened it and began to page through, hoping something would catch her eye. "Sounds a bit dense."

"No!" she corrected amazed he couldn't see the potential already. She'd only caught a couple of glimpses inside and knew that her mother had done a wonderful and amazing thing with this book! "This is a wonderful book! It's a record of every magical item in the Kingdom."

"And you think one of them will tell us what this ogre is after?"

She didn't say that exactly but…something like that. At the very least that was what she was hoping would happen. "I'm sure of it! That's why my mother keeps these records, for emergencies like this," she explained turning back to the book. When he didn't respond her eyes scanned the pages, hoping to find something, anything that might help them. If they couldn't talk to the ogre, maybe they could find something to let them see into his mind.

"Your mother must be quite a woman, to have raised a daughter with this much…fire in her!" Gaston finally commented from his perch.

Fire? Really? Did he really think that she had fire? Like the heroines in her books? She smiled and tried to hide the blush she felt creeping into her cheeks with a small laugh. "Well…she was the one who taught me to love books. Starting…" she glanced to her right and was not surprised by what she found. The books that the servants had located were safe and sound upon the table, but there was one in particular that she was happy to see, that she'd be sure to take from the library yet again the first moment she could. She picked _Her Handsome Hero_ up and looked it over lovingly. "With this one!" she finally concluded before nearly shoving it into Gaston's hands.

 _"Her Handsome Hero_!" he proclaimed valiantly as she went back to looking through the record. As much as she'd love to spend all this time talking about books, something that Samuel didn't even like to do, she assured herself that there was plenty of time for it later, maybe lots of time considering how well this was all going! But for now there was a job to do. "Interesting. I wouldn't have pegged you for a fan of cheap romance."

Her jaw dropped as his near insult pulled her away from the book once more. "No! No," she cried with a giggle as she yanked it out of his hands again. He had it all wrong. "This is not like that. This book is about compassion and forgiveness, the things that truly make a hero. You um…you can have it…if you like?" she suggested looking him over. She didn't know why her throat felt tight at the invitation. Possibly because she had never volunteered to give the book away before, or simply because she hadn't really planned to give this book away, the words had simply popped out of her mouth. Of course she wasn't worried about losing it, there were nearly a dozen copies in the castle and it wasn't as though she'd never given books away before. But she'd never offered to give this particular book away before to anyone! Not even Samuel! Was that why it felt more important than anything she'd ever done? Why did she feel like she was waiting on the edge of her seat to find out if he'd take it or not? Why did she feel like it mattered far more than any gift she'd ever given?

He didn't take his eyes off her, merely continued to stare into her eyes before she felt the weight of the book vanish from her hands. "If this is indeed your favorite book I shall read every word," he vowed so solemnly she suddenly had to look away. "Twice…" she heard him add as she let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding onto. Was it possible this had actually worked out? That she'd really found someone who valued her intellect, her love for books, her "fire" more than her title? "Because I have a feeling…" she glanced up as he continued on and she felt her breath catch again as she realized he was staring at her. "I have finally found a woman of substance."

He leaned forward and she realized that his lean was more than that, he was purposefully moving closer not just to her, but her face. Her mouth. He meant to kiss her. Her heart raced and for a moment she felt frozen because she had never been kissed, not the way the characters in her books kissed in all her life! Would she be good at it? Bad at it? How exactly were two humans supposed to do something like…that?!

Too afraid to even try she pulled away and looked back at the book she had in her hands. A woman of substance, if he really believed that he'd found that in her then he shouldn't mind waiting for another time, waiting until she knew him a little bit better, waiting until all the danger had passed and she felt comfortable telling him just how nervous the idea of something like that made her. He wouldn't mind that she wanted to help this ogre now and focus on the pair of them later. And for good reason. "Wait! Look!" she exclaimed offering it for him to see. By chance when she looked down at the book she saw something, something about eyes that if she had to guess had probably jumped out at her because of…well because of his own eyes. But the more she read the more she liked what she saw. "Th-this is what we need!"

"Mirror of Souls," Gaston read.

"It says that if someone has evil in their soul it will be revealed in the mirror's gaze, their eyes will glow with demonic fire."

"So if we see no fire…"

"Then the ogre means us no harm," she finished for him. "This mirror's but an hours ride away I-I can go now!" she realized glancing over at him. She really could finish this up before sundown tonight.

"Good," he agreed. "You can get the mirror and I'll watch over the ogre, but promise me…" before she could move or plan he reached out and grabbed her hand in his own. It was cold and the grip was so firm it was bone crunching but when she looked up into his eyes she saw that there might have been cause for it. He looked concerned. Did he care that much? Already? "In case this creature's not innocent you'll bring back your father and his knights."

She hated the thought of what would happen to the ogre if she did that, but if he truly was here for purposes like what Gaston had suggested then that meant that he was here to harm the Kingdom. She couldn't let that happen no matter how much it pained her. If the glass revealed fiery eyes…she'd do what had to be done to help her Kingdom first and foremost.

"I promise," she finally choked out hoping she'd have the strength to do that.

Strength. She could remember lots of times when her parents seemed as though they didn't have the strength to do something. And she could remember when suddenly the other had appeared out of nowhere and given them the strength that they seemed to need. Could he be that for her? Could he make her stronger?

She smiled at the thought and nodded at the man before her. "And I'll see you soon!" she promised.

He smiled and she felt a blush rising in her as she quickly tore her hand from his own and walked away feeling the heat in her cheeks anyway. It was a good feeling, one she could get used to having. But now wasn't the time. If he could make her stronger the time to prove it wasn't now it was later. Now was the time to find that mirror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another 5x17 chapter, pretty straight forward this one, I think that we saw nearly all of this chapter in the episode itself so there wasn't much for me to do. Not much to do with any of the 5x17 chapters really but it's kinda nice after having to come up with so much all on my own. Now if only they'd actually give Belle a decent present story as well as a decent back story. "Haven't you ever wondered what it would be like for Belle to go on an adventure with [Anna of Arendelle, Merida, Mulan, insert random character here]?" No I have not. You know what I've wondered for the last five seasons? What would it be like if Belle and Rumpelstiltskin, her husband, actually went on an adventure together! Sorry...I've had that rant in my for a long time.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	7. Troubling Decisions

She was in trouble.

That hadn't taken long. In all honesty she should have known that either way this ended she was going to be in trouble in some way, she just hoped it would be for the ogre and not getting caught leaving the castle all by herself.

Retrieving the mirror from its owner had been all too easy. Her mother's book told her that it was in a hut an hours ride away. Yes, she knew her horse should probably be taking it easy after his illness but he was the only one that she really felt comfortable riding. She managed to get him out of the barn easily, getting him passed the walls was a little bit more difficult, but fortunately Samuel had once pointed out a flaw in the palace walls to her that she was able to sneak the two of them through. It was an hour away but she took her time, not wanting to push her steed too much. It took ninety minutes.

The man who owned the hut was kind, but he was also poor. His one cherished item in his downtrodden home was this magical mirror which he claimed was given to him by a sorcerer when he was concerned his fiancé didn't really want him but his money. The mirror told him that his suspicion was true, but he hadn't believed it. He'd married the woman anyway and she drained him dry before the year was up and then ran off with his brother. It was a sad tale. But it also gave him a weakness that she'd come prepared to exploit.

She didn't exactly have access to the Kingdom's vaults but she had enough. Before she'd left she'd gathered up what she could from her bedroom into a small pouch that she presented to him in exchange for the mirror. He'd counted it but she already knew there was enough money in there for him to live comfortably for eight years or just enough to buy land, get back on his feet again, and show his wife that she hadn't beaten him, merely stalled him.

He took the deal. It wasn't surprising, he would have been a fool not to. But when she'd attempted to take the mirror for herself...he stopped her and snatched it away. He glanced at the mirror, then at her and for a moment she panicked. She hadn't told him she was the princess, she knew that she'd be in danger if someone knew she was out on her own without a guard and she spooked a little when the man turned his pack on her and she took a few steps back prepared to run if he thought that he could get more money by kidnapping her. "No wait!" he'd cried as he held the mirror in front of him and focused it so that she could she his face and then her own reflected in it. He turned then and handed it over. "I just had to be sure," he explained. She'd nodded, suddenly eager to depart, and then took the mirror and did just that.

She got there without a problem and she left without a problem. In fact things went rather perfectly as far as she was concerned. Until she got back to the palace. She snuck her horse back in without issue. But once she got to the barn-

"Belle!" her father roared.

"Papa!"

"I didn't believe it when they told me," he insisted rounding on her. "'Not my girl, not my Belle, she knows not to leave the town without a guard' I told them. Imagine my surprise when I realized that you'd done it."

"Papa just let me explain!"

"And Gaston! I thought it was going well and now he's missing too! What on earth would the two of you-"

"Father just listen to me!" she screamed so loud he had to stop talking. "Gaston is out in the woods, we found something as we walked, an ogre-"

"An ogre!" her father blanched. "Here?"

"Fallen into an old hunting pit," she confirmed. "We found him when we left here this morning-"

"This morning! And you didn't report it immediately?! Belle how could you be so-"

"It's only a baby!" she screamed. "It's not yet fully grown, I couldn't let you and your men attack a poor defenseless-"

"Ogre!"

"-child! I had to know why he was here for myself."

"He could be spying, Belle, he could bring down the entire Kingdom with what he's seen!"

"Or he could just want to go home! Father…I had to know for myself."

"It's not your decision to make!"

"Well now it is!" she cried reaching out and touching her saddlebag, the place the mirror was stashed. "Papa I know it's hard to believe but it's possible this is all a mistake. Baby ogres have been wandering into our land for decades before I was born, he might just be lost and trying to get back to his mother and father."

"You can't prove that."

"I can, father! I found something in the library, something from one of mother's special projects and it led me to an object that will tell us if the ogre means us harm…please just trust me…"

And so she was in trouble, without a doubt she was in trouble but her father had thankfully agreed to the proposal she offered, though she was a bit disappointed that it took her assurance that Gaston was helping her with the plan for him to have faith in it. Still, her father did exactly what she asked, which also happened to be exactly what Gaston wanted oddly enough. He gathered two of his best knights and the four of them took off into the woods on horseback at a comfortable trot. She told her father the entire long story that he hadn't wanted to listen to in the barn and when they finally arrived she knew she was still in trouble, but at least he seemed calmer and a little more cool-headed.

"Gaston's keeping watch on the ogre…and this mirror will help us learn the truth of his intentions," she explained to her father as she pulled the mirror from her saddlebag and examined it herself before showing her father. No cracks! It had survived the journey. She just hoped her father saw the potential in this plan like Gaston had! Trouble was that he didn't look as convinced as she would have liked. "See father! The eyes don't lie."

She quickly placed the mirror under her arm as he moved away from her to walk onward and followed after him. "I pray that you're right Belle." He wasn't the only one. She hoped that she was right too. They were on the brink of war, maybe what they all needed was to take a deep breath and try to learn to live together instead of-

Something was wrong. When she looked ahead to the space that Gaston should have been waiting she saw a pair of black boots peeking out at her from behind a tree. On first glance she'd thought he'd merely sat down against the tree but now? "Gaston?" as she examined the scene further. The boots were turned to the side, the wrong angle for sitting. Which meant that either Gaston, hunter supreme, and laid down to take a nap while on his watch in the middle of the forest. Or…

"Gaston!" she was right, something was most certainly wrong. He wasn't in a position for a nap he looked as though he'd been flung there or knocked out! He was awake now. At her shrieking his eyes had snapped open and she watched as he stared up into the tree line confused for a moment before she set the mirror aside and examined him further. "Are you alright?" she questioned as he began to grope around the base of the tree for support and managed to push himself up.

"Feels like I still have all my limbs," he commented easily enough. Too easily for someone who had just been unconscious. Odd. Was he hurt or not?

"What happened?" she asked.

"The ogre had escaped when I arrived," he explained shifting his body so he could lay against the base of the tree. "He was waiting in ambush."

"Then you're quite lucky to be alive," her commented glaring at her. Oh yes, she was in trouble like she never had been. She could feel it already, her father blamed her. Here he was trying to impress Gaston, to get the use of his father's army to help the Kingdom, and she'd just done away with all of that.

"I am so sorry," she apologized quickly reaching into her pocket for her handkerchief to wipe his forehead. "This is-this is all my fault!"

"It's alright, Belle," he excused. "Seeing your concern…makes it worth it."

Really? Being attacked by an ogre just to see her upset was worth it? She wasn't entirely sure how she felt about the implications of that.

"Well…you two have had an interesting first day," her father inserted for her, reaching out to pull Gaston to his feet. "Head back to the castle, I'll gather my soldiers, we'll hunt this ogre down before he can do anymore harm."

"No," Gaston argued. "This ogre tried to kill me I shall return the favor. If you'd allow, I'd like to lead a hunting party myself." She looked at him and suddenly her stomach turned. Not the way it had been turning all morning, the feeling that made her feel like she was nervous. It was a clenching, a tightening that made her need to lie down. She felt like she was going to be sick. Now what caused that.

"You're a brave young man, if you feel up to it the hunt is yours," her father allowed.

"Then I'm coming too," she inserted quickly, gathering the mirror from the rock she'd placed it on. "There's still a chance to use this mirror."

"For what? We know this ogre's a monster." Gaston asked looking at her…differently than he had all morning. Up until now he'd looked at her with respect and dignity and…maybe a little bit of something more. Now he was looking at her and questioning her. Not in the way that she wanted to be questioned. The look he gave her, it wasn't just as though she wasn't making any sense, it was though she was being silly, maybe even stupid. Was she? She didn't like the way that he was making her feel, the way she was suddenly questioning herself. But…the poor creature-the monster just hadn't seemed that evil. And…it had been trapped. Maybe it was all a misunderstanding. Maybe he'd been frightened and managed to climb out, maybe he hadn't tried to ambush Gaston, he was only a baby after all and did even adult ogres know what an ambush was? Maybe Gaston was just in the wrong place at the wrong time!

"Well perhaps he was just defending himself."

"Forgive her Gaston, she gets this idealism from her mother."

"Father!" she snapped. She did not get anything from anyone. She was young but she wasn't stupid and she certainly wasn't a silly young girl! She was a future Queen. And she'd like for once in her life for someone to treat her like it. "We must know the truth before we hurt him."

"Go home, Belle," her father ordered before stepping away. "It's what's best."

Go home. Going home was best? She didn't feel like it was best and she didn't believe that it was right! Just because her mother liked to allow her father to handle matters like these didn't mean that she wanted to be this way. She hoped that no matter who she ended up with, whether it was Gaston or any man really, that they would allow her to make her own choices about what she could and could not involve herself in. She hoped that she would never need to be "allowed" to do anything.

"Belle," she turned to find Gaston reaching out for her and she dared to hope for a moment that he would stand up to her father, invite her along, say something that would show her he believed her father was wrong. But the look in his eyes was harder than it had been before. Even his touch was no longer light. It was stronger, more forceful than she ever would have thought possible only an hour or so ago. "It'll be fine," he breathed. "I promise." Without waiting for her to respond he moved around her like she was only an obstacle or a tree. Why did she feel like things were suddenly the opposite of "fine".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost to the end of the 5x17 section. I'll be honest when I originally prompted this episode into ML I had intended for this chapter to be three chapters but when I considered all that I had to incorporate into it I realized that if I did that those three chapters would probably be the shortest Moments chapters in all of history. So I took all three chapters made it into one and I hope that it turned out okay. I hope that ya'll don't hate it or think its awful or rushed. That was possibly my greatest fear with this chapter.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	8. More Than a Pretty Face

She tried. Truly she did, she tried to be a good daughter, to do as her father insisted and go home. She followed her father and Gaston and the other two knights back to the barn where she watched as Gaston gave orders and mobilized the small militia they had in the area. He was good at giving orders, there was no doubt about that, but something about it turned her stomach. The way his face lost all softness, the way his motions were quick and sharp, even the way his eyes seemed to constantly be scanning the area around him for something began to drive her crazy. It was so different! So odd. She'd seen her parents be tough thousands of times growing up. But they'd always resembled themselves when they'd done that. Their demeanor changed but their souls never did. Gaston…it was like he'd just put a mask on that didn't resemble the man that she'd spend time with in the library or in the woods with earlier. He work a mask, but that wasn't exactly what concerned her. After all everyone wore masks at some point or other. No, what really had her on edge wasn't the mask, it was when he wore it. Now? Or when they'd been in the library? Was this man-the hunter, the leader, the one delivering orders-the real Gaston? Or was it the man she'd spoken with in the library? That was what nagged her.

They left at sunset. Gaston, her father, the knights, all of them rode out on horseback and she nearly washed her hands of the entire situation, convincing herself that if everyone said ignorance was bliss then maybe it was the truth. But when she finally began to untack her horse and ran across the mirror…she knew that she couldn't bear not to know. She couldn't stand to have this mirror in her possession and wonder every single night if what happened to that ogre was necessary. If she'd done everything she could to help not just the ogre, but their people as well. The ogres knew their boundaries, children did not and yet her people caught them and used them worse than hired hands! A dead child would not make things better between her people and the ogres, but sending one home just might. One look at that mirror and she knew that she could change everything if given the opportunity, she could shed her own mask in this moment and really see what she was made of, let Gaston see what she was made of. Disobeying her father would be worth it.

With little more than a breath her mind was made up. What she'd taken off of her horse she quickly fixed back in place and apologized as she led him out of the stall. It wasn't much, but for doing so much after being so sick she promised him extra carrots when they returned. Off they went in the direction she'd seen the soldiers disappear into. It was darker already than when the soldiers left and naturally that made it more difficult to follow them, but she couldn't stop. She merely continued to follow in the direction she'd seen them go and then followed little clues: the large footprint on the ground, a piece of torn cloth, even a bush that looked as though it had been trampled by steeds like her own. She urged her horse on though these clues and after a few moments she heard a horse's whinny in the distance and followed after it.

Was this smart? Probably not. But either way she had to know the truth. If the ogre was truly the evil beast as she'd been taught then she'd stand aside and let them do what they must. She'd order it herself to show that she could do these things that her father seemed to think she was incapable of. But if not…she'd have to figure out what came next then.

As she forced her horse onward, to run as fast as he possibly could, she began to hear more. The single whinny she'd heard grew louder and multiplied. She heard the sound of hoof beats that she knew didn't come from her own steed. Then voices, shouts of men, and "Oof"s" that didn't sound human.

The ogre!

She urged her horse onward after the noises, though she knew that her horse could go no faster. Finally as she allowed her beast to coast down a small hill she noticed light. Torches that the hunters had taken with them. They were in sight. And they had stopped. She pulled on the reins and forced her horse to slow down as they looked around. She wanted to go forward, to ask what was wrong, what was happening…but she couldn't. She couldn't reveal herself until the right moment otherwise her father would only send her back with one of the knights and probably lock her in her room until the deed was done. Still there was no reason she couldn't get closer.

"Easy boy" she whispered making him walk forward as she stayed hidden in the trees.

"Draw your weapons!" she heard someone call out suddenly. She held her breath as she watched the soldiers slide off their horses and draw swords and…Gaston already had an arrow in his hand as they all moved slowly but surely forward toward nothing that she could-

"There!" the voice that she now recognized as Gaston's yelled. She heard a sharp whistle after he aimed his bow, so while she couldn't see the thin rod she knew that it had released and she held her breath, waiting for what would happen, if they'd really found-

There was a roar, a cry from somewhere above and then the ground shook as something slammed to the ground in the dark. The ogre. He'd been hiding in the tree and Gaston had hit him so that he'd fallen. Her heart began to race as she watched and realized that the time for "watching" might have finally passed. "Don't let it escape!" Gaston cried as the poor creature ran and…and hid itself behind a rock unsuccessfully. It broke her heart as the soldiers advanced on him. He was a child and…she quickly hopped off the horse, turned her back to the men and held the mirror up. She did her best to find it, to check its intentions in the mirror but it was too dark, she couldn't find it in the backwards world the mirror presented to her. But she knew that time was running out and…

She'd do it in a bit…when she was closer.

When she turned back she saw the soldiers finally advancing. She didn't think. She didn't stop to consider just left her horse and ran forward. "The thing about an ogre is…you gotta hit 'em right…in…the eye!" Gaston raised his bow and arrow, took aim, and-

"NO!" she cried making it there just in time. She put herself between the ogre and Gaston.

"What are you doing?! Get away from that thing!" her father yelled.

She stood her ground. "I won't let you kill him without knowing the truth!" she spat.

"It tried to kill me…and that's all I need to know!" Gaston argued, pulling the bow back again even as she stood between the two of them. No. He didn't know that! He didn't, no one did, not yet!

"No!" she cried as he released the bow. She could have sworn her heart stopped for a moment. But fortunately for her instinct took over. She stepped back and her arms flung out to protect herself and the creature and-

There was a sound of glass shattering and her hands stung as she realized that Gaston's arrow had pierced and broken the mirror. He'd done it. He'd actually shot at her! Or passed her...did it matter which? After all that she'd stood before them and asked him to take her side and he'd stubbornly risked her own life just to hurt...the ogre!

She was breathless as she found him crouched among the rocks. Crouched. But still breathing. And…not unharmed.

"He's…he's hurt! What happened to him?!" Her jaw dropped as she examined the creature in the moonlight but she didn't need even that much light to see that he looked different than she'd last seen him. Lacerations scored the thick skin on his back and blood seeped through. Fresh blood. Blood that didn't make sense to her. He'd been running for his life, cuts from branches wouldn't be that deep and they'd be on the front of his body but these. His back was exposed as he was crouched in fear. Those marks certainly hadn't been there when she and Gaston had gone off to the library and there was nothing in the pit that would have caused damage like that. But outside of it…

At the footsteps behind her she glanced down at the shattered mirror in the frame of the mirror and…Gaston's face was reflected inside of it. It took her breath away because suddenly he wasn't the handsome man she'd known a few moments ago. He was the beast that she'd always heard of, the one he'd told her not to worry about. But she should have worried. The rumors weren't just true, he was worse than them. He was a demon. The fire in his eyes as his image was reflected in the mirror proved it.

"Gaston!" she realized as everything fell into place. He was uninjured when they went to the library, there was nothing in the pit to injure him and he'd gotten his wounds not long ago and on his back…the only explanation was the time that the ogre spent with someone she obviously couldn't trust. "You! You did this didn't you?!" she accused turning to face him herself. "You tortured this ogre while I was gone that-that's why he attacked you!"

"I don't need an enchanted mirror to recognize a monster," he responded. "I'm trying to protect this Kingdom! Step aside!" he commanded drawing another arrow. Suddenly every inch of gentility he'd shown her earlier vanished and she realized…a hunter of women. He'd set out to hunt her and she'd fallen prey to the bait. But this wasn't over yet, she didn't need to be another victim of his foul adventures!

"This creature isn't the monster, you are!" she snapped. "And if you want to shoot him, you'll have to shoot me first."

The line in the sand was drawn, and Gaston stared at her confused for a moment, but not torn. She could practically see the wheels in his head turning as he looked at her. He was trying to figure out how to get away with it, how to shoot the beast without harming her and still walk away from this with clean hands. But it wasn't going to happen, she wasn't going to move and as long as she didn't then Gaston didn't and the ogre…

She turned back to look over her shoulder at the creature. It watched her for a couple of heartbeats, glanced at the soldiers around her, then looked back at her, nodded, and turned to run off into the distance. If she didn't know any better then she would've said that it understood her.

"You've made a fateful decision tonight," Gaston growled behind her. "I just hope for all our sake…it was the right one." His eyes were dark as he glared before turning away from her. Dark, but not because of the lack of light. They were simply bottomless cold pits incapable of emotion. She had always believed she was a good judge of character, she couldn't believe she'd fallen for nothing but his good looks and a few carefully chosen sentences. She was worth far more than his pretty face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more 5x17 "seen" scene. I did take a "scene" or part of one from a previous chapter and tack it onto the end of this one so that I could make a smooth transition into the rest of the fiction but before we go any further with it, alas we must tackle that scene. Ready? On our marks, get set, go!
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	9. In and Out of Her Hands

The ride home was not enjoyable. Her father was livid. One look in his eyes and she could see the irritation that he had for her and what she'd done. But he kept it to himself and remained quiet until they reached the castle grounds and handed his horse over to a knight. "See to that, I have work that needs done."

"I should come with you," Gaston declared handing his own horse over. "There is still much to discuss, Sir."

"Father-"

"See to your horse!" her father commanded over his shoulder without looking at her. "I need to see your mother knows what you've been up to."

Arguing with him while he was like this was of no use. And frankly, she wasn't even really sure there was anything she could say or do. He'd do whatever it was he was planning, then tell her mother of her exploits…frankly the only saving grace she'd have in all that would be that her mother would probably be tasked with her punishment and she was certain that her mother would make sure it was fair for what she'd done, if she'd done anything at all. The mirror was destroyed but for all she knew the eyes wouldn't have glowed red, the beast was united with its parents, and she'd saved an innocent creature from Gaston.

Gaston…well, she supposed there was one other saving grace in all of this. She'd never have to see him again. All she had to do was tell her mother what she'd seen and what he'd said and she'd understand. She'd never want that man near her daughter again and that suited her just fine. Her mother would listen, her father…

She loved her father, truly she loved her father just as she knew that her father loved her but she also knew that her father loved his duty as well he should. He was the King. She didn't want to live in a Kingdom where the royal family didn't care about it or its people. She understood that because of that love he had to make difficult decisions and sacrifices…sometimes she just wished that he'd choose her, trust her the way he did his knights or Samuel's father, or even Gaston. She was his daughter, she was smart and well educated, that should count for something! Shouldn't it?

The hands offered to help her untack her horse but she refused. Instead she took him back to the isolation stall, just in case she'd done more harm than good for his first day of freedom, and made sure to find the extra carrots she'd promised him before she began to brush him. She was glad that she'd turned the hands away. After the day she'd had doing something as simple as a methodical grooming seemed therapeutic. Her father wasn't the only one that was unhappy about all this. She was too! The day had simply been too long. Between what her father had put her through and what Gaston put her through, at a certain point she had to acknowledge that it was simply too much. And then some of the things that he'd said! He'd been so…he was so…

"It's happened Belle!"

Here!

Over her horses sigh she hadn't heard any footsteps but her father was here, in the stables with her, right where she didn't want him tonight.

"What has?" she questioned keeping her eyes stubbornly on her horse.

"The Eastern regions have been breached. Ogres are coming. It's war."

She stopped brushing at the declaration. She didn't have to hear anymore to know what he was thinking. "And you blame me," she muttered. This wasn't her fault. It wasn't, she refused to believe it! No! That creature had only been gone an hour or so, the Eastern border was a two day ride at the very least! If this had occurred it was not the direct result of her freeing one ogre!

"Blame is not important, now."

She snorted at that. His tone suggested otherwise. "What I did was the right thing!"

"It was foolish and petulant!"

"No!" she fought back finally looking at him. "No, I did what I had to to live with myself!"

"And now we're at war!"

"Has it occurred to you that our mistreatment of their young could have caused this conflict, not my act of mercy?" she questioned. War didn't start because she'd let one ogre go without being tortured! Resolution happened because of it, this was more than her fault!

"The reasons why no longer matter," her father snapped taking at seat by the fire. "What does, is that we must do what it takes to save the Kingdom."

His words…they didn't calm her, but they did bring her back to the reality. The young ogre was gone, and while she'd never know for a fact if he was harmful or not she did know for a fact what ogres grew up to be. There was no arguing what would happen from this moment on. Full grown ogres were beasts. They'd gone to war often over the course of History, she could think of no less than Three Ogre Wars she'd been forced to study with her professors. Once they went to war Ogres could be unstoppable. They were innocent young, but they grew up to be bloodthirsty tyrants, even with their blindness.

"I'm sorry father," she sighed taking a step forward and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. She refused to believe that she had caused it, but she knew that she could be helpful in some way. This was their kingdom they were talking about. They had innocent children to think about. "I'm sorry that it's come to this."

"I'm sorry too. Our army is no match for theirs."

"What will we do?" she asked. Surely there was an answer somewhere. They couldn't just abandon their land and become refugees in another land. "Gaston's Kingdom…their army could give us a fighting chance."

Gaston's Kingdom? But…she'd just told him off! She'd just insulted him and called him a monster. Would they really help them after all that? "You think they would assist?"

Her father took a breath and looked at her. "With the right bit of diplomacy perhaps," he suggested. The right bit of diplomacy…like…no!

"Oh you want me…" she laughed as she turned away from him and crossed her arms over her chest. It was funny, absolutely hilarious! No! He wasn't still thinking about this! There was no way, no possibility that he could want that man to become her husband, to be their kingdom's king! It was trading one monster for another!

"He still wants your hand, Belle…" Of course he did. No wonder he'd wanted to stay and talk to her father. Nothing she could say or do would throw that man off her scent or the Kingdom that came with her. He was a hunter he wouldn't be happy until he made his kill! But she wasn't his prey. Not a bit! How could her father even suggest something like this? "It could end the war, you could be our hero."

Hero.

That name, that title...it hit her in the gut. She was a princess here that was doomed to be a Queen but her father, if he'd ever listened to her just a little bit, knew that she longed to be something more than all that. She wanted to be a hero, someone that the people could look up to, someone they could respect. She hadn't started the war but…with a word she could help to end it. All it would take was for her to do the impossible. To stand by the side of a monster and let him help her rule the Kingdom. A Kingdom that was meant to be her own.

Behind her she heard a door open and close and hoped that it was her father leaving her alone to her own thoughts but-

"Belle."

It was Gaston. He wasn't still here, he was in this room. Why was this happening? Why now?! When she turned to face him he observed her father in the room and nodded at her. "Has your father told you the good news?"

She glanced at her father and felt anger flood through her veins. Good news? He hadn't…

"Our Kingdoms will unite and we will defeat this threat, and you will one day be sovereign over a land far greater than has ever existed. We will rule side by side," he whispered advancing on her and taking a knee. He extended his hand for her and she could see the intensity in his eyes. "If you would be my Queen…"

It wasn't formal. Not in the least, not for their land. That would have required a formal dinner and ball in front of a certain number of nobles, this wasn't an engagement just a betrothal but…it hadn't escaped her knowledge that this was how the hero in Her Handsome Hero had proposed. She was sure that he hadn't read it, probably just paged ahead in an effort to impress her. This morning it would have worked, but now she saw through him to the sickness that was beneath the surface.

She didn't want to. She didn't want to be his anything. She wanted him to go back to his Kingdom, to take his father and his father's army and leave them to figure this out on their own.

But she knew that what her father had told her was true. Their Kingdom wasn't strong enough for war. Samuel's father was talented, a wonderful general, but no matter what he couldn't change what they had. Gaston could. It would just cost her very life.

One life for the lives of a million. Thousands of homes. Generations to come. What was her life compared to all that?

She swallowed thickly. Her hand shook, but she managed to put it in his own and step forward. The words were simple but she felt like it took her a lifetime to find the right ones. "I will," she stated emotionlessly.

Gaston looked pleased. Not happy, but pleased. It was frightening. She tried to smile, to imagine a way that this would end with her happy that she'd made this decision. But she just couldn't. Her father stepped forward and extended his congratulations, Gaston promised his father's troops would be on the horizon in a few days and would willingly submit to their general's orders. She should have taken comfort in that but all she felt was betrayed and numb. He was only coming because she'd said yes. If she had turned him down…this would never have happened. None of this was right. Not a single bit of it, it wasn't what she imagined.

As her father and Gaston continued to talk she felt the tears spring to her eyes. She was only vaguely aware of dismissing herself. Gaston called after her as she left the barn, in the back of her head she was aware of her father telling Gaston to let her go, that she needed time.

She picked up her speed, ran through the grounds and back to her room as fast as she could. She doubted time would ever make much of a difference.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hated this scene. Not because of Belle's engagement although I did hate that too. No the acting in the first half of this scene just drove me up the wall! It was so awful! The conversation between Belle and her father was just like a soap opera and I hated that. I was waiting for someone to announce they had an evil twin and throw a glass of water in someones face dramatically! Why does no one writer good stuff for Belle anymore? It just seems so awful and disrespectful to those who put so much heart and soul into Skin Deep and the actors that loved these characters! It's just so disappointing to me. But hey, for the most part 5x17 is over now, one last scene that I added to it but this is the end of what we saw for 5x17. Consider yourself updated!
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	10. The Way Things Really Were

She ran. She ran back into the castle, up the winding staircases, past her mother who cried out her name, and flung herself down on her bed where she didn't wait for her nurse to leave merely buried her eyes into her arms and pillows and wept uncontrollably. Her nurse tried to help her. She sat down next to her own the bed and rubbed her back, asking her questions, which she answered in short tear-filled sentences. She didn't watch Lydia's face, she didn't really care what she looked like, but hearing her trying to make the most of it made her sick.

"There, there, Miss...I'm sure he's not that bad once you get to know him."

"Get to know him?" she shouted back. "I don't want to get to know him, I don't want to have anything to do with him!"

"Well...who says you will? Wars don't last forever, there was no engagement only a betrothal, maybe in a few years when all is said and done you won't have to marry the man."

She perked up at that thought and wiped her nose on the sleeve of her jacket. Was that really a possibility? Her nurse was right, if Gaston and her father were so confident that this would work then who said that this would have to be forever? Who said that she couldn't break off the betrothal the moment the war ended and...

And send her country spiraling right back into the hole of war when Gaston mounted a defense because she didn't keep her word. No. This was it wasn't it. Either she'd marry Gaston or...there was no or. Not unless she died. Or he died. What was the chance he'd go to war himself to fight the ogres?

Her stomach turned at the very thought of such a terrible wish. She felt as though he'd invaded her soul already and all she could really do was let out a cry turn into her pillow and-

The door to her room groaned open and when she turned she found her mothers figure framed in the doorway, looking at her thrown over her bed. She opened the door further and finally stepped inside. "Lydia if you wouldn't mind I need a moment alone with my daughter."

Her nurse looked down at her with sadness and hesitation but she knew that Lydia was as stuck as she was, she couldn't disobey an order from the Queen. "Yes, your Majesty," she finally muttered softly before rising and leaving the room. Her mother closed the door after her took a seat at her vanity. They stared at each other for a long time before her mother finally let her stern unreadable expression fall into sympathy and sadness just as Lydia's had. "Oh my girl..." she breathed looking her over from across the room. "That was...a very brave thing you did. It was also the right thing."

"The right thing?!" she cried. "Mama he's evil! I saw it myself in the mirror! His soul, it's..."

"His soul is nearly as young as yours," her mother insisted. "He's only older than you only by a couple of years, there is plenty of time to change between now and your marriage, this Kingdom will change time and time again and so will his soul. You both have some growing up to do before you wed."

Before they wed! What a horrible little phrase. She'd known somewhere deep down that it was bound to happen one day but now that she could see him for herself, now that it had a face and glowing red eyes she just couldn't stand the idea! And love! When was love ever supposed to be like this! She'd read hundreds of books not once did it ever happen with a match like this! She was the hero and he was the villain! Heroes and villains didn't marry! They just didn't!

"I can't!" she insisted sitting up and wiping tears from her eyes. "Please, please don't make me, I can't! Not him!"

"Oh, you only think you can't now. No woman ever thinks she can when she finds out who she'll marry! But in time my dear girl you'll find you can."

She only shook her head. Not her. That wasn't how it was going to be with her. She just…she couldn't. "But…but I don't love him…I don't even like him and I don't want to!"

Her mother looked her over with sad eyes then stood and took a timid step forward. She sat down beside her on the bed and wrapped her arms around her. She should be angry, she should be too furious to let her touch her or come near her or even talk to her right now after all this. After all her father had told her he wasn't the only one to know about this match, her mother had known about it too and encouraged it. She should be as angry at her mother as she was at her father. But she was weak. She fell into her mother's arms just as she had when she was a child and a thunderstorm shook her from her sleep. She let her mother hold her and rub her back as she cried into her shoulder.

"My sweet girl…" she finally sighed forcing her to pick herself up as she cradled her head in the palms of her hands and wiped tears away from her damp eyes. "It's is unfair. I understand that. But it is the truth. For people like us…I'm afraid love has very little to do with it in the end."

"Why?" she cried trying to catch her breath. "It's…it's already written. I'm…I'm not…I'm not even allowed to…to try?"

"Oh…come…sit here my darling and we'll have a little talk. From one woman to another." Her mother patted the space on the bed next to her and she managed to wipe her eyes and nose again as she rearranged herself and sat beside her mother. She wasn't crying, not like she had been before but she could still feel the tears in her eyes, could still feel them fall down her cheeks every time she blinked.

"I am sorry it had to happen this way my dear. In a perfect world you would have had an opportunity to choose for yourself, to pick one of the many suitors you've already met but fate sometimes forces us to make choices. Your father and I don't want you to be unhappy, no parent ever does but there is a truth about our lives that I've tried to protect you from over these many months, one that I've tried to teach you in other ways so that if this day arrived you might understand and be better prepared. I had hoped that this wouldn't happen, but you've fallen prey to what so many of us before you have as well."

"What?" she questioned utterly confused. "I don't understand, what are you talking about, what lesson?!" Was it just her or was her mother speaking gibberish.

"Oh, my girl…our lives…they are not our own. We are not as free as the people that we rule over, it is the price we pay for the life we must lead. A sacrifice we must make day in and day out."

"Our happiness?" she assumed. Her mother hadn't said the word but she could think of nothing else from what she was saying. Her happiness was the price for the life she led? She'd trade it. In a heartbeat she'd give all of it up just to undo this mess she found herself in with Gaston!

Her mother offered a little smirk. "Only at first," she muttered. "It does not feel that way forever, trust me my dear."

"But…but why at all?" She fought back. None of this made sense to her. None of it at all! "There must be someone else! Mother I can't...I won't love him! I just can't!"

Her mother nodded, and for a moment she hoped that she was about to get her permission to break off this horrible idea that someone had for the two of them and give her her blessing to pursue whatever she wanted, but nothing was ever that simple. "Oh my girl, I know you could. You have a good heart the most intelligent and perceptive person I know! You can learn to love anyone! But there is more to it than just love to consider in this situation.

"We've known for months that this war was coming that it was a possibility but we've also known we don't have the soldiers to fight them off. Gaston's does."

"But the price is my hand!" she spat back. "Marriage for soldiers how does that make any of this right?! You've always taught me that a good person does good things for no other reason other than it's the right thing to do! Gaston is only promising soldiers because he has me mother! How am I ever supposed to marry a man like that?! How am I ever to love him?!" she whispered again looking at her mother, begging her to understand this. Gaston wasn't her handsome hero. He wasn't worthy in her eyes because she knew that he felt he was born worthy! He wouldn't fight for her, he'd fight for status, for a crown. She'd be nothing to him. Just as she suddenly felt she was now. A pawn in a chess game. Just as Samuel had said. Yes, having someone to help her support the Kingdom was important...but what about having someone to support her as she ruled? Why did she have to have a partner? Why couldn't she just have a husband that was happy enough to encourage her to be the leader he knew she could be during those tough times?

"Oh my dear," her mother reached out and played with her curls again. "Let me tell you something my mother once told me. Love grows. It grows out of the smallest of seeds and sometimes it springs out of nothing at all. So long as you make the effort, one day love will come!

"You, my dear girl, love stronger than many girls I have known in my lifetime. Believe me when I say that you don't love him now, but perhaps years from now, across the table at breakfast or at a ball or over a very difficult decision like this…you will realize you do. And you will realize it so quickly that you won't even know when you began to love him, or even like him. But you'll know that you do and that you would rather die than have him, or the family that you will have made together, taken from you. It won't just be a kingdom worth fighting for, it'll be a love worth fighting for! Believe me, my darling. My mother was right when she told me, though it seemed impossible at the time, it will be right for you too."

She felt her jaw drop. Something her mother had told her…something her grandmother had told her mother?! Was she…was she speaking from experience? She didn't know. All these years she'd been on this earth and she'd never once considered that the marriage her parents had could have been arranged like this! Looking at the pair of them it seemed impossible. Her mother loved her father. Her father loved her mother. She knew it. She saw it every time they looked at each other, every time the spoke with one another, every move they made around each other. She'd never considered the fact that they might not have been in love when they married.

But those words…the words that her grandmother had told her mother, they sounded like her. She'd had very little interaction with her mother's mother, in fact it had been nearly a decade since she heard her grandmother's voice but she knew it sounded like her. And her parents...they were perfect. She might not be happy with either of them right now but she knew that they were strong together. From the moment she was born she'd seen nothing but love and strength and heard the stories of how they'd taken the throne in the midst of their mutual pain and sorrow when her father's mother, her beloved grandmother had died. They'd cared for her and the Kingdom with a strength that she'd always admired. A strength that had been planned for them? Chosen? A strength that had grown?

"I don't understand why you didn't tell me all this before he arrived this morning, why it had to come to this!," she complained after a moment of consideration. Wouldn't it have been easier if she'd known to expect him? Maybe ignorance was bliss, maybe they'd have gone for a walk in the Gardens never found the ogre and wound up happily engaged only...only she didn't regret what had happened today. She was glad she knew the real Gaston. She was just upset she now knew her true future.

"Forgive me my child," her mother answered gently. "But you are just that to me, my baby, my child and watching this has been...you have such precious little time as it is to be a child less when you are royal as we are, my Belle. We never really see how small that time is until we're grown and it's passed, but I wanted to give you that for as long as I could. I wanted to let you be a child and enjoy it-"

"But I'm not a child," she argued quickly seeing the flaw in her reasoning. True her mother and father still called her 'child' and 'girl' terms of endearment, but she knew that she was well passed the age than anyone in the Kingdom truly considered her a "child". "Not anymore, not for a long time. And now I'm..."

She couldn't even bear to say the word

Her mother nodded sadly. "I know my dear, and for that I must beg your forgiveness, for it was my fault. Your old mother knew that it was time we speak of these things long ago…but I was selfish. I wanted to keep you my child, my baby, just a bit longer…as long as I could. Longer than I should have."

Longer than she should have. She wasn't a child anymore. She was a woman. A woman that had just gone from meeting suitors to being betrothed to a man she despised above any other.

When she didn't answer her mother quickly reached out and drew her close, wrapping her up I her arms so that she could hug her. She tried to remain calm. To absorb it all without falling to pieces again. But she just couldn't. She felt lifeless as she hugged her. She knew more than half the men out there her age. And one of those men was Gaston. What kind of life could she possibly hope to have with him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so much that I want to say about this chapter, but I suppose I'll begin by saying that I hope you like it. Obviously it's been heavily edited and moved in the wake of 5x17. Half of it is here the other half was used to make a new chapter you'll encounter in just a bit. Despite what this chapter is about I really enjoyed writing out this scene because it is clear that Belle and her mother both have two different points of view and ideas about love...and yet they'll both mesh in the end. We all know that Beauty and the Beast, the original french tale, it was designed to be a tale for young women to encourage arranged marriage. It was meant to say "hey you are stuck with this guy for life now find some good and don't be afraid to fall in love with him" and that is kind of what is happened between Belle and Rumple. Moments has constantly mentioned that they were married before they were married, the deal she made with him, and the way they fell in love...it was very much what Belle's mother spoke of here. And yet, Rumple will become that man that Belle pictures despite the way they come together. He'll be her partner but he'll also support her in the way she dreams about and that is what I like about this chapter. Two different views...but they are both right at the core. Just not about Gaston.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	11. Between a Rock and a Hard Place

The worst part of weddings, as far as she was concerned, was after they were over. The actual ceremony took minutes, what came afterwards…it could go on for hours! And there was never any good way for her family to just "mingle" like the other wedding guests afterwards. Though the bride and the groom should be the guests of honor, it always felt like they really were the ones every one was there to meet. While the guests greeted the newlyweds the newlyweds greeted them. They offered their own bows and curtsies appropriately, thanking them amply and telling them how lucky they were to have them there. When she tried to turn the attention back to them, they remained rooted in giving their thanks with starry eyes. And of course after they had offered their congratulations things never got any better. The dukes, the nobles, even the one other pair of traveling nobles that had ventured out for the wedding, to honor the bride's father as he frequently served the country as an ambassador; everyone had to greet them. Well, "greet" was technically the word that her mother used. "Gawk" was what she preferred. "Be happy and smile," she whispered in her ear when she reached over to hug her during a momentary break in it all, "they're happy to see you my lovely darling. Be happy to see them too!"

She understood that, truly she did. At least she had three hours ago when all this had begun. Now…well, at the moment she felt like she could be a lot happier to see them if Gaston wasn't looming in the back of her mind. It had been six months ago since her betrothal and the only way that she'd lived with it was insisting the families keep it secret until the time it became an engagement. Most days it was easy to ignore. Gaston went back to his family's villa, his soldiers arrived as promised, and with the exception of his monthly visits that thankfully fell on Samuel's visits, she could put the thing out of her head completely. But today, seeing this wedding, watching the bride and the groom take vows and make promises, knowing Gaston was somewhere in the building with her...she felt too sick to properly be happy about people who really wanted to meet "the Princess" more than they did her.

"My lady!" finally she felt herself beam this time when her hand fell into a warm one.

"Samuel!" she breathed happily. Finally! Someone excited to see her and not her crown.

"I wonder," he questioned kissing her hand formally and turning to her father, "might I have the pleasure of dancing with your daughter?"

Her heart beat in anticipation of getting to do something with someone she actually liked rather than standing here greeting strangers who should be more excited to see the newlyweds than her. But her father didn't seem nearly as excited as she did. She knew that look, the one that he had before he denied the request. She was betrothed now and she hadn't told Samuel, her best friend. He had no idea he was asking to dance with a woman that was already promised to another and-

Suddenly her mother wrapped her hands around her father's elbow. "It think that would be appropriate. If my daughter agrees of course," she responded quickly. She beamed and made a mental note to hug her mother fiercely later for excusing her. But only later. For now Samuel was offering her his hand and raising his eyebrows, silently offering her an escape. She quickly put her hand in his and let him draw her away from her parents and out onto the dance floor, where she was happy that the other couples dancing gave them a few feet of extra room to dance.

"Kill me, kill me now," Samuel whispered in her ear as he fitted his hands on her and they began the steps they knew only so well.

"I just keep thinking to myself it'll all be over soon," she whispered back. "Thank you for rescuing me."

"I know the face of someone contemplating jumping out of the nearest window; it'll be death by wedding!"

She smirked as he let her go so she could spin. "Really? And how is that?"

"I looked at myself in the mirror and saw the exact same face. In fact, I think if we were quick about it, we might be able to jump out the window by the food."

"Tempting but I think I'd rather just eat the food."

"That is the one perk in all of this. Have you tried the grey stuff? It's delicious!"

"I haven't," she hissed regrettably. "I haven't eaten anything since we left this morning, I've been too busy 'greeting' people and...'avoiding' others. I'd trade my crown for a bit of anything right now, grey or otherwise."

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Samuel questioned as they finally stopped turning. "Let's get you something to eat before someone-"

"May I cut in?" Samuel's face fell as Gaston stepped up to the pair of them, looking stoic but...he'd turned his eyes on Samuel in a way that made her want to step between the two of them and protect him the same way she had the ogre.

"Gaston LeGume," Samuel announced, hardly paying him any heed at all. "Never seen you around these parts, always off hunting is what I've heard. What are you doing here? Do you have your eyes on a noble woman you've yet to entrance."

"Samuel!" she snapped looking around wildly. She hadn't told anyone, she hadn't told Samuel or any nobles, no one should know and she didn't want that to change! She was happier without people knowing! And she didn't want Gaston to give it away.

Samuel sighed at her chastisement and looked the man over. "No, you can't dance with the lady, we were just leaving to get a bite to eat."

"And you can't spare one dance?" Gaston questioned looking her over.

"She can't dance if she falls over from starvation," Samuel muttered next to her.

"She appears to still be upright," Gaston observed. "And I would imagine that she could find the time to spare one dance for her-"

Samuel it's fine!" she inserted before he could reveal what exactly he was to her now. She pulled her hand from his, suddenly aware of how long it had been there. Gaston seemed aware. His eyes wandered down to the place they'd been attached the moment they disconnected before continuing to eye Samuel like he was prey to be devoured. "I'll uh...I'll meet you in a few minutes, after this song." Samuel looked confused for a second, then he looked insulted, and finally angry. She tried her best to stare at him, to use that look her mother had used when she was a child and did something she shouldn't, the look that could rebuke her without words. She did her best to tell him that he needed to go, that she wanted him to go...the trouble was that all along she didn't want him to leave her side. Not when Gaston was currently taking up residence by it. But eventually Samuel heaved a sigh, muttered something about meeting her at the table later, and moved away from the pair of them.

Them. Her and Gaston. She wasn't thrilled about it but she supposed given the state of things she owed him one dance. But the faster they got this dance over with, the faster she could go eat something. So she offered a small smile and her hand. "Shall we?" she asked as another song began to play.

"Yes, I believe we shall," Gaston agreed stepping up to her and wrapping himself what she supposed would have been a fair distance but at this point she figured there was probably nothing that he could do that would convince her to ever be happy about sharing the same breathing space with such a-

"You look beautiful."

"Excuse me?" she questioned, shaking her head and trying to focus.

"You look beautiful," he repeated. "Clearly the most beautiful girl in the room. I'm sure the bride herself is jealous of you."

She felt herself blush and fought back a sigh of embarrassment. What he'd presented her with sounded terrible. The bride should have the admiration of everyone in the room today, not have to play second fiddle to her.

"The bride deserves to be the most beautiful in the room today," she corrected. "If I could disappear for her I would."

"Oh far to late for that, my Lady," Gaston chuckled in her ear. "Even your friend has clearly noticed just how radiant you are."

"Samuel doesn't notice anything, he's my friend."

"Samuel, did you say. The General's son? Just the same he has noticed, hasn't taken his eyes off you since we started dancing. I wonder...should we give him a show?"

"Samuel is my friend," she insisted stubbornly. "Stay away from him."

"What exactly is it you think I'm going to do to him your majesty?" he asked as if amused. She wasn't. She'd caught the subtle threat he'd given, clarifying who Samuel was and what he did, she wasn't impressed.

"Oh I don't know...I've seen what you've done to the innocent."

"To monsters," he corrected stiffly. "Six months later we're at war with the creatures and you still can't bring yourself to admit they're dangerous."

"I prefer to make decisions for myself instead of letting propaganda decide for me."

"As do I your Majesty, that's the thing about opinions I suppose. Two people can come to believe two very different truths."

"Doesn't make them both true."

"No, it doesn't. I'm glad you acknowledge that."

Her stomach was in knots and if she had to spend one more second with him she suspected that she'd be sick but fortunately for her the music stopped just seconds after his comment and she pried herself out of his grip the moment that it did. She happily clapped with the others for the musicians before catching Samuel's eye by the table. He held a plate out in the air to tempt her and the growl in her stomach let her know that the temptation wasn't needed. She turned back to Gaston, who appeared to have not taken his eyes off of her since the music ended and it made her feel uneasy, like he had her in his sights all along. "Ahem…thank you…for the dance it was quite lovely, but if you'll excuse me-"

"Belle!" he called out catching her around the waist before she could leave. "I quite enjoy dancing with you. And seeing as how you are my future bride, perhaps, if your father wouldn't mind, and I doubt he will, we could have another a dance later this evening."

She felt her blood boil as she stepped out of his grasp and suddenly realized that she'd never be out of his grasp, he was doomed to be in her life forever, there was no changing that. So she took control over what she could and pushed her tears away. "Keep that kind of information to yourself," she insisted. "I won't have the whole kingdom know."

"As if we haven't already given them enough to talk about?" he assumed glancing up and around at her. She looked around just as he had. He was right. Nearly every eye in the ballroom was on them, women talked behind their hands as they eyed them, men pointed and shrugged shoulders as they exchanged comments. She hated this. She might have been foolish to think that she could keep it hidden but she knew that was the only thing holding her together at a time like this. If it wasn't secret, if Samuel knew...she wasn't sure what she'd do.

"I have to go," she choked out.

"Belle!"

"I have to go!" she insisted by some miracle keeping her voice from rising.

"Well, that looked fun," he sneered.

"Is it too late to jump out of that window?" she asked.

He chuckled and opened his mouth to say something but suddenly she watched as his smile faded into astonishment. "Are you...are you crying?" he blanched.

"No!"

"Yes, yes you are, I've known you my whole life and you never cry, what did he say to you?! Belle! If you don't tell me I'll-"

"No! Samuel! Samuel!" she grabbed onto his crooked arm and swallowed her tears before he could stride out to the dance floor and do something they'd both regret. "Please!" she begged. "Don't worry about it just stay here, with me. Please."

He wasn't happy about that request and cast another glance over at Gaston but he was already dancing with someone else who was clearly having a good time. Finally he gave in and handed her a porcelain gold trimmed plate piled with food. "Here, you'll feel better after this," he mumbled unhappily. She agreed and happily began to partake of cheese and bread he'd gotten for her, trying to remind herself that she couldn't stuff it all in her mouth at once. It was amazing what a little food and fine company could do.

"So…how'd it go? You want to tell me why you were so upset, why he said to you?" he drawled after a while, plucking a goblet of wine off of a passing server's tray and handing it to her.

"It went fine," she lied though at this point she wasn't sure why. Samuel should know the truth, he deserved to know the truth. Why couldn't she just tell him. "We just danced, you could see that plain as day."

"I saw an awkward dance and a possessive grip…and then my best friend was here in tears. That's what I saw." She stared at her friend, glared at him really because she wasn't sure she'd ever seen him so angry and while she knew there was a reason that she should be upset she wasn't sure Samuel had one to be as snappy as he was. He'd seen nothing more than their dance that was all.

"You know, maybe I should be asking what's wrong with you...you're awfully pushy..."

"I'm not pushy," he snapped. "If I came back upset-"

"I'm not upset!"

"-I'd want someone to look into it!"

"I don't need you to look into anything Samuel I told you I was fine! Nothing happened!"

"You should see the way he looks at you! Like you're a piece of meat or a turkey he's going to hunt!"

"Samuel!" She tried not to make it so that she was screaming or raising her voice, no one appeared any wiser to their argument and it would be difficult to over the music but if she had to speak any louder than people would begin to notice. Samuel had no idea what he was talking about. "I'm not a child," she informed him lowering her voice. "I don't need you to speak for me or give your permission, and I don't need you to 'take care' of anything especially using that tone. Honestly...if I didn't know any better I'd say you were…"

Jealous.

She couldn't go on. The thought that had suddenly crossed her mind was too shocking for her to put words to. No. It couldn't be. They…they'd known each other too long for it to be something like…like  _that!_

Hadn't they?

She slowly slid her eyes over to Samuel standing next to her, wondering if he'd heard, fearing he'd read her mind and knew...

He was looking oddly at her. It was almost…guilty?

"You'd say I was almost what?" he prompted, almost begging her to finish what she's stumbled onto.

Her heart. Did it always hammer this fast? Was her mouth always this dry? Or was it just now? Now that she was possibly faced with the possibility that Samuel was...that he might actually be-

"Samuel! Samuel my boy! Oh!" The world that had been so still and silent only a few seconds ago suddenly began to move and scream in her ear the moment that Samuel's father appeared over his sons shoulder. She jumped at the intrusion as the party goers presence charged back into the forefront of her mind. For a moment she'd forgotten the room was as crowded as it was. "You're majesty, I'm sorry I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Samuel's father questioned as he looked at her.

Interrupting. She glanced up at Samuel. Was he interrupting something? She honestly wasn't sure and, frightening enough, she wasn't sure she wanted to know or not. "Well?" Samuel asked, his tone suddenly cold. "Is he?" he asked making her heartbeat deafen every other sound in the world again. She'd chastised him for not letting her answer before. And now…

"No," she finally squeaked out before forcing her eyes onto his father. "No, not at all, we…I was just…getting a bite to eat."

"Oh," he father sighed. "Well, in that case, if you'll excuse us your majesty. Samuel I'd like you to come meet Lady Elizabeth, I think you'll find her a fair match for you if you…" she didn't hear the rest. Samuel's father had wandered off, under the impression that his son was following him, which he did, but not before he leaned over and whispered in her ear "find me if you get the urge to jump."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun, dun, DUN! This chapter has been heavily edited to accommodate the 5x17 chapters. But the good thing is that I didn't get rid of the heart of it. Fair warning, the timeline for this story is going to hop, skip, and jump at certain times. No more than a year will pass between chapters (excluding chapter 1 of course), most time gaps will be in six or three month intervals, but once we stumble upon an important moment we'll stay with it for a few chapters. So...as an example, in case you didn't realize this is the wedding that Belle and Samuel were talking about being invited to a few chapters ago, before the 5x17 stuff. A year has passed. But now that we're here and this awkward thing has just happened, we're going to be at this wedding for a few more chapters to get some very startling revelations for Belle (startling for her, not so much us), but after we're done with this wedding we'll skip another 3-6 months again. Sorry, but when making the prequel that was just how it happened to work out. I hope that's alright with everyone!
> 
> Thank you for your comments on the last chapter Deweymay. I"m so happy that you like this concept for Belle and in a few months when it's all over I hope that you'll be pleased with the end product! Peace and Happy Reading!


	12. The Ugly Truth

Her stomach was in knots. And she was certain that it didn't have anything to do with the food that she'd eaten no matter how foreign it was or how little of it she'd had. Samuel was across the room with his father, talking to a noble family with a few daughters dressed in gowns just as she was and she was certain that one of them was Lady Elizabeth. What she didn't know was how she felt about Samuel suddenly being all the way over there talking to Lady Elizabeth and not her.

Jealousy.

Was it possible? Was this what he was trying to tell her without actually telling her? That he'd reacted so irrationally to Gaston because…he was jealous of him? It couldn't! He didn't know about her and Gaston, wouldn't he need to know to feel something like that?! Well...maybe not. If the way she felt every time she glanced over at Samuel talking with Lady Elizabeth was any hint. But...

No. It couldn't be. They were friends, great friends. That was it, that was all…wasn't it?

If that was true why did the image of Samuel and Lady Elizabeth not only talking but suddenly laughing with each other make her want to walk over to him and…

No. No, absolutely not she was being ridiculous. She knew Samuel. He was a joker, quick tempered, and he didn't take defeat well. He wasn't being serious with her, he'd just been covering up when he realized his mistake and how irritable he'd sounded. Yes, that had to be it. Only…

Why then had he looked more serious than she'd ever seen him before?

Air. She needed fresh air. Just a little to clear her head. Too much wine, that was all this was. She'd had a little too much of their abnormally strong wine and she was feeling the effect of it. It would be easier to think clearer when she just got some fresh air.

The balcony was across the room but there were windows close by. They made up the entire wall behind the great pillars and she slowly made her way over to them, slipped open a hinge and pushed one open. The cool air did feel better against her skin and she all too happily breathed in the great breeze that she felt from outside. But it didn't stop her from glimpsing curiously over at Samuel. And it certainly didn't stop the jolt of excitement that she felt run through her when she realized that he wasn't enjoying this forced encounter.

A match. That was what Samuel's father had hoped that this girl would be for him. A match. But…he wasn't enjoying it. So today would be the end of this then wouldn't it? Samuel would tell him he wasn't interested and that would be that.

But the words that Samuel had once told her rang in her ears with a frightening tone she'd never heard them in before.  _"The truth is that as long as there are nobles and royals, peasants and paupers…we will never be people. Only pawns in a great chess match."_ He was wrong. This would prove it to him. Her parents might want to force her into something but Samuel was of different stock than she was, he had a choice. His father wouldn't force this woman on him if he wasn't interested. He was his son not a pawn. He'd be free to pursue women that he did care for.

A woman like her?

Her stomach turned as she allowed herself to think that thought for just a moment then-

No. No! Absolutely not. Ridiculous it was just…it was unfathomable. They were friends, only that and nothing more.

For now?

What was she thinking? Her senses came back to her clear as day as her mind began to wander into future unknown times and she remembered, the man that she'd meet at an alter someday...he was already chosen for her. She couldn't, she shouldn't be thinking things like this, she should really only be thinking about one person. The problem was that every time she thought about him, their arrangement, she had the sudden urge to vomit, or cry, or throw a temper tantrum...but that didn't change the fact that she was betrothed whether she wanted to be or not.

"Oh! Look! There he is ladies! The one that got away!" The sudden squeals coming behind her made her jump. She glanced wildly around for the women that were speaking to her only…they weren't. There were three of them, on the other side of the column she'd chosen to hide behind. They were huddled there together with their food and wine and didn't seem to realize that anyone was there, listening to them. She really shouldn't be listening. It was a private conversation, she should let it be private. Only…

The one that got away? Who were they talking about? What if it was Samuel?! She glanced around the room and once she determined no one was watching her, she slid around the column a little more. Just enough to clearly hear but for no one to notice.

"It's about time he showed up in this circuit, I only wonder what took him so long."

"Probably couldn't find any more skirts to chase in his own Kingdom and needed to branch out...if you know what I mean."

"I know what you mean and I'll tell you what he can chase my skirts any day. He really is beautiful, isn't he?"

"Perfect."

"Did you see him dancing with the Princess earlier?"

Her stomach turned awkwardly as her name came up. That was it, she knew that she should walk away and let them have this time...but her feet stayed firmly planted on the floor. After all it wasn't just her they were discussing, it was her intended as well.

"I saw," one of the woman growled out almost angrily. "Did you see the way she couldn't get away fast enough?!"

"The whole room saw it. They were practically fighting on the dance floor."

"What's wrong with her?"

"She's crazy. Everyone in court knows it. My father says that she spends all of her free time in the library of all places! Can you imagine a princess doing such a thing?!"

"Well…I guess that answers why she's never taken me up on any of my invitations for tea and cakes. It's not me or my family, she's just got her head up on some cloud and her nose stuck in a book."

"Of course it's not you!"

"Never!"

"No, she's just odd! And how she danced with Gaston…that just proves it."

"He's gorgeous…" one of them breathed but she was suddenly having a hard time comprehending their conversation. Yes, they were definitely talking about her. She was the Princess. The only one here. And they thought she was…odd? Because she read? She'd never heard such a thing in her life. The whole court knew she read books, that was true and her mother had corrected her that one time and told her there was a time and place for everything but why was there anything wrong with reading books! She'd never heard anyone speak a word against her for her favorite pastime and why would they. It was absurd…so why did she suddenly feel like sinking down behind this pillar away from the rest of the world and crying.

Was this why none of the nobles daughters ever came to visit her? Because they thought that she was strange?

"Well…" one of the girls sighed, "I'd like to be the woman to catch him that's for sure."

"You won't be?!"

"I thought you asked your father to begin a courtship?"

"I did and he agreed. Anyone would be happy to have him as a son-in-law but…he's already betrothed."

"No!"

"You're kidding!" the girls blanched.

"I wish, but Papa was clear. Apparently it's a new arrangement."

"To who?!"

"I'm so jealous!"

"What do I have to do to be her?!"

"I don't know. Papa said that he never heard a name, in fact he said it was all very hush hush. But it must be someone that's either very rich or very powerful because my father's offer…let's just say my dowlery was very generous. Whoever it is must have something very tempting to offer him."

"More tempting than what he offers?"

"Hard to believe."

"Impossible."

"Mmm, body like that…I wonder if he'll need a mistress!"

There was a terrible eruption of high pitched girlie laughter from the other side of the column and it made her want to open another window and give up the little food she'd eaten. These women, they were talking about her and even Gaston just as she always feared people would, like they were trophies or pieces of meat that could be easily swapped or traded at the market. They didn't even know who she was, and she was thrilled about that, thrilled that the news hadn't gotten out as she'd hoped but it still sounded awful to her, this archaic practice of arranging things like marriage. What would she do to be able to give her heart over to another. Like...

Samuel?

No. Her reading books wasn't odd. If this was what normal people were like, normal women her age…she'd rather not be like them. She'd rather stick to her books and-

"Oh, oh, speaking of mistresses…look what we have here ladies…Daniel and Samantha, they haven't stopped looking at each other all evening!"

"I saw even during the ceremony…it was shameless!"

"That's honeymooning!" the ringleader corrected. Her head was spinning and she fought the urge to turn around and figure out what they were looking at. Samantha. Not the same Samantha that had gotten married today. No…it couldn't be! Her husband's name was Richard not Daniel.

"And then there is Lizzy and Eugene."

"Really now, you thought they were honeymooning at the last ball!"

"And yet…I see her husband over there talking with my father and his wife with the woman by the food…but...no, no Lizzy and Eugene to be found."

"You don't think they'd really-"

"What else do you think they're doing? Playing games off all on their own?"

"Not unless it's 'hide-the-teacup' and they're playing under the sheets."

She heard another burst of laughter come from behind the column, but she couldn't understand the humor of it. What were they talking about?! "Honeymooning"? "Hide-the-teacup under the sheets"? What were these women suggesting?!

"Belle," she turned quickly at the sound of her name and found her mother there, staring at her from the column. She watched as she quickly took in the sight of the open window and her leaning up against the column, hiding, the girls still talking behind her. Suddenly she felt just like she did that moment that she had taken an extra sweet when she was told not to and gotten caught. Only she wasn't doing anything wrong. But listening to this…it felt wrong. She opened her mouth and tried to figure out what to say to her, some excuse to make, but all she did was make strange noises.

"Oh, my girl, are you ill?" she finally questioned stepping forward to feel her forehead. That was what made her nervous. Which made her eyes glance behind her, toward the voices, which only made her mother listen closer.

"How much longer do you give Lizzy and Eugene, they've been honeymooning for months then!"

"It's addicting, I swear it is! There is no telling how long they'll continue to go at it. Months, years, decades…if they don't get caught first."

"That would be quite the scandle!"

"Wouldn't I love to be a fly on the wall when that happens!"

"Oh, Belle!" her mother breathed suddenly. And before she could stop her she stepped around her behind the pillar. "You three! Silly girls!"

"Your majesty!"

"Go! Shoo! Find your families and I won't tell your parents you've been discussing such things! Filthy rumors nothing more! Go! Go!"

It all happened so fast she wasn't sure what happened. The girls must have gone. Of course they would have, who would defy the Queen to her face! But…she knew her mother. Nothing ever got her that worked up, nothing ever made her step into a conversation and end it so abruptly! Walking away, that was what she'd always taught her. So then why?!

"Don't mind them, my girl!" she whispered, an arm suddenly around her waist as she pulled her away from the column. "You shouldn't be listening to such things!"

"But why?! What were they talking about?!"

"Nothing you need to worry about."

"But they were talking about Samantha and a man that wasn't Richard! Honeymooning! What does that mean?!"

"It's nothing, nothing but filth and rumors, desperate and deprived acts, you shouldn't mind it!"

"But they were talking about me! Mother, they said that I was strange, odd-"

"You shouldn't listen to them. They're not your friends and there's nothing wrong with you-"

"They were talking about me and about Gaston and-"

Her heart was racing again, she felt as though she needed the window again because she could barely keep the air in her lungs to tell the full tale, and everything she was feeling and Samuel who was still with that girl! What on earth could they still be talking about?! Why did she care so much?!

A moment later she was nearly in tears, gasping for breath. "I need...I think...I think I need...just a...just a break...just a little break," she begged.

"Oh, my darling girl," her mother looked around the room, then quickly took her hand. "Come with me!" she insisted, a vice-like grip on her arm as she led her quickly and quietly out of the room before she could cause too much of a scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, let's talk a bit about where Belle is at right now in her life, it too has been heavily edited because of 5x17 but the basics remain. I would think that she's late teens in this chapter, the wedding. That is simply because I do believe that in 4x06 the producers were trying very hard to make her look younger and since her mother was dead then and alive in 5x17 I wanted to put her in her teens. Obviously she's very smart, very learned but, and this has been building up for a while in the previous chapters, she's been sheltered and so while she is highly intelligent, socially she's a bit stunted. After all she's late teens and even though she's already betrothed she's just realized she has her first crush on a boy! Some of that is her fault, some of it is her parents. Their way of raising her obviously hasn't made her many friends, but there is a reason that they've raised her the way they have and I do believe that it keeps in character with what we've seen of Maurice so far...they think it's best. They've been raising a Queen, not a wife and mother. Obviously a lot of that is about to come crashing down because no matter how smart and intelligent she is that doesn't change the fact that she is a young girl with the world on her shoulders and I think here as she begins to have a panic attack we see that it is simply too much. So for now, the only thing I can really ask of you is to stay tuned to the chapters to come when a whole lot more will be revealed and remember that ignorance may be bliss, but it most certainly is not stupidity (but the three silly girls are silly no matter what universe you are in).
> 
> Thank you to Deweymay for your comments, I'm so glad that so far everyone is enjoying Moments Lost and I hope that you'll continue to enjoy it. Because I'm me, Moments Lost might not be as straight forward as you've believed it would be. Look forward to things being played around with...a lot. Peace and Happy Reading!


	13. Sacrifices to be Made

She didn't know where her mother was taking her and frankly she just didn't care so long as it got her out of that ball and away from Gaston and the women and Samuel and Lady Elizabeth! So she followed helplessly after her mother when she tugged her farther down the hallway and finally into a room at the end. A small sitting room, for women if the basket of knitting and sewing hidden in the corner was any indication. But it was dark. And gloomy. And-

There was space to breathe.

She took a deep breath as she bent over and rested her hands on her knees in an effort to get more air in through her corset. She coughed then gave a little whine when she finally caught her breath and began to cry again as she started to pace back and forth like a caged tiger...oh maybe closing the door wasn't such a good idea.

"Oh my girl..." her mother groaned moving over to her. She tugged on her shoulders and forced her to stand still and throw her arms around her once more. "Tell me what's happened."

"Mama, I don't think I can do this..." she whined into her shoulder. "Please don't make me!"

"Oh my baby...come, come here and sit..." her mother gave her a gentle tug forward. She tried to wipe her eyes as she moved and suddenly felt her mother place her on a couch. Suddenly she had to shield her eyes from the light that had burst in. "There!" her mother breathed tying back the curtains. "That's better." Her mother set herself down on the same red couch she'd placed her on and extended her arms for her to move into them. "Now...tell me what happened my baby. You've done so well with all this these last few months."

She had. She had done well, that was perhaps what made all this so shocking. No, she didn't like being engaged to Gaston but she'd dealt with it. He'd gone back to his country, she'd stayed in her own. They'd seen one another on occasion but not without adults present and she'd never had to talk to him since that night he'd asked for her hand, not until tonight. And then with Samuel and the way he'd reacted.

"I can't do it," she concluded sitting away from her mother and shaking her head. "I thought I could but I can't. He's awful. He looks at me like...like I'm meat and I'm more than that mother, you raised me to be so much more."

"Of course I did my dear I raised you to be a Queen! I raised you to be a Queen over a vast empire."

"But you didn't raise me to marry him," she pointed out standing up and away from her mother, crossing her arms over her chest. "Do you know what they say about him in the courts? The rumors about him and other women how he likes to chase them?"

When she glanced back she saw sadness in her mothers eyes. She nodded. "I know what they say, I also know that I've taught you never to judge a book by its cover. If you believed every rumor that circulated among these courts then your father would have horns and giants would roam the skies."

"I don't believe the things that have no basis only the things that seem like they might actually be true mother. I'm trying to look out for our Kingdom, to defend it! Do you really think that he is the man best suited to be King?!"

"My dear-"

"You don't, do you?! You don't think he's right! So why on earth-"

"What I know Belle is that you are right!" her mother hollered rising her feet and coming to face her. "I've known that all along, from the moment you were born. You are meant for wonderful things, my girl. But if you want to rule this nation then the truth is that Gaston is the one that will take you there!"

"But why him!" she yelled back. "Why must we settle so easily? There are other young princes with armies that could help us, there are other Kingdoms that might be willing to help if we only ask! Why must it be Gaston?! Why not...why not someone else? Why not someone like..."

Samuel.

The name was on the tip of her tongue in a manner that it had never been before and it shocked her. The name was there but she'd said nothing hoping her near slip up would go unnoticed, but it didn't. Her mother eyed her suspiciously then took another step forward.

"Like who?" she questioned. "Like who? Belle, who else-"

"Samuel!" she finally cried taking a step back and falling into an arm chair. She hadn't meant to but it was a good thing something had been there to catch her because she certainly couldn't hold herself up at the proclamation. Had her stomach always fluttered this way when she thought of him? Had she always felt this nervous? No. But that didn't mean it couldn't mean something. That didn't mean it didn't mean something. Why shouldn't she be allowed to explore what exactly it meant. "Why not…Samuel?"

"Samuel?!" her mother scoffed, reeling back as if she'd just slapped her. "I thought he was merely a friend?!" she questioned kneeling down before the chair she was in.

"He is!" she insisted automatically, but even she realized that she'd insisted too strongly for it to be the honest truth. She just wasn't convinced of that after the conversation they'd just had. Her stomach rolled over. What was she going to tell Samuel about this? How could she tell him? In six months she'd been unable to tell him that she was betrothed to Gaston, how was she ever supposed to talk about this with him?! Why did she have to? "He is my friend; now, but…maybe we…maybe we could be more than friends…one day…"

"Oh!" her mother fumed as her jaw tightened and she shook her head looking angry. She didn't understand, shouldn't she be angry? "I told your father over and over again…we never should have let you spend so much time with that boy! Something like this was bound to happen!"

"What?" she asked. "What was? Why wouldn't you want me to-"

"Belle, listen to me…you must stop seeing him. When he comes to the castle you should remain away from him. If you get too attached…it'll only bring you heartbreak in the end."

"But…but I don't understand why it has to!" she fought back. If two people had feelings for each other then they should be allowed to have them, not stifle them until they evaporated like rainwater on a hot day! She didn't know exactly what she felt for Samuel right now, she knew it hadn't been there before this day but she felt that she should have the opportunity to explore it. And so should he! If he liked her and she liked him, then why did they have to be with people they didn't like. Why couldn't they just...take things slow for a while. "If Samuel and I…if we…if we ever wanted to…then why shouldn't we?! Samuel is my friend I could..." she felt herself blush as she glanced away from her mother. She had only just discovered it herself, she wasn't quite ready to start speaking the words aloud but if the alternative was Gaston there wasn't a doubt in her mind… "I could love him, Mother."

Her mother nodded, and for a moment she hoped that she was about to get her permission to break off this horrible idea that someone had for the two of them and give her her blessing to pursue whatever it was that she had just discovered she felt for Samuel. "Oh my Belle, if I believed for one second that you truly could not handle this I would never ask it of you. But the truth is what it is. Samuel...he is a good man. His family is strong, they are fighters, they are soldiers...but they are not enough to defeat what is coming. Gaston is enough. The soldiers that he is giving to us will be invaluable in this war and to Samuel and his father, you'll see. But without them...without them there is no Samuel, or you or me, the ogres will decimate it all."

She was right. Somewhere deep down she knew that her mother was right she just hated to acknowledge it! Where were they going to find another army willing to sacrifice their soldiers for nothing. She was taught to do things out of the goodness of her heart but that didn't mean everyone was. And it was true they might find another army with another prince that she could actually learn to fancy...but from what she'd seen over the last six months in her home something was becoming abundantly clear, they needed help now. Before it was too late.

But that didn't change the fact.

"But I don't love him," she insisted sadly.

"My girl, you may not love him, you may not even like him as you do Samuel but the truth is that someday my girl, love will mean very little, when you find yourself faced with ruling an entire Kingdom, when thousands of people are looking to you, depending on you, to help them and preserve their way of life. Men, women, and children! When that day comes you will need a partner that understands more than how to fight. You will need someone that has talents for speaking, that understands how our Kingdom works, someone that is comfortable taking control when it is the least desirable job in the world. And that is not Samuel…"

She was right. Again! She'd been watching him since they first met, as distasteful and awful as she knew him to be on the inside he appeared different on the outside. When the people looked at him they saw a leader, a handsome man that could sweep a woman off her feet and say a few well practiced words to a crowd he hardly knew and give them reassurance or courage or even peace. He wouldn't be a partner to her. He'd be a puppet. But still…it was a hard pill to swallow. There was no way out.

"Oh my girl..." her mother cooed suddenly reaching forward and pulling her into her arms and onto the floor. She hadn't even realized she'd started to cry again. "You will get through this, you will. Marriage is years off and you'll have all the time in the world to get to know him and be comfortable with the idea. I wouldn't let you go if I didn't believe you you could handle this. If there was any other way I'd find it. But sometimes being a hero is being brave and doing exactly what you don't want to do, it's making the sacrifice quietly for others so that they will never know one has been made.

That all seemed so...hopeless and defeatist. Her mother was having her do this because she knew she could handle the stress it would put into her life. She didn't feel like that was the truth. If she could handle the stress of Gaston then why had she needed to be whisked away from the party so she could cry with her mother on the floor of a strangers house of all places?!

Because it wasn't just Gaston that had led her here. Gaston had certainly contributed to her disastrous breakdown but he hadn't been the only reason she'd had it. There was still Samuel and then...those women...

"And…am I really…odd? Those girls said because I read-"

"No!" her mother hissed quickly. "No, absolutely not! You, my sweet girl, are far from it! You are something much better than anything I could have ever dreamt up. What you have become is not odd, but a bright and intelligent, radiant young woman. For your greatest attribute is not the beauty you so clearly possess, but the mind you have grown into! There are not a handful of men your age out there in that room, right now, that would understand half of the world the way you do. It is what will one day make you a great Queen. And of that…I couldn't be prouder, my beautiful daughter!"

"But I don't understand...honeymooning...what were they talking about?"

"Oh, I'm sure it's nothing you need to know about-"

"Mother!" she bit back. She didn't understand, if she was a strong capable woman that she was proud of then why was she keeping so much from her. Why did she feel she needed to keep this from her. "Tell me. Tell me what they were talking about."

"Belle it is lies and filth and nothing but rumors."

"Tell me!" she insisted.

This time it was her mother who had a look of fear in her eyes. She opened her mouth and rose from the place they'd been at on the floor. "Belle..."

"Tell me!" she insisted again, like a child, deciding then and there that she wouldn't stop asking, wouldn't let it go until she knew...

Her mother looked her over unhappily, then finally sighed and took her place beside her on the floor again. "Belle sometimes...sometimes men and women fall prey to all sorts of temptations that they shouldn't. Sometimes when a man or a woman is unhappy in their marriage they begin to look outside of their marriage to find the happiness they lack, but Belle...it is shameful to do such things! It is forbidden, do you understand me? You must never allow yourself to be tempted in this way. Do you understand?"

She wasn't sure she could understand, frankly she wasn't sure her mother had really answered her question! But she understood that it was important, that her mother felt she'd given a satisfying answer and she wasn't sure she wanted one beyond what she'd already heard because whether she'd answered the question or not the bottom line was clear. It was shameful for her to look for happiness now outside of Gaston

But she wondered...would Gaston live up to those same ideals?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is more or less an add on after 5x17. Originally "The Way Things Were" was one big long chapter but I separated it into two, salvaging what I could of the conversation to put half of it there and the other half...here. I felt it was important to save it, to allow Belle to have this conversation with her mother and hang on to the discovery she'd made about Samuel. Also, there is so much in all of this fiction that kind of foreshadows Rumple and how she will love him and fall in love with him and how she'll eventually come to think about him. It's meant for us to look at and say "wow look at just how much he freed her from."
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	14. Drastic Changes All Around

In the months that followed the wedding she found that she wouldn't, or couldn't, go to sleep as quickly as she once had. There was a time that she would have gone to bed thinking about the book that she'd read, but try as she may she just couldn't do that anymore. There was always a moment that she thought about Samuel, about that conversation that they'd had, about what they had both been talking about, and then, like a bolt out of the blue, she would see Gaston. She saw endless unhappy years before her and heard nothing but silence as she pictured them sitting awkwardly together in a room trying to say something nice to one another! The only thing she ever heard come out of his mouth was just a bad memory: "you look beautiful".

She knew that she was beautiful. People had told her that her entire life. Why was the idea of only having him compliment her on her looks suddenly a problem for her?

Because she knew that he knew it too. And the fact that he saw her as beautiful made her feel even more like a shinny trophy he could put up on a mantle than she ever had been before. How odd, of all the things Gaston had done, all the things that she disapproved of, that was what she felt killed her soul more than ever. Before she'd seen herself as a strong future Queen, now when she examined her future she saw herself not ruling but standing just behind Gaston, the King. It was terrifying. What would a man like that do to their Kingdom?

No, she couldn't remember the last time she'd gotten a good night sleep. A sleep that she didn't feel haunted by what she now knew. But she couldn't do anything about it. She desperately wanted to talk to Samuel, to tell him what had happened, the truth about it. But she knew her mother was against that and after their last conversation she didn't think that it was fair to put everything in a letter. Yet his next visit to the castle was still months away. And that was only if he came! Part of her feared that he wouldn't, that because of their last conversation, what it meant, how it ended, he wouldn't come visit her again. But there was no use worrying over that now. For now she had to find something to read, something to take her mind off of all of this, something to lose herself to other than her future. The remedy for that was always a good book.

After her tutor finished with her that afternoon she snuck off to the library and wandered among the shelves. It was strange, these tales of fiction were nothing but lies at the heart of it, they were just something that someone had made up. And yet they felt more truthful and honest than anything or anyone in her life right now, especially her family. She was trying hard not to be angry with her parents for what had happened with Gaston, and when she considered that she knew it they had done it with good intentions, to ensure her future not destroy it, it was easier not to be angry. Easier, but not necessarily achieved. She had a feeling she was going to be angry for a long time no matter what they tried to tell her.

She shook her head and tried not to think about it. Thinking about it only ever made it worse. That was why she was here, to not think about it, to get it off of her mind and find a new fictional wonderful adventure to go on.

Or…

Looking at the titles before her she was suddenly drawn to one that she'd seen a hundred times but never actually read before because this book wasn't about adventure. It was about romance. A cheap romance, the kind Gaston had told her in this very room that he never would have thought she was interested in. She'd refuted him then, and been honest about it no matter how dishonest he'd been. She'd never had an interest in books about romance, never before now, because books were always her escape to the world that she wanted to be a part of most of all. Besides, the few times that she'd picked them up before her mother had plucked them out of her hands and offered her something different, something adventurous and she'd been satisfied because she'd never really felt she needed to read them. If she was honest with herself she always figured she'd have her own grand romance one day that would put whatever she read in books to shame, but now…

She opened the book up and examined the first sentence, the first page, the then second, then the third before she decided to-

"Belle?" she jumped at the sound of her mother calling out her name and she didn't know why but when she spun around to face her she felt her cheeks go red as she hid the book uselessly behind her back.

Her mother noticed. Of course she noticed. She always noticed. Nothing ever got passed her. So it didn't surprise her when her mother eyed her skeptically and took a few steps closer. "Picking out a new book?" she asked. "May I?" It was a question, but the way that she held her hand out told her that it was not an option. As she handed the book over to her mother she suddenly wished that she hadn't over reacted. If she hadn't acted so guilty then she doubted her mother would have caught her. Not that she was doing anything wrong. She might even discover more about the mysterious "honeymooning" her mother refused to go into detail about. No! She was an adult. If she wanted to read a book about romance, she should read a book about romance!

But she couldn't…at least not with the way her mother looked up at her after she'd examined it. Suddenly her unhappy skepticism melted away into a sympathetic smile. "I'm sure it would be…a great story," she concluded, setting it right back where it had been on the shelf. "But…I have another I think you'd like. It was one that I read when I was about your age and it is a romance of sorts." Her mother didn't wait for her to answer, she just took her hand and led her over to a completely different section of books and let her hands roam over the bindings before plucking an ordinary looking book off the shelf. "Here we are!" she smiled as she presented it to her.

She took the book in her hand and looked it over. Old but not ancient. Plain cover. Title in Frankion. " _La Belle Et La Bete_ ," she read aloud. The Beauty and the Beast. "What's it about?"

"It's about a girl," her mother answered. "A beautiful and kind girl that realizes just how beautiful and kind she really is."

"I thought you said it was a romance."

"A type of romance, yes. You see my girl," she reached out and wrapped an arm around her waist then gently led her away from the shelf, a gentle stroll over to the couch she so often read by for hours, "there are many different types of romances and this one in particular…I think you'll find it very…I think you'll find it's very practical, very-"

"Your majesty!" This time they both jumped as the doors to the library slammed open so quickly that they banged against the walls behind them. Her mother unwound her arms from her waist and looked over at the guard, just as confused as she was.

"Yes?" she asked. "What's wrong?"

"It's your husband, your majesty."

"Papa?!"

"Maurice. What happened? Where is he?!" her mother demanded reaching for her hand and squeezing it so tight she thought that she could feel her bones crunch.

"He's fine, my Lady, in his study, but he requested your presence immediately. He says it's urgent."

Urgent. She couldn't ever remember something being so urgent that her father needed her mother immediately! That had to mean it was bad, that something was really very wrong! And her mother seemed to grasp that at the same thing. She didn't ask questions or wait for any further explanation. She didn't even stop to ask her to come or make sure she was with her, just let go of her hand, picked up her skirts and practically flew out of the room as if her heels had wings.

She held the book close to her chest and did the same. The guard tried to stop her, tried to tell her that she didn't need to worry that her father would take care of it but she refused to listen. Not because of her father's request, at least not entirely, but because of how her mother had reacted. She'd never seen her look so terrified in her life.

"Maurice?!" she heard her call when she crashed into her father's study across the hall. She followed only a few seconds later and saw that there were half a dozen soldiers gathered together in the room, including Samuel's father, the general. For a moment she felt a brief moment of hope at the thought that Samuel might be somewhere in the castle but it quickly faded as her mother's voice broke her concentration. "The scouts, from the northern mountains, you've heard from them?! What news did they bring?"

"Nothing good I'm afraid." She watched from the door as her father stepped closer to her mother and reached for her hands, a piece of paper still clutched in one of them. "This confirms it my Darling, our worst fear has come to pass, the Ogres have strengthened their population, doubling in size. They've crossed our northern border."

"The Northern border?!" she breathed. "I thought they were invading from the East?!"

"So did we Belle, but scattered reports from the North led me to believe there was something wrong. The scouts confirm it. They've obliterated the Parish of Paris, nearly leveled it after only a week and show no sign of stopping as they continue to move South. At this speed it's only a matter of months until they combine forces with those invading in the East and if that happens..."

Her father couldn't finish his sentence. And what was more, she could have sworn that she saw tears gathered there in her father's eyes as he stared down at her. For that matter she felt tears gather in her own eyes because she knew the one thing that her father was considering, that he'd be forced to do. She didn't know how many people were involved already or how long it would last, the technicalities were beyond her, but she knew, without a doubt, that people were going to die. People were already dead.

"We can do this, Maurice. The country is prepared for it and with the soldiers Lord LeGume provided-"

"We still won't have enough!" he corrected. "We had enough when we fought a war on one front but on two fronts?!"

"Maurice, if this Kingdom is to endure for generations…sometimes difficult decisions must be made for the greater good." She watched as her mother reached up and put a hand against her father's cheek and pulled him down to kiss his other cheek. "I know what you must do, I support you, I will be with you in this every step of the way. You have my word."

For a moment she felt as though she needed to turn away. She'd seen that look in her parents eyes before, the look they got when it was as if no one else was in the crowded room but the two of them, not even their own daughter! She shifted her gaze to a few of the soldiers standing around and found that straight backed or not they had their gazes turned to odd corners or ordinary patches of the wall. No one wanted to intrude it seemed. It didn't seem possible to her that their marriage was arranged by that look alone! How was she ever supposed to look at Gaston like that? How could two people that knew nothing about each other ever look at each other like that?!

Then suddenly, as if a veil had been lifted, the air in the room shifted. Without words, what had once been a quiet and soft moment became heavy and loud. Her father nodded and when he stepped away from her mother he seemed like a new man-a different man. His eyes were dry, his posture proper, and most important of all he seemed strong and unflinching, almost to the point of being stoic.

"Prepare our soldiers and enlist as many young able men as possible. I'm declaring war on those beasts to the north and we will not rest until we have taken back our lands on both fronts and avenged our dead."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...a few important things to remember here. Belle's sheltered life...here is another great example of it. Her mother has been controlling what she reads, she's just never noticed it before. In Moments Seen and Unseen Belle hits the nail on the head when she realizes that it was done so that she'd never realize there was another option, so she'd never know that she was missing out on something beyond whatever she would have had with Gaston. Why are her parents doing this? Because it's what they know. She's an only child so she has to rule the Kingdom, they can't risk her pulling a Regina and running off with a stable boy allowing one to inherit the throne with her. And really, why would they think that it's such a bad life. I don't know if I'm making it clear enough, though I hope that I am here, that Colette sees herself in Belle. She sees some of her own fears and desires, but she has the gift of age. She knows that she might have been afraid at first but years later she did fall in love with her husband, why would she think that Belle would be any different? Remember, this isn't the woman that we encountered in Rumple's castle. As far as Moments is concerned, when she went with him that was when she really started to live and discover who she was. How can her parents know who she is if she doesn't even know yet?
> 
> Thank you to Deweymay for your comment on the last chapter! Glad that you enjoyed it of course! I'm always happy to hear lovely comments such as yours! Peace and Happy Reading!


	15. Missing Somethings

So now they were at war on two fronts. The East and the North. It was not an idea that anyone took kindly to. Their Kingdom was small but it was always peaceful. They minded their own business, certainly stayed away from the affairs of others that bring them trouble. They kept to themselves and because of that the others left them alone. But this…this was different. And everyone recognized it. When they'd invaded from the East people had disliked the fact they were at war but it hadn't really effected them, now that they were fighting a war on both sides things were different and after tonight...she knew things wouldn't be the same.

"Ogres are not men, Maurice," her mother insisted months later as her father continued to struggle with the idea of sending hundreds of young men to war, away from their families and possibly to their deaths. She watched quietly from the couch, pretending to read her book one evening as her mother used words to bring the little comfort that she could to her father. "They are nothing but beasts, they don't feel or think. They are cowards, taking only on instinct. We will fight them back Maurice. We will-"

"And how many will die before we do?" he questioned sadly. "How many deaths will I usher in with just my words? A flick of this pen?!"

"You can't think like that," her mother insisted. "It is not for you or for us that they fight, my darling. It is for their own families, for their own country, a country that they love, a country you have helped make strong. It is a terrible burden placed on our shoulders, but one that we must bear for our Kingdom, for our daughter, for all of the generations that will come. It must be done, my love."

She watched as her mother kissed him and wrapped her arm around his shoulders. Then, with the stroke of his quill, the declaration signed, her father turned and pressed his face into the bodice of her dress and allowed her to hold him tight, remove his crown, and stroke his hair gently all the while he clearly struggled to maintain his composure. It was no wonder that he'd put off signing that document until the night time, until he could be alone with his family, with only his wife by his side instead of advisors and guards. He needed her only. Whether or not she was in the room was irrelevant. Her father needed her mother. She'd seen that a lot over these last few months. Ever since she'd become betrothed to Gaston she'd been watching her parents quietly trying to put the mystery together and it was moments like these that she came to the conclusion that she had always known. They couldn't have been the product of an arranged marriage. It just didn't seem possible to her. They loved each other, truly loved one another, and it was plain as day to see! Love might be able to grow out of nothing, as her mother had suggested, but she was certain that it wouldn't thrive in the way that it was now between the two of them.

And to think of herself in that position…five, ten, twenty, thirty years from now when she was Queen and Gaston was King…no. She'd never love him like her mother did her father. She couldn't picture herself loving him like that. But then again, she couldn't see Gaston ever being half as emotional as her father was. If she didn't know any better she would insist that Gaston had no feelings. And she…

She tried not to think of it. Every time that she did she got upset. So upset that if she dwelled on it too long she felt herself begin to cry as she pictured the black future ahead of her. She'd never deceived or fooled herself. Being Queen was not an easy task, she knew that from the way that she was prepared and tutored for it day and night! But somewhere in the back of her mind, looking at her parents, she always knew it would be bearable if she had someone like her father and mother did. Knowing that person would be Gaston…she didn't know how she'd get through.

But getting through the future was irrelevant now, because she had another task in her immediate future that she was sure was going to be difficult enough. Samuel.

Time had passed since the wedding. They'd gone to war all over again, the castle was bustling with busyness as generals and sergeants, councilors and advisors came and went all the time, sometimes even in the middle of the night if it was necessary, Gaston and his father, much to her displeasure, were now regular guests in the castle. She tried her best to avoid them when they were here and was usually successful. Nothing looked different from her bedroom window, the world that she'd always known was still there and if it wasn't for these people she would have never known that there was a war going on. The northeast had been hit hard, the southwest, where Gaston was from, not at all. Which meant that in order for the government to continue to function her father's counsel had to continue to meet regularly and today was the day.

Samuel was coming.

Or at least he should have been. She'd seen plenty of his father in the castle since the war started, that was too be expected for her father's finest general, he'd briefed Gaston and his father several times and she knew he was here today to give the counselors an update on the war and where the ogres had attacked and how they were moving forward, but in all the time she'd seen the General, she'd never asked him why Samuel didn't attend with him. In the past he took up any opportunity he had to come see her and yet suddenly he was gone. Nevertheless she tried to maintain her hope that he'd come today just as he always did. She prepared a basket with food for lunch just like always, found a blanket, and caught herself staring at the new book that had taken up residence at her bedside.

 _La Belle Et La Bete_ , the book her mother had given her to read that day in the library. She didn't like to admit that she loved it and had read it through three times already without really being sure why. She knew why her mother had given it to her now. She knew that what she had in common with the story's heroine ran deeper than just sharing the name "Belle". Both of them were daring, looking for adventure, and yet trapped in a world that they had not planned on. The only difference was that while the Belle in that book went on to lead a happy, wonderful, loving life with the man, or beast, she'd been stuck with…she wasn't sure she ever would. But she knew that what the book portrayed was a wish her mother had for her, that she would have a life as wonderful as that and as loving as the one she shared with her father. She hoped that one day she would grow to love Gaston not as a beast but as the prince, the king, he would become. But she doubted it. Even with her mother saying he'd grow and mature...she just couldn't see it happening. And besides all that, there was still one very big hiccup.

Her mother came in as her nurse was brushing her hair and her heart began to race immediately. The basket for this afternoon was already packed and sitting by her bed and she hoped that it was conspicuous enough that her mother wouldn't notice but it was too late. Staring though the mirror her eyes had already darted to it. Naturally her mother saw the action and that meant she found the basket too. She really was bad at lying. Though she supposed it was bad at concealing any information in general! But to be fair she was only bad at it because she hadn't had much practice. Up until the wedding she'd never had a reason to lie to anyone, especially her mother. After the wedding...well, she'd felt a certain sense of rebellion and no longer had the drive she once had to tell her mother everything.

"Lydia, shoo!" her Mother commanded stepping into the room.

"Yes, your majesty," her nurse echoed kindly. She set the brush down on her vanity and squeezed her shoulders. "Good luck," she whispered in her ear before leaving. She smiled but only until her back was turned and her eyes were left with nothing but her mother's stern face to fall upon.

She couldn't ever remember fighting with her mother, or with her father for that reason. They had always gotten along, been happy and supportive of each other, she didn't think that this was fighting, but she felt like it was. She knew what her mother wanted her to do. And she knew that she was about to do the opposite of it. That was another thing she'd never done, defy her parents wishes.

Tension hung in the air when her mother closed her door and swept forward, picked up her brush and softly began to brush her hair just as her nurse had. "The nobles and the General are in town again today," her mother muttered behind her. She was trying to make it sound off hand, like casual conversation but she knew that just wasn't possible. There was too much determination in her voice for that. "They've brought their sons with them again. Gaston is here with his father. And Samuel is here with his."

She sighed with relief and allowed her shoulders to slump forward as tension left her body. Samuel being here was good and bad. She couldn't decide if she was happy and relieved that he'd come or if she should feel frightened and sad. She wanted to talk to him, she wanted to talk to him about so much…but she didn't want the conversation to end where she knew it would have to end.

"Belle…" her mother drawled suddenly putting her brush down sitting on her bed in a frustrated heap she usually only had when her father had done something that upset her. "We discussed this, it's better if you don't see him again!"

"I know!" she cried, turning in her chair, trying not to cry at the unexpected defense she now had to put up. This was why she'd hoped to get to Samuel before her mother found her. She was afraid that she'd insist she not go, maybe even force her not to. "I know we discussed it but I didn't discuss it with Samuel!"

"Doing this will not make that any better!"

"Mother please, please," she begged moving forward and sitting by her on the bed, taking her hand in her own. This was important. She knew her mother's intentions were good but so were hers! "Please just let us have one more lunch together, just one more to let me explain! Please, we-he deserves more from me than just a cold shoulder. Please! I…I understand that there is no easy way to do this, but there is a right way. You raised me to always do the right thing no matter how hard it was, please…let me do the right thing now! Please…"

Her heart lifted the moment she saw her mother's face begin to fall, to give in to the request that she was making. She needed this opportunity, this closure. If she couldn't let anything happen between her and Samuel from this point on, she had to say good-bye and explain why, not just leave him sitting out on their lawn waiting for her to come find him only for her never to show up. She couldn't stand that thought. "Please," she breathed. "Please let me do this. Please."

Slowly her mother nodded her head and the grip on her hand became a painful vice. "One last time," she stated clearly. "Say your good-byes…and that will be the end of it. Belle, it  _must_ be the end of it. Gaston will no doubt want to begin telling others of the arrangement and once the courts know...anything further than today with Samuel would be…inappropriate."

That word, inappropriate, it took her a moment to understand why she'd used it and when she did it cut deep into her heart. No. The feeling was worse than that, different. It was a heaviness, a burden that she'd only felt one other time before on the day that she'd told her mother she wanted to be an explorer when she grew up and she'd told her that she couldn't be because some day she was going to be a Queen. It was a realization of a closed door, the realization that suddenly a path she had been so excited to take was no longer there and never had been. Inappropriate. She was betrothed to Gaston, which in her class of people was as good as being engaged, which was as good as already being married. To let anything happen between her and Samuel now…it would be unthinkable. Probably as shameful as "honeymooning". She couldn't remember the vows but she knew that it didn't matter. From this moment on she had to be faithful to Gaston whether she liked it or not. They needed his troops now more than ever, she couldn't risk anything happening to take them away and destroy the Kingdom. Samuel didn't just come second…he couldn't be in her heart at all.

"I understand," she nodded sadly. She was grateful for the opportunity to see him one last time, to explain, but sad now there was no getting around it, there could be no accidentally forgetting or putting off the inevitable…now she had to tell Samuel and she had to tell him today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a bummer. I think that it really shows a very interesting conflict with her mother. Her mother wants her to have everything, but she wants her to have everything with Gaston as she does Maurice. Seeing her with Samuel, I don't think she knows what to do about it and thinks that she is lessening the coming blow by stopping it now. It's almost like how she censors her reading. Many of you have picked up on the fact that Colette is an interesting character because it's hard to hate her. It is clear that she is doing what she is doing out of love and concern for her daughter, she just doesn't seem capable of understanding that it's the wrong thing. She is almost as ignorant as Belle is, the blind leading the blind...never good.
> 
> Thank you, thank you, thank you Deweymay for your comment on the last chapter, it is vastly appreciated! Can't wait to hear what you think of this chapter and especially what comes after! Peace and Happy Reading!


	16. What Their Fathers Saw

He came.

Just like always when she reached the garden, the place that they always met he was there, Samuel was waiting for her. But there was something different about him, something that she'd never noticed before, but then she could also feel that there was something different about her as well. This was the part where she usually hollered his name out in excitement and rushed forward to hug him. There was none of that today, instead she just cleared her throat and walked over to him, suddenly nervous that her smile wasn't going to be convincing.

"Hi," she breathed coming to a stop before him.

"Hi," he responded. Was she blushing? She felt like she was blushing, her cheeks certainly felt hot and she felt awkward in a way she never had before. "I uh…I was worried that you wouldn't come…after we left things…at the wedding you know…"

"No, of course not, don't be silly," she dismissed, feeling a knot form in her belly. It wasn't this visit that they needed to worry about, but the next… "Uh…to be honest I was worried you wouldn't come either. With the war and things the way they are in the north, I've seen your father a lot but you-"

"Yeah, you know you've probably seen him more in the last few months than I have. If he didn't have to come home to grab his papers for the meeting I probably wouldn't have had the opportunity to come with him but…I would have come anyway. Just to see you…to talk."

Talk. Oh, how she wanted to talk. Just like they had before that wedding, before they'd had a conversation that turned everything on it's head and made her look at him in a way that she never had before. She wanted to go back to who they'd been before she'd had those thoughts, she wanted to tell him everything about Gaston and what had happened between them a year ago, she wanted to tell him about the girls she'd overheard talking, and how odd everyone thought she was! But talking to Samuel now, from where she was standing, from what she was feeling it just seemed-

"What's wrong?" he asked suddenly, looking her over.

"What? Nothing. Nothing's wrong, why would you think-"

"Because I've known you since before I could talk, I know the look on your face when something is wrong. Tell me."

She really should have planned for that, for the fact that her face always gave her away to her mother and her father as well. Of course Samuel would notice too. It was flattering and it made her stomach flutter for a moment, before she remembered that it shouldn't flutter like that. Not around Samuel at least. Only around…

"Can we talk?" she asked quickly. If she'd felt red before, now she felt as though she might be turning a shade of green. "Not like we did at the wedding but like we used to, before that day…before you…we…"

After a moment Samuel nodded and took the basket from her. "I was actually going to ask you the same thing, so…what's on your mind?" They began their stroll then and though it took some time eventually the conversation lost its stiff edge and became comfortably fluid again just as she'd wanted it to. She began with the ogres, Gaston's surprise visit a year ago and what they'd found in the hunting pit, she walked him through everything, every step that she'd taken with him up to the moment she'd found herself unexpectedly betrothed to a man she could barely tolerate, then she spoke of the wedding, with what happened after he'd gone to been Lady Eliza or Elizabeth or whatever her name had been. She didn't tell him about why she'd needed the air, only that she had wanted to cool down and found the escape. She told him about the conversation she'd overheard the woman talking about. The honeymooning, Gaston, her oddness…

And Samuel listened. He listened while he ate in a way that she was certain Gaston never could, in a way that Gaston never would, which only made her want to crawl up into a ball and cry some more. And when she was done he looked at her with the perfect amount of sympathy and maybe a little too much disgust. "Gaston?! I don't believe it! I mean, I expected that you'd have to endure something like an arranged marriage but…Gaston! What were your parents thinking?!"

"Of the Kingdom," she answered. "Apparently…we need their soldiers to win this war, without them there is no more country and even after that...politically he's a good match."

"Damn!" Samuel sighed as he ignored her. "What is this world coming to if he's what we have to look up to as a King?!"

She shook her head, trying her hardest to turn the conversation, to remember that she was supposed to be trying to find something good in all of this instead of something that would only make her worry about it much more than she already was. She sighed and picked at a few grapes. "You do know you are forbidden to tell that to anyone now, don't you?!"

"Yeah…I understand that. But still, the thought of  _that_ marrying…" he looked her over for a second and then dove into the basket again for more grapes. "What does your mother say?" he asked, changing the subject quickly. "About all of this, you marrying Gaston?"

"She says…" she took a deep breath and tried not to cry as she relived everything her mother had told her about it from the beginning again. She really wished that her mother had different advice, and maybe a different book to give her to look to instead of one where everything went perfect for the heroine. "She says I'll learn," she replied. "She says that love doesn't always happen quickly or at first sight the way it does in my books. She says that sometimes it grows over a long period of time. Years. Decades even."

"Yeah, that may be true but you're still the one expected to be married to him over all that time, before you learn,  _if_ you can learn to love him. It hardly seems fair."

She sighed, her mother's words ringing clearly in her ear again. "It's not fair, it's politics," she repeated perfectly.

Samuel snorted and examined a grape far too closely for him not to be thinking something deeper. "Yeah…politics…that's all we are to them…pawns…"

She shook her head and turned to rebuke him because despite this latest development she knew that it wasn't true, at least not entirely. Her parents might have seen this as a wise choice but after the wedding and the talk she'd had with her mother, after having some time to think about the talk with her mother, she knew that her parents saw her as more than a pawn. If there was a way to avoid this they would have taken it, they would have spared her. And it was like her mother said, if they thought for a second that this really was bad for her then they wouldn't enforce it! She knew it! But Samuel...before she could correct him she could see the worry on his face and her words died before they left her mouth. She saw it just then, that thing that she'd seen earlier when she'd first arrived, the tension he'd carried. He'd lost it momentarily and she'd believed that it was because of the conversation at the wedding, but now...

She wasn't the only one that had a problem. She was just the only one to not notice his when faced with her own.

"Samuel…what's-"

"Look, about…about politics…there is something I have to tell you too," he interrupted quickly.

All the tension that she'd just spent the last hour getting rid of as she spoke with Samuel came flooding back to her. She had talked. And now he wanted to talk. What had him so nervous? Was this it? Was this going to be the talk that she had been dreading ever since that wedding?

"What is it?" she asked timidly, trying to keep her hands busy as she took a drink of water.

"It's the Ogre War…I'm being drafted."

She nearly spit the water out of her mouth as she forgot to swallow, forgot to breathe and swallow, forgot nearly everything except how to cough!

"What?!" she finally choked out. The Ogre War?! He was…he was being drafted?! No! No, that wasn't possible! Not Samuel! She knew her father had signed draft notices but Samuel…he wasn't in that class of people…he shouldn't be!

"I think you heard me the first time," he muttered sitting forward, hanging his head and staring at his fingernails.

"But…but you're the-"

"General's son, yeah. And…I kinda think that's why I'm being drafted in the first place. Raise morale, get even more support. 'If my son can do it yours can too!'" he finished with a false baritone voice, trying to sound like his father, she imagined.

She understood the logic and she supposed that a part of her had always known that someday Samuel would have to do something like this to prove himself if he wanted to replace his father but…not like this. He was good at fighting, hand to hand combat, wrestling, swords, jousting, she'd heard of all the awards he'd received but that was all worthless on a battlefield against fully grown ruthless ogres.

"But you're not a soldier."

"Yeah I know that. So I figure…what's the worst that can happen, right? It's politics Belle, nothing more," he insisted leaning back into the grass. "I know I'm not a soldier, they know I'm not a soldier, my father sure as hell knows I'm not a soldier and we both know that no one will let anything happen to me. I figure that I'll go for as long as it takes and make people feel safe, like this is a winning battle we are fighting and then in a few months I'll be right back here talking to you again about how gruesome marriage is."

"We don't know that! This is war, optimistically if we simultaneously push the ogres back into their own territory it could go on for months but Samuel my father didn't ask for Gaston's army because he's optimistic! This could take years!"

"No…no, I doubt that. I mean, you should hear my father talk about this war, his detest for it, for the simplicity of it all. Ogre's aren't exactly the smartest creatures in the world it's a fluke that they've managed to band together and hold on this long."

"You're talking like a soldier who has no idea what's really going on out there," she pointed out, startled at his sudden anger and change of tone. Was it fear? Was he just afraid? Or was he too confident? Which was worse. "You say all that like you are going to be the saving grace of the country and as soon as you pick up a sword the war will be over."

"Well…maybe I'm just that good…"

Confidence. That couldn't be good. Not one bit. His father wasn't the only one talking about this war, her own was too and she had different feelings about how this war was going. Samuel was sure this would all be over soon and that he'd be back in a few months. She was less sure of that.

"When do you leave?" she asked quietly, unsure of what she wanted his answer to be.

"Tomorrow," he admitted almost sadly. "First thing in the morning." He sighed again, going back to sounding and looking scared and the only conclusion that she could really come to about his affect was that he was just as unsure about it all as she was, just as confused, just as scared. He wanted to be confident that he'd be fine and safe, that he'd be home in a few months. He must have been terrified that he wouldn't. Tears rimmed her eyes without her permission as she realized that Samuel was never afraid of anything, not as long as she'd known him. He was always the fearless one, it was the reason he had so many scars on his body! They were from childhood injuries, half of which he'd earned by her side trying to prove to her that she could do anything! And now he was just going to leave?! This one friend she'd had forever was just being shipped off to heaven only knew where to fight and maybe even-

"Hey don't cry about it!" he insisted sympathetically at her sniffle. "I won't be gone forever and...we'll write. I promise I'll write and tell you everything-"

"No! No you won't!" she laughed through her tears because even in the midst of something as horrible as this he was still being the wonderful Samuel she'd known all her life! Irresponsible as ever, making promises they both knew he'd never keep. "Samuel we've tried that before, you always forget!"

"Well, maybe that's because we always see each other every six months right on the dot. Maybe this time around, if I have no choice I will remember!"

He smiled, but they both knew the truth. He wasn't going to write. He would try, there was no doubt about that, but they both knew writing wasn't his forte. Which meant…strange, she'd come out here to tell him that she couldn't see him again. It should have been perfect, this was a good reason to just fall away, to just go their separate ways and forget about each other, forget about whatever they had been talking about at that wedding and just live their lives apart from this point on as their parents wanted them to.

And yet she couldn't do it. She couldn't say the words she knew she had to say. It just seemed too…cruel.

So instead she just nodded, she wiped away her tears, and tried her hardest to give him a smile without crying all over again. "You'll write for as long as you remember. And when you get back…you'll tell me all about it."

"Yeah," he breathed. "You can count on it. But…um…look before I go, there was something that I wanted to do first, in case…in case I don't come back or-"

"Samuel!"

"-or in case I come back and you're married already-"

"I really don't think it'll happen that fast!"

"-all the same…" he insisted grabbing her hand pulling her a little closer across the basket that separated them. He was so close all of a sudden and she felt frozen, helpless to do anything but stare at him and listen to her heart beat against her ribs. Was he going to do what she thought he was going to do?! What Gaston had tried and failed to do a year ago? "I want to…just once, before I go, before you-"

"Belle!"

She and Samuel both jumped and turned to find her mother standing there by the door across the courtyard calling her name. She wanted to cry. Whatever had happened had just passed, she knew it he knew it, and the only thing that he didn't know was that it would never come again. And it might have been a good thing. Years later, decades later she might be grateful that nothing had ever happened between them, that they'd never had the chance to try. Then she'd never know what she might have been missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so Samuel is more or less gone from her life. I think I told a few of you that there would be a twist to Belle "breaking it off" with him, the twist being that she doesn't actually do it and Samuel is more or less the one that leaves her, though not by choice. Samuel himself will not be appearing again in ML but he will continue to be a major part of the story for the next few chapters. Beyond that...I kinda consider Samuel puppy dog love, her best friend, and first crush. His loss is going to hit her hard naturally, but years down the road, before the events of MK&U, she'll come to a good place about it.
> 
> Thank you Deweymay for your continued comments on Moments Lost! It's encouraging as I break into this new world of AO3! Thanks for your support! Peace and Happy Reading!


	17. A New Old Truth

Samuel was going to war. It was difficult news to digest, even if he was trying to put on a brave face and insist that he was going to be back in no time. The moment her mother pulled her back inside and asked her what happened she answered her question with one of her own. "Did you know?! Did you know that he was going to fight in the war?! Did Papa…" but she hadn't been able to finish her sentence as she fell into her mother's arms and wept. She wasn't entirely sure why. They were silly, girlish tears. Samuel wasn't dead! He was alive and strong and healthy and the son of a noble. There was no reason to believe that he'd be in any kind of real danger and wouldn't be coming home from that war. A few months was perhaps a little optimistic, but still…

The one consolation to her sadness was her mother's reassurance that she hadn't known that was going to happen and the shock on her face seemed proof enough that she was telling the truth. As for her father, what he knew her mother knew, if it was a surprise to her then it would be a surprise to her father. For all she knew it was Samuel's father's idea, thinking back on how he'd described it…that seemed a fair assumption.

"I wouldn't worry about it, my girl," her mother cooed as she brushed kisses into her temple. "He's the son of a noble, they will know that, I'm sure he'll be well taken care of and come home safe and sound."

That reasoning again. It gave her comfort. Samuel saw it, her mother saw it, even she saw the logic in it. That could only be a good thing for her friend. But coming home safe and sound…that presented a new problem that made her heart heavy with guilt. What would he be coming home to? "I couldn't tell him," she whispered frantically as she pulled away from her mother. "I couldn't tell him that we couldn't see each other! I just couldn't. He told me he was going away and that we could write and I didn't have the heart-"

"Oh, no, no, no my beautiful girl!" her mother smiled softly, pushing her hair back behind her ear and rubbing her cheek with her thumb. "That does not show a lack of heart, but rather the presence of one. It is one of your best qualities. You'll wait, however long he is gone that will give him hope and a reason to return. And once he has, that is when we will worry about telling him."

That thought didn't necessarily make her feel better about the future, but it certainly made her feel better about the present. Samuel was out there, somewhere and unlike he had in the past, this time he remembered to write to her. The first letter came only a month after he'd gone, telling her that he was fine and safe and so far things were exactly what he'd thought they would be. There was a lot of training involved, training that he claimed he didn't need because his father had made sure he knew how to fight, but there was also a lot of taking orders involved, which was Samuel's least favorite part of it all. He was stubborn. Too stubborn to take orders from anyone. Getting into trouble was second nature to him, and according to his letter it was something that they would not easily knock out of him.

Hearing from Samuel month after month was a wonderful change, something she began to think she enjoyed more than his visits a couple of times a year. But it wasn't the only thing that changed in her life. There was something else that changed. Something that made her feel…she didn't know how it made her feel. Or maybe she just didn't want to feel what it did make her feel. Neither were good.

"Belle!" Months later when she was reading Samuel's latest letter by a window ledge and laughing over the idea of him marching in formation she looked up to find a familiar voice that did not belong in this part of the castle.

"Gaston!" she gasped, standing up and brushing her skirt smooth without really knowing why. She was the one caught off guard! These hallways were reserved for her family's private quarters, guests weren't permitted here, surely he knew that! "What are you doing here?" she questioned.

"I wished to see you, speak with you!"

She felt her jaw drop and searched for the words that she knew she needed but just couldn't find them! The impropriety was shocking and left her dumbfounded. She was the princess! He was the son of a noble, no matter what their informal relationship was, his presence here was inappropriate at best! She was still the princess! She decided when others were going to see and speak with her not the other way around!

"You shouldn't be up here!" she finally managed to breath. "It's reserved for royal family only."

"Which I may as well be considering our future connection."

She couldn't figure out why that reminder made her so angry. Perhaps it was simply that she hadn't known he was here at all and now he'd invaded her personal space, her families private sanctuary, and so no problem with it, wasn't even going to apologize! She couldn't think of anything more rude.

"You shouldn't be here," she insisted. "You're not family yet and I have places to be, your not the only one that wants to talk, my nurse needs me too."

Gaston gave a small chuckle. "Surely you can spare a few moments to talk! I'm sure your nurse would understand."

"How would you know?" she snapped gathering her stuff up into her arms. "For all you know she's as harsh as sandpaper."

"Her name's Lydia, widowed, she's got three children of her own, grandchildren, and prefers veal over beef...I brought her a fine cut the last time we spoke."

She felt her jaw drop as he rattled off facts, two of which she hadn't even known and Lydia had been her nurse since the day she was born. And she'd been talking to Gaston?! Gaston had talked to her?!

"Are you spying on me? Talking to the help to-"

"No, no!" he inserted quickly before she could accuse him of anything further. He looked sincere, genuinely upset at himself...but she'd seen what she thought was "genuine" emotion on his face before. She knew he was good at faking things like that. "Listen, you're not in your bedroom yet, perhaps I could escort you and we could talk."

Escort her to her bedroom...in a place he shouldn't even be?! "No thank you, I've been living here my entire life, I think I can manage to find my own bedroom without assistance!" And with that she started off down the hallway at a quick trot but not toward her bedroom because she was smart enough to know that he wouldn't give up and some part of her did not want him to know where her bedroom was. It was silly, but she knew that if he'd gone this far as to come here without being invited then she didn't want to give him directions to another place he'd feel he could go without invitation. Instead she made her way in the opposite direction. Only a few seconds later she heard the quick footsteps behind her.

"Belle...listen, I think we got off on the wrong foot."

She snorted. "I'll say..."

"Maybe we need to try again, try to get to know each other a little better. Perhaps something small. You could visit my father's villa, we have an excellent library, or if you prefer you could watch me compete in a hunting competition, the horses are always gorgeous and outstanding. Then there are the gardens. Ours are nearly as beautiful as yours and they have many paths that we could walk along and talk. Belle...Belle would you stop walking so fast I am trying!"

"Trying!" she spat, finally too insulted to continue to listen in silence. "You're not trying," she corrected. "You're not trying to win my heart because you love me or because you care for me, you are only here because of what I can give to you and what you can give to me. So long as the soldiers are doing their job I have nothing more to say to you! I am not a prize to be won or a woman that you can chase around!" she spat before walking over to the nearest door and-

"This is happening!" he hollered after her so that she stopped.

"What is?"

"This...you and me. Whether you want it to our marriage will come to fruition. I'm simply trying to make the best of it, find some common ground, try and connect with you so that we might be able to get past our petty squabble."

"Petty squabble?! I trusted you, I believed you were good and decent and your proved me wrong the moment my back was turned."

"You're joking...after all this time you can't honestly still believer there is good in those creatures?! Belle they're destroying your Kingdom, how can you defend them?!"

"I'm not!" she yelled. "I'm not defending them at all, this isn't about them it's about you and me-"

"Yes, it is! That's what I've been trying to say. One way or another you and I will be married Belle...we may as well at least try to make the best of it. I'm trying...are you?"

He walked away from her without another word. She watched him go with a dropped jaw and then groped around behind her for what she'd originally sought but hadn't achieved. Privacy. The place she'd wound up in was the small informal dining room they had breakfast in. The moment the door shut behind her she sank down into her chair and tried to process what he'd said, what he'd accused her of. Was she still breathing? Was her heart still beating? Was her mind still working? Yes. Her mind was still working perfectly. She wasn't.

He was accusing her of not trying? Actually  _accusing_ her! How dare he after what he'd done! After everything with the ogre!

She couldn't form coherent thoughts anymore, she was far to put off by the entire conversation. Samuel was right. He was still on the hunt. He hadn't given up, he was going to keep coming after her time and time again, trying to get her to be the perfect smiling Queen on his arm.

The Queen on his arm...suddenly a new realization slammed into her and struck her in the gut harder than the kick of a horse. Kings ran the Kingdom. That was why they were called Kingdoms and not Queendoms! All this time she'd seen herself as queen, she'd agreed to this knowing that she could do some good for her country in the end when she was Queen but...what good would he let her do. He was going to be the King not her! Even now, she watched as her parents operated, her mother never did any governing merely worked behind closed doors with her father. Her mother supported him as he ran the country. That meant that her country, the country she'd been trained to believe she was to rule, wouldn't be hers. It would go to Gaston. And she...

She would fade into the background just as most queens did. She'd be expected to smile, to walk one step behind, to be supportive of all his decisions. She'd be expected to "try".

She felt a sob tear through her chest as she put her head on her knees and wept at the expected way the future had just shifted. She didn't know if she could "try" to love Gaston. She didn't think she could honestly put what had happened with that ogre aside and try to get along with him the way a King and Queen should. And why would she, there was no love loss between them, she didn't feel like she owed it to any previous relationship to work through things and get back to what they'd had. They hadn't had anything!

And yet that was exactly what her Kingdom, and now Gaston's, expected her to do. What every soldier and miller and tanner wanted her to do. It was what her parents were asking from her. But it all seemed too much.

Her best quality was her heart, love, that was what her mother said…so why was she being forced to sacrifice it for Gaston.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filler chapter...thrilling I know, but I feel like this chapter is actually incredibly important for 2 reasons. What would those be? Well I'm so glad you asked, please let me tell you. 1) Well, there's a lot of foreshadowing here to what will eventually be her relationship with Rumple. The bit about not being lied to and doing things behind her back, yeah direct hit. But also toward the end she comes to the conclusion that there really is nothing there between her and Gaston to begin with so how can she make something out of that, how can she forgive him. It's different with Rumple where love motivates her to fix things and solve problems. 2) And this one is what I imagine will be really important: the X factor. With things not working with Gaston I'm trying to create a series of things, seemingly small things, that individually might not have been a big deal but all together create a mess. For example: Gaston and the ogre, her parents, Belle and her friend Samuel, Gaston's personality...individually these issues might have been tragic, but not destructive. Put them all together and the results are devastating for Belle. Now...because I know this will come up, let me just say that you are still missing a very critical piece to this whole thing and that is Gaston's father. He will turn up eventually and when he does I think we'll find the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and some of Gaston's views and opinions, the way he's been taught to see and treat Belle...there is a reason for it. Gaston's father...let's just say his opinion of women and their mental capacity leaves something to be desired and well, I already said it once, but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree. 
> 
> Oncer4Life69Dearie thank you so much for the comments that you left last week! I'm glad that it is being enjoyed even if the characters are scetchy. Remember, Belle always said her life got better after Rumple, so we're not really supposed to like this time in her life. Peace and Happy Reading!


	18. Letters, Initiations, and Nothing At All

There was a time, before she'd met the man, that Gaston could come to the castle and she'd never have even known that he was there, now that they were betrothed and he was determined to "win her over" that didn't seem to be a possibility anymore. He found her every time that he arrived now no matter where she tried to escape to. The library, the family room, even to her displeasure her bedroom; it was like a terrible game of Hide and Seek she could never get out of!

He was on a mission, constantly trying to talk with her, to convince her to do things with him, to get to know him. Over and over she'd rejected him and over and over he came back for more until she came to the conclusion that he wasn't just hunting her anymore, he was trying to wear her down. He was trying to ask her so many times so that she would eventually have to say yes just to make it stop!

"I'd be honored if you were able to join me at my father's estate to watch the hunt we have planned." "Perhaps the two of us could go on a walk in the gardens so you could paint me a picture to hang in my mother's private parlor." "You are always reading, you know that real life can be just as interesting as a book, I'd be happy to accompany you on a real adventure or teach you use a bow and arrow if you ever have the urge."

She was strong, each time she merely squared her jaw and rejected him. No, she didn't want to walk in the gardens and she wouldn't paint him a picture if he was the last man in the realm. She had no need to ever use a bow and arrow and even if she did she was certain she could find a book to teach her. Why did she need to go to his fathers estate to see him in action, how quickly had he forgotten she'd already seen him hunt!

She was clever with her words and sour with her tone, but Gaston was relentless and their cold war seemed to drag on and on. Time after time, month after month, sometimes day after day the requests came in! When he saw her in the castle, when she ran into his father on her way to her father's study, sometimes she even received the messages at breakfast when he was away, making her face fall when she realized what the paper she was offered wasn't.

It wasn't Samuel. It wasn't the person she longed to hear from most, especially these last few weeks.

They'd done well, better than when they were children and decided to write between visits, which was far better than she ever expected him to do. Maybe that was the problem, he'd done too well and set her expectations too high. At first he'd written once a month and she'd been relived every time she heard from him. But then he'd missed a month and she'd sat around every day wondering what was going on, where his letter was, asking her mother and father if they'd heard anything about Samuel, if they knew anything about where he was or what he was doing. They didn't. Her father merely responded that the war was complicated. They'd won a few battles, here and there, but it seemed like every time they won one they lost two more. The ogres were gaining ground and she quickly learned that it wasn't safe to ask her father about it because it was a sure way to aggravate him and with all the stress he seemed to carry around these days the last thing she wanted to do was make it worse. So she asked her mother instead and she simply told her that he was probably too tired, that as the troops trained it was a grueling schedule and when he finally had an hour or so he was too tired to sit down and write her something. She shouldn't worry.

The next month it appeared that her mother's advice was right when a courier finally arrived at breakfast with dozens of reports for her father, one for her from Gaston, and a letter from Samuel.

_"I'm sorry to worry you. Things have gotten busier here since I last wrote to you. We march day in and day out. When we aren't marching we're training. We're learning formations and battle procedures, plans for attack. You know, there was a time that I believed all this was stupid, a silly waste of time but that was when I thought for sure I was going to be home by now, right back by your side having lunch in the courtyard while my father talked about politics. Now I wonder if I should have spent more time with him talking about politics._

_"We passed through a village yesterday, one that had been decimated only weeks ago by the ogres. Belle…the smell of roasted chicken and smoked boar was still in the air. Smoke still rose from a few of the houses and beside one house I found a small doll made out of straw. I asked where the survivors were, hoping maybe I could give the little girl back something she'd lost, but the Commander told me there were no survivors._ _They aren't telling the men. I think the only reason he told me was because of who my father was._

_"I know we used to joke, long ago when we were children about how life would be different if we weren't born into our lives but…Belle for the first time ever I truly wished that I wasn't different than the others, that they would have just told me the survivors were somewhere safe like they did with the other men. Knowing all this, seeing what I'm seeing…I won't be home in a few months Belle. Sometimes I think I won't even be home in a few years. Other times I wonder why I should bother. What will be waiting for me when I get out?_

_"I am sorry it took me so long to write to you. I know you worried. I don't want you to worry again so know that I really am fine. I'm doing everything that I can possibly do to stay safe. I am about to head north with the rest of the troop to assist near the Springs Mountains. I don't know how much time I'll have to write, but the first moment I can I'll send you word letting you know I'm alright. Please don't worry. Always your friend, Samuel."_

He'd told her not to worry. But she worried. How could she not after a letter like that? To begin with the writing was all wrong. It seemed silly to panic over something like that but the letters he'd originally sent had been well crafted befitting of his education and this was sloppy. It was choppy. And then there was the fact that it was downright miserable and she couldn't be sure where her friend was in all of it anymore. The first letters he'd sent her she felt like she could see him, his smile, the twinkle in his eyes, even hear his laugh and the tones of his voice as he joked with her. Letters or not his personality had been all over it and yet in this...there was nothing of her friend here. She wasn't even sure that there was a soldier there. It was all gloom and doom and...how was she not supposed to worry?! For that matter, how was she supposed to not worry as the months dragged on and she heard nothing from him?! She knew he'd said that he'd have little time to write but...not once in four months? He hadn't found fifteen minutes just to scribble out that he was fine? How could she not worry?

"It's been four months since I heard anything from him," she explained to her mother as she paced back and forth in her room.

"He's busy my girl, he says so right here. Really now, you are reading too much into this."

She'd never shown Samuel's letters to anyone before, but her mother had been concerned and when she came to speak with her about it she'd finally pushed the final note into her palms and let her see what had her so bothered. "But the other things he's saying…he doesn't sound like himself, he sounds like-"

"A soldier off fighting a dreadful war," her mother insisted. She stopped in her tracks and looked at her. "A dreadful war". She'd heard a lot about the war since it began years ago, ever since she'd rescued that baby ogre, but from where she was standing, from her window where she could still see out into the village below, where she could still see children playing and families going about their business as if nothing was happening made this war sometimes seem like a dream. Everyone said that it was terrible, she wanted to see it for herself. She wanted to understand what Samuel was going through. She wanted to know he was alright.

"Let me go see him," she begged sitting down next to her mother. "Please, just once! The letter says he's in the Springs Mountains, it's only a days journey, let me see that he's fine for myself so I can sleep at night."

"Oh my girl," her mother sighed reaching out a hand to stroke her hair. Finally she gave a gentle tug at her head, kissed her forehead, and laid her head against her shoulder. "I know it's difficult. It's difficult for all of us. Samuel has his lessons about the world to learn…and you have your own. I can't let you go out to him on your own."

She sniffled at the news that wasn't exactly unexpected. Part of her had known the moment that she asked the question her mother would tell her she couldn't go. But that didn't mean she was prepared to give up so easily. "What if Papa went with me?"

"He can't, my dear," he sighed as she held her to her side and began rocking her back and forth. "Me, your father…you! We are at war. And there are many different elements to a war, it's not all fought on battlefields. The three of us are needed here right now, this is where we do the most good for our country and out there…that is where Samuel will do his good."

She let her mother rock her back and forth and tried to find the same comfort in it she once had in it as a child but Samuel's words just made it impossible. "He doesn't sound 'good'," she commented sadly.

"None of them are my girl," her mother muttered. "But he will find comfort with his friends, with the other soldiers just as he should. War changes men, Belle. It changes all of us but soldiers more than anybody. He doesn't sound like himself because he's not the boy you once knew, he will return different, everyone does and in Samuel's case I think you'll find the change will be good."

She nodded and wanted so hard to believe that. But she just didn't know if she did. Especially when two more months went by before any news came to her…and it wasn't the kind of news that she'd expected.

"Your majesty," the courier stooped by her at breakfast and she timidly pulled two envelops sealed in wax off of the tray he presented them on. She recognized both. The first came from Gaston, she put it aside and decided not to read it. It was probably some invitation or other that she was only going to turn down by not answering at all. The second item she recognized too well. It was her own letter. Samuel might have stopped writing her but she never had. She wrote him faithfully every month and felt some kind of joy in sending them to him, in picturing him flopping down in a meadow somewhere during a break or lunch as he opened it up and read it and knew that even if he was busy she was still thinking about him. But...she'd sent this letter to him weeks ago, so why was it back here?

"The young man you told me to deliver it to," the courier muttered, "I'm sorry, I was unable to locate him."

"Unable to locate him?" she repeated looking it over. "Does that mean he was moved or it was crowded or…"

"It means I couldn't locate him, your majesty. I tried for days with no luck. I am sorry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not done with Samuel! I know it seems like we are and trust me we are getting there, but for now I'm really just using him to show the devastation of the war and also kind of set Samuel's death/escape up. It's one of those things where when it happens (because remember we're not supposed to know what happens in MK&U yet) I want it to really seem like he's died, but I also want that bread crumb trail to be laid so when everything is revealed in MK&U (not that we have any idea what I'm talking about right now because it hasn't happened) it makes sense. I know this chapter is short, I know some may call it filler but I don't. I think this is a very important chapter in the war and in Belle's development, if only because it also shows how attached she's becoming to Samuel even when he is away. I spent some time serving near Fort Hood for a year and this behavior she's exhibiting is taken from wives that I've seen of those that are deployed.
> 
> Thank you, thank you, thank you Deweymay for your continued comments on the last chapter. I love your thoughts, the good the bad and the ugly! I'm glad to know that you are enjoying it on the whole! Peace and Happy Reading!


	19. A Mother's Plea

"Please let me go to him!" she begged her mother after breakfast. Her heart was pounding and her chest was heaving in sharp and yet shallow against her bodice which surely wasn't this tight only hours ago when it had been tied! She felt like she couldn't catch her breath! And her tears probably didn't help either. And how could they. Samuel's letters had always reached him in the past! At least she assumed they had because they'd never come back to her before like this but...now that they had she had to go. She had to find Samuel. She had to leave and do something! Anything!

"No, Belle," her mother only answered sadly. "I'm sorry, I can't let you go to him, we don't even know where he is!" No. She wasn't giving up that easily. She couldn't.

"I know but if I go to the camp, if I could ask around then I might be able to figure out where he is on my own!" It was far-fetched, deep down she knew it was but at least it was something!

But her mother only shook her head. "There are other ways to do that, my girl. I will personally send an inquiry to his father. If he was in the Springs Mountains it's likely he was moved. Those mountains have seen a lot of activity over the last few months and I'm sure if it was too dangerous his father would have removed him."

Her heart stopped for a moment. Yes. Yes, that certainly seemed logical. He was the son of nobility, his father wanted him with the troops to inspire them not to be killed! If there was a lot of fighting he would move him...wouldn't he? "You think so?" she asked timidly. It had to be true. She didn't want to think about what it was if it wasn't true.

"I do, my girl," her mother smiled gently. "I believe it with all my heart. And I'll ask your father to also send an inquiry to the commander of his platoon immediately. I'm sure Samuel is just fine. We'll locate him, my darling, I promise we will."

She was so grateful she fell into her mother's arms and cried on her shoulder. It was useless to resist that urge. Her body had felt so tense since breakfast she was sure that something as simple as a feather would have snapped her in two. Now she was just glad that her mother understood how important this was. She was glad that she understood that even though she knew that she and Samuel couldn't be together when they got back she couldn't forget about him and had to know. This was war. Her battles might not have been physical, but they cut just as deep and her mother understood the damage and trauma of that was simply too much for her to handle. War changed everything and if she was ever going to rest she needed to understand what had happened to her friend. She could worry about what came next after they found him safe and sound.

And so, the moment she'd dried her tears and washed her face clean, she and her mother had gone straight to her father. She knew they'd had their differences in the last few years, but it helped their relationship the moment she watched as her father personally drafted letters of inquiry and called forth the best couriers he had at his disposal to deliver them. "We'll find him, my girl. All will be well, you'll see. Soon we'll have word and it will all be better," her father whispered before wrapping his own arms around her and her mother. It was comforting and warm and so nice that for one brief moment she felt every ounce of stress leave her body. Soon.

But soon didn't come. Time seemed to drag on as she waited for her news. Every day for the next few months she asked her mother if there was any news, from Samuel's father or from the inquiries. There was no answer. At least none that was sufficient for her. It was war, her mother gracefully reminded her each and every time. Papers got lost, letters were delayed, couriers were killed...still, she never forgot to ask. Not once. And she knew that it was impossible for her not to be on her mother's nerves but not once did she ever show any irritation with her. She simply told her there was nothing today and she'd let her know when she knew something.

Until she didn't. Until one afternoon her mother walked into her room. Her nurse had gone to fetch her some tea because she'd touched her and said her hands were like ice. "I've always found brushing my hair to be one of the greatest comforts in the world," she smiled at her daughter. Belle glanced into the mirror in front of her. Yes. She was sitting at her vanity. Yes. The brush was in her hand, at the tip of her brown lock. And yes, it was sleek and straight and shiny as though she'd been brushing it...had she? She honestly hadn't noticed. "Even more comforting is to have someone else brush it," her mother commented before coming over and plucking the brush from her hand and setting to work. Not that it needed it, she'd apparently done a sufficient job without trying to hard if her reflection told her anything.

"Is there any news today, Mama," she asked timidly. Some days, like today, she wasn't entirely sure she wanted an answer because with every passing day she was beginning to fear what that answer might be. Which was worse? The torture of unending unknowing? Or the despair of certain sadness? She didn't know. Most days she didn't want to know, but then once she'd caught herself thinking the terrible thought that she wished someone would just tell her the terrible news and get it over with. It was perplexing. And yet...

"Not today, my darling," her mother informed her calmly. So it would be unending unknowing then. Yes, it was better that way. Better than knowing, better than thinking, better than hearing-

"You need to do something," her mother whispered suddenly.

For a moment she felt her heart beat. "Do something"? Like...like the heroes in her stories? Yes! They wouldn't sit here day in and day out just waiting they would go themselves! They would leave this place immediately and search no matter what the cost, no matter what the journey until they had their answer good or bad! Was it possible? Was her mother actually suggesting...

"What do you mean?" she asked hopefully as she looked at her reflection in the mirror.

"Oh, my girl," she sighed before putting her brush down and kneeling by her side. "It has been more than a year since Samuel went to war...and yet you still sit here day after day as though you are a widow in mourning. Your father is worried, _I_ am worried about you my girl."

She only shook her head. "It's war. Even you said that things are different during war-"

"But you don't have to be my love! I know you are waiting on news but I worry you will waste away if you continue to spend your time in solitude here doing nothing but worrying for one boy! You've done nothing since he's gone and I fear...I fear my bright little girl has lost her fire for life! It is not the life that I want for you and I'm certain that it's not the life Samuel would want for you as well."

She knew what her mother was saying. She knew she was right. The truth was that she'd felt a change in herself over the last few months as she'd worried and waited endlessly for news that had yet to come. The biggest sign of regret faced her every night as she went to blow out the candle on her bedside table. _La Belle Et La Bete._ She'd read it three times since her mother gave it to her, she knew that it should only take her a few days to get through it. But her bookmark had remained in it's same place for months because she'd felt too tired to pick it up and read. It was suddenly too heavy. And the idea of completing a paragraph, much less a single page, seemed like too daunting a task to begin.

But how was she supposed to do anything?! How was she supposed to live a normal life knowing that Samuel was out there somewhere! How was she supposed to pretend that things were fine and forget when she'd always wonder if he was cold, or hurt, or even-

"What do you think I should do?" she asked of her mother before she allowed herself to finish that thought. Samuel was fine. She had no reason to think that he wasn't. He'd probably just been moved and hadn't found the time to write to her yet to let her know! Or paper was in short supply wherever he was! Or the courier carrying the news that he was alive and healthy and his new location had gotten lost, or killed, or captured or...there were a million "or's" to consider! It was war after all!

Slowly her mother rose from her place at her knees and went to her bed. There was a small box sitting on it that she hadn't noticed before, though she recognized it as her mothers. Had she brought it in with her? She hadn't noticed. Not until now, not until her mother carefully set the small box before her on the vanity. With an encouraging nod she opened the box and found…

Paper? Envelopes? Wax seals? A few opened, most untouched...and addressed to her...LeGume...

Gaston's invitations.

Every single one that he'd sent to her in the last year, opened and unopened, her mother had kept them all?!

"I don't understand-"

"He's made several fine offers to you my dear," her mother insisted. She was speechless as she looked through the ones with their seals opened and realized she hadn't read half as many that were open. Her mother had read them? Had been collecting them?!

"I'm afraid, my beautiful girl, that your father and I made a mistake," her mother finally admitted kneeling by her side once again and reaching out to hold her hands. "We assumed that because we've been so happy you would be as well without ever stopping to think…you are a wonderful and beautiful young lady. And you are your own person, a person your father and I couldn't be prouder of, and just because something works for us that doesn't mean-"

"Are you saying that I don't have to marry him?!" she asked with bated breath, hoping that was what this speech was leading up to. Her heart stopped as she allowed herself to feel excited for once to feel like finally she'd be freed from this nightmare and-

"No, " her mother answered sadly. "No, my dear I'm saying…sometimes we have to work to create our own happy endings. Yours is clearly not the same one that your father and I had, but that is no reason not to try for it, to work hard to get to it!"

She felt her face fall at the news. She was still going to have to marry him. That was the conclusion. But…she'd already known that! So why all go through all of this just to remind her of it?! What was her mother trying to show her? Why was she making her feel worse?!

"So why-"

"Accept one of his offers, my Belle," her mother suggested. Five words. Five simple little words that sent her life spiraling down a hole deeper than she was already stuck in. Accept one of his offers? Accept it?! No! No she didn't want to!

"NO!" she croaked. Tears gathered in her eyes as she pushed herself up and walked to her window as she tried to contain the spark of a beast she hadn't felt since she was a girl and had a tantrum because she hadn't wanted to learn how to dance. "You can't make me!"

"Belle…" her mother's tone was frustrated, clearly. Actually, it was exactly the same as it had been that day she'd been told that whether or not she wanted to she had to learn to dance...but she wasn't a child anymore! Scalding wouldn't get her to give in!

"I won't do it!"

"My girl, talk to me!" her mother demanded suddenly. "Tell me why you refuse to do this, why you won't help yourself?!"

"Help myself?!" she shouted spinning around finding that suggestion completely ridiculous. "Why should I have to? Gaston wasn't my idea! And I know that you believe that love can grow from nothing but Mama, nothing can grow from nothing! Even the smallest of flowers needs a seed to be planted!"

"So why are you refusing to plant it?!" she asked.

"Because the seed doesn't exist! There's nothing there! Everything he touches is poison!"

"And how do you know that?!"

"What?"

Her mother took a deep breath and looked at her sympathetically before taking a step closer to her. "How do you know the seed isn't there? What is the longest time that you've ever spent with him? Just the two of you?"

She opened her mouth…but closed it again quickly. Just the two of them? Not a lot. At least not a lot since the ogre incident. She'd spent hours in the same room with him but Samuel or her parents or his parents, someone had always been there. Time alone with him, where she'd been talking and he'd been talking…maybe a few minutes. Maybe. However long it took to tell him to stay away from her and stop following her around.

But that didn't matter. All she needed was a few minutes to know that she didn't need to spend more time with him. He was an awful man, she'd seen his eyes and therefore into his soul. He was evil. There was no seed. And she was determined there never would be.

But her mother went over to the box that she'd left by her brush and picked up the top envelope. She handed it to her with a sigh. "He's asking you to his father's estate for an afternoon ride. What is the harm in going and trying to find something in common?! You like horses, before the war you used to love riding, and I understand he is an accomplished equestrian as well."

And she was sure that Gaston had told her that himself! That was part of the problem. "We have nothing to say to each other, not after the ogre-"

"Times change Belle!" she stressed. "It's been years. Are you the same person you were then?"

Was she? No. How could she be? She'd seen war and read more books and matured. But she still felt her soul was unchanged. That she was the same good person she'd tried to be then Could she honestly say the same thing about Gaston.

"My darling…some things you have to work for. Despite your past differences Gaston had decided to push it all aside and try to do that with you. And I raised you to be a woman that didn't run from challenge but embraced it. I had hoped that this wasn't going to be one of them and if I could have one wish granted it would be that you didn't have to work for this, that it could be everything you dreamed of and everything your father and I have but...you do have to work for it. You need to understand that Gaston will be your reality one day. And it's not done for you or for me, or for your father...it is for them, my girl!"

Her mother put hand against her cheek and turned it so she could look out her window. At first she was confused. Her marriage was for the mountains? The valley? The grass? But then she heard it. The soft murmuring...servants talking in the courtyard. And laughter...children playing in the streets. And there, in the fields...woman working to bring in the harvest. She understood what her mother was trying to show her. This marriage wasn't to punish her...it was for them, the people. Her people. She'd already admitted it, she already understood and could see why Gaston was the favorable choice not for her but for them. Her singular sacrifice was meant to give peace and joy to thousands of her people...she just wished that it was some other girl, some other princess that had to make it.

"I know it is difficult and endlessly unfair. If I could I would liberate you from your fate my love but...I can't free you from the responsibilities given to you at your birth. And it would be a lot more…pleasant for you, if you worked hard to find something in common with him now rather than after you are married my love, trust me. Accept this offer my girl, please, for me. Give me the peace of mind to know that you are going to be alright; that one day I can leave you and know that you have a happiness of your own instead of a life of misery. Please Belle…your smile was once my favorite part of every day! Now I fear I'll never see it again. I need to know that you still have that smile somewhere. I can't bear the idea of you in this room alone, waiting for a single word to decide your fate much longer."

Her mother was smart. She knew exactly which heartstrings to pull on, which emotions to show. They weren't a normal family. She'd known that since she was little, but at times like this she could see why her mother had sheltered her the way she did and the success of it. Parents that loved their children worried about them. And perhaps she had been alone in this room for too long, perhaps she had let herself act like…what was it…a widow for too long.

She didn't want to go anywhere with Gaston, to spend any kind of time with him. But perhaps if it would take her mind off of Samuel for a bit, if it would show her mother that she was trying, if she actually could show herself that she was making strides forward instead of waiting around just to tell Samuel that she couldn't see him again…maybe Gaston could serve a purpose in some way.

Slowly, she reached out her shaking hand, and took the request.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been so excited to share this chapter and the next with everyone! Why you may ask? Because these are the chapters that really show what you've all seen coming for chapters now. Colette isn't blind. She does see that what she hoped would happen, hasn't. She knows that it's unfair, she knows it's not ideal...but she also knows that she can't stop it. I know some think that she's cold and calculating, I kind of feel sorry for her. She has to walk an incredibly difficult and, I imagine, painful road here because she knows that she is essentially sacrificing her daughters happiness for the good of the Kingdom (which I believe, based on 4x06, is in character for her). Arranged marriages among Kings and Queens and Princesses and Princes during the time that Once tries to echo here were rarely for love. They were political. They were for the people. Sometimes in good ways, sometimes in bad ways. But there was always a greater purpose they strove to achieve and unfortunately Belle finds herself in the middle of that kind of marriage now. The people won't ever know that Gaston is an idiot, all they see is his accomplishments, his looks, the well rehearsed demeanor he presents to the crowd. He's what they would expect of a King. He's not what Belle expects of a husband. Colette does know that and she does feel and worry for her daughter, but she knows that she's got thousands of other people counting on her now and in the future. Thousands call her Queen, one person calls her mother, and as a Queen she knows this is the right choice to make though as a mother...I do believe it is tearing her up inside. It really is, in my opinion, a terrible position to be in.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	20. Nothing Ventured Nothing Gained

Two weeks later and there was still no word from anyone on the whereabouts of Samuel. But nevertheless her things were packed for a day at Gaston's estate and she and her mother were in a carriage on their way at first light. It wasn't a difficult journey. His country was close by which was another reason the marriage had appealed to them. Not only could his army be in their country quickly but if he lived close by he could be familiar with politics and traveling between their homes would not be difficult should it be required of the pair of them when their two kingdoms became one.

"Your majesties," Gaston's mother breathed with a toothy smile as she and the staff around her swooped into a curtsy or bow, whichever was appropriate, when they climbed out of the carriage. Well, all except Gaston. He stood beside his mother, back straight, looking as if the idea were beneath him. He didn't actually think it was did he? That just because of something that was coming in the future he was exempt as if the terrible deed was already done?!

"Your majesties we are simply honored with your presence!" his mother went on. "And my dear, you have no idea how excited my son has been. He's been anticipating your arrival for months!"

Of course he had.

"Well, we couldn't be more happy to finally take a break from this dreadful war and spend some time with friends," her mother interjected quickly.

"Oh! Or should we say family?!" Gaston's mother piqued before letting out a feminine giggle...a very feminine giggle. She dropped her jaw and stared at her mother in disbelief at the act, suddenly wanting nothing but to get back in the carriage and go as far away from her as was possible! She'd never taken much of an opportunity to get to know Gaston's family before now, she'd seen them of course, and recognized them by sight but...suddenly she was thinking it was a good thing she'd never gotten to know them.

Her mother, perhaps seeing her uncertainty, reached her arm out and placed it around her waist, tight, as she gave her a small jostle, enough to get her to close her mouth and stop starring. Then she smiled at the woman and offered a nod. "Well, perhaps a tour of your magnificent home is in order before we take our lunch in the gardens!"

"What a splendid idea! Of course your majesty, we'd be honored!" And then the unthinkable happened. Gaston's mother came forward and dragged her mother away from her by the arm. "It's a humble home really, smaller than your own grand palace but we do our best to..." she had no idea what exactly they did their best to do because in the blink of an eye her mother and Gaston's mother were halfway down the path and out of earshot. Which left here there alone...with Gaston.

She glared at him from under her eyelashes, but he merely smiled, stepped forward and offered his arm. The thought of taking it made her sick and her soul rebelled from it's deepest darkest corners...but she'd already vowed that today wasn't about her, or her soul, or even Gaston. It was about her mother and the concern her mother had for her. She wanted her mother to feel happy and at ease, to not feel guilty. So with a shaking hand she reached out and wrapped her hand around the crook in his elbow as she so often had with her father. She liked when she did that with her father, she liked seeing her parents do it! It was always something that made her feel safe and her mother had once suggested that she never felt as though she was being escorted anywhere, that the link between them made them equals. This didn't feel like that.

"I'm glad you decided to come," Gaston muttered the moment they began their slow stroll after their parents. "I promise you won't regret it."

"I didn't do it for you," she inserted forcing him to pick up the pace and catch up to their parents. The less time she had alone with him the better as far as she was concerned. The moment her hand was where it was supposed to be Gaston straightened his back and held his chin up high so that as they walked through the castle after them he literally had to look down his nose to see anyone else! It drove her crazy.

She felt like a trophy.

A trophy that he clearly didn't need because he had more than enough of them. They adorned every room, every hallway. Metals, trophies, gifts and rewards of honor and valor, inscriptions made out to him! All for nothing. His mother was proud, clearly. Gaston was…arrogant. Each one had a story to it that he had to stop and describe in detail but none of the stories were worth their weight in gold. Jousting competitions, hunting, swordsmanship, even awards for equestrian matches…none of this mattered to her! Not a single bit of it. They were great things. But they were planned. Using a sword in a competition was nothing like using it to fight in a war and she was insulted that he felt those awards were worth more than the scars their troops would come home with…if they came home at all.

Samuel...

They ate lunch under a small covering in the gardens, just as promised. Gaston continued to talk. Not about the flowers or the weather or even the war, any of those topics would have been just fine…but instead he continued to go on and on about his competitions. He was charming of course, the way he told stories and chose his words was careful and clever, her mother appeared enthralled in his tales. She probably thought he was a wonderful young man, easy enough considering she hadn't seen the way he'd gone after a helpless young ogre. Everyone seemed to worship the ground Gaston walked on. Everyone but her. But of course his mother was no help at all, smiling the way she did and doting upon the boy. With her, no sooner had one tale ended and another began with a simple "Oh, Gaston dear, tell them about..." she was beginning to think that there weren't enough minutes in a day for him to have time to describe all his accomplishments to them when her mother finally interrupted.

"Well, you are certainly very skilled at fighting. But what do you do when you are not competing or assisting your father? Do you read?"

He offered her a handsome wide smile and for the first time since she'd known him he looked almost coy or shy. "Yes of course I do. The books I prefer to read are about political strategy and war tactics, only when I'm not competing or studying by my father's side, of course. But I'm afraid that with this awful war I haven't had time to read much. In order to be on top of this, one must be diligent. Don't you agree?"

Gaston's mother smiled her toothy grin with pride shinning in her eyes, clearly satisfied with his answer. Her own mother on the other hand…she tried to cast her a sideways glance, to question again why she had to do this and how this was at all better than spending time in her room waiting for information on Samuel or for that matter being tortured like a prisoner of war! But her mother was graceful as ever and showed not a hint of disappointment that she felt.

"Diligence can be a wonderful physical trait of good character in a young man," she answered instead. "But of course, you should try to make sure that you don't neglect or deride the mental traits of good character as well. Words can be just as sharp and harmful as any sword or arrow and I for one would expect a future king to be an expert in sharpening his quill just as he does his sword."

There was silence at the table and she looked down into her lap to hide the fact that she was biting her lip to keep herself from laughing out loud. Her mother had just insulted Gaston and his upbringing. Of course she'd done it politely in a very round about way and anyone who barely knew her probably wouldn't catch onto her tone but...the look on Gaston's face as he realized what she'd just said, the stunning expression that followed because for once in his life he had no witty or quick come back, it suddenly made this entire venture worth it.

"Yes of course your majesty," Gaston's mother finally agreed with a small uncomfortable laugh. She was agreeing, but she had a feeling that not even she had caught the full extend of what she'd just said. "What lovely advice! Isn't it, Gaston?"

"Yes of course your majesty," he copied quickly. "Wonderful advice that I will be sure to carefully consider. I do believe I'll be stopping by our library before bed to pick up a new book for myself. And now, your majesty, if I may…I believe that I promised your daughter a trip to the stables and a ride on our best mare! I know she may not be the steed you are accustomed to but there is nothing to fear, she is gentle, you have my word."

"That's my Gaston! Always so considerate!"

Considerate? A mare? Gentle? Was this all a joke? Some way to inform her that she couldn't shouldn't ride a steed because she was a woman? She rode steeds all the time at home, her own horse was a steed! No, of course he'd barely ever seen her on one but if it was the cast that he truly believed that she couldn't ride it then she'd have to insist-

"That sounds like a wonderful idea!" her mother answered for her. "Belle loves horses and she brought her riding clothes if you wouldn't mind sparing a room and a few servants so she might change."

Her mother was clever. Maybe too clever. She knew that whatever had been about to come out of her mouth would never have been as good as that and so she'd stopped her before she could get into any kind of trouble. And she'd given her another wonderful gift. The gift of a break.

A room had been provided, her trunk packed with her riding clothes delivered, and a handful of servants worked diligently to get her dressed. Diligently, yes, but it was still time away from Gaston to cool her head so that by the time she met him outside she had convinced herself once more that she could do this.

"You look lovely as always, of course," he commented when she saw him again, making a knot twist somewhere in her chest. Beautiful. Was that all he was doomed to ever say about her?! And really…it was just riding clothes! Pants, high boots, leather gloves. No one really 'looked lovely' in riding clothes.

"Are you ever going to have anything to say to me that doesn't center around the way I look," she snapped as they walked to the stables.

"Perhaps," he answered without missing a beat. "But alas, every time I try to get to know you for more than your looks you push me away. I hope that today might change that."

She ignored his comment and let him lead her to the stables, where a mare was presented to her already tacked and ready to ride. That was fortunate, because she was ready to ride and just enjoy the sound of her own thoughts, the tick of the clock, and the pound of the hooves as Gaston led them out across the meadow. He wanted to talk of course, but she had no interest, especially not when there was nothing but wide open country like she'd never seen for miles around. Her palace was so confined by mountains and the village that all she wanted to do was open the horse up and let it gallop. Which was lovely for her because naturally it gave Gaston the opportunity to show off and as much as she detested it she was happy that showing off didn't involve talking.

"Well, this has been a wonderful afternoon. Of course I'd have preferred perhaps a bit more talking...but now I know something new about you. Your talents are not just limited to books, you are a fine equestrian yourself. A find match for me."

"Yes, well...I'm glad you enjoyed our time," she managed as she turned her horse over to a stable hand. A match. She hated the thought of that. They were no match for each other. Not in any way shape or-

"I have a proposal for you that I think-whoa now! Are you alright?!"

His hand was on her arm painfully tight as she realized her heart had nearly stopped and stars had flashed before her eyes! She'd nearly fainted at his words. A proposal? Now? No! Not again, not now! He couldn't! There was a formality to this, traditions to uphold, she was supposed to have time! Certainly she had time!

"A proposal! I don't think-"

"It's just something simple," he went on after a moment. "Just an excuse for us to spend a bit more time together. I have to make a trip in a month to the Springs Mountains. It's at the request of my father, there has been some heavy fighting up that way and reports have been spotty at best the last few months. I know it's a long ride from your home but certainly not worth more than a day trip and I wondered if perhaps you cared to accompany me along the journey. You'll be quite safe by my side I assure you and...I know that you don't like me, but I want to change your mind Belle. If you'll give me the opportunity..."

She didn't here the rest of his words. They didn't matter, nothing else mattered except the location. Springs Mountain. He was going to the Springs Mountain! The last place that she'd known Samuel had been?! He was asking her to go with him. That was worth the trip up and back with Gaston to look into.

"Yes," she inserted quickly. Whatever he'd been saying he stopped for a moment and looked down at her genuinely surprised.

"Really?"

"Yes," she insisted again before she could think about what she was doing. "I'll go with you to the Springs Mountains to see the troops, but only to see the troops. It's not for you," she clarified before wandering off to find her mother.

At least something good had come out of all this. She was going to find Samuel!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say what you want about Colette...but did she not have the most epic mic drop comment in this chapter?! Every time I read that line I smile a little and wonder where that comment came from because it's perfect! At least in my opinion! And so we've finally met Gaston's mother. I told you he would clearly be the product of his parents. In my mind I see his father teaching bad lessons and habits and his mother reinforcing them. I hope I did a decent job with her character, we only really meet her here, probably because in my head she was so annoying I frankly didn't want to write her that much.
> 
> Thank you Deweymay for your continued comments and support, I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter and I hope that you'll like this one as well! Peace and Happy Reading!


	21. Unforgettable Sights

A month later Gaston arrived at her father's palace. It had been a long month. Of course her mother had seen through her sudden interest to accompany Gaston anywhere and realized quickly enough what she'd done. She tried to deny the offer, to withhold permission, but in the end a simple trip to her father had sorted all that out. Her father thought the world of Gaston. That conversation seemed to have proved that easily enough. She hadn't really known they knew much about each other until they'd had that talk but it was clear that he trusted she'd be safe by his side and approved of the trip so long as her nurse accompanied the two of them, since her mother refused in an effort to stop it.

Their palace was closer to the Springs Mountains than Gaston's estate and so her father offered to house him the night before they departed and the night they were to return. Though the night that he'd stayed in their private wing she'd kept a chair wedged by her door. In her mind he'd already broken rules to come into places he shouldn't be to speak with her, the last thing she wanted was for him to barge into her room in the middle of the night to try and have another conversation without realizing how inappropriate he was. Besides, just that the thought of him so close by as she slept made her skin crawl. But despite that, early the next morning she was up, wide eyed, and finally ready to get the answers her parents seemed unable to get for her.

"Be careful!" her mother hissed in her ear before she left.

"I will," she promised.

"Stay close to Gaston and Lydia, and if anything should happen find a horse and flee as fast as you can!"

"Nothing is going to happen Mama…I'm going to be fine! I'm with the jousting champion of the world remember?"

"This isn't a joke," she snapped starring into her eyes. "You are going into an active war zone, anything could happen at any minute, and if I don't get you back, I…I love you. You are my world, the center of everything and you have been for your father and I ever since the day you were born. If you don't come back to us-"

She reached forward and hugged her mother tight around her waist, letting her stroke her hair and hold her close so she wouldn't see tears gathering in her eyes. Their relationship had been strained over the last couple of years, ever since she'd let that ogre go and agreed to one day marry Gaston before all this had started and she knew that her little trick to get into the Springs Mountains these last few weeks hadn't helped it. But it was still nice to know that no matter the tension her mother did love her dearly. And that made it easy to believe her when she promised that she'd never intended for her to be unhappy alongside Gaston for the rest of her life. She didn't like what her parents had done to arrange this marriage. But she believed that they had done it with her best intentions as well as the Kingdoms best interests at heart. She only wished now there was a way around it.

She pulled away and smiled when her mother kissed her forehead. "We'll be back in time for dinner," she assured her before her father hugged her and then offered his hand to help her climb into the carriage.

"My darling!" her mother suddenly yelled out before the footman could close the door. "I nearly forgot…for your trip!" she handed her a basket covered with a blanket before she finally stepped back, the door closed, and the carriage was set into motion. She waved at them out the window until they were beyond the gates and then lifted the blanket and smiled. A new book was waiting for her with a note in her mother's handwriting settled over the top. _"For when the conversation is too much...or too little."_

It was too much. From the very beginning it was too much, but the book her mother gave her was a lifesaver. When Gaston began to badger her she politely remarked that she had reading her tutor had assigned her and dove into an epic tale of a soldier that struck out on his own in a corrupt Kingdom to help the ordinary citizens who wanted to rise up against the-

"Oh my!" her nurse gasped hours later, making her head pop out of her book and look over at her. The window. She was looking out the window at…

Nothing.

A lack of something. Destruction. Chaos. It was just like the scene one of Samuel's letters described. A town. Clearly this had once been a town, there were foundations and ruins as far as the eye could see. If she didn't know any better she would have thought that they'd just stumbled onto an abandoned town. But the roads were clear and freshly trodden, the trees were properly cleared away, and from the ashes of the "ruins" she saw smoke was rising up. This wasn't ancient. This had just happened. Her mother had told her it was an active war zone but...this active? They wouldn't let her come to something like this!

"This can't be right," she muttered looking out the window in shock. "Where have you taken us Phillipe?" she questioned out the window as the carriage rolled to a stop.

"We're going in the right direction, your majesty," he explained. "This is the village of Tres Blanc. Or at least it was…"

Her mouth was dry as Gaston stopped to confirm with him when he'd last been by this village. It had been a while, but last Phillipe was here, a few months ago, it was still standing. She gazed on in horror as they continued on to the military base, only a few more miles from this place according to him. Of course Lydia and Phillipe had wanted to turn around right then with her. "You're the princess you shouldn't be out here!" Gaston urged them not to. He promised that if it started to look more dangerous he'd turn around, but they had a job to do. They'd come up here to investigate why reports had all but stopped, why they hadn't heard of the destruction of an entire town in the first place. This only proved they needed to accomplish their goals.

She agreed with him. It shocked Phillipe as well as Lydia but she didn't want to turn around, she couldn't! What had happened here was worrisome if the base was only close by...she had to find Samuel. Or at least know where he'd gone! She couldn't live with the thought that he'd been caught up in all of this, she had to know he was somewhere safe! At her insistence they continued on "with caution" as Phillipe stated. The base wasn't far beyond that village. She'd spent months dreaming about what it would be like to finally be able to see it, to be there and see Samuel again. But...

Nothing she'd ever concocted in her worst nightmares looked like this!

The horses panicked, she heard Phillipe do the same, insist he was taking her back before they even stepped out of the carriage. Gaston made matters worse. Despite Phillipe he pushed through the door and then immediately told her to stay where she was, not to get out of the carriage. She knew it was foolish. Even if the order had come from Gaston, she knew that because of where they were if he told her to do something like stay in the carriage and go home she probably should. But Samuel's face flashed before her eyes and she couldn't help herself. She stormed out of the carriage, Lydia attempting to grab her the entire way...and immediately wished she'd listened.

There were bodies rotting away in trees. Dead horses gathered in heaps by hitching posts. The smell was unbearable. Ash and fire and stench from rotting flesh. Her stomach turned and for a moment she thought she was going to be sick before she made contact with a pair of eyes. They moved. They blinked. But there was very little life within them.

Not all the men were dead. There were soldiers milling about, looking lost and frightened. They were dirty, filthy, walking around without shoes or shirts or even pants huddled around small fires, trying to keep warm in the cold altitude. Some of them wrapped what appeared to be the remains of their tents around their shoulders. They were coughing. They had rashes on their skin, their lips were blue and peeling off in flakes but didn't appear to bleed. And their eyes…their eyes were what continued to strike her the most. They were cold. Soulless. They looked at her not like a stranger in their midst but as a ghost, as if she was nothing of substance or might be a vision or a memory of some kind. She didn't want to, but she gazed into their faces, each and every one looking, searching for the one that mattered to her than the others.

Where was Samuel?

"What happened here?" Gaston announced stepping around her. "You! Soldier! Where is your commander?!" he demanded roughly of one man walking around aimlessly. The man glanced up into his face and opened his mouth but no sound came out. He continued to look dazed and shocked at someone, anyone, talking to him. "You're commander!" Gaston went on, putting his hands on the man. "Where is he?!" he screamed as the man jumped away as if he'd been burned, falling to the ground, and curling into a ball with his hands over his head. The angle. The way he positioned his hands over his head it was all wrong for Gaston…but just right for something bigger.

"Gaston please!" she plead rushing forward and falling to the ground next to the soldier. She put her hands on him and he winced, pulling out of her grasp. "These men need help not an interrogation!"

"We're at war, Belle! This isn't a time to be gentle or to coddle them. They're soldiers and I need to know where their commander is! You shouldn't see this! You need to be in the carriage!"

She hurried off the ground the moment he began to storm off toward another crowd of them. "No!" she shouted standing in front of him. "Just…just let me try," she begged. "Please, let me talk to them first while you investigate. I'm…I'm sure with all your training you don't need a commander to tell you what happened! I can talk to them and you can figure it out on your own, like any true King…can't you?!"

He was silent for a moment, an unidentifiable look on his face as he stared down at her. Finally, after a few seconds had passed, recognition flashed behind his eyes. "Fine," he agreed pulling his bow and arrow free. "I'm going to scout the terrain, call for me if you learn anything of substance."

She swallowed and let out a sigh of relief as he moved away from her. Gaston taken care of she turned and found a pail and then her nurse. "Fetch some water from the spring? Please?"

"I don't know miss, your mother-"

"Doesn't need to know I was left behind. I promise if I see anything taller than Gaston, I'll run." After a moment her nurse nodded and went to fetch some water. "Phillipe, any rations we have-"

"We don't have nearly enough for the entire group your majesty, but...ordinarily I'd be afraid that a riot would break out, looking at these boys I don't think it's a problem. I'll do what I can."

Food, water, Gaston...finally she turned to the group of eight men she'd seen around the fire and examined them. None were Samuel and none looked like they'd talk to her, much less look at her if she wasn't fire. In fact, most of the men looked to be in such a state of shock she wasn't sure anything would get their attention but…there, by the tree line. There was a tent covering hanging over a couple of tree branches forming a crude but makeshift tent. And someone was watching her from the opening, or at least they had been. The moment that she made eye contact he darted inside. She glanced around her, located her nurse by the spring, Phillipe inside the carriage, and Gaston examining some dirt then made up her mind and tread carefully over to the small tent.

She lowered herself and glanced inside, hoping she'd know the face she saw, only...

It wasn't Samuel. But there was a man there, huddled at the far end, pressing himself against the tree trunk shaking as he attempted to hide his face from her. It was almost childish. She'd seen her baby cousins play games like this with the mentality of "if my eyes are covered I must be invisible". This man wasn't that far gone...was he?

"Hello?" she questioned pulling the flap back and crouching down next to him. He didn't respond and her heart beat nervously as she wondered where to begin, what, if anything would get something out of him? "My…my name is Belle…what's your name?"

It seemed the most logical place to start but...he was shaking. Everywhere he was shaking. His hands, arms, torso, head, even his naked toes! She was about to go find someone else and leave him in peace but he lowered his arm for her a bit and looked her over with one frightened eye. "Hello," she repeated again, hopefully. "My name is Belle and...I promise I'm not here to hurt you, only to help. Can you tell me your name?"

The man's arm slipped a little lower despite the tremors and she watched as he swallowed and then licked his lips. "Co…co…cogsworth."

"Cogsworth?" she questioned. Was it a last name maybe? Did it matter? A name was a name and that was better than nothing. "Alright, Cogsworth then…what do you do here?"

"Die!" he squeaked out before his chest began to rise and fall rapidly, his breathing came in harsh sharp tones and for a moment she wanted to run, but couldn't bring herself to do it.

"I meant before!" she corrected quickly. "Shh, shh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I meant before! What did you do before the war? Did you live in a house? Did you have a family? A mother? A father? A wife? Did you...did you like to read or paint or-"

"Clocks!" the man shouted out again, allowing her to see tears gathering in his eyes.

"Clocks, you...you like clocks?"

Cogsworth nodded. "I made them. Had a small business. My daughter helped..." he burst into tears again and her automatica response, once more was to flee. It felt like it would have been merciful but...when she looked at the destruction around her, the faces of the men wandering aimlessly around the camp...she couldn't. He was talking to her, she had to get him to calm down and keep talking.

"Tell me more about...about clocks," she requested. She'd wanted to ask about his daughter, but she needed him calm and logical, he was already too emotional as it was and she didn't want to upset him by forcing him to think about a daughter or a wife. And asking about clocks...it worked. Timidly at first, he began to tell her about woods and metals he used to make clocks. He talked to her about wheels and cogs and instruments that she didn't know and had never known existed until now and she was surprised to find that the conversation, for however long it went on didn't dull her. It didn't thrill her, but she took interest in watching his body soften, if only slightly and his chest no longer heave. It was working. he was calming down. Not by leaps and bounds but enough that a few moments later she felt confident again.

"Can you tell me what happened here, Cogsworth?"

He didn't panic like he had when she'd met him. But he did nod too vigorously to be comfortable. "War."

That was it. War. She understood that he was terrified but…she needed more than that. How to ask so he wouldn't panic again was the trick? "Well…what kind of war?" she questioned.

"Ogres…attack! Attack, attack, attack! Then dead, so many dead."

"Okay! Okay, okay, easy! Easy," she urged. Her stomach was turning over as she thought of the bodies in the trees, rotting. How long had they been here? Gaston had known about this trip for a month because the camp was doing a poor job at responding. Should they have taken this more seriously and been here sooner? "Do you know when the attack was?"

"Five days…Four sunsets." That made her feel better but it hardly registered. The attack wasn't to blame for the prior communication issues but...

Five days but four sunsets. So that meant… "So you were attacked, by ogres, at night?"

The trembling man finally looked over at her. He nodded his head. "They came at night. In the middle of the night. A moonless night. The darkest part of the darkest night."

"No one could see?"

"Ogres don't need to see," Cogsworth choked out. "They just kill and pillage and plunder and kill and pillage and plunder and kill...and pillage...and...and..."

His chest began to heave suddenly, his knuckles turned white and she watched as his body constricted further into a tighter ball of dirty flesh. She reached out and placed her hand over his own then. It didn't help. He tried to press himself closer to the tree in an effort to get away from the touch. "It's alright," she cooed, using that same voice her mother used to use to sooth her nightmares. If she couldn't use touch maybe she could use words again. "It's alright, they're gone now. You're safe. You can tell me what happened. Alright? Everything is going to be fine, I promise. Do you believe me? " He nodded along with her after a moment and looked her dead in the eye for the first time. It made her shiver. But she pressed on. "Alright so, they came in the middle of the night. Did you fight back?"

Cogsworth nodded. "We fought. We tried. The…shouts from our commanders at the center of camp woke us in the middle of the night. But ogres…they're blind…they're…they're drawn to sound. They went after the commanders first. Throwing, stomping, heaving our highest ranking officers into the air. We drew them out. Made as much noise as we could while they destroyed the campsite and finally got them into the battlefield. But they'd taken most of us out by then. There were only a few dozen of us left by then and in the end…

"They took men. I don't know why. The few of us that survived…we hid in the bodies of the dead, watched as they moved on and took half a dozen of us with them kicking and screaming. I saw a few that got away and ran, the others…their voices…they faded into the mountains…we were left…there was no way to send a message to the general…to anyone. Men were wounded, dying. Now we're starving. Waiting for death…"

There were tears in her eyes as he finished. What would have happened to them if they never came up here? What happened to Samuel?

"Listen…Cogsworth…a few months ago there was a man up here, a friend of mine, his name was Samuel. Did you know him?"

Cogsworth looked as though he was about to burst into tears again, but he nodded and sent her heart skyrocketing. "Samuel with brown hair and green eyes, Samuel the butcher, Samuel that liked to be called Sam, Samuel with a missing finger, Samuel the General's son, Samuel who just wanted his kids to grow up safe, Samuel who deserted-"

"No, that…that's him…the General's son. You knew him?"

Cogsworth nodded. "Had to be careful with him in training. Had to be sure he didn't get hurt, had to make him look good…Sargent's orders."

Yes. That was him. "What happened to him?" she asked with tears in her eyes, unsure she really wanted the answer. "Was he transferred? Did he get moved?"

Cogsworth shook his head. "Maybe...last I knew...last I knew he was in the camp. Housed with the rest of the elite where the first screams came from. I…I saw a Samuel once on the battlefield but not one since then…he must…he must be…so many dead, dead faces!"

"Oh!" she whimpered pulling away from Cogsworth and covering her mouth as she began to finally cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the way that this got drawn out. I really wanted to emphasize Belle's good judgment and instinct here, especially with how she deals with Cogsworth and her instinct to calm him and soothe him before diving into the story that might potentially make things worse. Also, spoiler alert if you haven't read MK&U or Out of the Past, but Samuel is still very much alive and if you read carefully I gave him a lot of points of departure in all of this. In Cogsworths ramblings he mentions a Samuel who deserted them, he's so crazed he could be describing Samuel twice. He talks about men that ran away after the attack, men that were taken by ogres, and also says only that he saw "a Samuel" on the battle field but not "one" since then which, again, he's so traumatized it could be anyone. So, no matter what you believe happened with Samuel in the time between here and the comic (MK&U gets into it a little bit but I didn't get too specific about when or how or why he meets his "friends") you should be covered.
> 
> Thank you to Deweymay for your comments on the previous chapter! I've been loving the things you have to say and I hope that you enjoy this chapter. These next few chapters will not be easy for Belle, but one in particular is going to be a very big deal, I suspect! Peace and Happy Reading!


	22. Barely Breathing

To think that she'd once thought that a carriage ride with Gaston was the most painful thing in the world…

Tearing her away from the spectacle that she witnessed in Springs Mountain had been difficult. She hadn't wanted to go. No! It was more than that! She didn't understand how she could go?! How could she leave them here? How could she just get back into her royal plush carriage again, turn around, go home to good solid food into her belly at dinner, and go to sleep in her nice soft bed as if nothing had changed.

She couldn't.

Which was probably why in the end it had taken her nurse and Phillipe both to put her in the carriage so they could be off. Her nurse held her against her side as she cried onto her shoulder while they moved over bumps and dips in the road, each time she smelled smoke or fire or burning wood…

"There, there," Lydia whispered in her ear. "We'll get home and your father will set it straight. He'll make sure they're well taken care of miss. They won't be here much longer. Why I'm sure come morning light they'll be gone."

"Yes," Gaston commented quickly. "I know it must come as a shock for you Belle, but you shouldn't worry about it. I promise to work side by side with your father until we are certain that every last one of those cursed beasts has seen their last sunrise!"

She sniffled on Lydia's shoulder as she recalled Cogsworth's words. "Ogre's don't see," she pointed out half-heartedly, unsure why she was even saying it. Somehow in her own mind it felt important to remind him of that.

"I was speaking metaphorically," Gaston corrected. Only it wasn't a correction. Her brain was working. She wasn't sure how, maybe because she felt too cold and numb for the rest of her body to be working the way it should, her mind was the only thing capable of knowing that what he'd said wasn't metaphorical at all.

"You used a figure of speech," she corrected again.

"The point I was trying to make is that someday soon they'll all be dead, Princess. You have my word. Unless you'd still like to argue that they're harmless..."

She felt a wave of panic and sorrow rise up in her chest again. She heard the challenge in his voice, the near insult he'd thrown at her, but at the same time she'd heard another word that wouldn't stop echoing through her mind after what she'd just seen.

Dead.

Dead just like…

"Oh!" tears oozed out the corners of her eyes as she shrank back into her nurse and cried again.

Samuel.

It was just too much to comprehend.

"Quiet both of you!" her nurse ordered sternly. "It's about enough from you both!"

"All due respect Lydia but you can't speak to either of us like-"

"I just did!" Lydia yelled. "If you have a problem with it you can take it up with the King when we get back, though I believe there will be more on his mind than what I can or cannot say to you. He'll deal with this when we're home and in the meantime…I think it's appropriate to have some quiet time, out of respect for the dead."

Dead.

That word again.

Samuel

Whether or not Gaston had a problem with Lydia's order she didn't know, or maybe she just didn't care enough to listen and find out; just continued to cry as their carriage rolled along toward home. Her tears came in waves. An hour with them, an hour without, a half hour with them when she heard the horse make a noise Samuel had once imitated to make her laugh. But nothing was worse than the moment her nurse finally pulled back the curtains on the carriage and she saw her own village, the familiar streets she'd grown up watching buzz with life from her bedroom window. "There now, miss. Home at last. That's better isn't it?!"

It should have been. It truly should have made her feel happy but it just didn't anymore. Looking out the window, she didn't see houses, all she saw were targets. Things to be destroyed. Smashed. Torn down. Set fire to…

And home…

A place Samuel would never return to. He'd never visit her in the courtyard again, they'd never have lunch, she'd never encourage him to be nicer to Gaston, or wonder if they were getting too old for one another. She'd never see his smile again. Or hear his voice. Or laugh, or cry, or dance, or joke…she'd never know what it was like to kiss him…

"Papa!" she cried, racing into her father's arms the moment the carriage door opened and she saw her mother and father standing there. They had smiles on their faces, no inkling of the terrors and horrors that they'd seen and witness, no idea just how much life had changed since she'd last seen them, not until she step out of the carriage and flung herself at them.

"Belle?!"

"My Darling, you're filthy!" her mother exclaimed before her father finally realized something more besides her dress was wrong and wrapped his arms around her.

"What happened?" he demanded. "What is it my girl, tell me?! Gaston, Lydia, what's the meaning of-"

"Papa, you have to help them! Please you have to send people to help them right now!" she demanded before he could get another word in. "Papa, they're dying! They're alone and scared and I have to help them, we have to save them, please Papa! Please, please, please!"

"Belle!" She didn't know how before somehow she'd ended up in her mother's arms, crying there softly on her shoulder. "What happened?" her mother gawked over her head.

"She's in shock your majesty," Lydia explained behind her. There was another hand at her back and one at her shoulder gently tugging at her. "The young Master can explain. I'd best get her out of these damp clothes and into something a little warmer-"

"No! No, I can't go! I can't go until-"

"Gaston will explain it, Miss!"

No! She didn't trust him too. There was no way for him to explain everything she'd found out! She'd been too shocked to speak of it but she could now! She knew she could!

But it didn't appear that she had a choice! Somehow her nurse had managed to pull her away from her mother's grasp, wrap an arm around her shoulder and steer her back into the palace. She heard murmurings behind her as she went, Gaston's voice speaking with her father, telling him what they'd seen. And from the little she'd heard before she'd rounded a corner he was giving him all the details. He was better at it than she had been, hysterical as she was.

But newer, dryer clothes, didn't help her as her nurse had suggested they would. It made her body less uncomfortable, but it wasn't her body that felt broken and the moment that her nurse tightened the new bodice over her skirt she felt sadness press into her again. It was heavy. Too heavy for her to bear and she collapsed down onto her bed. She grabbed for a pillow and felt herself curl into a ball as she poured more tears into her pillow.

"Oh, come now, Miss…you should eat something…it'll keep the cold away."

She managed only to shake her head before her belly contracted painfully again and she pressed her face into her pillow to let out another muffled cry. She wasn't sure that she wanted to keep the cold away. To feel warm at a time like this when so many others were out there alone in the dark clearly cold and scared…it felt wrong.

"Alright..." her nurse finally sighed. She felt her hand on her arm, a comforting gesture but it burned her and she pulled away from the touch. She was too cold for any amount of warmth. Lydia sighed again, sadder this time. "I'll let you be," she finally concluded.

She would have been grateful. Lydia had known her since she was a baby and knew better than to try and force her to talk or do something she didn't want to when she was upset like this, she knew that she'd want time to herself and she felt like she should be grateful to be left alone but the feeling was so buried it hardly registered in her mind.

She closed her eyes and instantly regretted it. The images all came flooding back to her crystal clear. Bodies. Hundreds of them. In the trees. Bruised and beaten. Limbs removed. Mouths open screaming silently in horror. Eyes that no longer saw staring at her.

Those bodies…

After she'd spoken to Cogsworth she'd checked every single face she could for Samuel's no matter how mutilated and grotesque they were. It wasn't enough. She never found him. But there were still hundreds unchecked and she couldn't stand not knowing. She couldn't bear the idea of Samuel out on that field, or hanging from a tree, impaled on branches, mangled, alone, scared…dead.

Another sob tore through her and she didn't fight to contain it. What was the point of fighting it? Had Samuel cried? Had any of them had time to cry? Or had it all been too quick for tears? Was it-

Her door opened and closed gently. She didn't turn to see who it was, she knew the smell of that perfume anywhere, even through the haze of sadness. So the moment she felt her bed sink down beside her she rolled over and buried her face in the layers of her mother's dress and cried there against her.

Her mother was gentle. Of course she was always gentle but now…she felt like a small child again instead of a young adult. Still, her mother didn't chastise her or tell her to stop or order to grow up. She didn't even ask what happened, not at first anyway. No, at first she just rocked her back and forth in her arms, kissed her forehead, rubbed her back. At one point she even dipped the cool cloth she kept by her bed into the water basin and placed it at the back of her neck, something she and her nurse only ever did when she was sick and she supposed…whatever she was feeling, the churning in her belly, the pounding in her head, the aching of her heart…it was a kind of sick. And the only words her mother said to her for however long she sat there with her were noises meant to coo and comfort someone less than half her age. "Shhh", "easy", "oh, my baby".

Hours later, when it was so dark that she swore the moon must have set by now too, she'd finally stopped crying, but the rest of her body didn't seem to get that message. Her eyes felt crusty and swollen, her cheeks felt raw, her body felt like dead weight, exhausted and tired, and her stomach still hurt, but it was the place just below her ribs that was sore. She wasn't crying, but it was still flexing as if she was and trembling from the pressure she'd placed upon it. Her lungs still took in deep sharp breaths of air. It was slowing she noticed. She distracted herself by counting them. Two normal breaths, one sharp. Five normal breaths, one sharp. Six normal breaths, one sharp. Eight, then nine, and when she finally was at ten the grip her mother had around her shoulders tightened and she ran her fingers gently through her hair.

"Can you tell me what happened, my sweet girl?" her mother whispered against her.

She waited for a moment, half-expecting herself to break into tears again. Her chest tightened, but in the end she didn't cry. Maybe she was just too tired. Or maybe she just didn't have any tears left. "We got there…we got there and…there were…there were…bodies! Bodies everywhere. Dead bodies. In the trees…on the ground…in the field…they were everywhere and...and I don't...I don't think I'll ever forget-"

"Shhh," her mother cooed again. "Try to think of something else…did you see anything besides that?"

She nodded. Or at least she tried. She wasn't much convinced she'd managed anything more than a fraction of a nod. "Other…other men…alive, but…but…they weren't much better! Mama, Papa has to do something…he has…he has to…he has to help-"

"Easy," she responded holding her closer and pressing her fingers into her back. "He is my darling. Right this moment, he's making arrangements to retrieve them. Gaston told him about the soldiers and they are working to bring them home."

She felt her chin tremble and for a moment thought she might actually cry from happiness. "They're coming home? You mean they won't be alone anymore?"

"No, my love. They will be on their way back soon, here by first light. But...my love, Gaston said you disappeared for some time. That you were talking to someone on your own. Was it-"

She managed to shake her head because she knew suddenly who exactly her mother had come to inquire about. "Cogsworth," she spat out, correcting her. "His name…his name was Cogsworth and he told me…he told me…he told me about…about the attack and…and about the ogres and the men and he…he told me…he told me about Samuel…" Her fingers tightened around her mother, her body hurt like it had been crying and she felt like she could wail and scream and cry but still she felt no tears and wished she did. Certainly Samuel deserved more than the few hours of tears her body had given him. "Mama," she whined, "he's…Samuel…he…"

"Oh, my baby," her mother choked as she held her closer and rocked her some more. But she could hear easily enough in her tone that she understood what had happened and was also upset by it. Or was she just upset for her? Or upset that she'd let her get close to him? Upset she was hurting? All of it? "I want you to hush now and close your eyes," she crooned after a moment. "Things will seem less bleak when the sun rises."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost got rid of this chapter. It really is nothing but mourning. Everything she says in her we already know and it's fairly short but...to skip ahead to the next chapter so quickly just seemed wrong, so I kept it in here. I hope that it wasn't a mistake and everyone...well, I don't think it's possible to really "enjoy" chapters like this but I hope everyone thinks it's alright.
> 
> Thank you Deweymay for your continued support and comments. I'm happy that the story is coming along and makes sense...though I am sorry it's not more thrilling. I suppose that's the downside to every prequel. Thank you for your comments! Peace and Happy Reading!


	23. Overheard Murmurings

The castle was still when she woke. It was dark and still and...it was cold. It was late. The sun was down and the light pouring over her bed came only from the moon.

She wasn't really sure what it was that woke her, only that she had been asleep and now she wasn't. And she must not have been asleep for very long because while the fire in her grate had died down the embers still glowed red hot and her body still showed the strains from the hours she'd spent crying in her mother's arms.

Her mother.

Her mother had been here when she'd gone to sleep and on second thought she glanced over at her bed, but it was empty. The place that she'd sat beside her was still warm as if she'd just gotten up, but then where was she now?

She propped herself up on her elbow and gazed at the shadows around her room, searching for one that would identify itself as her mother.

But it appeared she was alone.

The candle was burned out, the cloth her mother had used was back in the basin, and a warm blanket had been placed over her contracted form.

She was alone.

And she wasn't ready to be.

Her head hurt as she sat up and a shiver forced her to draw the blanket over her shoulders as she took in a few steady and shallow breaths. The world felt surreal now. She felt like she was living in it but it wasn't alive. Or maybe it was the other way around. Maybe it was alive and she wasn't.

Slowly she pushed herself to her feet, amazed at just how light she could feel after such a heavy day, pushed open her bedroom door and walked down the hallways, blanket dragging behind her like a grand cape, until she arrived at her parent's suite. She hadn't wanted to sleep with her mother in years, but if there ever was a day to do it, this would be the night. She wasn't sure she could stand to be alone tonight, much less get some sleep.

First she opened the door to her mother's room and wasn't surprised to find it empty. She hadn't really found her mother sleeping in her own bed since she was a child. More often than not her mother would be in her father's room, she'd wake her up, and the pair of them would retreat back to her mother's room to spend the night. In anticipation she moved the blanket off her shoulders and left it on her mother's bed before turning to the long private hallway that served as a sitting room in the day time and connected her mother's bedroom to her father's. She'd wake her mother from his side because she needed her for herself tonight. Only-

Her hand stopped before she could open the door to her father's bedroom. Voices. They weren't asleep?

"Your tea, my dear," her father muttered in a low remorseful tone.

"Thank you, my darling. It has been a long night…" she whispered back.

"How is she?" she heard her father quest as she heard a squeak that she knew came from one of the chairs he kept by his fireplace.

"Mourning, I think," her mother answered after a moment. "But it is different than when your mother died. I think the shock took its toll. I had to rock her to sleep like she was a baby. I never should have agreed to let her go out there on her own."

"If I had known what she'd find I wouldn't have agreed to it either! But Colette…we had no idea…"

She heard her mother make a small sound of agreement. "But now we do. I trust you've made all the necessary arrangements?"

"And enacted them tonight," her father assured her. "I sent a unit out to assess the camp and bring the survivors here. I wasn't about to let them stay out there on their own another night and loose more. Gaston agreed, he led them himself on horseback against my recommendation! I think he felt responsible for them after what he and Belle saw."

"And what about the rest? What if what Gaston and Lydia told us is true? If the ogres have broken through more barriers? Maurice we didn't know about this attack there could be a dozen more!"

"Which is why Gaston and I sent scouts out to check the other camps on the fronts before he left. We'll assess this situation, figure out what happened, and make a new plan. War always has it's tricks, we're doing the best we can to combat them."

She waited for her mother's response but there was nothing but silence on the other side of the door. Silence and the crack and pop of a fireplace. It wasn't especially cold out, but clearly the news had everyone and not just her feeling chilly. Their conversation done, she reached out to put her hand on the door knob again, to open it and get her mother's attention so she could-

"Colette…maybe we should summon… _him._ Perhaps we could make a deal to-"

"No!" her mother snapped back with a tone that was so angry it surprised her. "Absolutely not! Not under any circumstances! Maurice how could you ever consider such a thing?!"

"You know what they say about him, Colette!"

"I do, just the same as you! But whatever magic he carries…it's not worth it."

"Not worth the lives of thousands of our people?!"

"We'd be trading one monster for another."

"We don't know that-"

"Don't we?!" her mother spat back. "Think of the stories, the rumors we've both heard. We're lucky he hasn't come knocking on our door already, tempting us to allow him to take advantage of our situation! I won't let him anywhere near Belle! She's been through too much already she doesn't need to know of that...creature."

"But this isn't just about Belle!" her father urged back. "It's about them. It's about the countless people beyond our gates that we will loose if we don't end this war quickly! It's not Belle, you should be worried about."

"How dare you accuse me of such a thing?!"

"I'm not accusing you of anything-"

"But you are, Maurice! You don't think I feel it too? The pressure, the strain? How could I not? After Belle comes home to us like she did it would be all too easy to simply summon forth a magical solution to all our problems, but that is not the message I want to send to my daughter and certainly not what I want the Kingdom to think of us."

"Belle will be fine, Colette," her father insisted. "She is stronger than we both think she is! If nothing else I have confidence that we have raised her to be a brave and elegant woman who can face any trail with grace and humility, but Colette...we have to be brave too. We have to do what is best for our people. And if it means making a deal-"

"You'll do no such thing!" There was noise in the room. The clink of china being set upon a polished surface and footsteps. Light, delicate footsteps. Her mother must have risen from her place by the fire. But the scrap of chair legs against the floor and the sound of heavy footsteps told her that her father had gotten up as well.

"There is no reason why we can't inquire, my love," her father insisted, his voice suddenly softer and gentler than it had been only moments ago. "And there is no reason we can't learn from the mistakes of others. In every tale we've heard they ask him for something and he tells them what he wants in exchange, but we can be smarter. We can come up with something Colette, we can decide what we are comfortable bartering with, decide just how far we're willing to go. We can propose the deal before he steps out of the shadows to tempt us as you fear!"

"And if he refuses…if he says no?" her mother questioned. Her tone hadn't changed. She was still upset, still angry about...something! What were they talking about?! All this talk of deals and monsters...it was confusing and made her head hurt worse than it already did. What was equally confusing was this fight. She wasn't sure she'd ever seen them fight, not like this. In everything that she'd ever seen they'd been a unified pair, always in agreement over everything the other said and did. Was this what happened when she wasn't around? Did they fight like this often? She'd always believed that it was because they were so much alike that their marriage couldn't possibly have been arranged but listening to this...were arguments like this what it took to go from strangers to a unified pair? Could she argue like this with Gaston?

"If he refuses then we are no better or worse than we are now, my darling," her father finally answered.

Her mother snorted loud enough so that she could hear her even through the thick door. "It is difficult not to take another step forward after the first. He's a manipulator, Maurice. He uses people, draws them in little by little until they've handed over their first born as well as their gold!"

"It is even more difficult to take another step forward when the other leg refuses to budge Colette," her father responded, his voice becoming cold once again. "I'm not suggesting I do this on my own, but with you beside me, we can bring an end to this together or turn him away together!"

She waited to hear her mother's voice, then another, and then another sound, anything! It was quiet, her heart hammered in anticipation of what her mother would say. She'd never really done anything like this before. She'd never stood at a door to listen to a conversation like this and she wondered if this was what it always was like. If the person listening always felt some sort of strange feeling like they were involved in the conversation instead of just listening. But she felt invested in it. She wanted to know who it was they were talking about, yes, but she wanted her mother's answer more! She felt like she needed to-

"No," came her mother's voice a moment later. "All dark magic comes with a price, Maurice. It isolates, it snuffs out light, destroys happiness. It is not our job to bear the weight of that particular price. We're not that desperate and I won't allow us to sink so low as to invite that demon into our life. There must be another way."

"Colette-"

"That's the end of it Maurice! I'm through wasting our time with useless suggestions like this when we could be thinking of something productive. We may not have much but we still have our pride. I won't sacrifice that at a time like this."

She listened once more to the silence in the room until she heard her father's heavy footsteps stomp away again. They were coming...toward her!

She gasped and quickly picked up her skirts, making a last minute decision not to try and flee back to her room but just settle on her mother's bed instead and pretend to be asleep. It would be better than-

"And Maurice!" her mother's voice called, sounding even more distant from her place on the bed. "We'll have to send that boy's parents something. Some word or note or-"

In the silence she felt tears well up in her eyes. "That boy". She was talking about Samuel.

"In the morning Colette," her father's voice answered, suddenly sounding mournful and beaten down. Sadness. She hoped that was what it was. She hoped that it wasn't just her that was upset at Samuel's passing but that her parents and the entire Kingdom felt it too. "Let's not do anything until the scouts get back and give us a full report on exactly what we're dealing with. If there is any chance Belle is wrong, we'd never forgive ourselves for sending a letter like that-"

"Fine then," her mother agreed quickly. "I'll sleep in my own quarters tonight. I'll check on Belle and we'll talk more about this in the morning when one of us is prepared to stop acting like a child afraid of the dark!"

At the sound of the knob turning she quickly dove under the blanket she'd left on her mother's bed and rolled onto her side away from the door so she could shut her eyes and her mother might believe in the darkness that she had slept through the entire thing.

"A night of sleep won't change my mind Colette!" her father's voice rang out as the door to his room opened. "I won't change my position on this matter just because-"

"Belle!" her mother gasped. "Hush! Hush you old fool!" She heard footsteps on the floor behind her and did her best to keep her eyes shut and breathe in and out deeply and steadily. She could feel the blanket vibrate with her racing heartbeat and hoped her parents wouldn't take notice of it. "Oh! My girl..." her mother groaned and for a moment she wondered if she'd been caught, if her parents realized that she'd heard the whole thing.

"She hasn't slept in your bed since she was a child," she heard her father whisper with amazement somewhere behind her. She sighed in relief, realizing they didn't know she was awake, or didn't think she was awake was perhaps more accurate.

"Grief does terrible things to our bodies and our hearts, my darling. It's always better to act before grief does."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "No! Treatian! You got it wrong! Maurice is the one that wants nothing to do with the Dark One not Colette! Fail!" No, no, wait! I promise, there is a reason for it! A really, really big reason! This isn't the first time that Maurice has been a little OOC in this fiction so far, has anyone else noticed that thus far he is really different from the Maurice that we know in Storybrooke and even Skin Deep? Hasn't anyone ever wondered why he was so against using magic in the first place?! Something is going to happen to Maurice, something big and in my opinion really bad, think worse than losing your wife bad. It'll change everything for him and you will find out what it is...in the very last chapter. Sorry, it'll be a while until you figure it out because it's a while before Belle learns what it is herself. But it's a doosey and it's responsible for all of this.
> 
> Thank you to Deweymay for your comments on the last chapter. Hard chapter, but I hope that this chapter and reference kinda/sorta makes up for it a bit. Oh! Also, interesting factoid for you. The description of the King and Queen suite here is accurate. A room for the King and a room for the Queen connected by a long hallway is something that existed...actually until fairly recently and probably not for the reason you think it does. It was actually for the servants. Women needed help getting dressed way back in the days of old and it would have been inappropriate for servants to dress her in there Master's room, where God forbid, he might be in his underwear or PJ's...the scandal! So the woman's room was outfitted as a bedroom and that's where she went every morning for her servants to dress her. Fun fact! Peace and Happy Reading!


	24. Unexpected Realizations

Grief does terrible things to bodies and hearts.

That was true. For the longest time it seemed that grief had sunk its claws into her and refused to let go-probably for good reason...

Samuel's body was not recovered. At least not that anyone knew of.

The soldiers that she and Gaston found that day were brought home that very night. In a platoon of what had once been two hundred and fifty soldiers only thirty six remained.

A few days later the rest "came home". Two hundred and two bodies accounted for. Twelve were missing. They made up the small group that Cogsworth had seen being carried away by the ogres. The rest of the dead were laid out in the ballroom and parents, family members, and the survivors were said to have wound through the maze of death in a sea of tears, attempting to locate their loved ones. She stayed as far away as possible but no matter where she went, how far away she ran, no matter how many doors she put between her and that ball room the stench of death and the sound of mothers wailing over their babies reached her.

She couldn't bear to identify Samuel and fortunately enough her mother and father agreed she shouldn't have to do that after her ordeal. In the end she didn't have to. Her mother informed her that there were two possible matches that the soldiers had made for his body which only made her shudder. If people who had known him, her father and mother, couldn't even tell who he was...it must have been bad.

Finally, a few days later his parents arrived. She watched from one of the upper rooms as his mother got out of the carriage, dressed in black, her face veiled, she didn't walk with the ease and grace she'd once seen. Her motions were stiff and she thought for a moment that if Samuel's father wasn't there next to her, holding her hand and pressing another to her back, she might just flee entirely.

She waited on the ledge for almost an hour, waiting for the scream, for the cry as so many mothers had given, but an hour later they departed just as they'd arrived, only now she had a handkerchief in one hand. Her mother found her a few moments later and told her that they believed they'd identified one of the two as their son. "She said he had the same hands," she informed her sadly. His hands. She knew Samuel's hands. She should have thought to look for that herself. "Easy, my girl," her mother cooed, placing her hands on her cheeks and wiping away her tears with her thumbs. "He'll be home where he belongs soon enough. He can be at rest now."

She nodded. Her mother was right of course, only she wished that she could find the same rest that Samuel had, the same peace that came with death rather than the turmoil that came with living. But at least Samuel had been found. It was something...though not much.

As for the other soldiers, the survivors, they stayed out the month. And a somber month it was. They attended funerals almost every day with her family. They watched as bodies were loaded into ordinary pine boxes and taken away on carts, back to their homelands.

They accompanied her family to Samuel's funeral. She sat in the front row with her hand held tightly in her mother's hands and tried not to cry as the she watched Samuel's own mother fall to pieces before her and his father stare into the air with eyes that were almost as dead as she'd seen that day on the field. She didn't want to cry. It would seem…it just wouldn't be right to cry there. No matter how much she'd loved him it just wasn't the right time. She waited until she was in her bedroom alone that night. Then she cried herself to sleep just as she had every other night since she'd returned home.

But grief couldn't last forever. Not according to her mother at least who promised her that little by little things would start to get better, just as it had after her grandmother's death.

And little by little it did.

A month after Samuel was interred she woke up to find her book open and laying on the ground and realized that she hadn't fallen asleep crying, but rather reading. For a moment that fact seemed so unfair that she thought she might begin to cry all over again. But she was tired and somehow the weight of her lids outweighed the pressure in her heart and she picked the book up, marked her place, set it upon her nightstand, and blew out the candle before drifting off to sleep.

A month after that she and her mother had been out on the lawn reading when she realized her mother was staring at her with tears in her eyes and a smirk on her face.

"What?" she'd asked confused, reaching up to be sure her hair was in place and the wind hadn't blown it in some silly direction.

"It's is nothing my darling...truly nothing" was all her mother said before she'd turned back into her own book and let her go back to hers only to realize what had been different. The book she was reading, it had been funny…and she'd chuckled. What was more she hadn't even realized that she'd chuckled or was smiling! It wasn't nearly as painful as she once feared it would be and she found herself nearly in tears again when she realized that Samuel would have wanted her to smile and laugh again. He would have wanted her to take joy in something like that. So instead of crying at the thought, she smirked and went back to reading.

Joy. She found it in other ways too.

The scouts had come back to her father within a week of her dreadful journey and informed him that while the northern and eastern fronts had been breached the southern and western boarders were still secure, not difficult since one border pressed up against the sea and another against Gaston's kingdom. Her parents allowed her to go there, to greet soldiers that were healthy and happy and dedicated to the cause. And it made her feel better. It didn't erase the events of that tragic day, but it certainly helped to realize that it was not what normally happened in these camps and that these soldiers didn't believe they were dying for nothing, but rather something worth fighting for. Not her or her parents, but her country. Each of them had family and friends, villages just as she did that they were fighting for. Because they didn't want them to leave the place they called home just because a bunch of monsters had invaded.

It was good. It reminded her of the good in the world; of the job that her parents and grandparents and great grandparents and everyone had left behind for her to do!

And that included one other thing.

"Mother…perhaps…if you wouldn't mind, perhaps we could set up another lunch at Gaston's estate. I'd…I think I'd like…I think I need to get to know him a little better."

Her mother gaped at her request for a moment then shook her head, and her shock away, giving her a small encouraging smile as she nodded her head. "Yes of course…whatever you want my dear."

She didn't want Gaston. What she wanted was something else, something deeper than Gaston. She wanted to be able to help. She wanted to be able to bring change. She wanted one day to create the Kingdom that men were at war fighting for. If Gaston had to be part of that future then she'd marry him. Happily marry him if it meant Gaston could help her in some way to secure the lives of those in her Kingdom. Even if it was just one life, then it would be worth it.

So she tried.

She tried hard to put the past aside and find something about Gaston she could like, something that she could tolerate.

Month after month found her and her mother paying a visit to their estate so they could get to know one another better. But the scars of their past experience still lingered. She questioned every compliment that he gave her, wondering if he was being genuine or merely laying another trap for her. Charming and handsome and accommodating as she always found him to be she just couldn't get the image of his eyes red with fire out of her mind.

But she was learning to live with it, to find other things to take comfort in it. She might not have found something about Gaston that she could like, but suddenly her appreciation for other things grew. He gave her a horse. A beautiful white mare she named Sammy, because every time they came over they always went out to ride and she couldn't ride his mother's horse forever. And little by little more and more of her life was beginning to take up residence around their estate. First tack for Sammy appeared. Then an empty shelf in the library for her to store books that she had or wished to read. They were given bedrooms to leave things like riding clothes and dinner dresses in so they didn't always have to bring as much as they did. And finally, months later, nearly a year after Samuel had died, Gaston brought her into a small sitting room. Though, she supposed that "small" was really a poor way to describe it. It was cramped but it wasn't as though she was expected to live there and in an old home she liked to believe that he had worked hard to make it what it was.

"It's for when you and your mother come to visit," he explained. "A chair, so you can sit by the fire and read, an easel so you can draw, and a basket for you to keep your sewing in. Everything a young lady needs in a parlor. At least according to my mother..."

Everything a young lady needs in a parlor. After nearly six months of this he still hadn't learned that she'd take a library over a parlor any day. Or the family room that her family kept over a ladies room. Still. This wouldn't last forever. And at least it was her own space while she was here, which helped her accept what was coming and find the good even in the worst of situations.

"It is a good perspective to have my love," her mother commended as they spoke of it on their way home.

"I don't really have a lot of options," she confessed.

"But taking the good with the bad…that's a very mature position to take. It is befitting of a young Queen."

She knew that, but she wouldn't say it. It seemed too shallow and vain and after nearly two days with Gaston she refused to let herself indulge in even just one of his traits. For now all that she wanted to do was smile and nod as softly as she could as they got out of the carriage and her mother wrapped an arm around her waist.

"We should find your father and tell him of our trip," she whispered in her ear as they walked.

She felt herself grimace. "I'm sure Papa has other things to do, other things on his mind," she reasoned. It seemed like it was always that way with her father lately. He was…tense. That was the best thing she could think of to come up with it. While her mother and her nurse had managed to keep the news of the war away from her ears over the last year, she could always see the ravages of it reflected in her father's eyes. In the grey hair he was beginning to get. He rarely joined them in the family room after dinner now. And so long as she stayed away he seemed content to let her and her mother go off on their own adventures while he stayed behind to talk about battle plans and strategy with noblemen that she sometimes felt lived in her palace as well now.

"I'm sure he does," her mother commented, "but I think it's because he has other things on his mind that we must tell him, my girl. We must both pray that this madness will be over soon. For his sake."

Those words seemed odd to her, especially when her mother sounded as sad as she did while saying them. "Why? Is…is Papa alright?"

"Oh…he is my darling. But he needs a break and that won't come until this terrible war is over. Until that day he needs you and I more than he knows-to help him see clearly when his own vision cannot see clearly enough."

She nodded, though she wasn't entirely sure she understood. Of course, that could be because she honestly wasn't sure that she did understand. She'd never found out who her mother and her father had been arguing about that night though it was obvious that no matter who it was her father had listened to her mother and not called for help. But...how was she suposed to help him see clearly if she didn't even know what was clear and what wasn't? It was perplexing to say the least!

"Belle! Colette!" the cries for them nearly shook her off her feet the moment the pair of them set foot in her father's study and he moved forward to sweep them up into a bone breaking hug. "Thank the heavens you're safe."

She was confused, unsure of what had happened to inspire such a reaction from her father so quickly. He'd been so engrossed in his work when they'd left they'd barely gotten a "good-bye" out of him.

"Maurice?" her mother questioned, pushing against her father and reaching up to look him in the eye. "Maurice what happened? What's wrong?"

"It's the ogre's your majesty," one of the soldiers in the room inserted quickly. "They've gained more ground."

Her mother's jaw dropped as her eyes moved between the soldier and her father. "How?" she demanded. "How did this happen? Where? How bad is it?"

"It was at our eastern front, my lady. They took…a lot of ground."

"How much?" she questioned moving around them to look at the map of the Kingdom her father had rolled out on the table.

"A lot, your majesty."

Her mother looked shocked and she risked a glance up into her father's face only to find him staring back at her with sad eyes. Suddenly it was as if he was aware that she was looking at him and reached up to touch her cheek. "Leave us!" her father suddenly shouted into the room. For a second she took a step back at the unexpected order, wondering what she'd done to warrant such a rude command. But then he turned his back and looked at the nobles in the room. "Leave me with my family."

In a flurry of motion the nobles were out of the room and it was only the three of them standing there, three corners of an obtuse triangle looking at one another until her father held out his arms again and her mother rushed into them, giving her an arm to follow suite with. "My darlings," her father cried, "I was so worried when you returned late."

"No. We're fine Maurice. We didn't even know until just now. And you know the LeGume Kingdom is in the opposite direction."

"But it's in times like these that logical thinking is suspended. Oh, Colette, I'm so happy you're alright," he muttered. But after another quiet moment he stepped back and looked at the two of them. "I have to keep you safe. I can't risk it."

"Maurice…Maurice what are you talking about, what are you-"

"You have to go, both of you! You have to leave this place before they strike."

"Maurice!"

"No, don't you see it's the only way!" She wasn't sure when it happened, but at some point she'd come to sit down on the sofa that was just behind her. She tried to stand up again, to protest…but her body wouldn't do what she wanted it to. Leave. They had to leave?! Now?! What had happened? How bad was it that they had to leave?

"Maurice…this is not the only way I refuse to believe it!"

"The ogres have taken too much of our land, at this rate they could launch an attack on the palace in only two months time. I won't let that happen with the pair of you inside of it!"

"Maurice, no! No, listen to me!" her mother reached out quickly and took her father's hand in her own as she looked him dead in the eye. "I won't leave, I will not leave you! Ever since we first met on our wedding day we have always been partners in this, together, I'm not going to leave you here to just-"

"I am the king!" her father snapped so violently she felt herself sink back into the sofa as he pulled his hand out of her mother's grasp. "Partners or not the law says something entirely different and this will stand! You are leaving! As soon as I can arrange safe passage you and Belle will go to safety!"

She stared in horror as her father turned away as her mother stared at the back of his head so hard she thought it might burst into flame.

Leaving. For good? It must have been because if what her father was saying was true then that implied…it implied home wouldn't be here when he brought them back. If he brought them back. She felt panic rise in her chest and wondered if this was what sailors felt before they boarded a life boat and the Captain was still on board. It certainly felt like abandoning ship before anyone else had the opportunity to.

"And just where, may I ask, do you intend to send us?! Back to the LeGume estate? Across the sea to Arendelle?" her mother demanded in a harsh tone. She watched her father as he stared out the window and waited for an answer, to learn where she was supposed to be going. But he didn't answer. Her mother let out an undignified snort. "You don't even know do you? You can't even make up your mind! How do you think you'll do it if we're gone?! Belle!" she jumped as her mother called out her name and turned her attention on her so suddenly. "Belle, go to bed!"

Bed. No! No! She didn't want to go to bed! How could she go to bed now?! Without knowing?! Without an explanation or-

"Belle now!" Her mother hadn't ever yelled at her like that. In fact she couldn't ever remember her mother yelling like that at anyone! Or staring at her father as she was now, with anything less than perfect devotion! For that matter she couldn't ever, not in all her memories or even in her wildest imagination, remember thinking her father might act like-

Suddenly her mother gave a heavy sigh and turned toward the door. She opened it with a sharp quick action and hollered out for Lydia. When her nurse finally arrived she didn't even look at the poor girl, just pointed to her while she stared at her father and said "take Belle to bed, make sure she stays there".

And with that she felt the arms of her nurse force her to rise and walk down the hall as her parents remained alone in her father's study and staff and noblemen alike began to disperse, pretending as if they didn't hear the shouts of the King and Queen continue long into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the cool things about writing this prequel was that I could craft Belle from what she was in the first chapter into what she will be when we first meet her in Skin Deep. I didn't want that change to be like a flipping of a switch and suddenly she's just entirely different, but I did want to gradually introduce her to...well...herself I suppose. The person that we know she can and will be. While I've alluded to it in chapters before I feel like it this chapter she really does begin to become that person. She starts thinking in those selfless ways, but she doesn't quite have the rebellion behind it yet. That will come, perhaps faster than you think it will come.
> 
> Thank you Deweymay not just for your reviews but for your kind words and comments throughout this story. Your encouragement means the world to me and the times we stop for lovely conversations helps be to really put everything into perspective! You are awesome. Peace and Happy Reading!


	25. One Last Taste of the Good Ole Days

She'd never known her parents to fight before. Argue, yes, of course! They'd been married a long time, it was ridiculous to think that they wouldn't occasionally have a spat. But fighting…fighting in the way that they were…it terrified her. It terrified her because she'd never seen it happen before and had no idea what to expect now that it had happened. Was happening?

Months. They'd been like this for months. Ever since they'd returned from Gaston's and her father insisted they leave. They didn't speak to each other, at least no more than they had to. Meals together were silent, when she was with her mother and her father wanted to have a conversation with her, her mother suddenly got up and left, usually loudly, with a slam of a book or by setting her sewing down roughly. She only ever returned once her father was gone. When they were in the same room together, when they did have to have a reasonable conversation or spend time together, they kept their distance, only getting as close as they had to, and glared at each other when they made eye contact over the smallest thing! When her father asked for the jam one day at breakfast he might as well have asked her mother to prance naked in the streets. And their conversations…even when they were supposed to be civil they still snapped at each other with more bite than a dog! A conversation about which dessert they wanted for dinner resulted in harsh tones and quick sharp words sometimes directed at one another through her, though fortunately that little habit had stopped only weeks into their silly war when she'd lost her temper and screamed at them to talk to each other and not to her.

They were upset with each other, clearly. She understood that. And she understood the problem and had for months on end while she'd sat in limbo and waited for them to…well, to grow up and act like her parents instead of children not getting their way. That was really what was at the heart of the issue! Her father wanted them to go, to leave and be some place safe, without him. He wanted to remain here at the palace to continue fighting the war and ease the people. He figured if the people saw all of them leaving, then they would panic, but if he remained then they would think nothing of the women's departure, in fact it might inspire other young men in their village and throughout the kingdom to send their women to safety as well and take up arms.

Her mother refused. She wasn't leaving her father here alone. If it was too dangerous for the two of them it was too dangerous for him and that was that.

Every time she refused they started their arguments all over again. On the surface it was as simple as that. A terrible, vicious cycle. One, frankly, that she thought would be better if they discussed together instead of yelling at each other because the true problem at the heart of it was that they weren't talking to each other!

"Your father sometimes forgets that he is not alone in the world," her mother raved one afternoon. "He thinks he can just make these decisions without consulting me first! He thinks that because he is King he is entitled to do whatever he wants with me and his daughter without even giving us the courtesy of asking!"

"Then why not talk to him?!" she'd asked quickly, but the answer she got wasn't understandable, just some harsh mumbling as her mother found another book and sat by the fire with it, her knuckles turning white as she stared at the same page for over an hour.

So she'd tried again, with her father the next time. "Please Papa just talk to mother, that's all she really wants."

"Your mother is stubborn and wants to remain stubborn. That's her real problem! She's more concerned with being right than actually discussing the issue. It's a lost cause…" he'd roared as he continued down the hallway, leaving her shaking her head at their refusals. Really, if they just sat down and talked to one another everything would be just fine! What each proposed was radically different, surely if they discussed it they could come up with a compromise of some kind! And yet…

Month after month new reports came in that the ogres were gaining ground and in a panic her father would make new arrangements for them to go some place safe. And month after month her mother refused to pack a single thing because "your orders or not I'm not going anywhere Maurice! You will not kick me out of my home and send our daughter away from the only home she has ever known!" And the next month when they heard the ogres had gained more ground the entire thing started all over again. The tension grew, the feelings in their home turned blacker.

The only good thing about the endless cold war in her home was that she was nearly an expert at avoiding it altogether! Awkward breakfasts could be skipped if she slept too late and decided to take her meal in her room. Her mother knew the hiding places in the library too well so she found comfort in taking her book to the drawing room or the music room, spending the day in the barn or down in the ballroom that hadn't seen activity in so long it felt abandoned. That left dinner as the only time she couldn't escape it.

Her parents loved her. She knew that, it was the one thing that they maintained throughout their feuding. She loved them both too, but…was it wrong of her to want to leave after a certain point. The atmosphere in her so called home had changed so much in the last six months. Her family had changed. And the first morning she'd woken up to see black smoke burning off in the distance, the very distant distance, admittedly, but it was enough to make her wish that this reality was nothing but a bad dream. That one morning she'd wake up and this would all be over. Samuel would be alive, their land would be whole, and they would all spend their hours together after dinner in their family room. There would be no need for Gaston, no need for his army or their marriage. Her father would smoke his pipe, she'd lay happily on her couch, and listen to her mother's voice as she read to them both. Those were the good old days. Those were the days when they didn't have to-

"Your majesty!" she jumped at the loud crack the door made as it slammed open, into the silent room.

"What is this?!" her father roared. "My family and I are at dinner!"

"It's an emergency, Sir! It couldn't wait, you and your family are all in grave danger," she watched in horror as men, not just one man but at least two dozen guards poured into their room and her mother reached for her hand.

"Mother?"

"SHH!" she snapped.

"What's happening?" her father asked. "What's going on?"

"Ogres, Sir!" the man reported. "From the battlefield to the northeast! There have been sightings of six-"

"Seven."

"-Seven ogres! They've broken away from their Troupe, Sir. It's believed they are coming to the palace! We have one, maybe two hours-"

"Seven ogres...they'll decimate the palace, your majesty!"

"If they remove the symbol of this Kingdom your majesty-"

"-not to mention the royal family-"

"Then this Kingdom will be no more!" The room went silent as the men sought out the source of the strange voice and she stared wide eyed up at her mother, who had risen from her chair during their frantic conversation. "If they destroy this palace and this family then this Kingdom is as good as theirs," she responded gently. Her mother look over her shoulder at her, the back to the men in their room. "Gentlemen, leave us."

She waited, watched for the men to dismiss themselves in the wake her of her mother's dire warning and order…but they didn't. Their eyes roamed from her to her father and back again. "I'm sorry your majesty…but time, at a moment like this-"

"Is of the essence, so why are you questioning me when there is clearly much to be discussed?!" she yelled at them. "Leave! Now!"

Sound was the only thing that she was aware of. She saw, but somehow was unable to really perceive of what she was seeing, only hearing. The scurry of feet as everyone clamored to get out of their dining room. The thud of the door being shut. A pounding in her chest that must have been heart and breath, air, leaving her chest in a noise of disbelief. What had just happened?! They hadn't really said what she thought they had, they hadn't even really been here at they? It was all just her imagination or a dream or…

"Oh, my girl," the words forced her gaze up to her mother and without being aware of standing or walking or moving at all she was in her mother's arms, crying, shaking as she repeated what they said to them in her mind over and over and over again. Ogres on their way here. To…destroy their home! Her home! Her family. Her very life! Samuel wasn't enough. And what she'd seen that day on the battlefield...soon that would be her home!

"I warned you of this, Colette," her father growled. "I told you this very thing-"

"You did Maurice! Is that what you want to hear?! That you were right all along?!"

There was silence for a moment, or there wouldn't have been if it weren't for her sobs. "I didn't want to be right," her father finally whispered into the darkness. "I'd give everything I have, everything I am to be wrong. You have to leave, now! If this is the end-"

"If this is the end then we need to think not move! If this is the end it extends well beyond just keeping our daughter safe Maurice! The end of one palace does not mean the end of a Kingdom and there must be a way we can show the people that…that we can present a united front just as we always have!"

The end of one palace. In her fear she'd forgotten, and she suspected they had too, this wasn't their only home. "The winter estate," she sniffed, picking her head up off her mother's shoulder. Her parents remained silent as they watched her, looking just as confused as ever at her nonsense words. "The winter estate, the lodge we used to go to when the winters here were too cold…we could go there."

There was silence for a moment as both her parents looked her over then her mother nodded. "It wouldn't be leaving, it would just be moving away for a little while. And keeping our family intact."

Her family intact. She'd give a Kingdom to keep her family intact. But at the same time she'd give her family to keep the Kingdom safe. That made no sense to her. None at all. And she felt her chin wobble for a moment as tears threatened to cascade down her face again. Her mother gently touched her waist and guided her into a chair before offering her father's napkin to wipe her face and stepping over toward him. He looked…he looked so old. How had he gotten so old so fast? Wasn't it only yesterday he'd read her to sleep or thrown her into the air and caught her again before she could hit the ground?

"Maurice, Belle is right." She watched as her father shook his head and stalked away from her.

"She's not!" he argued. "For all of us, the entire royal family to get up and leave only hours before the attack…we'd lose! The battle would be over before it began!"

"We're not proposing that! You were right! We are in danger here! Send us away, we have time, make preparations for this palace and this village to be as protected as it can be in the next couple of hours, to evacuate all the women and children, then send us away for our own safety or as an example but Maurice…you _will_ meet us in Avonlea! You _will!_ Because I refuse to rule this kingdom on my own and I will not stand safely out of the way, enjoying a vacation, knowing you are here fighting war! If the palace is what they want give it to them. But don't give them you as well! Do not surrender this family just for a sacrifice that doesn't need to be made!

"Belle and I will go, but you will be right behind us! And we will win this war from there and we will return to this place and we will make our Kingdom back into what it once was. Do I make myself perfectly clear?"

Her mother was scared. She wouldn't have seen it now if it wasn't for the way her voice had cracked on her last question. For one brief, fleeting moment her fear and worry, her panic and desperation for her father had broken through and though she'd always stood tall and proud, now she could see the way that her hands shook, the way her body trembled with what her father might say. Was that really the true source of her anger all these weeks? Fear?

"We'll move the capital to Avonlea then," her father finally answered softly. "The estate is safe and Avonlea is well fortified. It's by the sea which will make evacuation easier in the future. I'll give the order to evacuate the town, women and children first, the men stay behind to fight."

She starred in silence, finding it hard to believe what he was saying. Her beloved home, the place she'd grown up in, had loved so dearly…she felt like it was sinking and her father was calling for an abandon ship. What truly mattered were the lives, she understood that. But it was her home. These walls, the things they'd seen as she'd grown, that couldn't be replaced.

"Pack your things," her father muttered returning to where her mother stood, still looking tense as she waited for the only thing she knew that she wanted to hear. "Gather up everything that we need to rule from there. I'll arrange to have you gone in an hour and in only a few days time…in a few days we'll all be there, together."

Her mother's shoulders sagged forward and she reached up to wrap her arms around her father's neck. She made a sound. It was hard to tell from her place at the table what the sound was but it almost sounded like a sob. "Be careful, my love. Do what you must to come back to me! I will not forgive you if you don't."

Her father released her mother. "Nothing can stop me," he whispered looking into her eyes and holding her hand. "I made a promise to keep this Kingdom and its future safe. I will uphold that promise no matter what my darling. My darlings!" her father finally burst out looking over at her and extending his arm for her. She didn't need to think to know what he wanted and with tears running down her face she quickly pushed herself up out of her chair and fell into her parent's arms as the held each other.

One last taste of the good times.

Just in case…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So is there anyone who doesn't know what is coming here? Does anyone not know the irony of who is worried about who? Oh, as to the beginning of the chapter, before the announcement of the ogres fighting, I wanted to give Belle something that we could relate to. We aren't royalty, we've never had our marriages arranged, but I imagine that most of us have had the experience of watching our parents fight about something stupid and putting us in the middle of it without realizing the damage they do on their children's psyche. She's had such a good and pleasant life with her parents, I couldn't help but give them something to really fight about that forces her to understand what compromise really is.
> 
> Thank you Deweymay for your comments of the last chapter. Much appreciated of course! You are too kind to put so many wonderful thoughts and words into your reviews. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Peace and Happy Reading!


	26. The Grip of Fear

"Pack as much as you can, only what you cannot live without." That was her parent's order the moment they'd made their plan and finally put it into action. Her mother called for her nurse and the pair of them raced back to her room. Two trunks were brought out for her and her nurse quickly began tossing dresses and corsets, skirts and bodices, then nightgowns and petticoats into them. Her nurse packed sensible things she supposed but she didn't exactly see the logic of that.

Pack what she couldn't live without? She could live without her dresses. They were easily replaceable. So while her nurse was fretting over this and that she was busy searching her room for the things she knew that she couldn't live without, things that couldn't be replaced!

Samuel's letters. Her first crown, the one she'd worn as a baby. A few pieces of jewelry that her grandmother had given her. Her baby blanket. The diary she'd kept for a while as a child. A stuffed bear. A book her father had given to her and read to her as a child-

Her books!

Hours later she was nearly packed and ready to go. _La Belle et La Bete_ the wonderful book her mother had given her, that was quickly becoming her favorite and had spent the last few years on her nightstand, worn and thoroughly read was the last thing she placed safely inside the trunk but she was missing something else. Just one other thing. _Her Handsome Hero_. She couldn't leave without it! It was the first book her mother had ever read to her!

"Miss!" her nurse cried as she tried to leave. "There's no time! We need to get you to the carriage!"

"No!" she argued. "I'll be there soon, I can't leave without it!"

"Miss!" she screamed as she ran down the hall, she'd didn't stop. There was no possibility of her leaving without that book! Their family room was eerie, stranger than it normally felt during the day and she realized why right away why. The window was open and she smelled something different. Fire. Mixed with something foul that turned her stomach. And then there was the noise. She was used to silence, perhaps the peaceful chirping of birds and the sound that small bugs made but she wasn't used to screaming, to yelling. The sound of marching, orders being thrown out by unfamiliar voices.

Her chest felt tight. She had to get her book now! She reached for the place she kept it on the shelf but her fingers closed only over air.

Gone.

It wasn't here! This shelf that was where it was kept! That's where she always put it every time! Every time except…except when she left it lying out and one of the maids put it back in the library…

The library!

She tore out of their family room and back down the hall-

And stopped outside her mother's room.

Servants were carrying trunks out for her, probably packed in the same way that hers were. Only her mother wasn't there. She was missing. And outside…

The window by her mother's room showed an orange sky and she heard the cries now not just of soldiers, but people. Women. Children. She moved around the servants drawn to the window like moths to flames and her heart stopped beating in her chest. Soldiers. Their weapons drawn, arrows and swords aimed for…

The trees. The trees were moving. Not with the wind. Something else. Something moving through them. Something big. And the castle, the stones around her…they were vibrating in rhythm to something. With every beat the vibrations grew, morphing into swaying and shaking shockwaves…

She needed to find her book.

She needed to find it now.

The servants, her nurse, they all tried once more to stop her on the way out. This time they even tried to grab her and reel her in so they could take her to the carriages with her things forcibly but she wouldn't listen and she wouldn't allow them to take her without that book in her hand. If this castle was going to be destroyed, if this world that she knew was going to be obliterated after today, then she had to have that book with her! And-

She wasn't the only one.

"Mother!" she gasped when she ran into the library. She was there too, surrounded by trunks, some filled with books, some empty, one right next to her mother half full and becoming fuller with every slam of a new book falling into it.

"Belle! What are you doing here, you should be by the carriage!" she reprimanded.

"I needed a book why did you-"

"A kingdom needs more to rule than dresses for its royalty. And you should be by the carriage!"

Carriage. Leave. No! She couldn't leave yet! She needed-

"I will!" she cried running into the room. "I will I just need something!"

"Belle! Belle!" her mother cried as she vanished around the corner. "Fetch it with haste my darling!" she heard her scream as more books fell into the trunk.

Haste. She didn't need haste she just needed to use her brain. When she left her books lying around the castle her servants always returned them here and the historian that worked within the library always put it in the same place for her. Especially _Her Handsome Hero_! He knew just how much she read that book and he always made sure to keep it-

"There!" she shouted spotting it on the shelf just like normal.

A sudden feeling of sadness washed over her as she clutched it to her chest.

Normal.

She looked around her library, the green and gold walls, the dark chestnut shelves, the books she knew perfectly…

Would things ever be normal again?

No. They couldn't be. The shaking and vibrating around her made that clear. They may return here someday and they may rebuild this palace exactly the way it was, but it would never be as whole as it was now, it would never be exactly the same as before. And she knew that-

"Darling we must leave! Quickly!" the voice of her mother cried out suddenly. The desperation in her voice shocked her back to reality and she remembered there would be plenty of time to mourn later, once they were safe. She took off to find her mother immediately. She had her book. They had to go. "Where are you?!"

"I'm right here, Mother!" she declared. "I'm…" she saw her mother through the shelves, looking calm, offering her a familiar and gentle smile among the chaos that she heard outside the castle. It eased her. Instantly that one look reminded her things would be alright. They would be just fine no matter in this castle or in Avonlea! Things may change and be different from this moment on, but some things would always be the same.

"I'm sorry but I couldn't leave without this!" she insisted holding up her book. Take what was necessary. This was necessary. "It's the…first story you ever read to me, remember. It's when I fell in love with books," she lamented as she caught her breath, thinking about that beautiful moment preserved in her memory. If this palace was going to fall, if she was never coming back to it, she had to at least have that memory.

"Of course I remember, my Belle," her mother breathed reaching out and touching her cheek. She was trying to be calm, but her eyes betrayed her. The way they darted around the library, to the windows behind her, to the doors where she could hear the clank of armor as soldiers prepared to defend a town that should have had more time to be empty…she could see the worry and panic in her eyes.

"Quickly, we must flee before-"

Suddenly the floor beneath her feet vibrated. The entire room shook, somewhere she heard books toppling to the ground and another crash greeted them stealing her breath away even as it filled her nose with the most atrocious scent at the same time.

"Ogres!" she breathed.

They…they couldn't be here. Not yet! The guards should have been able to hold them off! They…they…they should have…they should have had more time to-

Fear pressed down on her as she realized what had happened. She felt her heart pound as she struggled to catch her breath as she reached for her mother, trying to figure out what to do where to do, how to move! "They're here!" she cried, trying not to break into tears. They were supposed to be gone by now. They were supposed to be long gone and-

Her mother's hand on her was soothing as she found her eyes. "We will hide till they pass!" her mother commanded as the walls shook again. "There are not many of them my darling. They will pass!" She nodded and after a reassuring glance her mother let her go and went to the door. She secured it and locked it. But it wasn't enough. A locked door? Keep an ogre out?!

"They're blind!" she blurted out so suddenly she nearly looked around the room to find the speaker before she realized that it was herself. She'd said it. But she was right. It had been a long time, years since Samuel's death, since a shaken soldier had given her that small fact, it had been even longer since she'd seen her last ogre and used that fact to help her determine its age…but she remembered it just fine now all the same. "They can't see anything, they are blind!"

From the door her mother nodded and offered her another calming smile. "Of course you are right my darling. See! We'll hide away easily enough and when they've passed the three of us will be off to Avonlea just as we…planned…" Her mother's voice died away the moment she looked out the window. She stared wide-eyed outside, at something she couldn't see, only hear. Swords. Metal clashing. Screaming. Orders. A loud roar.

"Come my girl," her mother finally sighed after enough time had passed that she was panicking again. "We'll hide away under the table, just was we did when you were a child and it stormed. Do you remember my darling? The fun we had in our wooden fortress.

She tried to swallow the lump in her throat but it wouldn't go anywhere. It was painful to swallow. Painful to talk. Too painful to do anything but cry and she couldn't allow herself to do that. She couldn't cry! She felt as though she was only managing not to scream in terror by sheer luck. If she opened her mouth to cry?!

But she wanted to. How could she not?! Crawling under the reading table on her hands and knees to meet her mother…all she wanted to do was close her eyes and be on a carriage hours from here.

"Hush now my child," her mother cooed, when they finally met her in the middle. She reached up to wipe something that might have been tears from cheeks and kissed her forehead. "Are you frightened?" she asked. She opened her mouth but no sound came out and in the end all she managed was a nod before her a whimper escaped her throat and she fought to hold in her fear. Her mother delicately traced her cheek with her finger. "Do not fear, my Belle. This will be over soon you'll see. This will end and you'll realize just how truly brave you were all this time."

She nodded to let her know she'd heard, even if she didn't know that she could agree to such a thing and allowed her mother to hold her as more shocks rocked her home. The table was a good idea. The first time a small piece of ceiling fell it landed not two feet from her mother. The next time it fell onto the table and not onto them. She counted the seconds between shocks. It was something to do. Something that kept her focused on something other than the fear. And then it was something that gave her hope, something that took her tears away. She didn't know exactly how long it was, but eventually the time between shocks went from seven heartbeats to nine. Then twelve. Then twenty. Then fifty-two. She located each one when they came and followed them around the palace, figuring where they were. She was still breathing heavily, but finally beginning to calm and think that maybe her mother was right. It was just like a storm. She heard it come and now she was hearing it go. Her mother might be right. It would be fine in the end. She couldn't be sure the state of the village or the rest of the castle but if the library was intact maybe they'd beaten the demons back. Maybe they could stay here after all.

But just as she was beginning to feel positive, another noise rang out loud and clear. A bang at the door. It made her jump at first, and then she felt elated. Perhaps it was a soldier, or many of them. Perhaps they'd figured out they were missing and they'd come to liberate them, or tell them it was over, or get them on the road-

But with another bang suddenly the door was no more. Only a large pink foot that smelled like a rotten marsh and legs dressed for battle that made her panic all over again. "Ogres!" she whimpered, feeling like she couldn't catch her breath. There was no denying, this ogre was no child. Images she thought she'd long moved passed reappeared in her mind. Bodies in trees. Unseeing eyes. Cogsworth under his makeshift tent. Death. Everywhere death.

And then there was her mother, calm as ever, giving her a single nod and putting her finger to her mouth to hush her as if she was a young child again. Quiet. She had to be quiet. If the ogres couldn't see then that left sound and smell. She couldn't be odorless, but she could be quiet. She had to be! But that was a difficult feat when she felt as though all the blood had just rushed to her head and her heart was surely louder than any of the fighting she'd heard outside.

She was shaking. Or was the floor shaking? Both? At the sound of footsteps she couldn't help her instinct and turned to look behind her and saw those feet again. Big enough to crush her with a single step.

She felt like she was going to cry again and turned her nose into her mother's bodice, breathing in her perfume instead of the foul odor of the beast. She stayed close to her mother to keep calm even as the steps of the monster drew her attention away. Her mother cradled her closer to her and held her hand throughout the long seconds. But then suddenly the creature stopped moving and she panicked again, thinking it had heard her heart or her whimpering! She wanted to tell her mother to run, her legs itched to get up and sprint for someplace safer before the inevitable happened!

"Shh," her mother only hushed quietly, anticipating her fear with only the look of her eyes as a hint. "It's going to be alright."

It was going to be alright. It was going to be alright. It _was_ going to be alright. She fought hard to hold onto those words. She fought hard to hold onto the image in her head only moments ago, that morning when she'd had hope that everything would be alright.

Her father in his chair by the fire, pipe in hand.

Her head on her mother's shoulder, listening as she read to them.

 _Her Handsome Hero_. She'd forgotten it on the table but that was alright because she didn't need the book. She knew the words perfectly. They were all there in her head.

_"Once Upon a Time in a Kingdom that time has forgotten there was a beautiful Princess and though she had many fine suitors that could give her land and gold dresses nearly as beautiful as she was none of them were worthy of her heart. For there is a difference between offering another a heart and a hand. And somewhere out in the world, unknowing of his own true worth the man worthy of her heart sat alone watching the-"_

Suddenly the table over her disappeared with a loud crash and she stared up into a roaring face twice her size staring down at them, screaming at them sight unseen!

She felt her heart explode, the grip her mother had on her hand tighten and then-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And of course there is a reason that I cut it off there and that reason would be that in this fiction ::Spoiler alert:: Belle has more than simply "forgotten" what happened to her in these moments. What, how, and why? I suppose those are questions for the rest of this fiction because it's going to get...well, it's going to get interesting. I'll explain a little more in the chapters to come, but it's all part of this big doosey reveal of a chapter coming at the end of the fiction and I really hope that you'll like where I take this. (And looking at the BTS pictures from yesterday I hope the writers will like where I take this because I really don't want to have to start from scratch.)
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	27. Casualty of War

Waking up was never something that she'd been good at. If it was up to her she would sleep until noon. But the feeling of waking up, of the world coming back into focus slowly, the air in her lungs, the light in her room, the quiet, a face twice her size...sightless eyes...a roar and a wooden roof ripped right from over her head! And-

"Mother!" she screamed, sitting bolt upright, ready to flee, to make a run for it, to go…

To go…

Her heart was racing but it started to slow the moment she saw the familiar vanity across the room. Her desk. Her nurse, sitting in a rocking chair by the corner. Or at least she had been sitting in the chair. Now the chair was rocking on its own now as her nurse had jumped up at her cries and crossed her room in a single bound. "Easy now, miss. Easy!" she cooed sitting beside her on the bed. "You're fine now. Safe, you see!" she smiled. "Home sweet home in your own bed. That's a blessing now, surely."

Safe. Safe in her own…

Her own bed.

But…

But shook her head with confusion. She shouldn't be in her own bed. She should be…she should be…in Avonlea! In her room in Avonlea which wasn't as big or as comfortable or familiar as this one. She should be on a carriage with her-

Should she?

She pressed her hand to her forehead and realized that she was shaking as she tried to put everything back together again. She remembered…she remembered…

She remembered running. No, not from an ogre or anything, not even really running, she just remembered the feeling of being rushed. Deep inside of her there was a sense of peace and tranquility before the panic. That morning. Breakfast with her parents. They'd been fighting but after the news.

They'd made up. Just like she always knew they would, they'd pushed through their issues and decided on a plan together. That was when the panic hit. She could remember rushing and running around after that, gathering her things and she could remember…

The library.

She'd been nearly calm and her heart started to race again. The library. She remembered being in the library when the ogres had attacked. She'd been in there for a book. A silly book, maybe if she hadn't been then they wouldn't have-

They.

Her mother.

She'd been there too.

She could still remember the pressure on her hand and her back as she'd held her while they cowered under the table together. And then there was no table. Their only protection was pulled away from them with unthinkable force and a pale pink grotesque figure had reared down on them!

She covered her eyes with her hands as she remembered it. That one image. The sound of its scream. The smell of it. She'd thought what she'd seen in the camp had been bad, but she knew that she'd remember that image perfectly until the day that she died.

"There now, miss," her nurse said gently as she pulled her into her arms. "It's all going to be all right." She cried as the woman rocked her back and forth gently but it wasn't nearly enough. Lydia was fine. She'd known her for as long as she could remember but she wasn't the set of arms that she wanted right now. All she wanted was to sneak down the hall to her mother's room and crawl into bed with her, like she had the night that Samuel had died.

She shook her head and pulled away from her nurse, the command to get her mother on her tongue when she realized-

She couldn't scratch an itch.

Literally.

It was an idol action, an itch was something too silly to really think about until she couldn't get at it and looked down on her arm to find-

Blood. A bandage was wrapped securely around her arm, it was layered there and though it wasn't soaked through she could clearly see the spots of deep dried scarlet. She was cut. Badly. Or bad enough to have needed a doctor to patch her up. But when? The library. She certainly hadn't been hurt before that. She must have been injured when she and her mother…when they…

How had they gotten out of the library? Why were they still here, in their castle instead of going to Avonlea?

"What happened?" she demanded of her nurse.

Lydia shook her head and covered the injury tenderly with her hand. "Now, it's just a small cut, miss, nothing to be worried about! You should get back to bed and I'll call for your father-"

"No! No, I…I don't want my father! I need my mother, where is she? Why are we here?"

"Easy, dear. You've been asleep a few days now you need rest!"

"A few days!" she gawked. Days. Not hours! And…

She shook her head and pushed the covers away from her. "Miss!"

"I need my mother! Mother!" she called grabbing her robe and stepping out into the hallway. "Mother!" she slipped the garment on as she ran forward. She couldn't waste time. She needed her mother. She had to see her, she had to see her right now! Frankly, she didn't know why she hadn't been waiting by her bed if she'd been asleep for-

Her mother wasn't in her room. The door opened to nothing but an empty interior, a bed perfectly made, trunks still perfectly packed but…if she'd been asleep for days why weren't they…

Her father's room. She had to be there. If she was resting or if she was asleep like she was he'd want her close to him and that was-

His room was empty too.

She stared around in utter disbelief before relief from the pressure she couldn't remember filling her heart flooded in. She wasn't in her room and she wasn't in his room. That was good. That meant that she was fine then. Perfectly fine! She wasn't sure what had happened to her, why she'd been asleep so long but she knew that if her mother wasn't here then she obviously hadn't suffered the same affliction and was fine! She might even be working with her father right now! That was good! Only a single scratch on her arm and a few days sleep…maybe that was the worst of! The castle certainly seemed fine to her! Maybe if they were still here that was good news! Maybe the battle wasn't as bad as they'd thought it was and they were staying here!

But she still had to find them, to show them she was alright, to ask them what happened and why they were still here and not there! So she turned on her heel and went to the next logical place to find her parents. Her father's study. If they were reassessing things then they'd be-

The sight of the hallway nearly took her breath away as she rounded the corner. There was no hallway. Not anymore. Or at least there was nothing here anymore that she would say resembled the hallway. It was…gone. All of it. Thick heavy beams from the ceiling lay on the ground. The walls were exposed, leaving only crumbling stone against the bright outside world. Doors lay on the floor removed from their hinges. Mirrors were broken. Sunlight streamed in through holes in the wall were it looked as though someone had just broken through as if it was paper.

Ogres.

She shook again as she began her journey, knowing it was the stupidest thing in the world to do, her parents weren't here, obviously! But for some reason she just felt like she had to do this, to see it. Maybe if she saw it her memories would return. And so she removed her robe and began crawling over the beams in nothing but her nightgown, she held her breath every time ruble shifted, and she looked into every room she could. Her father's study was a wreck. The former war room…it was gone. The floor gave way to the outside world right where the door would have been. The room that her instructor had tried to teach her to dance in, the one that her mother had finally interrupted and taught her on her own days later...it was there. It wasn't as bad as the two rooms on the other side of the hall, but still uninhabitable. And the library was…

It wasn't what she expected.

Bookshelves were toppled. The table that she and her mother had been hiding under was a pile of sticks and twigs. On the wall was a scorch mark that looked as though the wall had caught fire at some point.

But it was the metallic, coppery smell and the stain on the floor that caught her attention unexpectedly.

Blood.

A few drops on the rug...and a puddle of it there by the windows.

A puddle!

There was a lump in her throat as she absent-mindedly reached for the bandage at her arm. It wasn't that bad was it? Was that why she couldn't remember? Had she lost consciousness? Because she'd lost so much blood? It was all nothing to her. She had everything up until the moment that the table was lifted and then…

She turned once more and this time, less than carefully she made her way quickly through the ruble. Her mother…she had to find her mother. She would know what happened after her world had gone black! She'd be able to fill in the blank spaces and besides…she knew her mother and father both must have been anxious to see her again if she really had been hurt so bad she'd been asleep for days now!

Lydia met her again in the halls just after she'd gotten her robe back on and hid the dust on her night gown. The poor woman did her best, she urged her to go back to her room so she could fetch her father from the throne room but her mistake was telling her where her father was and she easily adjusted and moved around her nurse and sprinted down the hallways so she couldn't catch her. All she could do was yell out for her as she moved on to the throne room. Getting her father wouldn't make a difference. If her mother wasn't there with him then he'd know where she was and she-

She nearly missed a step looking inside the throne room.

There were people there. She expected to see her parents, soldiers, or maybe guards…but not ordinary people. People from her village? Seeking refuge? In the castle? In this state? She wasn't sure what was happening but moved inside all the same, she didn't care if she wasn't dressed properly, she had to know what was happening, what was going on! She tried to find the throne, to catch someone's eye but all she saw were bouquets of flowers. And…black.

Lots and lots of black.

"Belle," her father called, drawing her attention to him and moving through the crowd to reach her. She felt her heart stop as she watched him part the crowd. No wonder she hadn't been able to find him. He too was dressed in black! She…she hadn't seen that color on him since…since Samuel's funeral. And before that, her Grandmother and…no. It wasn't possible.

Someone was dead.

It…it was a guard.

Or a nobleman or…or…it couldn't be who she feared it was.

It couldn't be.

"Why aren't you in bed?" her father asked finally joining her. There see! If…if…if it was that then he wouldn't have asked about her being in bed! He…he wouldn't have, he…he would have…he would have-

"What happened?" she asked looking him over, trying to hold tears back and not show the panic she felt in her mind. "Where's mother?"

"Oh, you mean…you don't remember?" he asked her.

Remember?!

Remember what?!

What was she supposed to remember?!

"Remember what, father?" her heart was in her throat, her mind was where it didn't belong. He was scaring her. What was she supposed to remember?! Had her mother been hurt? Had she told her where she was going? Was something wrong with her or her mind?! "I…"

A noise from the people behind him drew her attention forward. They were looking at her. All of them. They were staring at her in a long line. Two long columns leading up to-

Her breath left her chest and her knees went weak as she saw, as she realized.

A coffin…the flowers were on the coffin and it was guarded, the royal seal behind it just as it had looked when she was little and her grandmother had been laying in state.

She was vaguely aware of her father drawing her closer to his chest, holding her up as she sank into him. Lying in state. Death.

She looked up into her father's eyes hoping, pleading for him to say it wasn't true, that she was wrong and that it was someone else. But he didn't.

She placed her head against his chest and stared down at the coffin before her as reality dug its claws deeper into her with every passing second.

It wasn't a soldier, or a noblemen, or even Samuel.

It was her mother.

She wasn't just missing.

Her mother was dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's half of Moments Lost. But only half. See...from here on out we're going to be exploring a path that I believe was one of those story lines the producers "left open" as they would say, or have left unexplored as many Rumbellers would say. Here's the thing, when the casting call went out for Belle's mother a couple of summers ago it said the actress would be needed for several episodes, not just one and then there were a few odd things throughout the 4x06 episode that caught my eye, small things to do with Maurice. For example, I don't have it noted here because I felt it would have been inappropriate for Belle to notice, but watch this scene again. Is it me, or after Maurice states that Belle doesn't remember...does he smile a little? does he say it like he's relieved and maybe a little proud? And then their is the way he fought Belle tooth and nail over those memories and discovering what they were. And last but not least, at the end of the episode, I don't know about you but my first instinct after he told her how her mother died was "that's a lie, you're telling her what she wants to hear". Was I the only one that caught all that? Probably not, I saw lots of discussion on the forums all about it for the next week so...my conclusion, it's all part of this unexplored story line A&E left open. They had planned to use Belle's mom more when they hired the actress for this episode and they left traces and openings for that story line within the episode, but in my opinion, it's typically around writing the eighth or ninth episode that the writers realize "oh crap we can't do half of what we were planning because we're out of time", ditch the "unimportant story lines and scenes (AKA Belle's stuff), and move on. What did they have planned there? No idea. Is Colette dead or alive? No clue. Was Maurice lying to her? Can't say for certain. Was it the ogre attack Maurice didn't want Belle to discover, or was there something in those memories, something Belle had seen or her mother told her that Maurice didn't want her to know about? Can't speak for the writers. But what I can do is speak for Moments series and say that we're going to explore this unused story line a little more. Don't worry everything will stay in canon with what Belle knows and when she knows it, but this half of Moments I like to think of as "the plot thickens" half, because this is really where the mystery will begin with Belle.
> 
> Thank you, thank you, thank you Deweymay for your comments. Much appreciated! You rock and I look forward to reading your thoughts on this chapter and, frankly, on this A/N and where Moments Lost is going! It's going to be good I can already tell! Peace and Happy Reading!


	28. The Ones Left Behind

Her mother was dead.

Her mother was dead and she was alive.

Her mother was dead and she was alive and no one could tell her why.

How?

That was the one thing that everyone seemed to know without really knowing: the how.

As it turned out there were not seven ogres coming to attack that night. Just three. Only three lone ogres that had broken off from their Troupe and begun the trek toward their village and her beloved castle. No one seemed to know why. No one knew what they were thinking or even if ogres did think rationally as men did. All they knew was that the three ogres had arrived.

It was only because of her mother that so many had survived. At her urging her father had given the order for troops that were stationed close by to hurry back to protect the castle, the people, and the royal family. At the first mention that the royals were in terrible trouble they had all flooded back into their little town and by the time the ogres arrived there were so many of them they were overwhelmed.

One had perished as the other two destroyed the wall around the perimeter of their village.

The second one had met its match as the remaining two climbed the hillside to the palace but not before they obliterated several of the homes closest to the road. It had died at the sword point of dozens of soldiers.

But it still wasn't enough.

The third had succeeded in penetrating walls of the castle by ripping a hole in the side of their former ballroom the size of the tree. By the time the second ogre was dead and the soldiers realized they'd lost track of the third it was too late. The beast had already been making its way through the second floor of the castle. In the aftermath the soldiers had secured what they could to keep the structure solid, her father assured her of that. She was safe, the castle wasn't going to collapse any time soon. It didn't matter to her. The worst damage wasn't to the castle in her opinion. And one look in his eyes she knew that he knew it too.

Her mother was one of ten. In a village of three hundred, they had only lost ten. The other nine had mostly been crushed to death. Houses collapsing, ogres stomping, in one case a man had been trampled by his fleeing neighbors who hadn't noticed he'd fallen.

Her mother was different.

Her mother was different because she didn't know how she'd died and no one seemed to be able to tell her how it had happened. Great strength. That was it. That was all that the doctors who had examined her afterward had said, but no one really knew the how the death blow had been delivered and no one really knew how she'd survived it with only a simple scratch.

According to her father no one really knew what happened. It had been only her and her mother alone in that library. By the time the guards arrived the ogre was in the hallway again. They'd killed it there and when they looked into the library to find her and her mother, she was already lying on the ground, completely unconscious. Her father told her that the doctor thought that her stillness saved her, that because she was still and silent the monster probably didn't know she was there. It was a miracle it hadn't accidentally stepped on her but…

Her mother was dead. The blood on the floor hadn't been hers. It was her mothers. The closed casket, according to her father, was because she was in no condition to be seen after her death.

She was alive.

She was alive and her mother was dead.

And she hated herself for it.

Her father told her that while it was a terrible thing her death hadn't been in vain. Nothing roused a Kingdom like the death of a beloved monarch. While she'd been "asleep" the news of her mother's murder had spread like wildfire not just through the camps but through the towns as well. Angry citizens rose up and joined the army as they attacked the ogres while they slept. The war waged on but empowered with the spirit of her mother they pushed the beasts back. They regained more land, liberated more cities than they had taken so that it didn't just set them back months, it was as it had been years ago, before Samuel had died. Still, the supposed good news was that many believed this was the turning point of the war, from here on out things would get easier, they'd continue to push the ogres back, the beasts would go extinct, and they would rebuild their land.

No, her mother hadn't died in vain but…

To think there was a time that she believed that was the worst feeling she'd ever felt. Now even her Grandmothers death paled in comparison to this loss.

And her mother wouldn't be around to see it. Wasn't around to pick her up. To lift her spirits. To raise her hopes. She was gone.

Fourteen days after the attack, as was customary, it was time to remember that.

More people came than she expected, given the state of their castle and their village. But people wanted to see. Some wanted to be there for her family. Others were there just because it was appropriate. Kings and Queens from far off lands, her father's family, a cousin she hadn't seen in years, a Queen that could do magic, a man whose wife had been cursed, a young prince in a Kingdom by the sea, even Gaston and his family…none of them mattered to her. All she saw from her seat at her window was a crowd of unfamiliar faces, some laughing some smiling while others were appropriately somber.

She didn't want to be around any of them.

"Come now dear, it's nearly time. We should get you dressed."

At her nurses prodding she glanced over at the new dress already laying out on her bed for her. Beautiful. That was what the seamstress had said when she'd had her final fitting a few days ago and she'd pronounced that it was done and she would look like a beautiful young lady. She hadn't been able to thank her for that. The dress didn't fit right. It wasn't comfortable. And all she'd seen in the mirror was a sad girl who would trade anything to have her mother by her side again.

She didn't like any of this, but she didn't have the energy to fight it either. Wordlessly she peeled herself away from the window, away from the people entering their dilapidated and hallow home, and allowed her attendants to dress her in the black attire, fix her hair just right, and for her nurse to pinch color into her cheeks. Usually that was her least favorite part. She'd made faces and yelled and slapped her nurse's hands away in the past, but didn't lift a finger or make a sound this time.

"Hey," her nurse whispered, cupping her chin in her hand and forcing her to meet her eyes. "Now…I know I'm not your mother…heaven knows no one could replace her, but…but if your mother were here she'd tell you that no one expects you to be happy today. But your people do need you to be a leader, child. That's all you have to do. I've known you since you were born. I know you can do that. Hard as it is I know you have that strength in you because your mother had it. So…" with a sigh Lydia pulled her to her feet. "Straight back. Chin up! There's a good girl! You're ready."

Ready.

Ready to leave.

Ready to go to a grave.

Ready to bury her own mother?

How did anyone ever do this?

She felt a small jolt of surprise at the sight of Gaston standing outside her bedroom, but instead of questioning it she just looked down at her feet and trusting her nurse's hand on her back to lead her forward.

"There she is now," Lydia purred. "Doesn't she look lovely?"

"The most beautiful in all the Kingdom by far," Gaston confirmed. She didn't really care. For him, for his words, the fact that he'd said them it just…none of it mattered. "You're father sent me to fetch you, Princess. I'm to escort you today and if I may, please let me offer you condolences and deepest sympathy for your loss."

She knew that she should accept his "offer" but she just couldn't allow herself to. There wasn't a single bit of this that she wanted to accept and as soon as she got her mouth to work again that was the first thing she was going to say. But instead she felt her nurse put her hand into the perfectly flexed crook of Gaston's arm and her wobbly legs take her down the hall, some stairs, another hall, and another, and another, until he finally stopped in a room that seemed filled with nothing but chatter and crowns. She just looked down. She didn't want to talk to anyone today, she didn't want to process in on the arm of Gaston, she didn't want to be a leader.

She just wanted to go back to bed.

"My darling girl!" she heard the voice of her father choke out from somewhere close by and the next thing she knew she'd been enveloped in one of this warm hugs and it was the closest to living she'd felt all day. And it was dangerous. To be alive was to not be dead. She was certain she'd rather be dead. Her father's hug filled her with a feeling of warmth and security. It made her cold bones thaw, it made her heart beat and the blood rush to her cheeks. It made her muscles creak around him and tears spring to her eyes as she buried her face against his chest and felt her own heave for a moment with a muffled wail of sadness. She'd rather die than live through this.

"You'll get through it my girl," her father muttered giving her a gentle shove back so he could look her in the eyes and wipe her cheeks. "Trust me, soon it'll all be a bad memory."

She nodded, but quickly collapsed against him once more in tears because she didn't want the memories either. She wanted the real thing! She wanted her mother to walk through that door and say it had all been a terrible mistake and that she'd never leave again and her darling Belle never had to worry that she'd leave her again.

But instead the group of holy men leading the service burst through the door and began lining royals up for their procession into the burial grounds. Her father was last. She on the arm of Gaston was second to last and though there had to be hundreds of people that they passed by she heard not one sound of all of them. She couldn't look down. "Chin up!" her nurse had said. She was right, that was what her mother would say. So she picked a spot just over the head of the man in front of her and stared as they moved into the gates she hadn't been to for a long time, the place her Grandmother was buried. And her Grandfather she supposed, though she couldn't remember him, he'd died when she'd only been a few months old. There were twelve generations all buried here and room for more than twenty more. Her name jumped out at her immediately. It had been carved there since she was born, a tradition their Kingdom had to celebrate the birth of a royal by placing a plaque over the place they would one day be buried, a symbol to remind them and the Kingdom they were only human and would one day fall prey to the same death they all would. There was a place above her name, the place that her husband, Gaston she supposed, would go when they were married, a spot below her for the death of any children they might have that didn't survive their first six months. The spot next to her was reserved for her children that would live, those that would rule in her place one day when she was gone. But the spot on the other side, between her and her grandmother, just above the place her father's name was etched…her mother's name. A simple spot, the place where her body was rotting even now.

The holy men were talking. They were saying something important about the future of their Kingdom and the life her mother had led. She couldn't listen to them even if she knew that she should. There was still a giant hole in her memory, a moment she couldn't remember why she'd passed out or how. There was a lot she couldn't remember, she'd trade all of it to never remember this day. To forget the eyes of the royals behind her. To forget the feel of Gaston beside her, to forget the way her eyes kept drifting to the place she would belong some day and wish that this was all for her as well.

But then her father spoke. And she instantly regretted her thoughts as well. He'd lost her mother, his wife, he wouldn't survive if he lost her too.

"Colette was so much more than a Queen to many of us," her father began and she felt her eyes swell with tears instantly and her hand tighten around Gaston's arm as she begged herself not to cry. These were the words spoken for the death of a hero, a warrior who perished in battle. It was the highest honor anyone could ever hope to receive and though she hadn't expected to hear those words here, now, over her mother's memory, she was happy she was. She was happy she was being given this distinction. Though her father, the words were often recited, or at least begun, by a royal…she couldn't imagine the strength it took her father to do this.

"Colette was a vibrant and enthusiastic light in any darkness, during storms in the middle of the night and storms brought on by monsters bent on destruction. She touched the lives of all that she met in special ways, in many ways and on this day we have all joined together to remember those roots she took in all our lives as our relationships grew. Our words today will be only small fractions of the vivid life that Colette lived, the Kingdom she ruled, the lives she touch…"

Her father had never choked on his words before and he didn't do it now. He was stoic and emotionless as he stood there, putting on a good face for the crowd. She wish she had that ability. She wished that she could be the leader her nurse wanted her to be and her mother dreamt she'd be instead of showing how broken and bruised she felt inside. She wished she could be more like her father. She'd heard him give this speech at too many funerals over the last few years, Samuel's included. She knew the last line was difficult to say and she knew it had to be the most difficult thing he'd ever said, but his expression didn't waver. The only sign that showed that nothing was right was when he reached out for her and drew her informally away from Gaston and closer to his side. It was a hug that she was all too happy to let go of Gaston for in order to properly return and, she supposed, in the end the people wouldn't see it as his weakness, but merely a father comforting his grieving daughter. Perhaps that was best.

"We honor her memory today," he finally spoke after a minute, "and the many lives she led as we lay her peacefully to rest. Queen Colette, she was…she is…a true hero."

She pressed her face into her father's side to skillfully wipe her tears away, knowing exactly what was coming and doing her best to prepare for it. She wasn't sure she'd ever be ready.

"Queen Colette," someone called out from the crowd behind her, "a youthful soul."

"The best read person to ever grace the palace halls," a servant yelled out from a distance.

"A friend to the very end," a woman yelled.

"The most clear headed woman I've ever met."

"A brilliant politician."

"A woman dedicated to peace."

"A loving woman."

"The most interesting and graceful presence at any ball."

"A true blessing to her family."

"A truly good person!"

"A good wife," her father announced beside her almost too easily.

She cried as she felt the pressure around her shoulders increase and she knew what she was supposed to say. Her father…he'd said too little. It wasn't enough to properly describe what she'd been, what they'd been. And she didn't know how he could be calm through all of this. How he could so easily say what he did as if he wasn't hurting horribly! As if he hadn't just lost his best friend as she once had Samuel!

Her chin trembled, her lungs shook with the effort it took to breath and with a swallow she managed to open her mouth. "A devoted mother…my best friend…" her voice cracked and whether it was appropriate for her or not she broke into tears and her knees went weak. As she cried into her father's side she was convinced that the only reason she was still standing was because her father was holding her up.

"The many pieces of your beloved Queen Colette," her father stated next to her after a moment of silence. "May we honor her with our lives, the one's she's left behind!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been planning this funeral for YEARS! Forget months, it's been years! Ever since I wrote the funeral for Neal in season 3 and used this format to honor a hero I one day knew that I'd use it in the Belle prequel for someone, probably Belle's mother and oh, look here it is! Also, hard to tell now, I know and trust me it'll be a little more prominent in the weeks to come but can anyone see that there has been a change in Maurice, that something isn't quite right with him? "Oh Treatian, you suck are you really going to make us wait until the end of the fiction to figure it out?" Yes, yes I am, because I am a cruel person.
> 
> Thank you Deweymay for your wonderful and faithful comments as well as the thoughts concerning the 4x06 plot that was to be! Honestly this fiction got to be so frustrating sometimes but every little kind word helps. You rock! Peace and Happy Reading!


	29. Rumors, Lies, and the Truth

She was tired of being poked and prodded by doctors. Every morning, every afternoon, every evening…a month later the small mark on her arm, the only damage she was able to find on herself after that terrible nightmare, was nothing more than a scratch which certainly didn't need to be inspected three times a day and surely didn't require her to be kept in bed and out of sight for the last few weeks with nothing to do but stare at the ceiling above her while her nurse tried to engage in conversations she neither cared for nor wanted.

She wanted to be left alone. She wanted to remember what happened to her. She wanted to see Samuel again, for the war to be over, for things to be the way they were seven years ago.

She wanted her mother back.

Plain and Simple.

And yet here she was, still in bed, under doctor's orders, still staring out the window with her nurse, still waiting to wake up from this nightmare.

That might have been the reason why, when she heard the doctor knock one afternoon, she didn't jump at the predictable sound anymore but this time…she'd never know where she got the idea, only that the moment she heard the noise and decided not to roll over it was fully formed and she was already putting it into place. Instead of rolling over to face the doctor, as she always did, she just closed her eyes. She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing and keeping as still as possible as Lydia opened the door.

"Oh! Hello! Come right on in and…oh, Belle. I'm sorry, sir…I've just now noticed the Princess is asleep. Must we wake her?" she asked her voice suddenly a whisper.

"Well…" she heard the doctor sigh, "the rest is good for her after her ordeal…perhaps I'll just let her sleep and stop by later this evening to check in on her."

"That's a great idea, sir. She hasn't been sleeping well these last few nights and I'm hesitant to wake her when she finally settles."

"Of course, of course! And…while she rests, might I interest you in accompanying me to the kitchens for a bit to eat. I'm afraid I missed breakfast this morning."

"Oh it would be my pleasure sir. I really should head down that way any way. The Princess hasn't gotten her appetite back just yet but I keep hoping that if I have something tasty for her when she wakes up one day she'll eat again."

"But of course! So…the Princess hasn't taken to eating yet has she? And she hasn't been sleeping well either? I wonder if I shouldn't…"

His voice faded as the door closed and the mumblings outside her door grew distant. She could hardly believe it. Quickly she scrambled out of bed and put her ear so the small crack in the door. Yes! Yes, they were both walking away, leaving her unattended and…could it be possible? Childish as it was she stooped down and looked out the crack at the bottom of her door. Nothing. She saw no one standing in the hall! She was alone! Maybe it was a good thing she hadn't planned anything if only because if she had she couldn't have planned better than this if she'd tried!

She put on the simplest dress that she had, a light blue one her mother had absolutely adored because it matched her eyes, she grabbed her shoes and left. To nowhere in particular, she hadn't exactly had time to figure out where she'd go if she could get away but it didn't really matter! She just wanted to be left alone for a while, to not be fretted over! She didn't want to be in recovery or strong or have to listen to sympathetic remarks. She just wanted to feel…free. If she couldn't be happy then she needed that at least.

Staircase after staircase she climbed. When she heard voices she went the opposite direction, attracted to the quiet she finally wound up on the other side of the palace. The hall was empty except for some squeaky noises she took to be mice. Normally the thought of the little critters made her skin crawl but right now she understood it was a good sign. If there were mice here living out in the open so freely, then that meant she was truly alone.

With a sigh of relief she sat down on one of the window ledges and drew her knees up against her chest and looked out the window. She was high up, higher up than she'd ever been in this palace, in a place that she'd never been. Sometimes she found it astonishing that she'd lived here her entire life and still didn't know half of the castle as well as she probably should. But this was perfect. She didn't want to be somewhere that memories would haunt her. She wanted something unfamiliar, something different. And up here she hoped it would be a while until someone tried to look for her.

She let her eyes wander down over the grounds, wondering if someone from below might catch a glimpse and betray her, but…nothing. The only people she saw were maids below doing the wash and gossiping. They were far too absorbed in themselves and their tasks to look up and notice her. Which meant…

It meant she had nothing to do. She was alone. In fact, now that she thought of it this was the first time she'd been alone since her mother…

That thought had a strange effect on her. An effect she hadn't planned on when she'd run so far to be away from memories. She hadn't realized just how much she wanted, not needed, to cry since she'd awoken inside this strange dream. But now, without rhyme or reason or even motivation or proper provocation, she let herself curl up and cry. She rested her head against the arms on top of her knees and let the tears come. She let her sobs echo through the halls without a voice to tell her it was okay and everything would be alright. She let herself crumble without an encouraging pat on the back. She didn't want it to be okay or for someone to tell her to be strong. She was tired of it. So, so tired of it. Something terrible had happened and for just once she wanted this moment to cry about it and not have someone try to convince her that everything was going to be alright or make her feel worse for feeling bad or showing weakness. Nothing about it was alright. Nothing was ever going to be alright again! And it was nice to finally feel as broken as her heart had felt since it all happened.

Free at last and all she did was spend her hours crying. She cried until she was nothing more than a husk, a shell of the girl she'd once been sitting on a window sill beside her mother reading her books of fairy tales or learning a new foreign language just because it was fun, just so when she and her mother attended a ball or a dinner they could exchange quiet words in the most obscure language possible, their own little joke. She was so different now than she'd ever been. She didn't think that she would ever be who she'd been before again, no matter how strong she had to make herself, no matter how alright she pretended to be. She was broken. She'd never be fixed again.

When she couldn't cry anymore she just stared out the window, she stared at nothing in particular. Everything blurred and stretched and moved in odd ways. The maids doing the laundry in the bottom of her peripheral vision didn't phase her, the sounds of soldiers outside didn't distract her, not even the columns of black smoke rising in the distance, proof that nothing was at peace could take her away from the truth that she was living.

Her mother was dead.

She should have been dead too.

"If you'll excuse my naivety Lydia, I don't think anyone has been up here for quite some time"

The voice of the doctor coming up the staircase was enough to shake her from her stupor. She'd been caught! Or was close to being caught! And she wasn't ready yet. She wasn't ready to be found, to be a princess, or go back to the world. She had to move! She had to-

There! An alcove a few windows down, there was a suit of armor tucked away in it that shrouded the little cubby in shadow. Perhaps if she just wedged herself against it and the wall properly…

"Oh you never know with that girl!" she heard her nurse tell the doctor, "when she was but a babe she'd run from me during her baths, took us hours to find her in that library, naked and shivering with the cold. And she has more energy than you could ever know. Her parents used to send her outside to run circles around the castle before bed when she was young to get rid of it. Never worked of course. That child doesn't sit still well! Keep your eyes peeled. She could be anywhere."

"Won't she return to her room in good time?"

"Oh sure she will. She'll return in her own sweet good time, but what am I to tell her father if he comes looking for her and she's not there! She's supposed to be sequestered to her room under your orders!"

"By order of the king-"

"She doesn't know that…"

Her jaw dropped open. Her father. Her father and not the doctor was keeping her trapped. But...but why?!

"If I may be so bold to ask Miss Lydia, why all the secrecy? I've heard rumors-"

"Of course you have. We've all heard the rumors. There's not a single grain of truth to them if you ask me! Just a bunch of palace chambermaids putting their noses where they aren't supposed to be!"

"So when they finally pulled the girl from the study you didn't hear what she was talking about afterwards?"

"Course I did!" Lydia scoffed. "I'm her nurse, it was me the men brought her to first! Who else would have been able to give her the tonic that put her to sleep in her state? Raving and fighting us like a lunatic...no one else would have been able to handle her!"

"So then the rumors are true, about the princess, that she might have seen-"

"All I saw was a girl who had lost her mother right before her eyes!" Lydia insisted in that stubborn tone she'd used on her all to often. But...what was it that she was saying? That she was insisting upon?

"And the things she was saying?"

"Crazy babbling was all it was!" Lydia insisted. "I nursed that girl from my own breast and I couldn't make heads or tail of what she was saying about ogres and strange men and her mother-"

"You are aware some of the soldiers say that they saw the Queen up and walk right out of this palace just after the attack-"

"And another says she was carried away by the beasts and yet another says they've seen her ghost roaming the halls in the middle of the night and I don't buy a word of it! That woman loved her daughter more than life itself she'd have never left her there to fend for herself against an ogre. I know what they're saying, but no one saw what I saw of this family. Sure as I have breath in my lungs we buried that girl's mother and the only thing that came from it were the hysterics of a girl that had just seen her mother ripped apart with her own two eyes. In that case can you blame her for the hysterics?!"

She opened her mouth to gasp, but stifled it at the sight of Lydia and the doctor walking right by her armor concealed hiding place. They didn't seem to notice her. Considering they were here to look for her it appeared the two were taking a leisurely stroll through the hallway, too focused on what was ahead of them than what was right next to them.

"And the behavior of the King? It's changed hasn't it?"

"Of course it has the man lost his wife and his country's Queen all at once. It's a devastating blow for both of them. Plus the war…"

"I mean his behavior toward his daughter. It's erratic at best ever since that day. We're not allow to speak to her about the incident, not allowed to ask her if she remembers anything at all?!"

"He doesn't want to upset the poor girl or risk bring her memories back-"

"And the man, the other doctor that came to see her before I did, after you'd given her the sleeping tonic-"

"He was the closest doctor we had, the King just wanted to be sure she would be alright, that's all I know!"

"And you saw this for yourself?"

She leaned out of her alcove at the silence. Up until this moment Lydia had been quick to dismiss all of the doctors claims but now…after a few bated breathes she offered only a sigh. "The King told us the man wanted privacy and he chose to accompany his daughter alone, without me."

"The King told you! You never even saw him then! Or what was done to her! You know there are rumors going around that he let that dark sorcerer take her memories from her in exchange for his peace of mind! One of the cooks claims he called on trolls for help! And you know they say that he hasn't shed a tear over his wives death since that day!"

"Hogwash!" her nurse insisted. "He's a grieving widow, how he'd surviving it all is a mystery to me but a mystery he deserves to keep and as for those other rumors…he'd never let that creature near his daughter."

"But you don't know. And her memories do seem to be-"

"It's all for the better!" Lydia shouted suddenly coming to a stop in the hallway. She looked over her shoulder and Belle quickly scurried back into her position, her heart hammering against her chest as she waited for someone to mark her discovery. But nothing, no shout, no footsteps, nothing happened. "I know what people say, I'm not deaf to it and you're not the first one to ask, but no one has worked closer with this family for longer than I have. What that child saw was worse than we can ever imagine and if you'd seen her, the way she was after they pried her out of that study…you'd be happy she doesn't remember either.

"Now make yourself useful and come with me. We'd best find her before her father discovers she's gone!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter exists for a lot of reason, some important some not. To begin with, I'll be honest, it's my catch all "insurance" chapter. Beyond this chapter Colette is dead. The rumors and mysteries I inserted surrounding her death exist so that in the future if A&E ever decide to bring her back then I've got my bases covered. Aside from that though obviously this chapter finally gets us into our mystery side of things. It shows us that what Belle was told about herself wasn't necessarily the truth and that there is something going on behind her back that she doesn't know about. It also kind of gives us a general direction of where this fiction is headed. So...what do you think?
> 
> Thank you Deweymay for your wonderful and lovely comments and thank you truly for your support and all your kindness day in and day out with this series! You are awesome! Peace and Happy Reading!


	30. Walking Into An Engagement

It was hard to swallow what she'd heard. The moment that Lydia and the doctor rounded the corner she emerged from her hiding place and ran back to the one place she knew they weren't likely to check for some time…her bedroom. And this time when she cried, the tears were different than they were before.

What had she heard?! Nothing about it made sense! Her father…her father had told her, clear as day, she'd been found passed out in the library and her mother had been dead! That was what happened!

So why did not even Lydia deny that she'd been found in the study? That she'd been awake when she was pulled from the wreckage that she was…that she was talking about something crazy! Ogres and her mother…strangers. And then…her memories…the only thing Lydia hadn't denied. She'd seen another doctor before she'd awaken, one that had insisted on privacy and when she'd finally awoken…her memories were gone. A sorcerer?

Her memories. The last thing she remembered…that monster bearing down on her. There was nothing after that. Her father told her that was where she must have lost consciousness, where her body was too overwhelmed to go on so it must have shut itself down for her. Her father told her that was what had probably saved her, but…

When she'd been a child she'd passed out from being in the sun too long with a corset that was tied too tight. She could remember that. She could remember the way her body went slack, the way her vision blurred and faded to black from the outside in. She could remember the odd sounds of her mother and the other maids tending to her as her knees hit the floor and she'd felt…well…odd as it was she felt as though she'd just gone too sleep too quickly and slowly at the same time.

The memory of the ogre standing over her…it felt nothing like it should if she'd passed out! Her memory was clear and crisp one moment and gone entirely the next! The stranger had been a sorcerer? Was that possible? Had her father lied to her? Had someone taken those memories from her? Purposefully? The last moments she'd had with her mother and someone had just removed them or blocked them out?!

If she was dead. She remembered the conversation that the doctor and her nurse had. People had seen her mother leave, or so they claimed, they'd seen her ghost...

No. No, Lydia was right that was ridiculous. Rumors or ghosts or…her mother wasn't alive somewhere! She was buried. She was in the vault with the rest of her family, with her grandmother and grandfather, the place her father would be one day and the place she should have been now. Her mother loved her and her father. She would never have left the pair of them here alone in the middle of a war and she certainly would never have just gotten up and left her alone with an ogre! Mother or not, no person alive would ever be that cruel! Lydia was right, her mother was dead. But how? Because if she was found awake in the study…then it certainly hadn't happened the way that she thought it had; the way her father told her it had.

And she knew exactly who she was going to ask about that.

Quicker than she knew she could move she tore out of her bedroom and down the hall. And of course people tried to stop her. The servants that she passed grabbed at her and screamed "Miss, you should be in bed" but she didn't give them a glance over her shoulder. She should be in bed according to who?! That was another bone she had to pick, though one less important than the one urging her on and running through her blood at the moment. Her father wasn't in his bedroom, wasn't in the sitting room they now used as a dining room, in their old unused family room, and he wasn't in the throne room turned war room, but she did find him in the conservatory, the place that he'd made his new study since his own had been destroyed. The place that she'd been in?

The door was openand she was all too happy to march in and start asking questions-

Before she froze at the realization that someone was in there with her father.

"We must act now Maurice!" Vincent, Gaston's father hissed at him over the desk that now sat there. "Your wife's death, however regrettable, has served its purpose in that it has taught us a valuable lesson and that is exactly what the people need again! Purpose! Future! This is the time! We can give them something they want, something else to fight for! If it worked once it'll work again!"

"And I've already told you, Belle is not-Belle!" her father gasped when he finally turned from gazing out the windows and saw her there at the door. "What are you doing out of bed?"

What was she…she had to take a moment to think about it…the fight had gone out of her the moment Gaston's father stooped into a bow before stepping forward, grabbing her hand, and bowing again as he kissed the back of it properly. Too properly for her taste. She was all too happy to pull it away from him then remembered her own manners last minute and presented him, a King himself, with a polite bow. "My lady, it's so nice to see well. And, if you'll forgive my boldness, you do grow lovelier every day, my dear. Maurice you must be proud. She's as beautiful as a flower!"

"She'd make any father proud. She has ever since the day she was born," her father said over his shoulder in a strained voice. He was staring at her so strange. But then so was the nobleman before her. The look was different, but she didn't like it. It made her feel like a small mouse about to be devoured. And…there was an itch on the back of her neck that made her feel even more odd, like she was being watched. She turned and looked over her shoulder and found Gaston, stern and stoic standing in the corner. He was dressed formally, jacket, sword, hair combed back perfectly. His hand was on his sword and his eyes were on her. Why did she feel like something important was going on, something that she should know about but no one wanted to tell her? Between him and his father she felt like she had just stumbled into a lion's den. Did lions eat mice?

"But she should still be in bed," she heard her father encourage, "doctor's orders."

The words threw her. They reignited a spark. Lies. According to her nurse and the doctor it wasn't on his orders for her to stay in bed. It was her father's order.

"I had to talk to you about…something," she inserted staring oddly at the body in the room she hadn't planned on.

"Oh!" Vincent gasped. "How wonderful, we were just discussing you! You have impeccable timing your majesty. Please sit, sit down!" Her heart hammered as he took her hand and pushed her into the chair that sat in front of her father's desk before she'd even considered the request. She didn't fight, it was too much. There was too much going on at once, too much she'd learned, too much happening and when Vincent took the seat opposite her and she looked over to take in her father's worried face again, every thought she'd had before dissolved into worry. He, much like her, hadn't exactly been happy or excited these last few months, but he'd been approachable. His strong hugs were the only thing that warmed her heart some days. But now he wasn't looking at her like a father, now her nurse's voice shouted in her mind all the lies he might have told her to keep the truth from her. And her doctor's words…was it true? Had he traded his peace of mind for her memories? Was there a reason behind his approachable nature when she could barely force herself out of bed in the morning?

"What's happened?" she asked looking up at him, wishing he'd send Vincent away. "Is something wrong?" Her father sighed and tapped his fingers against the table as he stared down at the paper in front of him, unwilling or perhaps unable to meet her eyes. "Papa?"

"I'm afraid we received some very serious news today, my lady," Gaston's father interrupted moving his chair too close to her for comfort. "Now we didn't want you to worry as women so often do. There is nothing to worry about because you have my word that we're going to take care of it in our own way. But the news is from the front. I'm afraid, well...I'm afraid we've lost another battle."

Her first instinct was for her heart to sink. A lost battle. Lost battles were bad. Lost battles led to ogres and ogres led to-

But battles were part of war. And the front had been pushed back so far over the last month. They were winning thanks to her mother, but it was silly to expect they'd win every battle! "But it's just one battle. We'll recover the ground. Won't we?"

She'd addressed her father but still he said nothing to her. Gaston's father on the other hand scoffed next to her and picked up her hand, patting it gently. "Oh I know that it must seem like the logical conclusion to you dear girl but I'm afraid war is not always that simple. There is more than one front to fight a battle from and I'm afraid that it seems like lately we're losing from every side. In this case of this particular area, to the north...I'm afraid this is the fourth battle they've lost this week."

She felt her eyes widen as she looked at her father, who still wouldn't meet her eye. The fourth battle! The fourth in a week! Why was this the first time that she was hearing about this?!

"How…how is that possible?!"

"I'm afraid it doesn't end there my dear you see...it seems that as retaliation for helping your small Kingdom the ogres have invaded my own land, destroyed several towns...we believe they are close to breaking your southern border as well."

The southern boarder too?! North, East, and now the South! But then there's be nowhere else to go! How had it gotten this bad?! "But we were winning! They were leaving! We were going to take back our land, and…why didn't you tell me!"

"I should think, given your state since the Queen died, that should be obvious."

Her 'state' since the Queen died? The state that her father had kept her in?! "Excuse me?"

"Clearly the King only had your best interests at heart, dear," Vincent laughed off. "Mourning the dead always was the woman's work. It was best to leave that to you while we fought the war."

"Father!" she rose out of her chair and turned away from him, pulling her hand out of his own as quickly as she could because suddenly she felt like his skin was just as slimy as his soul. Mourning was women's work? It was no wonder Gaston thought the way that he thought. "Father I need to speak to you. Now! Alone!"

"The truth is, my lady," Vincent went on, reaching for her as though he was still in control. As though her father wasn't ignoring her. "Your mother, rest her soul, did something amazing for the cause."

"She died!"

"And she rallied the people together! Her sacrifice angered the people and made them strike back! It was powerful! But now the sting has begun to fade and the ogres' anger and fury…it's doubled. We need something stronger than hurt to rouse them again, to bring them together, something stronger than revenge to shake the from their stupor and fight again just as they had been! For your Kingdom and for mine, what will one day in the near future be yours."

"What-"

"True love, Belle," Vincent stressed. "They've been fighting for the past but now we need to give them a future to fight for! Your future."

She knew that he was trying to say something, she knew that he thought what he was saying made sense because it was of utmost importance but she just didn't understand what he was trying to say. Her future? True love? Her memories… "I don't understand."

"Belle," she glanced up at her father's solemn voice, eager to hear what he had to say, what he wanted to say about all of this. "Vincent believes-we believe, that it might be time to move forward with your engagement. To formally accept Gaston's proposal and keep morale up so the soldiers will want to fight and won't lose heart."

She felt her mouth drop as she struggled to understand the proclamation he'd just declared to her. Proposal. Engagement. A wedding. Her mother had only been in the ground a month and he wanted to…it was unfathomable!

"No... No, Papa you can't think this is the answer, I don't understand…"

"It is his-our hope, that if the people wanted to fight for the memory of their Queen, they'll want to fight for the future, your future. And...naturally...if Gaston were to wed his own people would fight stronger too. You can never underestimate the power of the fighting spirit."

Her future. Her…with…

"With Gaston…?"

"We could be a beacon hope for the people of this Kingdom and my own," Gaston's voice arose from the corner of the room where he'd been standing quietly since she arrived. "We could be the symbol of all that is great in their land, remind them of the good things to come for it. They would fight for us, for our children."

Suddenly she felt like she was going to be sick. Their children?! They were going to…they needed her and Gaston to…

She was struggling to breathe. Engagement?!

"But…but Mother…she…she only just-"

"It's been a month now, Belle," Vincent interrupted softly. "That kind of time is irreplaceable during war and far too long to waste in mourning. Perhaps it's time to accept the Queen's death and move on."

"Vincent!" her father growled from across the table, fire in his eyes. Her stomach began to settle, excitement grew as she anticipated what would come. She knew that her father wouldn't agree to this. Not now! Not only a month after her mother had died. He'd practically said it this entire time, it was Vincent's idea not his own. He's see through it all...wouldn't he? "Vincent if you'll excuse us, I need a moment to talk to my daughter…in private."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so now you finally meet Gaston's father and see how her engagement came to be pushed forward so quickly. 
> 
> Thank you to Deweymay for you wonderful comments on the last chapter. I'm sorry for all the sad in this fiction, but I figure if she wasn't unhappy in this fiction then she wouldn't be truly happy in all of the other fictions that come after this one. Part of what makes her truly happy is that she's know true sadness in a way. Right? Peace and Happy Reading!


	31. Far From All Right

Yes! This was what she needed. This was what she wanted! To talk to her father alone about…not marriage. She wanted to talk to her father about what happened to her mother and certainly not about marriage but rather the ridiculousness of what Gaston and Vincent were proposing!

"Belle..." When she looked up again, her father was sitting in the chair that Gaston's father had left vacant and he reached for her hand, but his grip was different than Vincent's had been, softer, kinder, warmer even as he held it between his hands. He was her father again, the one that she'd had as a child, the one she'd missed these last few years as this terrible war raged on without end. "My darling girl…you know I love you more than anything. And I would give anything...anything to keep you my girl forever…but I can't be selfish, I can't keep you all to myself. The day your mother died I learned that-"

"What happened to her?" she blurt out suddenly before he could finish whatever he was rambling about.

Her father's eyes met her own and for one small second she saw deep within them a flicker of fear before he shook his head in confusion. "What?" he asked looking her over, appearing stunned by the question. She knew that he was talking, that he was trying to tell her something but she didn't want to be distracted from what she'd discovered not long ago. She had to know the truth.

"I want to know what happened to mother. And to me. I need to know what really happened the day she died. Please father, tell me!"

"Belle, I've already told you-"

"No," she interrupted. "Papa I know-I know it's not true. I know I was in the study, I know I was awake, I know I was-"

"What?!" he roared rearing up out of his chair, standing at full height and dwarfing her tiny form. She curled back into her chair at that single word. Yelling. Her father had never yelled before or reacted with that much...emotion?! Anger? Hostility? "Who told you all this?!" he demanded as his face turned red and his eyes...they burned. It was frightening. There wasn't just anger in his gaze, there was fear there too. What on earth had happened to her? What would happen to Lydia if he found out who she'd heard it from?

"I…a servant…in the hall. They were talking outside my bedroom," she lied.

"Who?!" he demanded with a growl.

Lydia and the doctor. It was right there on the tip of her tongue but she wouldn't tell him. Angry as she was over what he might have been keeping from her wasn't half as angry as he was right now. Who knew what he would do if she told him it had been them. The doctor, he wasn't important to her, but Lydia…she'd already lost her mother, she couldn't risk her being taken away, especially not if she knew the truth. "I...I-I don't know," she concluded looking away.

Her father didn't yell, or demand that she tell him anything again, instead the room got quiet. Too quiet. So quiet she felt as though she could hear her heartbeat echo off the walls. When she finally got up the courage to glance upward her father was staring at her, mouth open, eyes gaping in surprise. It was better that the fire they'd had before, but it was such a drastic change she felt as though she'd been slapped!

You're lying," he stated with something like shock. "You haven't lied to me since you were a child and stole cookies from the kitchen. Why are you lying-"

"Why are you?!" she shouted back unexpectedly. She couldn't help it. Yes, she was lying, but...here he stood accusing her of not telling the truth over something small and insignificant when he'd apparently been doing nothing but lying to her every since her mother died! In fact, if he'd just told her the truth in the first place they wouldn't even be having this conversation because she wouldn't have been on "pretend bed rest", she would have had to sneak away from her own room, and she would never have heard Lydia and the doctor in the first place! "Why did you lie to me! Why are you having the doctors keep me isolated in my room? Why won't you tell me what really happened to mother!"

"I already told you-"

"Why was I in the study then?!"

"You weren't!" her father bellowed, his anger rising again quickly. "You weren't in the study! You were in the library. The librarian fled just after the ogre burst in, he ran to get help for you and your mother. When we found you your mother was dead and you were pulled, _unconscious,_ from the wreckage. The reason you can't remember is because there is nothing to remember!"

She could cry. She was crying as he gave to her the same story he'd given to her all along, perhaps with a little more bite than he had before…but now she knew…he was lying. About all of it or some of it she didn't know but it was apparently his word against Lydia and the doctor and the countless other servants that they had spoken of! Ordinarily she might have thought nothing of that, but his anger now, his rush to deny something with such passion! Passion like that didn't come from telling the truth, it came from wanting to keep the truth locked away. He was lying to her. But why?

"Who was the man?" she choked out quietly trying not fight back her tears and not burst into hysterics.

For a moment her father looked just as flabbergasted as he had when she'd first begun this conversation. There was recognition there, perfect recognition for one second that told her he knew exactly what she was talking about...but then it faded. As quickly as it had come it disappeared into a forced look of confusion again. "What man?" he asked without even pretending to be curious.

Her tears stopped because she wasn't upset anymore, she was angry. This was what Lydia hadn't denied. It wasn't a rumor that she and the doctor had spoken of this was an experience that Lydia had! One she had spoken of with sincerity and one the doctor had spoken of with certainty with her. Of course she couldn't tell her father that. If Lydia knew something that no one else would…her father might know.

"The guards, the servants that I heard outside my bedroom, they said…they said there was a man in the castle, a sorcerer or a troll, that came to me before I awoke-"

"The doctor to bandage your arm nothing more," her father insisted.

"The guard said it was a different doctor."

"They're lying to you then!" her father roared.

"They didn't lie to me, I overheard them talking about it when they thought I wasn't listening!" she hollered back with more gusto than she'd known she'd had.

"Rumors then! Belle there was no other doctor. You were not awake. You were brought back to your bedroom with a bad cut on your arm. The doctor bandaged your arm and gave you something to help you sleep. That was it. That's all!"

"That's not what the guard said! Why are you lying to me!"

"Why can you not see just how ill you still clearly are?!" he shouted. "Belle, nothing happened to you that I haven't already told you and if you were well you would see that!"

"I am well!"

"Clearly you're not!" he screamed at her. First yelling, now screaming. He never screamed, they never really fought either, not like this. And it was clear that she wasn't going to get answers from him. "Belle your mother…" he paused then, shook his head and took the seat opposite her, grabbing her hand once more, only a little tighter than it had been before. "Belle, your mother's death was a terrible tragedy," he finally muttered. "But the fates didn't spare you so that I would lose you again. They gave you back to me to enjoy you, to enjoy the life you can lead, to watch you grow. You've only just started, my girl! If I could keep you forever I would but…I have to be selfless. I have to let you have the life that I dreamed you'd have. That dream didn't end when the ogres crossed into our territory and it didn't end when your mother drew her last breath. I-we envisioned this Kingdom going on long after the pair of us, I'm sure of it. Through you…and Gaston."

And so they'd come back to this again. It was impressive how fluidly he'd gone to speaking about her mother to talking about Gaston and the engagement. It was almost too fluid. The doctor said he hadn't cried since that day. Something was wrong. She knew it was. He shouldn't have to be certain about anything he and her mother had talked about he'd know. But…

The life they dreamed that she'd have. A dream that went beyond her father and mother, even beyond her and…and Gaston. It wasn't about Gaston. She didn't need her father's certainty to know that he had been speaking the truth. She remembered discussing it with her mother and coming to that conclusion all too easily. It wasn't Gaston, it was the Kingdom, her country. The life they dreamed that she'd have was to become a Queen and rule the Kingdom they left her justly and fairly. She could do that, she wanted to do that for her mother and for Samuel and for all the soldiers that were fighting and for those that were dying but…Gaston?!

"But…now?! Why does it have to be now?! It's only been a month-"

"If the ogres advance any further then we might lose our advantage. Inappropriate as Vincent's tirade was...he was right. The people fought for something they believed in once, they'll do it again. They just need something to fight for. Their newly engaged Princess…"

He didn't need to finish that sentence, she already knew how it ended because of the countless parties and balls she attended where the conversation revolved around who was engaged to who, when couples were getting married, and who was honeymooning with someone they shouldn't. If the soldiers and all the people for that matter learned of her engagement...it would excite them. It would put a face to what they were fighting for. If she was engaged it would be the talk of the town and suddenly it wouldn't just be trees or fields, or even just their family they were fighting for. They would be fighting for her, for her future, for her leadership. They would have hope. Hope was a powerful thing. At least that was what her books told her. Hope could drive people to do inspiring things, to devote themselves to a cause, to fall in love with a vision. Hope could inspire greatness, it could drive back the ogres, it could spare her land, it could save soldiers like Samuel, spare homes worth more to her people than her own, and never leave another child motherless.

She didn't know when she'd stopped holding in her tears and actually started to cry, or even why she was crying to be honest! All she knew was that when she finally nodded and uttered the words "I'll do it" tears rolled down her cheeks again. "I'll do what you ask and accept the proposal, but if you won't tell me what happened to mother I'm going to find out what happened on my own. Even if it is the last thing I do I have to know Papa."

"Belle," her father said sternly, his grip on her hand tightening. "listen to me carefully, my darling. You aren't well. You need rest and when you have it then you will see there is nothing to remember-"

"If I have to marry Gaston then I at least get to decide whether there is something to remember or not!" she shouted, getting up and striding out of the room, covering her mouth with her hand as she began to cry. Gaston and his father were waiting just outside the heavy door. One of them said something but she didn't know which and she didn't know what, merely ignored them as she made her way back down the hall to her room for her "pretend bed rest".

She tried to believe marrying Gaston was a good thing. She tried to believe that this was what her mother would want and what her Kingdom would need. She tried to believe this was not the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So obviously we're not just jumping right into the Arendelle stuff. No worries, it's coming. But I did delay it just a bit in this fiction. Why? Two reasons really. One the cut on her arm. I studied the chamber scene very carefully and by the time she and her father have this argument in her room the bandages are gone. Small wounds take two weeks to heal, bigger ones take six weeks. The fact that they are showing the cut is gone tells me Belle did not take off right after the funeral. Number two, when Belle gets to Arendelle she seems to be past the initial grief of her mothers death. This is one of those times I apply real lie experiences that we've all had (though maybe you are lucky enough not to have had them by now) with grief and applying them to Belle. After loss there is a period of depression that she went through, during that time it's hard to think or speak of the person without choking up or bursting into tears. When I lost my grandmother, it was that way probably for about six months. But after there things...well they don't get easier but I feel like the brain starts to kick in a little more. It's possible to speak about the dead at length but there are times when things get especially hard that it becomes difficult again. That's the place I felt Belle was at in Arendelle. When she talks to Anna about her mothers death she's grieving but capable of talking about it without bursting into tears. When she talks to Oaken about it, when she's stressed and things are going wrong, it clearly starts to get to her. Now don't worry, I didn't put the Arendelle stuff off too long, we're only a few chapters away from there really, I just wanted to add a bit of time, a bit of build up, and a bit of an explanation for it all. Hey, it's not like Belle get character development anywhere other than here right? Let's take advantage of it.
> 
> Big, big, big thank yous to Deweymay for your awesome and amazing comments on the last chapter and for being an awesome and faithful reader in general! It really keeps morale up throughout this fiction and of course is a huge encouragement as I move on with Moments Taken. Until tomorrow friends, Peace Happy Reading!


	32. The Feeling of Death

She could do this. She could do this, she could do this, she could do this!

And yet the trembling in her hands told her otherwise. The way that her stomach sat in her throat the entire time told her that she couldn't. Or that she was more nervous than she was making herself out to be. Or that this was not the right decision that she wanted it to be. Everyone and everything told her that it was the right choice. Her father told her, Gaston, her nurse, a few of her attendants, and the others that the news had managed to make it to, mostly high ranking generals, Samuel's father, they all approved too. A month had passed and three more lost battles suggested that maybe everyone was right. The men were growing weary, the land was shrinking again, cities were being swallowed up by monsters before they'd even begun to get their footing back. Maybe her engagement was something the people needed to propel them forward.

But another part of her questioned what would happen if it didn't work. What happened if she agreed to this marriage and they didn't improve? If her good news wasn't enough to rally the people?! What if this ball in her stomach never went away? What if her tears never stopped? What if marrying Gaston was every bit as terrible as she'd dreamed it would be? What if her memories from that day in the library never came back…

Suddenly she found herself crying again every night before bed, just has she had the week after her mother died! There were times she found herself staring at that pale scar on her arm, it glowed in the moonlight and she felt haunted by it. What had happened in the library that day? What her father told her…the truth was that she wanted to believe it was the truth, that he'd never lied to her before and wasn't lying now, that everyone else in the castle had it wrong and he was the only one that knew it was right! But she couldn't pretend not to add up all the evidence against him. She'd never fainted before in her life! Why would she have then?! How was it possible Lydia spoke of a man of magic with such certainty while her father insisted it was a doctor? Why would her mind choose to block out the images of her mother and not those of the day her grandmother died, or the day she and Gaston had gone to that horrible camp?! And her mother…

Her mother would want this for her, wouldn't she?! Of course she would. She had wanted this for her. Time and time again she'd encouraged her to marry Gaston and be a leader. This was being a leader, wasn't it?!

But something itched in the back of her head. That one unknown lost moment of her life toyed with her and baffled her. They'd only been alone a few seconds but the entire world could change in only a few seconds! Her mind had played through every scenario she could think of already. In her mind she saw her fathers version of the truth, one where she lost consciousness, her mother screamed her name in panic, revealed herself to the beast and was killed as she lay helpless and silent only a few steps away. In another scenario she'd been the one to scream and in order to save her life her mother had jumped up and run into the depths of the library screaming at her to run for help, perhaps that had been why she'd been in the study! But in yet another thought she had an image of her mother grabbing her hand and yanking her out of the library before the creature could grab them, of them hiding behind walls and fighting for their lives until help came before she shoved her into the study for her own protection and allowed herself to be swallowed up by the beast. Could her mother said something to her then in those missing moments? Something important? Anything that could help her through this nightmare she was living in now and couldn't wake up from?! Or had she just told her that she loved her?

It didn't matter. If a simple "I love you my darling Belle" was all she'd had time to whisper then she wanted that memory. She needed those words right now. It didn't matter if she'd said them to her a thousand or a million times from the moment she was born to to right now she needed to hear it just one more time if that's what was said. How had she never counted those times before? Never cherished them like she should have?!

"There now miss!" her nurse smiled as she delicately inspected the gown that she put on. "You'll impress more than the nobleman's son tonight! I do believe you will bring your father to tears! You look beautiful! So grown-up! hard to believe this is the same babe I nursed all those years ago."

She glanced around Lydia to the woman in the mirror.

She was right…it was hard to believe.

She looked like a stranger.

As a child she'd always loved dressing up. Even when she finally got older she loved the way she and her mother would sit in the same room and have their hair fixed just right, the way they'd complain about the bodices and corsets together, and in the end when she looked in the mirror and saw herself next to her mother…it was always her favorite part of the evening.

But now she just saw her.

She wished she could be happier.

The evening, despite her wobbling knees progressed the way it should. Though she'd never been the cause for a dinner like this she'd been to enough of them to know the procedure by heart. Still...it wasn't exactly as she'd imagined it. This dinner had been scheduled quickly after she'd agreed to her father's arrangement. It was hasty. In a perfect world, a world without ogres or war, a world where her mother still lived on, this dinner would have been a proper ball. The traditional ritual of engagement meant there would have been dancing and grandeur after dinner and all of nobility would have shown up with their extended family. As it was there were less than two dozen noblemen that had arrived, noblemen she barely knew with the exception of Samuel's father.

He'd changed since she'd last seen him, or maybe he'd just transformed. Years after his only son's death he had more wrinkles and grey hair that she remembered. His hot and forceful temper seemed to have cooled, and his eyes didn't reflect the pride that he'd once had, only sadness. "If Samuel could see you this day…I do believe he would have lost his very breath at the sight of you. You know…I think he always fancied you as something more than a friend," he reminisced quietly. It took everything that she had inside of her to respond appropriately, to simply nod and tell him that she missed Samuel too. It was true. She didn't miss him anymore as much as she missed her mother, sometimes she felt guilty thinking about it because in the end her mother had been right and she'd learned to go on in his absence. But there was still a gap there in her heart, a hole he'd left that no one would ever be able to fill the same way he had.

What she missed about Samuel was that he wouldn't have lost his breath at her. She was pretty, she was beautiful, gorgeous, she'd grown up, she was a woman…meaningless words! She wanted so much more than what they had planned for her. She wanted to be more than a pretty Queen, she wanted to be more than just the woman behind the King. She wanted what her mother and Samuel had seen in her. She wanted to be smart again. She wanted to be clever and intelligent and the moment that she spotted Gaston and his father enter she wanted nothing more than to be something more to this Kingdom than just a symbol, she wanted to inspire them with something more than a wedding.

Still the time came and the few that had arrived to make the occasion official gathered into the dining room to sit before their formal table for a meal. It was simple but still elegant. A show of just how much war time effected everyone in the kingdom and not just the lowly.

She could barely eat through dinner. Her stomach simply wouldn't settle enough to allow her to truly eat. But she couldn't bear to look up either. Gaston sat with his father on the opposite side of the table and she could feel his eyes on her the entire time. He thought she was beautiful. It was the only thing that ever seemed to come out of his mouth whenever they were in the same room together. It was clear to her that he considered it a compliment but she…

She had to be brave. She could remember what happened in the library to a certain point and her mother's words rang clear in her mind. _"Do not fear, my Belle. This will be over soon you'll see. This will end and you'll realize just how truly brave you were all this time."_ She didn't have to do anything. She just had to survive this dinner and get back to her room. In a few hours, tonight, she would go off to her bedroom, her servants would remove this dress from her, she'd clutch her book close to her chest, _La Belle Et La Bete_ tonight, the book her mother suggested would help her…and it would be done. She'd be engaged. She just had to make it through-

"Your majesty!" Even through the chatter the chair scratching against the floor sounded as if it was echoing through an empty room and before she really knew what was happening Gaston was on his feet across from her. She felt herself break out into a cold sweat and suddenly it was hard to breath against the pounding of her heart which seemed to have grown twice what it was only a minute ago. Every time it beat her entire body seemed to drum with it. Was dinner over already? Was it really time? This really couldn't wait another day or two?! Another year or ten?!

"Your majesty, noble men of both our great Kingdoms, I thank you for your presence here and ask your forgiveness for the intrusion of your dinner, but I beg, your majesty, that I might make a request of you that would be pleasing to the entire Kingdom."

She was shaking. Her body was cold and shaking as if she'd nearly drowned in the river and all the while she kept waiting for a calming pressure against her hand from her mother. The pressure never came. She'd seen this ritual, a proposal like this twenty times before at least! Did all of those young women feel the same way that she did?!

"Your intrusion is forgiven, make your request," her father said smoothly. Smooth. How did he sound so calm? When he'd told her about this proposal she could have sworn that he was as nervous and unhappy about it as she was. Now he sounded normal, like the King and not her father, though she knew he was expected to be both at the moment. He liked Gaston, she knew that, and her mother had once informed her of how much her father liked him for her, for the future of their Kingdom…but she couldn't bear the thought of anyone close to her being really happy about all of this. It made her want to burst into tears and run off to her room and hide! This would be good, wouldn't it?! No need to be so…afraid?

She glanced up as she saw Gaston make a gesture to someone behind her. She heard the door open and she wanted very much to turn to see what was being brought in for her but couldn't make her neck move the way that it should. She wasn't sure she could move at all at the moment. But that was alright, because somehow she felt if she did manage to move she would run out of this room as fast as possible and ruin everything!

So she stayed put and finally the servant moved to a place within her line of sight and presented her with...

A sword. Sparkling and clean, probably freshly polished, sitting perfectly upon a purple pillow. Yes. This was happening then. A gift, something treasured by the one making the request, was to be given to the woman he was hoping to engage. She honestly didn't know why and suspected it was one of those traditions that had lost it's meaning over time, though she thought she could remember her mother saying that whatever the groom to be chose always seemed to represent the kind of man he was and the kind of marriage that he wanted. A sword? What did that mean to her? About Gaston? About their marriage? She didn't know, she couldn't consider it right now because her mind was too busy remembering that according to tradition it was the last thing to happen before-

"Belle!" She gasped as he called out and looked at her. She could feel all eyes on her. She could feel their smiles as they waited to see how happy and ecstatic she was about the entire thing. Could they see just how terrified she was, how horrified?

_"Do not fear, my Belle. This will be over soon you'll see. This will end and you'll realize just how truly brave you were all this time."_

"If it pleases you," Gaston went on, unphased by whatever look was on her face, "if it pleases your father, I offer you the sword I used when I made my first kill. It represents power and strength and skill, and I give it to you as a token of my affection and my intentions. If it is pleasing to your land," he said glancing up and down the long table, "then I will take your hand, now and for the rest of your days, in marriage, therefore making both our Kingdoms one."

Bravery. She needed bravery. It was almost over. Only a few more words and a desert of celebration instead of a ball and then she'd be…she'd be…

"Your offer is generous and your gifts acceptable," her father muttered next to her, "and on my behalf of my daughter and our Kingdom, I accept your offer."

Her ears were ringing, the promising sound of happy congratulations, dessert being called for to celebrate was drowned out by a dulling sensation throughout her body. Probably it was nothing, simply the excitement and nervousness of her body finally running out. Now that it was all over…she was simply calming down. Yes, that must have been it. The moment was passed and she was engaged and…strange, why was it that the feeling passing through her right now feel like dying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time Moments readers might recognize some of this chapter because it has been out there since MR&U. I theorized (and then wrote it that way because it's my series and I can) that in season 3 when Rumple proposed to Belle with the dagger it meant something more in her culture than to ours simply because 1) "I am now and for all the future yours" sounds like an awesome promise but not so much "will you marry me" and yet 2) when Belle heard it she immediately became excited as if she knew that he was going to ask her to marry him (again, despite the fact that it sounded nothing like a proposal!). So it gave me the opportunity to compare and contrast and add a little more meaning. I liked it, personally. I thought that by doing it this way it emphasized how important Belle was to Rumple and how much he cherished her, whereas here it shows just how little Gaston actually knows about her (the sword you made your first kill with...something every girl dreams about). Also I liked it because I got to show the difference between who was in charge and giving themselves over to who. And anyone notice that Belle has 0 lines in this chapter. Everything centers around Gaston asking her father for her hand and honoring the Kingdom, whereas Rumple (real dagger or not) gave himself to Belle and asked her permission, not her fathers. I know it ruffled feathers in MR&U, but I hope that for the most part it's seen as alright.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	33. What Bees Do To Birds

Things didn't get better as she expected. They only seemed to get worse. Not necessarily with the war. According to her father the proclamations he'd sent out telling the Kingdom of her upcoming nuptials had worked. It wasn't nearly as effective as her mothers death, but all over there were reports of spirited and determined fighting and while their soldiers weren't pushing the ogres back, at least they were holding them off. It was something. That seemed to be part of the problem.

"We need to get that man here, now," he insisted at the news. "We need to plan this wedding, keep the ball rolling so that they keep fighting. We have a small window of opportunity to get this done, let's not take chances and wait for it to pass!" And with that wedding plans had begun. She could have handled that. It was just a big party after all and for her all that really entailed was making decisions. This or that? White or pink roses. Gold or silver jewels? The wedding planning, annoying as it was, she could handle. What she couldn't handle was what came after the wedding, what would come after. What bothered her was what she'd learned only yesterday.

Gaston was moving in. It was good for morale, at least that was what her nurse had said. In preparation for his arrival Lydia had taken her to the place that he'd be moving into. Around the corner, the place that her mother's parents always stayed when they came to visit because it was the room that was nearly as big as her parent's room. "Course Gaston will only be here for now, but after the wedding this will be your room!" Lydia had explained making her heart nearly stop as she dropped the book she'd been carrying in her hand.

"My room?!"

Her nurse chuckled and looked at her funny for a moment, as if what she'd said was entertaining. "Of course, Miss! You didn't think you'd stay in your old room now did you?! It's a child's room! After your wedding night you'll hardly be a child! You'll be a wife! A woman, that's a different kind of life all together and that requires a different type of room."

She felt her body run cold and fought the urge to shake again as she stared at her. No. She supposed…she supposed she hadn't expected to stay in her own room, her "old" room, but…she hadn't exactly thought it through either. She'd been so focused on this one thing, the wedding, the actual marriage that she hadn't even had a moment to think about what life would be like for her afterwards. Much less the wedding night.

"Oh, my! Poor girl you look like you've seen a ghost!" Lydia muttered with a small laugh, coming forward and wrapping an arm around her waist as she pulled her into the room. "Can't blame you, I imagine I looked much the same way before my wedding night! Course it'll be a bit easier on you than it was on me. Not to worry, Miss! Women have survived worse in their lifetimes than their husbands."

"'Survived their husbands'…why-what…what does that mean? Are…are they cruel?" her mouth was dry and she could already feel tears gathering in her eyes. Why was her nurse scaring her like this?

"Oh no, miss!" her nurse gasped. "Well…some are, I imagine, but that's the burden we all must bear isn't it." Now her heart was racing, she was shaking whether she wanted to shake or not as fear curled up her spine and slipped into the tears in her eyes. Cruelty. She hadn't expected cruelty in her married life and surely her father...

"But my…my father wouldn't stand for that. He wouldn't allow that...he wouldn't-"

"He wouldn't know, miss. I've never known a daughter to ever complain to her father of all people. It's the natural order of things for men and women to…oh my…" her nurses smile had faltered the more she clamored on and on, the more she watched her. "You don't know…do you?" she muttered looking at her with a seriousness she never had before.

She didn't know. What didn't she know?! She didn't even know what she didn't know! Only that all she was telling her was that she had to move from the room she'd had her entire life into this room, connected to what would be Gaston's by a simple sitting room just like her parents and he'd be…cruel to her? He might be cruel and her father wouldn't know about it?! She wouldn't tell her father? Because it was "natural"…what on earth?!

"Heavens child…didn't her majesty ever…" but Lydia didn't finish that thought. She must have finally seen the fear and panic and confusion in her eyes and stopped, she merely let out a sigh and sat down next to her on the bed. Her new bed she supposed. "There now, child," she whispered wrapping her arms around her and gathering her into her arms. "You've nothing to fear. You're making a mountain out of a mole hill. It's all really very simple! Nothing to worry about? I don't think my own daughter was half as nervous as you!"

"What?" she breathed, picking her head up and wiping her eyes. "What is supposed to be simple? What didn't my mother tell me? I don't understand!"

"Oh…" her nurse moved a bit of hair out of her eyes and held her face between her palms. "Having a baby, of course." Of course that was what she was talking about. Having…having a baby?! There was a child involved now?! She expected she'd calm down after the news but she only began to shake again. A mother? After she was married she had to...she had to be… "Well, you'll be expected to be pregnant as soon as you can be after your married. That's what's supposed to encourage the troops isn't it? Future life?! Purpose?! You and Gaston are both only children, a child is what you'll need to formally unite the Kingdoms." She couldn't breathe. She could barely think. First marriage, then cruelty, then a baby. But…but she…she was a child! She was too young to be pregnant to have a child of her own! She didn't want a child yet. She didn't want…she really didn't want to…

"See, now, it's not worth all this!" Lydia explained rubbing away more tears as if she was being silly. "There really is nothing to it. Men and women have been having children for thousands of years before you. Of course usually people go on a honeymoon after their married but I doubt you'll be able to with the war. So you'll come back here, to this room. This is where you'll honeymoon." Lydia pulled her to her feet but she wasn't sure she was walking as she moved around the room. She wasn't even sure she was in her body anymore. "A few of us will help you out of your gown and dress you for bed just like always. They'll be a little different than you're used to, the knots a bit looser, a bit easier to remove for untrained hands. Women's wear is terribly confusing to the men. Then we'll walk you through here, and really it is a lovely sitting room. Almost as nice as your parents. And then…here we are now…Gaston's room. He'll be in here after tomorrow and on the night of your wedding he'll be here, waiting for you. We'll leave you two alone and hopefully in nine months you'll have a baby in your arms, miss."

She wasn't sure her heart was beating anymore. It was racing too fast to be really beating. Her skin felt cold and clammy. She thought that she was going to be sick. And yet she heard the words coming from her mouth in a small voice she hardly recognized as her own anymore ask the dreaded question "how".

"How?! Oh now come Miss surely your mother told you?"

She never thought she'd see the day that the panic she'd felt under that table as she and her mother had been in the library would feel like nothing. But it did now. This panic was so much worse than that panic because suddenly she realized that the person meant to be telling her about it wasn't going to be the one to tell her. What if Lydia couldn't tell her? What if it was some strange secret only mothers could tell their daughters…

"Oh, don't panic Miss!" her nurse explained quickly. "There's no shame in asking questions. You're supposed to! It's good to ask questions. Why your mother never explained it to you I'll never know, why it never came up before… Well, it's lucky for you I had this talk with my own daughters years ago! I'm a bit of an expert, now! It's really quite simple.

"You see, after a man and a woman get married…"

She regretted her question immediately. Not because her nurse answered her, but because she used details. Details she didn't like or need. The motions, the "mechanics" she called it. The words all blurred together after a while and the images became clearer the more she stared at the empty room. She could see herself just as her nurse described to her. And she could see Gaston. And in one brief flash she saw an image of herself being used over and over again every single night until she could prove she was pregnant, until she could inspire a nation because not because of something she'd said, not because she was some brave hero but because of something that would be done to her. Because inside of her there would be a child that she really didn't know she needed, that she didn't think she could ever live with because it would be Gaston's-

"Belle!"

She had just enough feeling left in her to sprint back out of the sitting room, into the place that was supposed to be her bedroom, the place Lydia said she could always return to night after night after she'd been "with" him because it would bring her comfort. She felt no comfort in it now and peeled out of it, around the corner, back down the hall, and slammed her own door behind her, setting the lock in place so that Lydia couldn't invade no matter how hard she tried. And she did try. She banged on the door for a long time as she laid out on her bed forcing her tears into her pillow before she'd yelled at the woman to go away and leave her alone.

She didn't care if Lydia had "finished" telling her about that night or not. She'd heard enough and couldn't stand the thought of what she'd told her. It was too…humiliating. She'd heard women in the kitchen, her servants, joking about doing "their duty" for as long as she could remember. She never would have imagined that what Lydia had just described to her was it! That the "honeymooning" those women had once joked about at the ball was ever something that she'd want to have any part of! "Desperate depraved acts" her mother had told her that's all they were…from where she stood that was certainly closer to the truth than what Lydia had tried to describe to her. Was that what her mother had been shielding her from all these years?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me begin this Author's Note by flat out stating that this is wrong.
> 
> I thought long and hard about including this chapter and the next three into this story, wondering if it was appropriate, but then I reminded myself that for long term readers of Moments this is nothing new. In Moments Seen and Unseen chapter sixteen "An Awkward Acknowledgment" and nineteen "The Power of Knowledge" both reference this chapter and this explanation and I stand by what Rumple told Belle about in "The Power of Knowledge": it's rape. Plain and simple. Throughout this story I've been willing to defend Gaston's character as a victim of his upbringing and defend Belle's parents because they genuinely thought they were doing what was best for Belle. I'm not going to defend this hideous practice. And yes, I do know that within the time frame A&E are attempting to portray here this was a common thing; for men and women to get married without ever really knowing each other and all the while they are expected to have sex (so much so that at this time bloodied bed sheets were expected to be brought before priests as proof the morning after) and have a baby. It's wrong. It was wrong then, it was wrong now, and it's wrong even in this story. Any time a man or woman feels uncertain and forced, full consent is not given, and it's wrong. So I did think long and hard about whether or not to include this story line, but in the end I felt that not including it would do the story and Belle's character a disservice, especially for the rest of Moment's since the topic has already been breached and is clearly important in MS&U. In my mind, it just makes Rumple's declarations to Belle more special and sets him aside in a redeeming way that Gaston or her parents can't ever be redeemed. As to her mother, I do want to clarify, we kind of sort of got into this way back in the first few chapters when she wouldn't reference "honeymooning" and started pulling romance books out of Belle's hands, but I imagine that she didn't tell her because she didn't want her to live with the knowledge. Doesn't make it right, maybe it makes it merciful, but nothing about this it right. And if I was going to include these chapters, I did want to state that outright.
> 
> Thank you to Deweymay for the comments that you left for me on the last chapter. Let me just say it was an awesome review and I'm so glad you left it because not only did you make me laugh but you totally got how absolutely ridiculous his gift was. Bravo, my friend! Peace and Happy Reading!


	34. Hesitant Determination

Wave after wave of tears assaulted her during the night. Each time she thought it was over the terrible images her nurse had put into her mind came back to her, one conversation and they were embedded in her mind so that she was sure she'd never get them out again! How was anyone expected to do what they expected her to do? It was degrading! Horrifying! Women really did this? All the time? Night after night?! And they were just...fine?! They accepted it? How?! How could any woman just be "alright" with it? How could any woman bear it or joke about it as she'd heard other maids do?! And babies! The thought of one in her stomach, a permanent reminder of what she'd had to go through, a sign to the rest of the world of what had happened behind a closed doors, to her father…it made her skin crawl. And knowing what would become of it, she'd never really had a problem with how she'd been raised but suddenly she was aware of just how little her parents had actually done with her. It would be the same for her children. Girl or boy it would matter because it would be stolen from her arms the moment it was born so it would be raised by a nurse as she had been. And it's purpose...it would give a nation reason to fight. And oh…what if it was a girl…how could she ever bring a child, a daughter, into a world and expect her to go through this, what she had endured all over again while she turned away…an endless circle…

She'd stayed in her room all the next day, unable to get up and face the future that was barreling toward her without her permission. Gaston was moving in today. She could hear outside her door the flurry of activity as they moved his trunks and personal effects into the room that Lydia had showed her. She remained hidden despite her father's urging to come welcome him. She only called through the door that she wasn't feeling well and didn't want to see anyone, just sleep. It was the truth. Now that she knew, how was she supposed to look her father in the eye? How was she supposed to look at Gaston or her servants or even her nurse in the eye again?!

Maybe that was why she was choosing now, the middle of the night, to finally emerge. In all honesty even that felt wrong, but she hadn't eaten since that night and she was finally to the point that she believed she'd starve to death if she stayed in her room forever. Although, halfway down the hall the sound of voices coming from behind a closed door or other, starving to death might be a better option than living out the life that was planned for her. She'd always planned on being Queen, but what her nurse had described to her…that hadn't been what she'd hoped she'd do with her title.

The voices she'd heard before, only muffled behind a closed door, suddenly became crisp and loud and a fire's glow lit up the hallway and revealed the shadow of her father and Gaston leaving the room to come into the hallway. She didn't think. Instead, like a little child, she quickly ducked into the room on her left and pressed her ear to the crack in the door. Footsteps. Distant footsteps getting quieter by the second. They were moving away from her.

"Well, I'm glad you are acclimating well enough to the castle," she heard her father say. "And I am sorry Belle hasn't been well enough to greet you."

"No apologies necessary. I know how delicate a woman's emotional stated can be. She's been through a lot lately, I'm impressed at how well she's holding up to be honest. This war and wedding alone have my mother, in a perpetual state of misery, I can't imagine how Belle is doing it with the loss of her mother as well."

"Belle is strong. Her greatest strength is that she has the ability to put herself aside in the face of all adversity. Even after that trip the pair of you took to the battlefield and her mother's death, she's recovered quite well for the sake of the nation. I'm sure once she's feeling better you'll see for yourself just how…"

She couldn't hear anymore. Literally. They must have rounded that corner, the one that would take Gaston back to his room. Their rooms?

No. The thought of that made her gag and she turned quickly to press her back to the closed door and catch her breath-

Only to have it stolen again when she realized where she was. Her mother's room. She'd dodged her father and Gaston only to accidentally slip into her mother's bedroom. Tension flooded her body and she held her breath for a moment before questioning why exactly she was doing that.

It wasn't forbidden for her to be in here, but it felt like it was. No one had really come or gone, not since that day in the library, not since she'd come in here to look for her mother and found her gone. It wasn't forbidden but it seemed like an unspoken rule: her mother's room was a tomb and no one was to enter.

Or maybe…

Maybe it was a shrine. Being here, in this room, it was as if time stood still. It had been almost five months and her mother's trunks were still packed and ready to go on a trip they'd never taken. The bed was still perfectly made. The mirrors and surfaces…they weren't different but it was their lack of difference that made them so remarkable. They were untouched just like everything else in the room was, but they were clean. That meant that someone was coming and going to do the dusting, but nothing was moved. Not even an inch.

Shrine or tomb, was it possible to be both?

It was as if everyone, not just her, was hoping to wake up one morning and have all of this be over. Her mother would come back, live in this very room, and she would…

She would hate it.

No, her mother wasn't coming back, she knew that, but if she ever did she would hate this. All her lovely things packed away in these trunks, her room stripped of her personality, nothing more than the bare bones of a bedroom. As it was now it wasn't even her mother's room anymore. Only storage.

She didn't really plan for it, she didn't even really know what she was doing until she'd taken a light from the fireplace in the sitting room and lit the candles in the room around her before opening the first trunk. There was the problem! This book. It was her mothers favorite and just as she kept _La Belle Et La Bete_ by her own bedside, her mother had kept this one on hers as well. And this shawl, it always hung over the chair by the window so that she could cover herself when she got cold or wrap herself up in it when there was a storm. The basket of sewing belonged next to that chair along with this drawing, the first one she, her daughter, had made of the entire family. Belle always hated her own work, but childish as she thought it was her mother had thought it was lovely and treasured it. She'd never want it to rot in a trunk like this. The dresses and corsets she placed appropriately in the wardrobes and drawers, the robe she hung over the corner of her dressing screen. Her pillows she replaced, her journal she moved back by her bedside, her jewelry box-

That was where she finally couldn't resist.

It sat at the bottom of the last trunk she'd cleaned out and though she knew that it belonged on top of that bureau she found herself staring at it then carrying it back to the bed with her as she sank into the comfort of the pillows with it. When she was ready and comfortable she opened it and beamed as the smell of her perfume became so overwhelming it was like having her close by again.

Her mother's jewelry. Of course what was in this box was nothing glamourous or flashy, it was nothing like the pieces they wore to balls or formal events. It was just ordinary, every day items. Their simplicity had always been one of her favorite things about them! As a child, before she'd been able to accompany her parents to important events, going through this jewelry box was always one of her favorite things to do when her mother's back was turned as she got ready. When she was younger the beauty of it had been attractive, sparkling jewels, golden chains, shimmering metals… _"Some day my darling, you will be old enough to wear some yourself!"_ she would always tell her when she caught her peeking. Years later, when she'd finally been old enough to have her own box of jewelry, it was still her mother's personal collection that she envied above all others. It was because the jewelry in this box meant something. It was their history. Not a history of the royals, but a history of her family, both her mother's and her father's.

The simple broach made out of three emeralds and a pearl, it had been a gift given to her great, great aunt by her brother when she'd had her first child. An ordinary silver ring, engraved with the initials of a man long since passed, that her family would never know. The story was that her great grandmother had taken a lover in her youth and they'd sworn themselves to each other. The young man had saved up for years in order to buy this ring for her with their initials carved into it. The night they were to run away together the man went missing, it was suspected her great, great grandfather had a hand in it. All that was left of him was this ring. Her great grandmother went on to become one of the most well-known and respected Queens this Kingdom had ever seen after that, but she never forgot that boy, married or not he'd inspired her all the days of her life. She'd bore her grandmother and given her this…a simple pearl necklace hanging from a chain. Simplicity. It had been made to teach a simple lesson. This necklace was meant to show that the smallest of people could do the most remarkable of things, much like a simple pearl necklace could leave any man or woman breathless with its beauty. Her mother told her that her grandmother had given it to her only hours before she passed as a remembrance of that. Her mother had been the closest thing she'd had to a daughter and she had hoped that her mother would take that lesson to heart and not be discouraged by the past, but embrace the future and believe she could have a hand in it no matter what came. Her mother hadn't worn it often, but she'd certainly treasured it, just as she'd always admired it from a distance. _"Someday I'll give it to you my girl. Once you are ready to understand what it truly means."_

What it truly means…what this necklace truly meant?!

She set the box aside and held the small pearl in her hand her eyes staring into it as if she could figure out the riddle now without any assistance. What was it that this necklace was supposed to "truly mean"?

She feared now that she'd never know.

She'd never know because her mother wasn't around to give it to her, to explain it to her, to teach her the lesson that it was meant to teach. For that matter her mother hadn't been around to explain what would happen the night of her wedding either…

She knew her nurse was right. Her mother would never have let her walk down that aisle without knowing what would happen. She would have told her eventually and in the meantime…she'd have continued to shield it from her because looking back over the last few days it had become obvious that was what her mother had done. Lydia had told her daughters years ago. Her daughters were not much older than she was, they'd been mothers for only a few short years which meant she'd told them long before they were wed, in their youth probably. The truth was what her mother had kept her from that night at the ball when she'd shooed those silly girls away. And she'd always thought it was a little strange, how her mother would pluck certain books in the library, romances, out of her hands and replace it with an adventure, she supposed that now she knew why.

Women had dealt with it for years. That was what her nurse said. She supposed it was true. She knew it was true. Men and Women had been together as husband and wife long before she came around and they surely would long after she died. So then what of her…impending marriage. The wedding night sounded horrific. She couldn't ever imagine subjecting herself to that kind of humiliation and torture! That kind of cruelty. But then…

What if it wasn't? She'd never gotten to ask her mother, she'd never really wanted to because of what the answer might bring, but she gathered from the small hints she'd gotten over the years that her mother and father might very well have had an arranged marriage. And if it was arranged…it hadn't been cruel. Had it?! She didn't necessarily want to think of… _that_ but she knew that beyond whatever wedding night they'd had they had a wonderful relationship.

But she and Gaston…

No, she still didn't think that they'd ever have the same kind of relationship but…"love grows". That was what her mother told her long ago, when she'd first found out that she was intended. Was it possible for them to have a decent relationship without being as in love as her parents seemed? Was it possible to find love in something other than…other than _that_ night? Wasn't that what _La Belle et La Bete_ was all about? Love growing long after a promise had been made? Could she do that? Could she put less weight on one uncomfortable night, and more on a lifetime? Could she see beyond herself, to what a marriage, not a wedding night, would do for a Kingdom?

_"This will end and you'll realize just how truly brave you were all this time."_

With shaking fingers and a small sniff, she nodded as she unclasped that necklace. She'd never know what her mother intended to teach her. She wished more than anything that she had those final moments with her in her mind, but now all she was left with was herself. Herself and a kingdom that would someday look to her, that needed her to provide for them the smallest most basic thing in order to secure their freedom. Simplicity. One person could make a difference for many.

She hated the thought of it as she turned her head and cried into one of her mother's pillow, making believe it was her mother there offering words of comfort, but she had to go through with the wedding and whatever came after. She had to trust that her mother would never allow anything horrible to happen to her, that her mother believed that this was the best thing for her as well as for the country. She had to believe that this was what was best for all parties involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this seems like filler and maybe on some level it is. I wanted to cover the necklace here because it is important in MK&U as well as MS&U. But I feel like this chapter is really important because Belle is taking another step toward...well...Belle! Remember, I can't have her be the Belle we know in Skin Deep yet or the one we saw in MS&U. She has a lot of developing left to do before that but I hope with each of these chapters she does manage to appear a little bit more like the Belle we know. This chapter for example, Belle's ideas of sacrifice and doing things for the greater good seem to be in place. The line that keeps repeating, "This will end and you'll realize just how truly brave you were all this time" is really the foundations to Belle's belief that if you do the brave thing then bravery will follow. And then there is the bit about believing the best in her father and mother. That is a very Belle thing to do. We're getting there, but fasten those seat belts because we're not there yet!
> 
> Thank you Deweymay for your wonderful comments. I was so nervous about that chapter but hearing your affirmations that it was well handled helped! Thank you so much for your kindness and reassurance! Peace and Happy Reading!


	35. The Importance of Romance

She honestly didn't know what she was doing here.

Well…no, that was a lie, she knew what she was doing here. She was hiding. Hiding and looking for answers. But why she'd chosen to do it here, in the library of all places, researching the very thing that had her in tears night after night…she couldn't make logical sense of that.

She'd finally come out of her room today. She'd started small and gone to see her father this afternoon. He'd been delighted to see her and he looked relieved that she was "feeling better" but then he'd brought up Gaston. He'd asked her how the wedding plans were coming along and when she said that she didn't know, that she'd had very little to do with it since Gaston moved in, he'd chastised her and confessed something terrible.

They were losing ground again. It had always been an ugly game of back and forth with the ogres, but this time…

They hadn't won a battle in months. The people needed something, something more to rally them. And if this wedding didn't happen soon, then her father feared it would ever happen. And if it didn't happen…

"Papa…maybe this means that it shouldn't happen at all," she urged reaching for his hand. "Perhaps our time in this war is better spent elsewhere than hoping that a wedding will spark something in them. We need to focus on our defenses not on place settings."

"They are monsters, Belle," her father groaned squeezing her hand. "Terrible beasts. They don't think like men do and when the men come before them…they don't see hope. All they see is death. I'm sorry my Belle, but I'm beginning to wonder if anything can help us."

She hadn't really known what to say to something like that. Her father just looked so downtrodden. So old. Was this a losing battle? Was it possible, like he said, that nothing was going to stop the ogres? They were so big, so horrible. They'd stopped her in her tracks more than once and she'd only ever had one true and decent encounter with them. If they succeeded; if they took her entire Kingdom and she was dead and Gaston and her people and her-

No. She couldn't lose her father too. She couldn't let him die just as her mother did. Even if she was gone too she just couldn't bear the thought of her country in ruin and everyone she'd ever known rotting in the ground, forgotten as monstrous ogres trampled on their bones. No, she didn't think that marrying Gaston was the answer, but if marrying Gaston kept her father happy, if it kept him believing in the possibility that everything was going to be alright…then it would be worth it.

"It'll be fine, Papa. I'm going to go speak with Lydia right now and we'll discuss wedding plans."

But she hadn't gone to Lydia, she hadn't even gone back to her room. Instead she'd found herself walking among the ruined wing of the palace, crawling over fallen wood and rock, until she was right back in the dark and dusty library. The sight of it nearly made her want to cry. The pool of blood that had once belonged to her mother was still there, though now it was black and crusty. She let out a sniffle and put her hand over her mouth as she looked away. At first she didn't know why she'd come, but as she looked at the books before her she realized that she had wanted answers, answers her mother couldn't or wouldn't give to her, answers that she was sure the library had because she could remember her mother removing those answers from her on several occasions.

She tried not to pay the blood stain any heed and lit a candle before sneaking into the depths of their former glorious library. No one had touched it since that wretched day. Shelves were still toppled, books spilled onto the floor, but she remembered well enough where she was going. A small section dedicated to romance.

Romance. Something she certainly hadn't had and something she certainly didn't expect to have with Gaston on her wedding night. And yet…romance was real. She knew it was, she believed it was and that she'd seen it in her own parents. And wedding nights…they couldn't all be bad, could they? If they were she believed that people would have stopped getting married ages ago, or had fewer children, or, for that matter, if it was as bad as it sounded to her ears it wouldn't be a constant concern of men that women would not remain chaste until their wedding day. And if it was so horrible then it wouldn't be worth the "honeymooning" that people in court did behind the backs of their spouse! If it was something worth doing outside of marriage then…it couldn't have been as terrible as her nurse had made it sound. And so she'd set off to find whatever 'it' was. Something to look forward to in this wretched future she faced.

The romance novels were probably not the safest thing to retrieve at the moment, that was easy enough to see. The shelf they'd always been on had toppled over against the wall next to it creating a triangular cavern for the fallen books. It was dangerous, she knew, to shimmy in there and get what she sought, but if it had remained upright all this time then surely there wouldn't be an issue with it if she just went in and picked up a few.

But it wasn't a quick trip. The moment she'd gone in and sat down next to the pile she believed would contain them and began to page through their contents she lost track of time reading, just as she always had. She'd started a few of these books, she'd started them and her mother had pulled them out of her hands and she was beginning to realize that it had been done on purpose, to keep her from reading…this.

_"The night was young but alone with her prince she barely noticed the setting of the sun. He kissed her there on the balcony. Deeply. Passionately. With more love than she knew was possible to convey with a single kiss. With little more than a passing glance and a smile he took her hand and they crept through the darkened castle, quietly checking around corners so no one would spot them both entering his bedchamber unaccompanied. This broke every rule she'd been told to obey, but as she watched him bare his chest to her in the moonlight right and wrong faded just as the twilight did and the only word she knew was 'yes'._

_"And so they kissed each other again. Again and then again and then again until he broke free of her mouth and his hands traveled down her bodice and began to play with the strings that held the fabric together. She blushed. Her heart was pounding a unique tattoo against her breast but she didn't feel nervous. Not so long as it was his hands that would free her from her containment and his eyes that now beheld her as the bodice slipped away from her skin to reveal-"_

She snapped the book closed and pushed it out of her lap because suddenly it was her own heart that was racing, her own cheeks that blushed but not because of nerves...it was embarassment. That! That was what her mother had been keeping from her?! Not a wedding night in a strange bedroom with a strange man but happiness?! Enjoyment? Pleasure. That was what she didn't want her to read about?!

That woman, the one in her book, fictional or not, she certainly hadn't gone to that bedchamber in tears as she feared she would, or against her wishes. She hadn't even been reserved, in fact she appeared to have wanted it. Was that something that true romance produced? Desire? Want? She felt none of those things for Gaston! The thought of him stripping her bare…it made her shiver. Worse, it made her gag. It made her unconsciously fold her arms over her chest and hide herself. And yet she was supposed to marry him and share…

Maybe that novel was just a fluke! Maybe romance was rare. After all, she hadn't read that book but it appeared that the hero and heroine had known each other before their…coupling. What she needed was one where the characters were married and not sneaking off like some teenage couple to spite their parents.

She couldn't find one. She searched and read through dozens of them, but not one of these books spoke of her own situation. Quite the opposite actually. One of the books spoke against her situation, of the very thing she knew for a fact her mother had tried to keep from her.

_"Here, Reginold? There's not even a bed! And with all these people outside…if my husband caught us!"_

_"If your husband catches us I'll fight the bastard myself," Reginold declared. "He doesn't love you Ava and I know you don't love him."_

_"But I do love my children," she argued slipping out of his arms and coming to rest on the sofa by the window._

_Reluctant or not she was still the most gorgeous woman he'd ever seen. Year after year her devotion left him in awe. It was a devotion that he pitied her true husband for because he'd never see it, he'd never know his wife in the same way that he did. He'd come to accept this long ago, though sometimes he felt jealousy creep in and seize his heart with slimy green fingers that threatened to rot him from the inside out. The cure for that rot was simple enough. More of her, of Ava, more of this beautiful woman that he just couldn't resist and refused to understand how her husband could take for granted._

_"What is love without happiness, my dear?" he asked taking the seat opposite her and stroking her cheek with his thumb until she sighed and looked at him again._

_"I have you for happiness. And for love! I just have to take what I can get for as long as I have," she corrected. She placed her delicate hands over his own and pressed his caress into her cheek before giving him a wicked smile that he knew too well. "Help me with this corset!" she insisted, pushing herself up on her knees. "We've not got long until they notice we're gone!" He didn't need any more encouragement, only pulled his lover onto his lap and-"_

She was blushing again. No. That was nothing like her situation. Or perhaps it was just not the situation she ever wanted to find herself in, not a situation she ever could bear to have. Imagine, those girls at the party talking about her the way they had those other women and men that were…well, she supposed this was what they'd been doing when they snuck away. She couldn't stand that thought. But books had never let her down before! Wasn't there at least one that would help her?

Here! Maybe this one! It looked promising. A farmer had promised his daughter to the only son of the farmer whose land was next to his. That sounded oddly similar to her situation. The deal was meant to bring the land together and double their success…yes! Yes! What would happen to them on their wedding night?!

_"The room was dark and still. Though she imagined that the hall where she'd had her reception in was still abuzz with the drunken men and women that had come for a good time she was pleased to be here, in the calm with Terrence once more. She itched at the feeling of the lace against her shoulder as he moved forward with a glass of wine in hand._

_'To us,' he declared as they knocked their glasses together and tossed back a swallow full._

_She nearly gaged. The foul taste of bitterness clung to the back of her tongue and for a genuine moment she believed that she'd have to spit it out, but when she saw the face that he was making she swallowed it down in one gulp as he did and the pair of them began to laugh._

_'I'm sorry,' he apologized with a laugh taking the glass from her and setting the pair of them aside. 'It was the best I could do with the little I had saved up. Clearly I got my money's worth.'_

_She shook her head and tried not to giggle, feeling the effects of the alcohol already in her blood. Cheap or not at least that wasn't dulled and neither was the touch of his hand on her shoulder. Suddenly the reality of their situation, of their evening together crashed into her like the waves upon the beach they'd first met and she felt herself shiver as he stepped forward. 'Are you cold?' Terrance asked. "Perhaps I should close the window!'_

_'No!" she corrected, grabbing his hand before he could move too far away. But the grip that she'd had on his hand must have been too strong because when she yanked him back he ended up right back against her as he had been before, their torsos pressing against one another too closely even for an intimate dance._

_'What is it, my love?' he whispered._

_She swallowed and took a gulp of air, feeling her knees begin to shake in a very unladylike fashion that scared her. Poor as she was, she'd always been trained up to be a proper lady. She never shook like this and her first instinct was to lie about it, to send him to the window and pretend it was the cold as if this had never happened but instead what came out of her mouth was "I'm nervous. You make me nervous.'_

_'Nervous? How so?'_

_'I'm a lady my darling, chaste as the day I was born. I've never been with a man before and I certainly have never been this nervous around you before.'_

_'There is nothing to be nervous about. It's merely you and me. It starts with a kiss and where we go from there is completely up to us. We only have to let ourselves go, give into one another and I promise it will be beautiful.'_

_Annabelle hesitated for a heartbeat. She was still nervous, but looking up into his eyes she wasn't scared. She trusted Terrance completely. It was his eyes that had gotten them through the journey north to Jestier, his hands that had held her when her brother had perished, it was his shoulder she'd cried upon when he'd asked her to marry him not because her father wished it but because he wanted her to, and all through the wedding, through the reception, it was the promise of this night that had allowed her to celebrate instead of wallow in her grief. Whatever happened or didn't happen tonight, so long as she was with him, she knew that everything was bound to be alright by mornings light._

_'Kiss me,' she breathed and without another moment of consideration her husband reached forward and-"_

She gasped and closed the book, hiding it between her knees because for a brief moment she'd been there, seen it all in her head and their conversation…reading it would have felt wrong. It would have felt like a violation of privacy. They weren't real, Annabelle and Terrance, they were only characters but still…it felt like spying on something too private and intimate to be spied upon. But…Annabelle had been nervous, just as she was…

She picked up the book, found the place she'd been at and paged ahead, carefully scanning each paragraph for her new prize. No, she couldn't actually read what had transpired between the pair, she felt flush just at the thought of that, but her nurse had said that sometimes it could be cruel. Men could be cruel! Were they? Was it all that bad? As bad as she feared?

_"When the sun rose over the small inn at Berkshire she was awake to see it. Terrance arms were still wrapped around her waist and they watched out the window together as the colors lit up the sky._

_'I think this is the best sunrise I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing,' her husband muttered against her back._

_Her smile lit up the room as she rolled over to face him once more, wondering when her shyness and discretion had disappeared in the night. 'Better than the sunrise we watched over the Hampton Palace? From that tree you picked out?'_

_'Better than the sunrise we saw Tandem. Do you remember? The one over the ocean?'_

_'I recall it as if it was yesterday.' The sunrise over the ocean had been something to see. It was beautiful and sparkling, but looking up at Terrance, feeling him against her, smiling in their waking of their bedding, that sunrise was only second best to this beautiful image before her. 'Yes, this is certainly better than that. Not a bad way to start a honeymoon in my opinion.'_

_As if he'd read her mind Terrance lowered his mouth onto hers again and kissed her so deeply her toes curled into the sheets of their bed. His hands sought her own and before she knew what was happening she felt him-"_

There was no need to continue. Not in her mind. She was beginning to see something, something that she lacked, a pattern. It was something that she'd feared, that she'd hoped wasn't necessary but reading the two short passages it seemed as though those fears were realized.

It wasn't about the nights she'd have to spend with Gaston, is was about the days. These woman, whoever they were, if they ever even existed, they knew the people that they were marrying or going to bed with. They'd had adventures with them, long before they were married or engaged or found themselves in their bedchambers…they'd been in love. What they'd done hadn't been done to appease a nation or for the sole purpose of having a child, it had been for love. For romance. True romance.

Probably that should have been obvious because of where she'd found the books but now…

She was going to marry Gaston. She was going to marry Gaston and hope that it would make her country happy, that it would inspire them. She was going to marry Gaston so that her father still had something to hope for. She was going to marry Gaston and have a baby with him and pray that they weren't all dead in a few months.

She was going to marry Gaston and she had a hard time remembering anything about him. There was no romance. They'd never talked about anything interesting, they'd never gone on any adventures or fought side by side, she'd never felt like she'd been given the opportunity to love him. She didn't know if she could. Love grew. That was what her mother told her, that was what these books told her, that was what that book _La Belle et La Bete_ told her.

But how was she supposed to just skip a chapter? How was she expected to come to end of her story on her wedding day when she felt as though it had never even begun?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies because this chapter came out terribly! Why? Because I separated it. This is one of those times where a chapter was too long and so I cut it in half. All the interesting stuff is actually in the next chapter and so this one became filler. I considered taking it out but ultimately I just couldn't because I did feel like it introduced some things that Moments has already mentioned, like her reading the romance books and not being able to get through them. It also shows her selflessness growing as she's willing to go through with her marriage for her father's sake, not to mention just how adrift she is mentally because of all of this. Why is she doing all this? What was the point of reading what she read? Was she trying to make herself feel better or worse? What did she expect to find?! I also used this chapter to demonstrate that she doesn't have the best judgement. Crawling under a half collapsed bookshelf and staying there to read is probably about as smart as being magicless and facing Zelena with nothing more than a "you suck let my boyfriend go!" Cliffnotes version-it's brave but it's not smart. BUT I do think you'll enjoy the next chapter AND the chapters to come because we are about to move away from all this talk about unpleasantness for good and onward to Arendelle! But first a pit stop to a favorite, to an original, to an oldy but a goody; ladies and gentlemen tomorrow I give you...the first representation of Research!Belle!
> 
> Thank you so much Deweymay for your reviews and the awesome support and conversations you gave throughout these last few chapters! I know they weren't exactly fun, but I appreciate your willingness to stick with me through them so we can get to the next bit of this fiction and get to the end! It's coming! Trust me it is! Peace and Happy Reading!


	36. More Than She Searched For

She wept there in her little cavern for longer than she expected herself to. She'd gone to the library to try and find answers, to learn about her wedding night on her own terms but what she'd found instead hadn't exactly been something to celebrate or look forward to. Instead of feeling at ease about her situation, she felt even more lost. How could she be expected to share herself with someone that was essentially a stranger? How was she supposed to be happy about having something that was so important in a person's life taken away?! This couldn't have been what her parents had in mind for her when they'd first encouraged this arrangement. No! She knew that it hadn't been what her parents had in mind for her! Her mother had told her that it wasn't, years ago. But now it was done and there was no doubt in her mind that she'd never felt any kind of love for him. And now? Now she was expected to just…

It was too awful to contemplate. She'd never know love. Not romantic love at least. That was what this all came down to in the end. She'd never be swept off her feet. She'd never know romantic dinners, happy dances, beautiful sunsets. She'd never fall in love. Strange, she'd never even known that she wanted to fall in love until this moment. Her parents, she'd always believed that they had been in love. In the months leading up to her mothers death she had doubted that but now…now she didn't want to know if they had been or not. Whether it was truth or lies she wanted to believe that they had been because that was how she wanted to remember them. Glances exchanged over fires, delicate touches when they thought no one was watching, hushed whispers in the midst of heated battle…they had shared love together. Something rich and deep, something layered and romantic, and she'd never known that she wanted to have that as they did until she realized that she wouldn't.

Discouraged as ever she finally crawled out from under the bookshelf she'd hidden behind, but she made herself a promise. This was it. She'd spent days sulking over what was going to happen to her. But sulking wasn't going to stop it or fix it or make it better in anyway. Her father needed her to be strong. Her father didn't need to see that this was killing her on the inside, he didn't need to know how afraid of it all she was, how upset she was. Her father, just like the people needed something to believe in, if it had to be this then she was going to make sure that he saw exactly what he needed to. It was the least that she could do. And even if it wasn't falling in love the way she'd always imagined, the way she'd hoped she one day would, maybe if she pretended like this wasn't the end of the world then she'd convince herself it wasn't.

So she crawled out of her hiding place with the determination that when she stood on her own two feet that would be the end of it. No more misery, no more crying, just acceptance and strength…bravery. Years from now she's look back on these memories and find her mother was right. She was going to do the brave thing and hope that bravery would follow. So she wiped her eyes, allowed herself one final sniffle, and made her way over to a different section of the library. It was small, closer to a few broken windows but at least the shelves appeared intact, the books all still in place as if nothing had ever happened.

She sighed sadly as she went over the titles before finding a slim book that would do. _A Guided Overview on the Workings of the Human Physical Form._ It was a sad conclusion she'd come to, but the truth was that if she couldn't find something good in the novels she'd explored, perhaps she'd find something good clinically. Lydia had tried to explain it to her and if she concentrated hard enough she was sure she could piece it all back together even in her stunned numbness. But the truth was that she didn't want to. Her mother should have been the one to explain it all, not her nurse. And the images that had flashed before her eyes as she'd crudely explained the idea of her wedding night…well, perhaps it was just better not to think of it that way. Perhaps it was just better to be prepared, to understand what would happen to her from an indifferent third party that was just as numb to it as she was. Not to mention the fact that they also probably showed about as much care for the entire situation as she did.

But appeared that her suspicions were unfounded. The book was slim for a reason. It was only theory. Opening up to the table of contents and pouring over the selections it was quite obvious there was nothing concrete here. "The Theory of Digestion", "Where Could Pain Come From", "What a Man Should Know About Reproduction", and of course "What a Woman Should Know About the Miracle of Birth".

Ten pages. That was all that it really amounted to. Heartless words and clinical descriptions of what the author "believed" happened when a man "implanted" a small developing human within the womb of a suitable mate. Well…she had wanted clinical. And what she got as she read what pregnancy entailed was nothing but clinical. It certainly didn't look fun to be pregnant. And she had to do this for nine months?! She shook her head and looked away, remembering her promise that she wasn't going to cry about what couldn't be helped anymore. It was fine. At least when she got pregnant she wouldn't have to worry about going to Gaston's bedchamber. The damage would have already been done. But still…

The book didn't have anything for her about that particular part of the arrangement. Perhaps…maybe…if she looked at the chapter for men.

She gasped and slammed the book shut quickly at the first picture she saw, a blush rising not just in her cheeks but her neck and shoulders as well. She hadn't expected there to be pictures. And for just a minute she picked her head up to figure out where her mother and the librarian were to make sure no one had seen her-

And saw only destruction.

How long would that happen? How much longer would she continue to look over her shoulder expecting to see her mother here only to remember…

She sighed and picked the book back up again. Her mother wasn't here. And there was no use being afraid of ghosts seeing what she should have been told years ago! She opened the book back up to its table of contents and tried to find the offending section again only this time…this time something new reached out and grabbed her attention, a different chapter.

"Where Memories Are Stored".

She nearly lost her breath and stared at those words far longer than she should have before paging ahead to that chapter and wondering why she hadn't been looking for an answer like this all along.

_"Memories are one of the most essential portions to a personality. Memories are a lifelong account from birth to death that are believed to be stored within the brain. This organ, located within and protected by the skull, may seem small and unimportant compared to the heart and lungs, or even the stomach or liver, but every day more and more ideas theories are emerging that this organ is much more vital than once believed._

_"Here, in the brain, we may find memories, personality, and perhaps one day even the science behind dreams. But the brain is not a map and the way memories are stored is unclear at best. Some memories, like what an individual eats for breakfast or what they dream about are believed to be fairly unimportant and therefore, while they are saved, they are easily forgotten over time or become difficult to keep track of. However, it is clear that other memories are easier to recall if they have had much influence over the life of an individual. Breakfast, while difficult to remember day after day, may be remembered down to the number of glasses of water consumed if connected to a life altering experience._

_"For example, in a conversation between a village physician and his patient Martha the physician inquired what Martha typically ate for breakfast. She responded-'Oh, anything that we had around. We were always a poor family. We didn't have much, breakfast was always unpredictable. I always just threw together anything that I had around.' It is a typical and expected answer covering the span of Martha's life. The physician asked a series of questions about breakfast. Could she remember what she'd had for breakfast that morning, yesterday, a week ago, and a year ago? The answers for this question became unknown after only a week. However when the physician inquired about a certain day, the day three years prior, when Martha's husband informed her he was leaving her for another woman, the answer was drastically different. 'I remember that plate like it was yesterday. Eggs and bacon…and toast. It was burned a bit, because after he told me I…well…I guess I left it by the fire for too long. To this day I can't eat toast with any bit of black on it. It turns my stomach.'_

_"These answers, while unimportant to peasants and servants allow us to glimpse into the mind, to study the way memories work, and even the effect memories can have on the body long after they have passed. Martha's answer concerning her stomach is actually quite..."_

She glanced up from her reading as the sentences and words began to get too complex to understand. One thing was clear through it though.

Breakfast. So…she should be able to remember breakfast or dinner she supposed on the evening her mother died? She thought back but…no…she couldn't remember. All she remembered from their final dinner together was the emotion. She could remember the tension as her parents fought with each other, just as they had been for months, she could remember the pronouncement that the ogres had strayed from their Troupe, and the hug they'd given each other as they quickly dispersed to make arrangements and pack. She couldn't remember what was for dinner. Was she supposed to? Had she even eaten that night? Was there more than just a chunk of time missing? Was there a way to get it back?

She glanced down at the book. That was what she needed to know. She might not understand what would happen on her wedding night but she knew what a memory was. What she needed now was how to get to a certain one, how to access them after her mind, her brain apparently, had sealed it off. What could she do to retrieve memories that were trapped? She skimmed through the book, page after page after…the end of the chapter. Six pages. They knew less about memories than they did about pregnancy. That was unhelpful. And yet…the last line of the chapter…there was something to it.

_"Though this single chapter may seem comprehensive, what is becoming more and more clear is that the art of memory, the study of the brain, could be considered a science all on it's own. It is believed that one day entire books, perhaps even books requiring volumes, will be written on this subject, but it will take time and sacrifice. But today, knowing the brain beyond our own current means…it would be only through an act of magic."_

Magic.

Magic like the sorcerer she'd heard the doctor claim to see her before he did. The person her father and Lydia insisted was only another doctor.

Slowly her eyes rolled over to a door on the far side of the room, the room that had led to the librarian's personal study, books kept under lock and key because of their age or because of their delicacy. But also because of their wealth or knowledge. The librarian was no longer here. According to her father he'd been the one to alert her father that she and her mother were in the library the day the ogres attacked and she hadn't seen or heard from him since then, but maybe, before he'd fled he'd possibly left the door…locked. She could scarcely remember making the choice to walk over and tug on the door and yet here she was. The door had no give to it. And as far as she knew the librarian was the only one that had a key to it but…maybe she didn't need a key. The metal of the handle was warped and pulling from the door frame and there was plenty of ruble around, maybe if she just took a rock and…

It made a terribly loud noise in the empty wing, and it made her knuckles bleed when they scraped against the door, but the metal had warped farther. Upon seeing that sight she took after it like a madwoman. She hit it over and over and over again until-

She swung and hit nothing. The lock mechanism was on the floor where she'd knocked it after her last attempt and the door…she threw the rock aside, reached forward, and pulled on it again. There was a strange grinding sound of metal that seemed to come from within the wood, but this time, after a few strong tugs, it finally gave way at her touch. She lost her balance and fell back onto the floor, looked inside, and-

She screamed at the horrific sight that met her eyes as the rotten odor of decay filled her nostrils.

At least now she knew what happened to the librarian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you feel about this chapter? I promised you a little bit of Early Research!Belle and I hope I delivered. I didn't want it to be too in depth though, because I wanted her to turn to magic straight away and at this point she's not a librarian yet, just a princess. So while she knows what she's doing she might not know how to do it precisely yet. This is going to be our gateway friends. From here on out we're moving on to Arendelle! Still with me?
> 
> Thank you so much SkinnyCanuck and Deweymay for your comments on the last chapter and setting my mind at ease with it once more. I was so worried but I'm glad that you found it in character and well written! You are awesome! Love it! Peace and Happy Reading!


	37. The Worth of Confirmation

Before she knew it the library was crawling with people. Desolate and abandoned as this wing was in almost no time at all her screams drew the guards, soldiers, a couple of maids, and then Gaston and her father were in the library with her. It was hard to keep track of what happened, but she had a fleeting memory of Gaston telling her that everything was alright and that he would make sure of it before running off, of hands on her arms moving her out of the way and placing her in the corner as the soldiers went into the restricted area. She watched as they removed the librarian. They put his rotting body onto a stretcher and covered it with a white sheet, which did nothing to contain the smell that was currently pouring out of the little room and into the library.

She didn't care. She was seething. Her skin was crawling to the point she was nearly numb to the world around her and it was growing more and more difficult to contain the fire she felt burning inside of her. It was hard to move; hard to speak even! She knew that the reality was that everyone around her thought it was the body that had disturbed her. That wasn't it. Not that it wasn't at least part of what was bothering her. How could it not?! It was terrible and horrible that they hadn't found him before now and of course it had been a shock to find him like that but…the finding the body as she had wasn't the issue, not in her mind.

It was the fact that it had been _that_ body, the librarian. That was the real problem.

The librarian was supposed to be alive. Her father had told her that he was alive, that after the ogre attacked he'd been the one to get out of the library and inform the soldiers that she and her mother were in trouble! She hadn't seen him but she'd assumed that was because they no longer had a library and in the days that she'd been asleep the poor man had moved on, she didn't know that it was because…

Clearly her father hadn't known either. But this was good. Well, obviously it wasn't "good", but it was something that she needed. She'd known all along that somehow her father had been lying to her, she'd felt it in her bones but had put it aside because of wedding plans and battle plans and out of the fear she'd make his own grief worse, not to mention the fact that she'd had nothing to prove he'd been lying to her! Nothing more than the supposed word of a few servants who had heard so many rumors that it was clear some of them didn't even think her mother was dead! Now…now she had proof. Something had happened in here, something that he wasn't telling her! He'd made up the bit about the librarian, clearly, so what else had he made up and conveniently decided to leave out?!

"It appears that he was injured in the attack in some way," her father informed her while she watched the scene over his shoulder. "There is a gash at the back of his head and blood in the room. Whether or not he's another victim of that monster or he simply fell down we'll never know, but after he was injured he appears to have locked himself away for safety and died, probably passed out and slowly bled to death. Belle," he sighed as the men lifted the body off the ground and carried it from the room finally leaving her alone with her father. He looked around the place for a moment, taking in the turned bookshelves and fallen novels, "what were you doing down here? You're supposed to be resting!"

Resting? Resting?! How could she rest when…

No, she wasn't going to focus on that! She didn't dare tell him the real reason that she'd been down here. It didn't matter, not anymore. She just hoped that she could contain her blush and keep that fire alive long enough to say what she had to.

"You told me that the librarian was alive," she spat bitterly at him.

"What?" he questioned, taking a step away from her and straightening his shoulders. Defense. He was already preparing for an attack to defend himself against something that he had to know was coming. "I did no such thing."

She wanted to yell at him. She wanted to scream and yell and demand, not request, that he tell her the truth. But most of all she wanted him to tell her. Not because she'd caught him in his lie, not because she was forcing him to, but because he wanted to tell her. Because telling her what he knew, what he was obviously keeping from her was morally and ethically the right thing to do. She had to know what happened to her mother after her memory went black! But staring at him now…she knew that wasn't going to happen.

"You did," she pointed out, shaking her tears away so that she could do this with a clear head. "You told me that when the ogres attacked he ran away to tell the others where mother and I were. But Papa…how could he have run away if he's been here the whole time? Am I supposed to believe that he came back, locked himself in the library, and died _after_ help had arrived?"

"Now stop right there," her father insisted, holding a hand out as if he could keep her back as simply as a lion tamer could contain a lion with nothing more than a chair. "You're out of line! You accuse me of lying-"

"I'm not accusing you of anything!" she shouted, trying to remember that she wasn't trying to fight with him she was just trying to get her answers. "I'm…I'm just trying to figure out what happened to mother. To me! Shouldn't I get to know what happened to me! How my mother and I spent our last moments together-"

"Belle, you don't understand-"

"What don't I understand? How could I possibly understand when no one will explain?! Papa…Papa tell me!" she begged stepping closer to him and grabbing his clothes. "Tell me what happened to Mama, tell me what happened to us! Tell me what happened after my mind went blank and how it happened! Please tell me I want to know! I promise I won't be mad I just need to know!"

"You don't!" he growled suddenly, grabbing her shoulders and forcing her away from him with a small shake that threw her from her momentary hysteria. She braced herself for the reprimand to follow, but as quickly as the anger had come it had gone and when she finally looked up into his eyes again what stood before her was not an angry King, only her father. He was weaker in that state and somehow he looked even more frail than she remembered him to be, like a fraction of the man, the father that she'd had growing up. The words were on the tip of his tongue. She could see them there as he struggled. He wanted to tell her, she knew that, it would be so easy for him to give into her request and just tell her! But her mother wasn't where she got her stubbornness from, or her fire. It was her father. And no matter how much he'd lost, obviously he hadn't lost any of that. They had more in common than she thought and that was how she knew before he even opened his mouth that he wasn't going to give in and tell her what she wanted no matter what she needed.

"My darling girl…" he urged sternly. "Trust me. You are better off without those images in your head, with your memories blacked out. You don't want them. Trust me."

She began to cry as she realized what he'd given her. Not the truth, she'd been right that he wouldn't give that up so easily. But he had given her confirmation. Something had happened. There was something that he was keeping from her and he was doing it on purpose. She wished that she could feel settled, she wished that confirmation that something more had happened could be enough, that she could hug him and tell him that she could trust him. But she couldn't. She didn't feel settled at all. In fact she felt nearly as sick as she had when her nurse had taken her up to that pair of rooms and told her what her mother had never told her. She loved her parents. Truly she did. Up until the moment her mother had died she would have said they were a perfect family. They had their problems but they were still a good family. Now she felt like she didn't know up from down anymore. Her mother had kept the truth of marriage from her and now her father was keeping the truth of…she didn't even know what truth he was keeping from her. But she knew that she didn't feel safe or protected or even loved just as everyone kept insisting that she was. She didn't even know if her family felt like a family anymore, or if this was really what her mother really would have wanted for their futures.

He may have offered her confirmation, but to her it was little more than nothing.

"Papa…" she cried one last time. "Please…I just want to know…please just tell me what happened to mother. That's all I need to know! I don't care what happened to my memories or how I blacked out I just need to know what I can't remember."

She stared for the longest time, hoping her pleas were enough to push him over the edge and answer her! But with each beat of her heart she realized it had been useless. He wouldn't tell her. And knowing that he was keeping a secret like that from her…

"You and your mother were in the library. When the ogres invaded you lost consciousness and your mother died before we could save her. There is nothing to remember."

She felt something inside of her snap as he repeated for her the same story he'd been telling her since the beginning. He'd lied about it after admitting that he was lying. She couldn't think of anything more selfish!

"I'm going to figure it out," she declared, pulling herself free from his grasp. If he wouldn't tell her then she'd figure it out herself and if she never figured it out…then it was time to stop playing fair. He certainly hadn't been all this time. "If you won't tell me then I'm going to do whatever I have to do to figure out what happened to me and to mother in this library!"

"Belle!"

"And I'm not marrying Gaston until I know what happened to me!" she yelled. With that she ran out of the library without a single glance back at her father, doing her best not to trip over the mess before her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter but I felt that it said a lot. Finally we get to see Belle's rebellious streak arise and her determination. This will be what sets her on the path to Arendelle. We're still a few days away from that of course, but you know, I have a feeling that you are going to like what happens next! It's very Hero Belle like!
> 
> Thank you Deweymay for your comments on the last chapter! I'm happy to hear that last week, despite it's uncomfortable subject was well handled! I hope that you'll like what we have next and I can't wait to hear what you'll say about it! Peace and Happy Reading!


	38. From the Rescued to the Rescuer

She hated the feeling of being lied to. Not just having been lied to, but actually _being_ lied to. There was a difference in her mind, and she knew exactly when the line had been crossed. It was when her father told her there was more to the tale, then adamantly denied it only a breath later.

Her father tried to keep it quiet. After she'd walked out of the library he'd caught her by the arm and had a guard take her back to her room, instructing them that she was there under doctors orders. Lydia met her in her room and fussed over her for hours until she settled against her bed and pretended to read a book. After the sun went down Lydia fell asleep in the chair by the fire, and she all too easily was able to sneak out of her room again to freedom. Hiding within a small alcove, just as she had when she'd overheard Lydia and the doctor after her mother had died, she staked out her father's new study, wishing, waiting, hoping that something might come from it. If he wouldn't tell her what had happened, but was giving orders to servants concerning it, maybe she might get another hint that way.

It worked.

It took a long time, there was certainly more than an hour of waiting and listening to important information that she couldn't bring herself to care about. People passed by and never noticed she was hidden in the shadows. Her father didn't mention what was bothering when people asked and even when Gaston inquired about her after "the event" he simply told him that she had taken to bed in the wake of her shock and that he was worried about her. But then she struck gold.

Nearly two hours after the sun had gone down her father called for a servant named Fredrick. He was a kind young man and though she knew very little about him beyond that, she knew had wanted to do more with his life than...well...serve. He was a foreigner, his family in another kingdom that he couldn't afford to go to or risk going to with the war. Or so she thought…

"You have one task," her father told him. "Clear the library of all books by this time tomorrow and I'll make sure you get home to your family and provide you with a written letter of knighthood so you can join the royal guard."

"I-I-I'm speechless sir. It would be an honor, your majesty! But sir the task you've given me, considering the size of the library-"

"I don't care how you do it, sell them, burn them, pack them away and send them to another country or take them with you. Just get them out of this castle."

"Sir, I don't understand. Your wife-"

"What about her?!" her father snapped in a way that sounded both angry and desperate. It made her bones chill and she wasn't even in the room. She couldn't imagine what poor Fredrick felt standing before him.

"N-no-nothing! Nothing sir it's just…it seems odd to get rid of them when she always spoke of such high reverence of those books, of the knowledge that they contained."

Her father was silent for a moment. After the reaction he'd had she'd half expected him to snap back at Fredrick again but when he did say something it wasn't what she thought it would be.

"Did she?" he questioned in a small almost confused voice. It would have left her speechless if she'd been trying to say something. He sounded serious! But that didn't make sense! Fredrick was right her mother had always spoken of that library with a joyful reverence. Why would he want to give that up? How was it possible he'd forgotten that in only a few short months. But then her father cleared his throat. "What she thought is of no matter," he dismissed calmly. "It is that knowledge that I fear my daughter will use, will discover, it must be kept from Belle at all costs and she must not know that I had a hand in it to keep it from her! She'd never forgive me and I fear I would never live through the loss of her."

"Your daughter? Sir, if I may suggest, your daughter-"

"I didn't ask you here to provide an opinion! You are here because I trust you to do this quickly and quietly, without question, and without Belle knowing. Can you do that or should I find someone else?"

She didn't stay to hear the rest. She may not have heard what she'd wanted to know, but she'd heard what she'd needed to know. And what she needed to know was that she had to hurry. Whether he'd meant to or not her father had just confirmed for her that it wasn't her imagination, she'd been onto something there, just before she'd found the librarian; what had happened to her, her memories, the answers to them were in the library and if the library would be gone this time tomorrow…

"Lydia!" she hissed flying back into her room. "Lydia wake up!"

Her nurse jerked awake and found her at the foot of her bed taking blankets out of the trunk there. "What's happening Miss?! Are you alright?!"

"Help me with this," she insisted grabbing one of the empty ends. She would have loved to do this on her own, but she couldn't. Time was of the essence and if she was Fredrick she would have begun her task that very night. He could start at any time. She had to rescue what she could as fast as she could.

"What are we doing, Miss?" Lydia questioned as she obeyed.

"I just need you to trust me, alright!"

"We shouldn't leave the room-"

"Just…" she bit back her anger before the door opened. Lydia was her only option. She needed her on her side. "Just please trust me right now, Lydia…please." She took the time to wait a breath for Lydia's answer, hoping she hadn't misplaced her trust. But finally Lydia did offer a nod and she couldn't waste any more time. Against her nurse's protests, they returned to the library with the trunk and lit a candle. Lydia complained about the smell, but she didn't let it stop her. "These two shelves and anything that has been in these trunks on the floor," she ordered, pointing to the books about the history and legacy of her country…as much as she wanted answers she couldn't risk losing that knowledge, it was what her mother had tried to save. She had to as well. "Make sure they get into this trunk. Quickly."

She argued of course, but she didn't listen. She had another goal, another important task to focus on. She had to get to-

She tripped over a book hiding on the floor. She'd done it a hundred times since she'd set foot in this library again but this time…it was only by chance that she looked down. Or perhaps it was her mother.

_Her Handsome Hero._

She'd forgotten. That's why she'd been down here that day. That's why she'd joined her here to make sure this book was retrieved. She'd set it down when they crawled under the table. She supposed that in all the commotion during the attack it had been displaced. But now it was safe, here again in her hands and this time…she wasn't going to forget it. But she also wasn't going to let herself forget her task because of it.

She tucked the book under her arm and moved closer and closer to the terrible odor. The restricted books. She lifted her candle and looked around the tiny room and tried not to focus on the place that they'd found the librarian.

Magic. She was certain that the key to accessing her memories again was magic. The trouble was that she'd never been back in this room, only caught glimpses at it when the door was opened or closed. And, now that she thought of it, she'd never even read a book that wasn't fiction or foreign language, the one chapter she'd read about in that text book this morning being the exception of course. How was she supposed to know what to take and what not to take?

She shook her head and stepped forward, lighting a few other candles in the room to give herself as much light as she could and to help with the terrible smell of rotting flesh. "No time like the present," she muttered to herself, pulling a cloth out of her bodice and holding it over her nose and mouth when her eyes started to tear. She was sure she only had an hour, if that until someone showed up. She couldn't spend her precious time wondering what to do. She was just going to have to learn to do it by doing it.

Memories.

How could she get her memories back?

She loved languages, she and her mother had learned them just for fun and the result was that she spoke over a dozen and could read almost triple that. But this…it was all in a language that she could read and yet it all felt like gibberish to her. Light magic, dark magic, head magic, heart magic, mythical beasts, ancient spells, potions that did horrible things, even terrible curses. There were lists of sorcerers, both good and bad, their histories, what they could do. She found books that covered only the basics about magic. Stories, myths, legends…she didn't know where to start.

No…no that was a lie. She did know where to start. The problem was her memory so…head magic, perhaps. She set aside the books that mentioned that. There were only a few that mentioned head without the heart so the good news was that she had both represented at least in some way. Then she needed a way to understand it. If there was a spell or potion, she had to know what she needed to do to enact it so she placed a few of the easier guides aside with the books. As for the rest of it…she didn't know if it would be helpful or not. She could just take the few books she'd found and be satisfied, but she was haunted by the idea that one of these held the answer and she was just going to leave it to be burned or sold or whatever Fredrick decided to do with them. Still, there were dozens of books here. And she'd only brought the one trunk that Lydia was filling up…but there were others. The ones that had never made it to the carriage, the ones her mother had packed. No sooner had she stepped out of the room did she find one laying on its side, already emptied by Lydia. It was small, barely able to hold a dozen books. But it would do.

This was it. She'd take what would fit in the trunk she'd brought and this one and then anything she could fit in her hands. So she picked a selection, guessing as best she could what was right and what wasn't. All too soon the trunk was full and with nearly five thick books stacked against her she was about to go out and find another trunk when her nurse was at the door whispering "Child…I hear voices!"

Time was up. She grabbed the trunk by its handle and gave Lydia the extra books to put in the trunk as best she could. They fit almost as perfectly as if she'd planned it that way. But the ones that she held didn't. Five books in her hand, the small trunk in her other hand, and when she tried to lift the trunk that had been heavy before she and Lydia had filled it with books...

This wasn't going to work. Her heart was racing as she listened to the voice that she was fairly certain belonged to Fredrick and another man. They were talking, but their voices weren't moving. They were on the staircase, talking. About…she didn't care. Time was everything and she didn't have time to get the books out and care. So she hushed Lydia and took the smaller trunk and the books in her arms out into the hallway. It wasn't easy moving over the debris quietly with the dead weights in her hands, but that was what she was counting on to save them. On the far corner, near the stairs that she and Lydia would have to take to go back to her room since the others were obviously blocked, she found a spot of wreckage and hid the precious books amidst the ruble. It wasn't perfect, but she hoped it would do until she could return for them. Then, finally, with two free hands, she was able to return to her nurse and lift the heavy trunk into the air.

She thought it would pull her arms from her sockets and she felt the weight of it in her chest as she strained. She knew Lydia felt it too from the heavy breath she heard behind her. It was almost enough to make her drop the trunk and abandon the idea. Almost.

The voices moved on the stairs. Not much, but enough to panic her. Enough to make her realize just how determined she was to get these to a safe place and though she worried that Lydia would give in and raise the alarm when she turned she saw the wide eyed woman nod quickly, telling her to keep going and to hurry. She didn't know how, but somehow the huffing and puffing and dragging and pulling and carrying paid off.

The moment she and Lydia set the trunk down in her room, they broke out into laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why, but I absolutely loved the idea of Belle sneaking down into the library and saving what she could. It also gave me the chance to explore Belle as a librarian for the first time. She doesn't know it and clearly isn't very confident, but she's in her element here! She knows what she wants and what she's looking for and even when she's under stress and pressed for time, she tries her best and in the end does her best. She's clever and I hope that you are starting to feel like Belle is becoming more and more Belle here.
> 
> Thank you, thank you, thank you Deweymay for your awesome comments on the last chapter! You are too sweet and not only am I glad you like it but I'm also glad to see so many of you enjoying where it is going! Great insights! Peace and Happy Reading!


	39. A Rebellious Plan

It had been seven months. Seven long hard months since the day that her mother had died. Some days it felt like seven years. Other days it felt like seven minutes. Her life had been turned upside-down since then. Some days she felt like her room barely felt like her room anymore; she swore that she'd seen more since her mother died than she had since she'd been born. But it was her father's solution to everything. He'd gone back to denial. He knew that she was upset with him, he knew that he was angry at her, but every time he tried to have a civilized conversation with her she questioned him, and every time she questioned him, he denied everything. Ever since that day in the library when he'd as much as admitted there was something he was keeping from her, he seemed determined to take it all back. She was ill, that's what he insisted. She was sick from the loss of her mother and as soon as she had her mind right then she could leave her room. Well, these days, that was just fine with her. Less time with Gaston, less time wasting time.

She was going to solve this problem, the problem of her "blacked out" memories. She knew that she could. And the books that she'd rescued, they were the key to all of it. Three days after the library had been cleared, "for new construction", her father lied further, she'd rescued the small trunk and books from where she'd hid them among the ruble. They were essential to her puzzle. She put the history books, the ones her mother had attempted to save, on her shelves and her father never appeared the wiser. They were a tribute to knowledge, to what a great King and Queen would need to rule. Books, maps, journals…why she'd tried to save them was obvious and she was glad they were safe. Especially _Her Handsome Hero._ It joined _La Belle Et La Bete_ on her nightstand, the highest place of honor. The others, the books of magic, she stored those around her mother's room, hidden in her trunk, under her bed, in her wardrobe...they were right under her father's nose, and it might have been risky but it was essential for what she knew would come.

She never hid what she was doing from her father, in fact she shared it with him all the time, hoping he'd get nervous enough to tell her what he knew and spare her the time. In response, predictably enough, he only sent men in to take the books from her. Which she happily gave them-in pairs of twos or threes after she'd determined that they wouldn't help her. When they searched her room for more they came up empty handed and she couldn't have been happier that her risks were paying off. Of course the only one that knew the truth was her nurse, which she'd worried about at first, but then she'd proved to be far more helpful than she ever would have guessed. "No," she would claim, "I don't know where she's getting them, but she's got a new one out every time I turn around. I swear those books breed like rabbits! One gets taken away and two more take it's place." It was a crude analogy, but she was just thankful that Lydia was on her side in all of this and not kowtowing to her fathers stories.

It was a different role for her to play, tricking her father, yelling and fighting with him, but it was worth it. Only a couple of weeks after she'd rescued her books she already had her answer. Memory loss could be contributed to both light and dark magic, but it didn't matter which it was because either way it was a spell, only reversed by the sorcerer who had cast the magic. She had no idea who that was. Lydia had no idea how she knew about that but when she asked she confessed she knew nothing about him other than that the sorcerer was male.

Male.

She found her list of infamous male sorcerers, the one that she'd compiled from reading history books of magic late into the night. And it was a good thing she'd thought to make a list, because her father had taken that book from her hands weeks ago himself. She wished she knew if there was anyone in their village with the power of magic, Lydia said there was and it could have been one of those men, but she didn't know who any of them really were or if they were living or dead. And if Lydia didn't know then her father probably wouldn't have known them either. So she turned to the more popular sorcerers, it was the next logical place for her to look. This was her father after all. No matter how angry she was with him she believed that he believed it had been for the best and he wasn't going to just let some third rate hack play with her mind. He'd want someone experienced, someone powerful, someone fully capable…

Merlin? He was at the top of her list. Her notes told her he was a good sorcerer, old, incredibly talented…and he hadn't been seen in centuries.

No. Not Merlin.

Sibyl the seer? She was a good witch, too, fairly new to the trade…but often unreliable. She was talented but frequently failed to arrive on time and perform predictably. And she was often drunk.

No. He might have called her but there was no reliance that she would have shown up. Besides she was a woman. She's asked her nurse over and over again and she was quiet sure she'd been seen by a man.

Rumpelstiltskin? That was a name that was becoming all too familiar with her. History books, books of dark magic, curses…he seemed to pop up everywhere in every place and every time there were records. He was a dark sorcerer. A very dark sorcerer, arguably the darkest of all. Cursed with an internal darkness and called The Dark One. There were several stories and rumors about how the Dark One had come to be, but no one knew for certain where he came from. Rumpelstiltskin was made infamous by making deals with others to use his dark magic, though more often than not the deals benefited only the Dark One in the end.

She paused for a moment at that single fact that she'd written down. One of the rumors going around was that her father had exchanged her memories for his peace of mind... She had a memory, of listening to her parents fight late into the night over a man who might be able to help him win the ogre wars. It had been years! She thought that she remembered something about deals...but she wasn't sure. She knew that neither of her parents had given a name for the man. Was it possible her father had given in and called him to help her?

No. The Dark One rarely performed spells out of the goodness of his heart, so to speak and her father's peace of mind…she had no proof that deal was actually true, the way her father was acting was exactly the opposite in fact, and the truth was that she could see no benefit in her fathers piece of mind for the Dark One. And then there was the fact that she just didn't see her father calling upon someone called "the Dark One" to help her. Help the nation? Sure! He'd take that risk. But for her, his only daughter? It had been a good thought, but it wasn't him. But maybe...

Glinda the Good? She'd been a light sorceress banished to this world…and hiding behind a door that could not be found. And a woman.

At first it appeared useless as she skimmed through the names on her list. There were a lot of females, a lot that were dead or missing, too many that were far too dangerous others that would never agree to help…but she was relentless. She would never know anything for sure, not if her father refused to help her. Fine. If she couldn't find the sorcerer…she'd find a way around it.

Head magic. She'd seen something about that. Memories were in her head, looking into head magic only seemed natural.

And helpful.

As it turned out head magic and heart magic were particular breeds of magic practiced only by a group of…trolls?!

Trolls! A rare group of trolls called Rock Trolls! And…they were good with memories. She broke out into a smile, one of the first she'd had since her mother died, and she nearly lost her breath. It wasn't exactly what had happened to her, it was a risk…but it was something.

"Lydia," she asked, "have you ever heard of a place called…Arendelle?"

"Course…I saw a map of it, when we…you know."

A map! They had rescued a map! Even better. Lydia plucked the right one out of her shelves and laid it out for her. Arendelle…yes of course! How could she forget! Arendelle, it was Mist Haven's nearest oversees neighbor. But her heart fell as she remembered that. Arendelle was still a fair distance away. The chances that her father would allow her to go, would go with her or send Gaston…that would never happen.

Lydia left for tea at her realization but she hadn't given up on it yet. There was another idea, a new one forming in her head. Her father wouldn't go with her if she asked, not just for this reason but even if she said that she wanted to go and get a new hairpiece he'd never abandon his duty in the middle of a war. But her…what duties did she have? Arendelle…how much could she possibly be missed over the course of a few days?

It was crazy, she knew it was! So why was she really considering it? Because it was here! All of it was! She set the map aside and pulled the book that she'd been reading back to her.

_"Rock Trolls are rare, but though their number is small if a fair traveler is lucky enough to come upon a Ruble of Rock Trolls, they might not believe it. The largest Ruble of Rock Trolls discovered was over two hundred, the smallest fifty. They are native to Arendelle Mountains and hot springs but can also be found in the mountainous regions of Farquad, Gothica, and Disgney. The trip to their natural habitat may be perilous but rarely do wanderers leave dissatisfied. Though their questions may not be answered the way they hope, they often find that they leave-"_

"It's late!" Her heart stopped at the sudden voice and she turned to see her father lurking there in the entry way of her bedroom. "You should be in bed," he insisted with concern as he moved closer to her.

Concern. She couldn't let that affect her. She wouldn't. If he was really concerned he should just tell her what she wanted to hear. "How could I possibly sleep when I can't even remember what happened to mother?" she spat at him.

She saw him straighten again, just as he always did these days when he came to get into her good graces and they ended up fighting. "Perhaps that's for the best," he suggested almost happily, with a smug look on his face that just made her…oh it just made her so angry each and every time she saw that look! She was going to get to the bottom of this! She was!

"No!" she corrected. "I need to know what happened to her after I blacked out!" Or so he insisted.

"You won't find the answers you seek in the pages of a book." She fought hard to roll her eyes. No, of course she wouldn't. That was why he'd gotten rid of her library and was taking away as many of these books as fast as he could. Her answers weren't in books, she had a feeling that they were in her fathers head, in her own head just locked away somewhere! But she was determined to get them back.

"But I already have father," she insisted with a hopeful smirk. The point of all this wasn't to irritate him it was to get the truth from him. What would he think if he knew she was one step closer? He certainly looked nervous. Or maybe that was just her imagination. "According to this there are creatures who can restore memories that have been lost. If we journey to them maybe they can help me to remember what happened to mother."

"I can't allow you to do that," he insisted predictably. Of course not. She hadn't actually expected him to say yes she was just hoping that if she prodded just right then maybe…

"Why not?" she questioned stubbornly, daring him to tell her to her face what she already knew. Perhaps because then she'd know for sure he'd been lying to her? Then she'd known what she would have seen?! Why, exactly was that so bad in the first place?!

"Because there is something this book doesn't tell you," he insisted leaning forward.

Suddenly she was on the edge of her seat. Something the book didn't tell her? Was…was this it? Had it all worked?! Was this finally the moment that he was going to break?! Was he finally going to tell her-

"Magic _always_ comes with a price! And whatever that price is I don't want you to have to pay it."

That sounded like the father she knew, the one that she knew always kept her best interests at heart, not the one who lied to her and tried to force her to marry and have a baby with a man she simply didn't want to marry and certainly didn't want to have a baby with!

"I'm sorry Belle. I've already lost your mother to this infernal ogres war I can't lose you too."

She was sure that was supposed to be a rational argument. It probably was. But rationality had gone missing in her life the day she awoke to find someone had taken her memories from her. He already had lost her. Didn't he see it? So long as he continued to hide the truth from her…they'd continue to grow distant. Maybe they already were lost to one another.

"But father!"

"You heard me!"

"No!"

He reached out in front of her and closed the book before her. "Forget this nonsense! You are not to leave this chamber until the doctors say you're better!" he shouted as he stormed out of the room, closing the door behind him. That was predictable enough. But also, in a way, final enough for her. Until the doctors said she was better…he meant until he told the doctors to say she was better. Which wouldn't be until she dropped this issue and agreed once more to resume wedding plans.

She looked at the books laid out before her. No doubt someone would be by any minute to take them from her just like the others. She was tired of having these fights, she was tired of not knowing and the way she saw it…there was only one way to make it all stop. It would be bold, more daring and troublesome than anything she'd ever done in her life…but if she came away from that mountain satisfied and whole, as so many who made the trip to the Rock Trolls reported to be, then wouldn't it be worth it? Would her mother really want her to sit in this chamber and wonder? Forever?!

She reached under the book that she'd been reading and pulled out the map she'd been examining. "I'm sorry father," she apologized as she unfolded it and looked at the foreign landmass before her. Yes, she knew it was crazy, but it was something that she just had to do. "But I need to know what happened and this…is the only place where I'll find the answer."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you feel about this chapter? Obviously after months of saying "We'll get there when we get there!" we are finally back into the "seen" stuff from 4x06 and in the next chapter we go to Arendelle. Are we all excited? I hope that it all blends nicely together and that I'll be able to make something from that mess.
> 
> Thank you, thank you, thank you Deweymay for your awesome comments on the last chapter of Moments Lost. You are too kind my dear! Peace and Happy Reading!


	40. Over the River and Through the Woods

It was dawn on the third day of her journey when she heard the lookout shout "Land-ho!" from his perch.

She wondered about what she'd left behind, about how long it took her nurse to find her note and give it to her father. Regardless of the guilt she felt, it had been far easier for her to leave than she would have thought. Her father had sent someone in to collect the books, predictably enough, but she'd had enough time by then to stash away her map and a couple of the more important books she needed. Arendelle wasn't far, but she had learned enough of the place to know that she needed to dress warm and to prepare for possibly scaling some big rocks. So she got a bag together, set some clothes out for herself, and when her nurse slipped out of her room after she thought she'd fallen asleep, she dug that bag out of her hiding place, left a note for both her father and Lydia, so he wouldn't suspect her nurse had helped her in this endeavor, telling them that she was sorry but finding the Rock Trolls and getting her memory back was something that she just had to do.

She'd struck out while the moon was still high on her horse. Avonlea, she knew the way to Avonlea by heart. It was a two day ride but it was the fastest way to get to a port city. And it was safe, it was far away from the war with a quick exit, or that was what she'd always believed. Even in Avonlea, their shinning city, there was evidence of war. Soldiers in the streets, the smell of metal in the air, and from the distance there was black smoke rising. But it was fine. It would be okay. Avonlea was a fortified city and though there were signs of war the women and children appeared clean and healthy, there was food still being sold on the streets in good condition, and instead of ruins the houses stood strong and sturdy. And that wasn't all…

The wall and gate that led up to their palace, it was covered in flowers and candles lit at the base. She'd hid her face behind her hood at the sight of the staff in the windows but couldn't resist the urge to explore more. In some places small pieces of paper had been pinned to the flowers or set under candles and they strained against their captors in the sea wind blowing in. Hood in place she knelt down next to a bundle, far away from the nearest visitor kneeling in what looked like prayer. She carefully removed a piece of the paper from underneath the candle.

_"Though we are saddened by our loss we know that you'll protect us from this threat to our great nation, Queen Collette."_

Tears filled her eyes as she read the note again and again, before another gust drew her gaze to another piece of paper straining against it's string captor. She stuffed the old note into her belt and reached for the new one.

_"Please, hear our prayers your majesty, free us from this ordeal, bring my husband and sons home safe to me. They are all I have. I cannot bear to lose them."_

She sniffled as she saved it, made sure no one had taken notice to her, and reached for another and another and another. Not all of the notes were good. A couple were angry, furious ragings against her and what her family had taken in fighting this ogre war.

_"Why couldn't you call the Dark One?! You wouldn't have been killed if your fat husband had the brains to call on Rumpelstiltskin and make a deal to save us, to save my husband! I hope you rot in the Underworld for your pride and fear of doing the right thing!"_

Yes, a few were downright cruel. But many…many were kind; prayers, how her mother would be missed, how proud she would be of her country, of her husband for continuing to fight, for her daughters engagement…

Good or not, each one she tucked into her belt. She would have taken them all, but someone, a woman down the way, was looking at her skeptically. She didn't want anyone to recognize her or sound an alarm that she was here. She had a ship to catch and if word got out that the Princess was here…

She rose, made sure her treasury was hidden and secure, and dragged her horse with her away from the memorial. She'd used some gold to secure a stable for the animal so he'd be waiting for her when she got back. How long was she planning on being gone? Less than a week. According to her maps and to the men she stopped to ask about Arendelle the trip oversees to reach it would be about 24 hours and because of the trading ships ran fairly regularly. Her biggest concern was how much space would be left on the boats. Full ships didn't take people with the cargo. But on her voyage out she was lucky enough to come across a ship that was only half full and taking on occupants. It cost her quite a bit of her gold to get on, but soon enough she was packed into a small compartment with about twelve other people traveling.

It was different than the trips across sea her family had taken when she was little. Then she never had to worry about anything! She'd been given her own cabin, blankets, food, anything and everything she needed had been provided. Now nothing was provided and she hadn't planned on that. She expected the men on the ship would at least give them food but when she saw her other travelers had brought their own on board her stomach growled. When they settled into sleep they laid blankets out on the floor and she huddled together in a corner with only her bag, her books, and the slips of paper for comfort. One man was kind, or permitting at least. When she got so hungry she thought she'd cry and saw the leftovers from one family, he'd allowed her to have the remaining bits of the bread. When his wife took off her cloak and settled under a thick blanket instead he gave the cloak to her to use until morning. This morning. And now someone from above was calling out that they were nearly into port. They weren't allowed above deck, but the moment that they docked and a man came down the stairs telling them to "get out" so they could get their work done, she rushed up the stairs and saw a wonderful sight before her.

It was a castle. A beautiful and glorious looking castle. But that wasn't what really took her breath away.

It was the sky. The crystal clear blue sky. It was so…peaceful. No smoke, no smog, there was no blackness or tainted color to it at all. No red! She'd nearly forgotten that was what the sky was supposed to look like. And the air…she'd forgotten what clean air was like as well. In all honesty she hadn't even realized that what she was breathing in all these years wasn't clean until this moment. At home war was everywhere, the sky, the water, the food, the air, everything! Here, there was peace. And it was nice.

For all of three seconds.

Until the reality of how far from peace her country was truly sank into her. Her fingers itched to open up her bag and read, just touch, the notes that had been left for her mother, but before she knew what was happening someone was shoving her off the boat and there was the most wonderful smell coming from the market before her. Was that…chocolate?

Clearly she had priorities. If she was going to make this trip as fast as she could then she had to be ready to make the trip and after a restless night and a day with almost nothing to eat, she decided the first thing she needed was to find some food. That was easy enough, just passed the docks was the town square with a market. She'd never been to a market before and she felt her heartbeat in anticipation of finally exploring one…but then she stopped.

She wasn't here to visit or even explore. She had to get to the trolls, that was her priority. It was intoxicating being somewhere that was happy and peaceful and full of life, but she couldn't forget that the place she came from was still suffering and hurting, just like she was. Tempting as it was to abandon this life to start fresh here she still loved her country and she still had to go back there. She had to do this and she had to get back there and that meant not getting caught up in the idea of joy.

So she bought something quick but still tasty from a vendor, smoked lamb and some pineapple on a stick, and as she ate she opened her bag up to look at her map…only to be confronted with another challenge. Her map. Here she was, in Arendelle…but her map technically wasn't of Arendelle. It showed the landmass and had a picture of the castle so she knew where she was, but other than groupings of small little tent like drawings meant to represent mountains, there was no arrow that pointed to one in particular that said "Rock Trolls Here!" She glanced up at the landmasses that towered over her between the glorious castle and blue sky. They looked a lot bigger in person than they did on the map. And the Rock Trolls…they could be anywhere…

"Oh…excuse me!" she called out to a man working on the docks. "Excuse me, I'm…I'm looking for Rock Trolls, can you help me…"

The man only rolled his eyes and shooed her away with a shaking head muttering something about "check the mountains" as he went. So she tried again, but the second man she asked was speaking a language she didn't recognize. The third man's response was the same as the first, and the fourth man's response as his eyes raked over her in a way that made Gaston look like a welcome improvement…well that…was almost enough to make her wish she'd brought an entourage with her. Maybe they'd listen to her if they knew who and what she was.

"Excuse me, ma'am!" she called trotting quickly after a woman with a child in tow. Surely women were safer for her to ask.

"Mommy it's a girl!" the little girl squealed excitedly. "Mama she's so pretty! Is she a Princess?! Are you a princess?!"

"Ari! Hush!" the mother chastised harshly tugging on her arm. The girls smile disappeared and her heart ached. Not everyone had been as lucky as she had been growing up. "What do you want, miss?" the woman answered staring at her strangely.

She offered a small smile, hoping she would be able to help her, and wondering if maybe there was something she could do to appeal more to the woman. She knelt down next to the child, plucked the jewel encrusted barrette she'd been wearing out of her hair, and gave it to the little girl. "Here," she whispered, "now you can be a Princess too."

The girl gasped as she took it, then looked up at her mother with a beaming smile. "It's very nice," her mother commented looking her over even more suspiciously than before, "but what's it for?"

"To make me a Princess, mommy! Can I go show Papa?"

"Yes, but be careful!" she called after the girl that was already halfway across the docks before looking back at her timidly. She hoped that she would think the barrette would be fake jewels, but the way she looked her over made her think that she suspected she was someone far more important than she appeared to be. "What can I do for you?" she asked.

"I just need some directions," she commented. "I'm looking for Rock Trolls, please, do you know where they-"

"I've never seen them," the woman stated shaking her head and moving away from her before she could even finish her sentence. She could cry. She wasn't even off the docks and she had already encountered a problem. She'd never had this problem before, but of course she'd never really been on her own before either. Someone was always there telling her where to go, what to do, what to say…how was she ever supposed to be a Queen like her mother if she couldn't even-

"Miss…" she turned around at the voice and wiped her cheeks. The woman. She'd come back!

"Yes!"

"There is a trading post not far from here where the mountaineers stop before climbing. Perhaps the owner can help you."

She nodded eagerly. It wasn't an answer but it was something. "Where can I find this man?"

The woman stepped up to her and turned her back toward the palace. "Follow the shore line until you find the river that the fjord runs into. Follow the river, cross at the first bridge, follow the woods up and over the hill and you'll find him at the base of the mountains. And girl!" the woman suddenly yelled looking at her with a seriousness she'd never seen before. "Cross at the first bridge, not the second! If you do you'll find yourself face to face with Bridge Trolls long before you meet Rock Trolls and a little thing like you…they'll chew you up and spit you out before you can call for help."

She nodded at the instructions and the warning perhaps a little too eagerly as she thanked her over and over again.

Over the river, through the woods, and it was into the mountains she'd go!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True story, originally it was only going to take one day for Belle to get to Avonlea, but during the writing for this I read in the Skin Deep Script somewhere it was two days away so...accuracy! I know this seems mostly like filler chapter, and indeed it is, but I wanted us to see, sort of for comparing and contrasting, just how ignorant and naive she is when it comes to the life of a citizen. Yes, I know we get a little in MK&U but I feel like this really shows that she's got next to no idea what she's doing when someone isn't holding her hand. She doesn't know how to ride a boat, she doesn't know how to ask for directions, she doesn't know how to read a map, she didn't think to plan ahead...it's all very different than the Belle we see today who plans for just about everything and I like to think that this chapter is where she got her penchant for that.
> 
> Thank you for your awesome comments and support Deweymay! I can't believe there are only 8 chapters left in this fiction. I hope you'll like where it's going and how it'll end! Peace and Happy Reading!


	41. A Change of Luck

She didn't know what to expect when she walked into Oaken's Trading Post and Sauna, but she knew it wasn't what she saw. A short little man with rosy cheeks and bright eyes that looked as if he'd never climbed a mountain in his life. She'd hoped to find something more…rugged perhaps. Someone who looked more like a soldier or Samuel…though after the trip she'd had she probably would have taken Gaston at this point. "Yoohoo!" the man called as he waved to her. "Big Winter blowout! Everything in our Winter department is thirty percent off!"

"Oh!" she gasped looking around at the shelves that appeared to be nearly empty already. "No thank you," she shrugged, "but ah…I'll take this and…this!" she smiled grabbing a rope and a pick axe nearby. If she was going climbing she may as well look the part and have the tools she would need ready. And having the directions wouldn't be so bad either. As she put her new purchases away she pulled the map of Arendelle out of her bag and set it on the counter. "Would you mind giving me directions?" she asked. "I'm new here and I've never-"

"Oh!" the man squealed, "Welcome dear! We have lovely streams! And for you, forty percent off anything in our fishing department!"

"Oh…oh no…no thank you, you see I…I really already know where I'm going I just need the directions."

"Oh yeah! Oaken knows where you need to go! The palace! It's beautiful this time of year and a sight to be seen for any wanderer. Our good Queen-"

"Oh, no I'm…I'm actually looking for the trolls," she inserted quickly before the man could get another word in. No, she certainly hadn't expected him to be the talker that he was. "Please I…I know they're around here somewhere I just don't know where to go to find them!"

"You want to find trolls?" Oaken asked skeptically, looking at her as though she'd just confessed she was looking for another world. "You know they're dangerous, yeah?"

Dangerous? That was the first she was hearing about Rock Trolls being dangerous. They didn't sound dangerous when she'd read about them…but they weren't the only trolls she'd read about. "Oh no, no, no, Rock Trolls, not Bridge Trolls," she corrected recalling what the woman had told her about crossing the bridge on the way up here. Obviously Rock Trolls were not the only hidden thing in this place.

"Oh yeah, they're quite nice!" Oaken commented as his smile returned and his reaction brought hope to her.

"So you can-you can direct me to them?"

"No," he answered with a smile, "I've never met them!" Her heart sank. She was vaguely aware of Oaken raising his hand and looking behind her as he called out a "Yoo hoo!" to someone that must have just come in. He was friendly, there was no doubt, but she was also coming to find that he was far more frustrating than she would have expected. He didn't know the trolls? But he'd just said that he knew them, before! He must know where they were!

"You-you just said they were nice?!" she reminded him.

He nodded eagerly. "I've heard…"

She sighed in despair. He'd heard. Heard of them but never met them or seen them for himself. Everything she'd felt on the docks came back to her and suddenly she felt the weight of her restless night press down on her. Why was this so hard?! It was supposed to be just a simple thing: go to the trolls-get her memory back, simple! And yet everything seemed to be working against her! Her father, the mysterious man, magic, nature, and now people! So far all anyone had heard was go to the mountains, now she was in the mountains and this…this man really couldn't or wouldn't help her?! No! No, he had to know! If the trolls were here he had to have at least heard from his customers where they'd been found before!

"Please help me," she sighed, "I just lost my mother and-"

"Oh, I'm-I'm so sorry…" he apologized quickly, his look changing into one of sympathy that she hoped meant he would help point her in the right direction. At this point that's all she wanted. The right direction. He didn't have to get her there all he had to do was point and say "they're that way" and she'd figure out the rest as best she could! But instead he pointed out "trolls can't bring life" and she felt as though she might snap. She knew that! If there was anything that could bring life she would be there now! But all she had to do was get her memories back and she'd be complete. She was so close! Couldn't anyone help her?! "But I can help soothe you…have you tried the sauna?"

"Um…no! No thank you," she blurt out, trying not to laugh. Which oddly enough was the best cover she could give for trying not to cry! Oaken couldn't or wasn't going to help her. It was clear that she was going to have to look elsewhere…even though she didn't even know where elsewhere was at this point. A map with a castle and little triangles wasn't going to be of any help to her now. Maybe her father had been right. Maybe she should have dropped this long ago. Maybe she never should have come.

She gathered up her map and turned to leave, trying to get a hold of her frustration and her anger and her sadness because it was choking her alive, but-

"Need some help?" a female voice asked before she got to the door.

It was a girl, probably about her age, maybe a little older or a little younger. She was smiling, just as Oaken had been which didn't give her much confidence that her brand of help would be any better than his had been but…why not? She wouldn't know if she was any different than Oaken was unless she asked. She was already here. At this point anything was worth a try.

"Uh…well, I was trying to find my way to the Rock Trolls. But this map is not being too helpful."

The woman stepped forward and glanced at the map before looking back up at her with a different type of sympathy than Oaken had. "Oaken means well," she excused.

"Ya!" she heard the man call out in agreement.

"But you don't need him. Or a map. I can help you. I'm on my way to see them! Come with me!" the woman insisted.

She felt her mouth drop open at the sudden change in her luck. Was this really happening? It sounded too good to be true. "Really?" she questioned. The girl offered a quick nod and she beamed at her unbelievable offer. A guide! She had found not just directions but a guide! A guide that would take her right to them and wasn't put out because she was going as well!

"Thank you!" she exclaimed, barely able to hide her joy. Suddenly everything seemed brighter than it had a few moments ago. She could do this. She could go to the Rock Trolls and she could get her memories back. It was all possible with the help of…a stranger that she hadn't even introduced herself to yet. A strange woman she wasn't sure she wanted to know if she was royalty or not.

"Um…I'm Belle," she offered, giving her one of her hands to shake the way she'd seen a couple of the commoners do on the ship.

"I'm Anna," the girl smiled. Surprisingly enough when she put her hand in her own it was the formal way that she'd had to fight. Could she be…was it possible that she was nobility perhaps? She'd met few people from Arendelle in her life, she was straining to think of the names and faces but it had all been so long ago, before her mother had died, when she was very young and she couldn't remember-

"Friend of Anna's…half price on the sauna!" Oaken finally interrupted cheerfully.

She opened her mouth but honestly didn't know what to say to the man anymore. She hadn't known what to expect when she first arrived but it certainly hadn't been Oaken. Or…

"Maybe we'll check it out on our way back Oaken," Anna refused for her before leaning closer and whispering "we won't check it out on our way back" and making the pair of them break out into girlish laughter.

This was a good thing. She'd never known luck could change for the better just as fast as it could change for the worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short I know but I couldn't really help that. It needed to be short because there really wasn't that much I could add to this scene. It was pretty straight forward. Girl meets girl, she's a princess, she's a rebel, it's friends at first sight... (and I'll really date myself if anyone knows where I got that from.)
> 
> Thank you Deweymay for your beautiful comments! And now, without further ado I am ready to finish this fiction strong...or weak maybe? I don't know. This prequel stuff can be confusing at times. Peace and Happy Reading!


	42. Getting To Know You Questions

"So the trolls aren't far," Anna stated as they began to wander away from Oaken's and further into the mountains. "In a couple of hours we'll be on our way back. Well…I assume we'll be on our way back. So long as what we have to do doesn't take too long. I mean what I have to do isn't too long but I don't know what you have to do, it might take two minutes it might take two days! Why are you here by the way? I mean, if you're from around here it's completely fine and I don't mean to upset you, but you have this accent like I never heard so I just assumed you weren't from here, plus the being lost and the looking for trolls thing. So are you? From around here I mean."

Anna was a talker. It was the first thing she learned as she could barely keep track of what she was asking her before they were barely on their way. But she'd said enough encouraging things that she didn't particularly mind. Besides, she'd been around silence a lot in her life, she knew how to be quiet and refined and delicate. It was almost refreshing to be around someone who just said what came to their mind instead of holding back.

"No, I'm…I'm not from here and I…well I…I came to see the Rock Trolls about a uh…a memory problem-"

"Oh you came to the right place! Trolls are great with memory problems and it's sorta of the reason I need to see them too by the way, not completely of course but it's part of it," Anna inserted. "So, you don't have Rock Trolls where you're from then?"

"Oh, no we uh…we don't. I came here from the Enchanted Forest because they're supposed to be easy to find here but not from what I've seen."

"Oh the Enchanted Forest, Mist Haven?" she nodded. "It's a lovely place!"

"You've been there?"

"Yes! Not long ago actually. I went to get some answers for my sister. Some of the people I encountered were a little…strange, but a lot of them were really wonderful so I didn't really mind! Where are you from? Maybe I visited while I was there!"

She held her breath as she considered again whether or not she should tell Anna who she was. Probably it was safe, probably even if Anna told someone she'd be home before word spread to her father, if it did spread to her father. The words were right there on her tongue…but she just couldn't get them out and what fell out of her mouth was "it's a small village, no one really travels there lately. So…why are you going to see the trolls?" she asked, quickly changing the subject. "You have a memory problem too?"

"Oh well…sort of! In a round about kind of way. I guess I'm just going to find out if I have a memory problem really. But the trolls are old friends really," she laughed. "More like family actually! And Grand Pabbie, that's their leader, he's been around forever and seems to know everything and I'm hoping that he can tell me more about my aunt…or I mean…I think she's my aunt. She says she's my aunt but my mother never mentioned a sister…I guess I'm just hoping that he'll know who she is and can tell me why no one else knows about her. He's really old. Like…really, really old. Which makes sense right because rocks don't age! Or I mean they do age just not like we do. They age like…like…"

"Rocks?" she provided for her, not really sure where the girl was going or how she'd gotten so badly off track.

"Right…like a rock!" She smiled. She liked Anna. She was certainly different than anyone she'd ever met but…it was in a good way. Even if things appeared not so good for her right now.

"So your Aunt, she just…appeared?"

"Literally according to my sister! It's a long story but she was basically there when I…well…when I got back from Mist Haven actually and…well…she has these powers, the same powers that my sister has actually which is another long story but…it's just so strange! The family resemblance is there on the outside but on the inside…and my mother never mentioned having a sister, much less one with powers and growing up I think that would be something she'd mention! Right?! But then she has the powers...I don't know. I just hope that Grand Pabbie has an explanation, because I don't know what else to do…" someone approached to them from the road and they stopped and curtsied to her before offering to guide her. The guidance she turned down quickly but she did returned the curtsy happily and without a thought.

Yes, nobility certainly. And the fact that she hadn't told her…it was proof that she was doing the right thing in trying to keep her own genealogy from her. She doubted that word of her escape would have made it this far, but just in case it did it was better not to mention it. Besides, why did they need their titles and statuses? They were doing just fine on their own! In a day this would all be over, it didn't matter.

"So, Belle…" Anna remarked as they moved onward, "I couldn't help overhearing-well I could but I'm naturally curious…anyway, I heard you lost your mother."

The observation caught her off guard. Yes, she had said that. But it dawned on her that if she wasn't going to tell her who she was then this was the first time that she'd be confronted with people that wouldn't have a clue what had happened to her. Her family, the guards, her friends, the servants, even Gaston all knew, possibly before she had, what had happened to her mother. Beyond mentioning it to Oaken…she hadn't had to explain it to anyone.

"Yes…" she finally sighed. "In…in the ogres war." It was close enough to the truth…

"I'm so sorry," Anna apologized with sincerity. They walked on but the silence stretching between them felt vast as the ocean she'd traveled to get here. Was telling people about the death of a loved one always this…awkward?

"I lost mine too," Anna admitted suddenly. She turned to look at her, afraid for a moment that she might be mocking her with that smile but…no. She still looked sincere. And even with a smile on her face there was sadness in her eyes. "There are no words…" she added quickly.

Sad as it was she nearly smiled at that. Someone understood! Everyone kept telling her it was fine and she'd be alright, that she'd moved on, but Anna…she knew! Sometimes words just couldn't be enough whether they were true or false. It was refreshing to hear!

"No there aren't," she confirmed trying not to cry. "Especially when you don't know what happened!" she burst out angrily, wishing only for the one millionth time that her father trusted her enough to tell her what had happened to her mother…what had happened to her. When she glanced over at Anna she found more curiosity on her face. "I was hoping that the rock trolls could restore my memory," she explained, finally elaborating on what she'd said earlier, "so that I can…finally be at peace."

Anna didn't respond right away. But in the absence of words, silence didn't feel empty anymore. It just felt…it just felt understood.

"Sometimes the answer isn't what you want," Anna muttered beside her.

The answer wasn't what she'd want. That idea…why did people keep saying that?! She didn't have her memories now and it beat against her soul day in and day out, if she had them then logically that wouldn't happen. She'd feel whole and complete! She'd truly be able to put what had happened to her and her mother to rest. Why didn't anyone else see that?! What else did they think there was beside that completion? What else could there be?!

"Which is what?" she pushed.

"One that makes you feel better," Anna sighed beside her. An answer that makes her feel better. Yes, she supposed that she did want an answer that made her feel better about all of it. She certainly didn't want one that made her feel worse! But she couldn't possibly understand how it could make her feel worse! She didn't know where Anna got her experience but she knew that there was no other alternative. How else would knowing what happened to her mother end? There was no way that it couldn't make her feel better.

"But if Grand Pabbie can help you get what you need, I'll make sure he does," Anna assured her quickly, bringing back her determination just before the awkwardness between them could peek. That was all she wanted. If she regretted her memories after she saw them…then that was her own doing and she wouldn't be able to blame anyone but herself. If she was better off without them as her father claimed she'd find a way to take them away again. But at least this time she'd consent to it. Because she was sure that was all she wanted. And she was sure that wasn't going to happen. What happened to her mother was exactly the answer she needed.

"Thank you," she breathed, reaching out and touching her shoulder. She was grateful. Very grateful. She'd already been more help than anyone back home. That was all she needed. But when she looked ahead she saw yet another obstacle in front of her. A mountain, to be precise. "Ah…so…now what?" she asked Anna.

"Now we climb," Anna informed her, then she felt hands on her back and when she looked behind her Anna was pulling the pick axe from her bag. Right, of course they did. The trolls lived in the mountains, surely she'd have to do some climbing. Wasn't that why she'd bought the thing? It just…mountains looked even bigger staring up at them from the base of them than they did in the distance or as little triangles on a map.

"Okay…" she watched as Anna approached the rock with the thing and suddenly looked…well, not as skilled as she'd hoped she would for someone that visited Rock Trolls like they were "family". In fact Anna looked nearly as frightened and unsure about the entire thing as she did!

Still she swung the axe half-heartedly and did manage to dig the thing into the mountain, step up-

And let out a scream as the rocks broke beneath her feet and she fell, sliding down the mountain side the few feet she'd managed to climb. She rushed to Anna's aid without a moment of hesitation. "Are you okay?" she asked rolling her over and looking for scrapes or blood. She'd never treated wounds before. If either of them got hurt-

"Kristoff makes this look easy!" she complained on the ground. She looked fine and sounded fine at least so she moved to pick up her fallen bag and the strange item that had come tumbling out of it when she'd slipped so Anna could regain her composure. A cylinder. A cylinder with…were those supposed to be stars?

"Careful!" Anna burst out, reaching for the thing and nearly making her jump at her tone. "Careful!"

"Wh-why? What-what's inside?" she asked as she delicately removed it from her hands. It looked like a simple jewelry box or…or maybe a music box to her. Family heirloom? Like her grandmothers necklace?

"A hat which can strip the magic from the most powerful of sorcerers," Anna explained with honesty that left her flabbergasted. That sounded…remarkable and frightening at the same time. They'd only just met that morning, should she really be telling her this? Or better yet, why would a woman like Anna possess an item that powerful. Her aunt…she'd told her that she had power, magic…was she considering...

"Why do you have such a thing?" she questioned.

"I sort of stole it from an evil sorcerer when I was back in the Enchanted Forest," she explained getting to her feet. "I went to him to help with my sister…but things didn't exactly go according to plan," she said taking her bag and swinging it over her shoulder. An evil sorcerer. Like the kind that might have taken her memories in the first place? Like the kind that could lift her curse if the rock trolls couldn't help?

"Why? What…what happened?" she inquired. "Who…who is this person?"

Anna looked at her for a moment her smile really and truly faltering for the first time since they'd met. She shook her head. "I'd really rather not get into it. The less you know the better! I just pray you never cross paths with that twisted man!" Anna added before trotting away as if either of them had a clue about what to do next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene. This horrible, random, stupid scene! Don't get me wrong, I understand why it was there, it was just one of those scenes that the more you thought about it the more it just doesn't make sense. I know, I understand, this was one of those scenes that was good for TV but sucks for writing about, I did the best I could with it but it's just not up to par for me. Sorry. Now on a different note I hope that I nailed Anna. I felt like after watching Frozen and seeing Anna on OUAT I had a decent idea about her character and she was easy to write for me but I hope that's not all in my head. For her I just used a lot of run on sentences and kind of wrote down exactly what came to my mind without filter or censor so in my mind if all of you were rolling your eyes at the beginning and thought she was annoying, then that's a job well done for me!
> 
> Thank you Deweymay for your comments on the last chapter! I'm glad you liked it and are excited about moving on in 4x06! You are awesome to be so kind and stick with me throughout all of this. Peace and Happy Reading!


	43. Past Failings and Future Fates

"Now what do we do?" she called after Anna, respectfully following her wishes to not delve further into the issue of the man that had given her that strange looking "hat". It was probably for the best, they had enough of a challenge right before them to deal with one in the past wouldn't help them up and over the mountain. "Do we climb somewhere else or…"

"Um…well…can I confess something to you?" Anna sighed finally turning around and fidgeting with the axe in her hand. Her heart stopped at that. Confess something? Why did she have a feeling she knew what she was about to say?

"You don't know where the Rock Trolls are do you?"

"What?! Oh! No! No, I do! I really, really do! It's nothing like that! I know where they are, I see them all the time, they're like family remember," she insisted, easing her only slightly. If it wasn't that then what was it? "It's just…I've never actually gone to see them by myself before. Normally I'm with Kristoff and he usually does the climbing part for me or once I did bring my sister, you know, meet the future in-laws kinda thing but with her we just used her magic. Ice bridges are a specialty and we just climbed right up to the top no problem. It was a little slippery of course, but why wouldn't it be it's an ice bridge it's made of ice! And I think El-"

"Anna!" she interrupted before she could go any further. She was a wealth of information, clearly. But if she kept getting side tracked that information would never help either of them. "Without Kristoff or your sister how are we supposed to climb the mountain? Do you know how because I definitely don't!"

"Oh, it's okay! I've got a plan! You see that ledge just over there!" She followed her finger as she pointed, not to the mountain in front of her but another one just to the right. Yes, it certainly did have a ledge. It was like a vein protruding from the side of the mountain, she couldn't miss it. But did that really occur naturally? "That's a walking path. Kristoff and I always climb at first but then we get to the path and walk the rest of the way so…well if the path is there, then there has to be a path to the path right?! I'm sure there must be something…somewhere around here…"

Her heart was hammering. She was close to panicking all over again because she saw one flaw with her plan. It was logical, but… "Anna, if there's a path then why would this…Kristoff, climb in the first place?!" They hadn't really come up here with nothing more than a pick ax and a hunch, had they?!

"Oh, you don't know Kristoff," she laughed. "Sometimes he makes things harder than they have to be, especially when he's trying to impress someone, or me. You know how men are. Oh! Look!" Anna took off running toward the base of the mountain and pulled back a branch…before slipping and falling down again.

"Anna!" she ran over and hoisted her back up onto her feet. "Careful!"

"That was careful!" she insisted. "And...yeah, okay, it wasn't exactly graceful…but look…" she couldn't get the girl to stand still, she'd gone right back to the branches and pulled them back for a second, before finally remembering she had a pick axe in her hand and simple hacking away at them as if it was a machete instead. Sure enough, after a few moments she saw what she was trying to point out. It was a path. Overgrown and barely still there, but there all the same.

"Do you think it's safe?"

"Oh sure," Anna assured her before stepping forward and swinging the axe at more of the brush. "I think we're the only ones that have been on this path for a while. Probably why Kristoff always climbs up to it!"

That was terrible reasoning. If they were the only ones on it then she would assume that it had been abandoned for a reason and that reason could very well be that it was unstable. Still…what choice did she have? She couldn't climb a mountain and she wasn't prepare to learn now! The only books she had with her in her sack were books on Arendelle and on magic, that wasn't going to help her.

But she could do this. She could do it for her mother, to know what had happened to her, to put herself at ease. It was an adventure! Just like she'd always wanted to go on, like the ones that the heroes in her books went on!

And that was what she kept telling herself as she followed after Anna, staying safely away from her and her pick ax. It wasn't easy and it was slow going, testing every step for hallow ground or rock that wouldn't hold her weight before she actually took the step. But eventually she had to admit that the path began to feel steady, more predictable and sturdy, then finally steeper, then suddenly she looked to her side to realize that they were on the rocks and the ground was truly below them, before she knew it the branches began to get slimmer and more leafy, the bushes began to thin and after a while she finally turned and put her pick ax back in the bag as they decided to just go through whatever little brush they encountered from this point on, which Anna supposedly didn't expect to find any time soon.

"Just up ahead, that's usually where Kristoff stops climbing. Wow…I never knew there was a reason for that until now. He's right though, climbing is so much faster than doing that!" she huffed with wide eyes. "I definitely owe Sven a carrot for that."

Sven? First a Kristoff and now a Sven? And Kristoff was a climber but people bowed to her as if she was nobility? Just who was this woman exactly? "And Kristoff…he's…" she prompted looking for something new to talk about besides their parents, their problems, and that supposed hat. As far as she was concerned that left the boy that she kept naming…and the ring she'd noticed glinting on her finger when she swung the ax. "He's your fiancé?" she assumed. Sven or Kristoff, she figured she had a good guess about that one, seeing as how she certainly talked more about him.

Anna beamed and blushed all at once and for a moment appeared to be speechless. Yes, she'd guessed right then. "Yes," she smiled. But for a moment the look on her face made her think that maybe this wasn't the right topic to talk about either. It was the look on her face, the way that she could see so easily that Anna wasn't engaged the way that she was, and it wasn't just because she had a ring and not a sword as a symbol of their union. She wasn't just engaged, she was in love. She'd tried, along with throwing herself into her research, since that day in the library she'd tried to read more about it. But she just couldn't. Being in love no longer appealed to her the way it once had, or maybe the problem was that it appealed far more now than it ever had! Love and romance…two things that she would never have. Just like her mother.

"He sells ice and believe it or not we actually took this trip the first time we met. Well…okay, we took a lot of trips the first time that we met and there was a lot of running around involved…but he brought me up here, to see the Rock Trolls. See, I told you the Rock Trolls were kinda like family but for him they really are family. He's an orphan and they raised him which sometimes means he has some questionable hygiene habits but he's getting better about that since we got engaged. He bathes nearly every week now! Anyway I was sort of dying and he knew that if anyone would know how to make me better they would. So he brought me to them and after a very, very long winter's night everything worked out and we've been together ever since. That's why we visit them so often now. They're like family to me but, to him they're his only family and…just beware, sometimes they have a tendency to break out into song and dance for any excuse they can find but the tune is always catchy. I think Kristoff is a little afraid they're going to do it at the wedding but I figure at least it'll be different right!"

"So…when's the wedding?" she asked grasping onto the only thing she could think to comment on.

"Well…technically it was supposed to be a while ago but then everything with my sister happened and now everything with my aunt is happening and…we'll get there, eventually."

"And he usually makes this trip with you? Isn't he worried or-"

"Actually he's sort of…covering for me. The last thing I need is for my aunt, or my sister for that matter, to know that I'm looking into who my aunt really is."

"Covering for you? So…he's…he's keeping it secret and he's…he's alright with you being out on your own like this?" Maybe she wasn't nobility. No arranged marriage. His trade was ice…certainly didn't seem very noble to her.

"Of course! I've been on my own a lot longer than I've known Kristoff and somehow I managed to survive this long. And besides…we don't need him! We're doing just fine all on our own! I mean, yeah the mountain kind of gave us a surprise but we figured it out just fine. So, what about you? Anyone special when you get home?"

"Oh, uh…" Technically no. She never would consider Gaston "special" and she should just say "no" and move on. But Anna…there was something about her, something that reminded her of Samuel and made her easy for the words "I'm engaged too" to just pop out of her mouth.

"Oh how exciting! Oh…only you don't look excited. Why don't you look excited, did you have a fight? Sometimes Kristoff and I fight and I can hardly stand to look at him until we make up. What was the fight about?"

She hesitated. After all Anna was lucky, she was clearly marrying for love and could never understand what it was to be in this situation. Besides, the fact that she didn't love, much less like, Gaston was to be a private matter. Inside their castle she could dislike him all she wanted to, but out in the real world...then their relationship was meant to be nothing less than loving and unwavering devotion. But...this wasn't her home, Anna really had no idea who she was, and...maybe it wouldn't be terrible to tell her about something she was supposed to be happy about. It wasn't as if she'd ever see her again after this and, well it seemed silly, but something deep inside of her wanted one person, just one, to understand that she wanted to much more than she was going to get. What was the harm in that?

"About an ogre actually. It's a long story and it was years ago but now it's just…it's an arranged marriage. I uh…I honestly don't really care for him as much as you and Kristoff do, not after all that." Not even if he might have been right about the ogre. She'd still seen his eyes. How could she ever love someone who was evil?

"Oh…I'm sorry. That must be awful. Have you met him at least? Some girls I hear don't even meet their husbands until their wedding day and I can't even imagine the horror!" She nodded as they moved a little closer to the face of the cliff while the path thinned and they got higher. "Well that's not so bad then. I think I had a cousin on my father's side that had an arranged marriage and she didn't meet the guy until they were at the altar. They just sent a few letters and that was it but there is so much more to it! There are talents and hobbies and questionable habits that just don't get communicated in a letter! How would you ever know unless you meet them?! And what if they're ugly?! I mean, I know that's not supposed to matter and my cousin was lucky because I think her husband wasn't really ugly but what if you met him and he had one eye or no hair or he was missing a tooth! What if he was old?!"

"Letters would probably be a welcome change at the moment," she responded trying to hold back a smirk. "We know each other but we don't really  _know_ each other, there's just not that much to know to be honest. We don't really have a lot to talk about."

"What do you mean? You're getting married I'm sure there's tons to talk about!"

She sighed and thought back onto her outings that she'd had with Gaston when they'd…well…she supposed she'd call it courting but that seemed silly considering they'd already been promised to one another. It didn't matter what she called them, it didn't change the heart of what they were, dull and disappointing. "I've known him for a long while now," she explained, "and he's just…" an evil brute? She'd never be so bold or rude as to use that word but she would exactly deny the claim if someone else accused him of it. He also had vastly different values than she had. That had become abundantly clear to her over the years from the numerous comments she'd come to expect whenever they appeared together.

"He's set in his ways," she settled. "There's not much to know about him beyond that."

"Oh…and there's no hope of finding anything the two of you have in common?"

She shrugged. "I try not to spend so much time with him."

"Wait…" Anna muttered reaching out and pulling on her arm before she could continue up the hill. "You're not even trying to get along?"

"We get along fine in public it's just in private we just don't have anything in common."

"But...you don't really know that! I mean, instead of trying to find something in common you're just avoiding him?"

"Trust me I tried a long time ago to find something in common but the only good thing that came from it was learning to tolerate him! That's the best thing that can be done when we're in the same room together for too long. If I didn't then I'm sure we wouldn't get along much longer."

"But…but how do you know that?"

"Excuse me?" she questioned.

"Well," Anna moved around her and began to continue their trek up the mountainous path. "How do you really know unless you spend time with him? You can't!"

"Well…I've known him for years now, he even lives in my-with my family now, in anticipation of the wedding you know. I have spent time with him."

"Right but have you really spent time with him? It sounds to me like you've only wasted time with him. I don't mean to judge I just…I remember a time that I didn't like Kristoff either because I thought…well…you don't want to know what I thought of Kristoff when we first met but, shallow was certainly one way of saying it-ice picking Neanderthal was another-but…well you can call it fate, but for one reason or another we had to stick together and learn to rely on each other, we had to listen and take responsibility and in the end we realized we were more alike than we thought and I realized…I realized we make our own fate.

"It's crazy I know but…with my sister and Kristoff I learned…if we accept the bad stuff and embrace it then all we're doing is deciding to live out a terrible horrible future. But if we look for the good, try to believe that things can be good then…no one decides your fate but you. If you've already decided you have nothing in common with him then you never will have anything in common. You can roll over believing that he's nothing but shallow or you can fight to find the good and maybe come out happier on the other side. The choice is yours of course but with Kristoff…I'm glad I tried to find the good. Because once I found it, there was a lot of good there to find…of course it was buried under reindeer hair and the stench of a man that hadn't bathed in weeks, but it was there."

She laughed, suddenly really wishing that Kristoff had come on this trip, not just because he could have guided them and helped them climb the mountain faster than they had, but because he sounded absolutely fascinating. But…she supposed her mother had tried to tell her something like what Anna had said, in telling her that love grew over time.

But she'd tried! She had tried to get to know Gaston and there was really nothing to know about him, she was certain! She'd tried her hardest to look past that ogre incident…hadn't she?

"Oh hey, good news!" Anna squealed suddenly. "I recognize this place! The trolls are just up ahead! Come on let's go!" And before she could argue, Anna had grabbed her hand and was pulling her closer to her past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this chapter and conversation are tricky because I tend to think that both girls have a point. First of all, this conversation has been coming since the beginning of this fiction when I kept pointing out to everyone that Belle seems to think she's trying, but she really isn't. In my mind Anna seemed like the perfect person to have that little talk with her just because of past experience. Now...here's the kicker. Anna is right, Belle really isn't trying with Gaston, but at the same time I know that I truly believe that Belle is right too and that no matter how hard she tries all she'd really discover is what she already assumes. It's a difficult situation. So why include it at all? Because this idea is going to give birth to a very important idea for Belle in the coming chapters. Did anyone catch it? Any one?
> 
> Thank you Deweymay for the wonderful comments that you left on the previous chapter. Yay! I got Anna down! I hope that this chapter has continued in that vein. Honestly, it's so easy, it's just like any thought that comes to me while I'm writing for her I just put it in there no matter how odd or random it may sound! And now...on to the trolls! Peace and Happy Reading!


	44. From Fantasy to Reality

"It's just up here," Anna said with exasperation as she put her foot up into a large step and lifted herself up. She settled herself into the foothold and tried not to look behind her at the sheer drop at the end of the path, before Anna reached forward for her hand and together they hoisted her up into…well…it was hard to say what it was. She had mountains in her Kingdom, all over the Enchanted Forest actually, but in all her time she'd never seen anything like this. It was like a cradle. A small area among the rocks covered in rocks and grass…and something else. It was strange, outside the area beyond the rock wall that surrounded this place the air felt normal. It was thin and chilly and dry, but here it was different. She didn't feel like she was hundreds of feet up in the air, she felt like she was on the ground, the air was warm and comforting. Here, she could see steam rising from small cracks in the ground as if there was a volcano boiling beneath the surface and moss grew on the tops and sides of boulders.

Abnormally round boulders. Remarkable.

"It's odd," she commented to herself under her breath.

"What?" Anna questioned. "Oh! Yeah, you get used to that quick. Hello everyone!" she called out cheerfully with a small wave of her hand. But nothing around them moved and…well, she didn't exactly see anyone to move to be honest. They were alone in this strange place. "Don't mind them they can be a little shy," Anna whispered in her ear before walking forward. "Don't mind us! This is Belle, we just came to see Grand Pabbie! Grand Pabbie?! Where are you? Grand Pabbie?!" she cried hiking up the little enclosures rise. But…it was useless. She saw nothing and no one in this little area…just the two of them. She looked around, but the only thing she saw was Anna urging her onward toward more of nothing! What was she missing?

Suddenly she felt a twinge of fear twist through her heart. Anna...she was sane, wasn't she? The thought hadn't dawned on her until now but really what did she know of this girl?! For all that she knew she was as unstable a wild horse and she'd brought her up here to...was she in danger? Should she run?!

"Grand Pabbie, it's me!" Anna called out again. She was just about to pull away and put some distance between the two of them when something caught her eye, or rather her ear. This time when Anna called something moved. She heard it before she saw it. A stone. A stone that didn't sound like a stone rolled down the hill in front of them…and then changed direction unnaturally. It left her speechless as she stared at it before…she jumped back as the rock became…well…it wasn't exactly human, but it certainly wasn't a rock either.

Rock trolls.

They were short squat little things, with grey rock like bodies dressed in something that looked like moss. With the exception of the glowing crystal it-he had around its neck, it was rather ordinary! But strangely cuddly looking. She felt no threat and suddenly, as her eye caught the sight of more little round rocks around her she realized what Anna had been talking about. They were all Rock Trolls! They were everywhere! Hiding in plain sight!

She'd done it! They'd done it! They'd found Arendelle's Ruble of Rock Trolls!

Suddenly she was bursting with excitement and curiosity and nerves! This could work! It would! She would get her memories back and know what happened to her mother! She could finally have closure! Wouldn't she?!

"Oh my dear!" the troll called out to them as it stretched and came closer. She…still stared. Rude as it was she couldn't help it! It wasn't every day she saw a non-threatening mythical creature! "Have you come to tell us the new wedding date? I have been working on my speech."

"Not yet, but we can get into that later," Anna stated acting completely normal, as if rocks became living breathing things all the time! She tried to remember that for her this was normal, but for her it was just so…so odd. "First I want you to meet my friend, Belle!" The introduction shook her back to reality and she averted her gaze back to Anna. Manners. She had to remember her manners. Staring _was_ rude. And if she was rock-or a troll-she wouldn't want to be stared at, surely. "She's come a long way to see you," Anna encouraged for her and suddenly she felt nervous. Yes. She had come a long way. A longer way than Anna knew because this journey hadn't been for just a few days, but for months! And now…this was it. This was the time for her to finally get the answers that she'd been in search of all those months! So she stepped forward and tried to ignore the knocking in her knees and the way that her body felt covered in a cold sweat at the prospect of what she may or may not discover. She knew what she had to do. It was time to do it.

The troll looked up at her expectantly as she took a few timid steps toward it-him. When she was finally before him she decided to kneel down and face him eye to eye. Staring was rude and if she was a troll she wouldn't want to look up the entire time. In fact, compared to most of the women that she knew she was short and she hated to be talked down to. Besides, his eyes were so gentle, like her father had been when she was a child and he read stories to her on his knee. She wasn't afraid of him, only of what he might tell her.

"It's an honor to meet you," she said finally eye level with the creature. She extended her hand and happily enough he took it without saying anything. For a moment she forgot her head. Neither Anna nor this creature knew she was royalty and she wanted to keep it that way. She plucked her hand away quicker than she should have. Her hand, the way she offered it, might have betrayed her, but she'd worry about it later. It might not matter if she had to tell the creature what she was to gain her memories. "I'm uh…I'm-I'm here because I-"

"I know," the gentle troll answered before she could finish with a certainty that silenced and astonished her. "I can help you get the memories of your mother."

She didn't know what to say, much less think or feel and yet before she could ask what she had to do it was already done. He'd reached up for her but hadn't touched her as she expected. For a moment she didn't see the troll or Anna, the world around her simply melted away from her and instead she only saw the memories she had of that day play in her head. They were crystal clear there in her mind as if she was reliving them again, only faster than they actually had been before so that she saw that entire morning, from the moment she woke to their interrupted dinner, up to the moment that the horrible creature loomed over her and her mind when black.

But then it changed.

The blackness faded to purple and then white as the world crept back into view again and instead of passing out she felt as though she'd come awake again. When she could see the troll before her again he held in his hand a smooth looking stone the same shade of purple that she'd seen flash before her eyes only moments ago.

"Take this to the place where you lost your memory," he instructed, "then brew a tea with this stone in the kettle, when you drink it, your memories will return."

Return. Her memories…they'd come back! She could get them back! They weren't gone forever, they'd been trapped somewhere in her head and now inside this stone and the moment she was home…

She'd know.

She wouldn't have to wonder anymore, she wouldn't have to imagine or panic, or wake up in the middle of the night seeing that terrible pale face looming over her! She had the answers right here in her hand. And she didn't know what to say or what to do as she stared at the troll before her. There wasn't anything she could do. Oh she could cry but…no action could ever fully express her joy and no word could ever completely convey her gratitude.

"Thank you," she finally managed to breath. It wasn't enough, but it was the best that she could do. She hoped that he knew that. And he wasn't the only one.

"Thank you Anna," she smiled gratefully as she faced the woman. She was smiling, happy for what had happened and she deserved some of the thanks for this too. "I owe you as well…how can I repay you?"

Anna shook her head and smiled. "You don't have to! Having a friend was payment enough!"

Anna, a friend, the first she'd really had since Samuel. She was almost happy that this had all happened, that she'd been able to meet one. But of course, if the tables were turned…friend or not she'd give it all back to have her mother there beside her. But now, thanks to Anna and the troll…she'd at least get the peace she set out for. Now she could get her mother back in another way. "All I need is a moment alone with Pabbie, I'll be quick!" A moment alone. She was all too happy to give that to her and spend a moment alone with her memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not too much that needed done to this scene, though I did extend one little section of it, when she meets Pabbie, because I wanted that to have that "hurry up and get the stars out of your eyes so it can be done already" feel.
> 
> Thank you for your awesome comments Deweymay! They are as always much appreciated. Now are your ready to wrap this story up?! There is a lot that needs to happen in the next four chapters so brace yourself and let's get this thing done! Peace and Happy Reading!


	45. A Long Fall to the Bottom

She turned her back as Anna took her turn with the troll, Grand Pabbie.

"What can I help you with dear?" she heard Pabbie asked of her.

"Some woman claims to be my aunt," Anna confessed with audible frustration.

It was tempting to stay and listen to the troll's explanation of what was going on, but it was a long trip back and Anna would tell her then, without eavesdropping. And frankly it was hard to focus as she held the stone secure in her hands. Was it really as simple as all this? All she had to do was brew a tea with this little rock and she'd remember what happened to her? She'd have her answers? She wasn't even back home yet, able to take the cure, and she already felt the relief from it. Anna, helpful as she was, had been entirely wrong. These were the answers that she wanted. And it would make her feel better. It already made her feel better just holding it here in her hand. No matter what this stone told her, no matter the memories it released-it would be enough. It would be better than what she had now.

And Anna…

She squeezed the stone tight and glanced over at her friend and Grand Pabbie only to find that she'd turned away from the troll and was already hurrying over to her. Something wasn't right, she knew it right away from her gate.

"Belle!" she called. "We have to go!"

"Is everything okay?" she asked.

"I don't think so," Anna breathed hurrying them back down the mountain the way they'd come. "It's my aunt…she's up to something! Come on, I'll tell you on the way!"

"Up to something?! But why…what is she…" she glanced back over her shoulder but the troll was nothing more than a rounded boulder again and suddenly Anna was tugging at her arm, trying to get her to hurry up.

"I don't know," Anna breathed. "But I don't trust her and I don't want her anywhere near me or my sister or anywhere in Arendelle! We have to get back, now! Right-whoa!"

"Anna!" she cried tightening her grip on the girl as she lowered herself back down the rock face and slipped. She held on tight to her until she found her balance and was on two feet again, clutching her chest as she stared over the cliff before her.

"Thanks…that wouldn't have been a fun drop! Come on we have to go-"

"No! Anna, slow down!" she yelled grabbing her arm. "I know you are in a hurry but you have to slow down, you can't afford not to. If you slip here then you'll never get back to your sister and you can't tell her what you learned!"

Anna sighed and looked sadly out over the ledge before them with determination. "Anna…"

"You're right," she agreed. "We'll slow down but…but we still have to hurry okay?" She nodded. Just so long as no one slipped down the hill again… "Good," Anna confirmed turning and continuing to hurry down the mountain despite her request. "Just hold tight to that thing! If you drop it then we don't have time to go back and get a new one!" she called over her shoulder.

She hugged her backpack closer as they moved over the stones and she did as instructed and held it tight in her fist. Anna didn't have to remind her, there was no chance she was letting this thing out of her sight, much less her hand. Ever! That was until she got home and brewed it…in three days. Three days at best!

"I wish I didn't have to wait to use this!" she called out to Anna a few minutes later as they continued to work their way down the mountain.

"You'll be home before you know it," she called back. "As soon as we get back to town we'll put you on the first ship back to the Enchanted Forest!"

Amazing. She'd only just gotten here this morning and she'd be gone again by tonight. It would be another rough twenty-four hours on a ship and a difficult trek back to home from Avonlea…not to mention what her father would say when she finally reappeared in the castle after a week of being gone. But it would be worth it! She'd get home, she'd go to the library and try to brew the tea as Grand Pabbie had told her to.

Tea…she'd never made tea before. Or lit a fire. She didn't even know where to get the kettle…

That was alright. She'd watched Lydia do it a million times in her life it didn't look terribly hard. She'd go home, get Lydia to help her, and make the tea all before her father even knew that she was home. And then?! And then she suspected he was going to have some explaining to do, but at least she'd know for sure what happened to her mother. That would be enough. And it would be soon enough…

Suddenly a gust of wind blew and a flash of lightning cracked with distant thunder, an ominous warning for her plans. She looked out over the skies and suddenly saw the grey clouds rolling in. The grey clouds that were moving in fast. Really fast. Did Anna see that?

"If any ships are even setting sail," she pointed out to Anna. "Looks like a storms setting in." Suddenly the rock they were on trembled and she took a step away from the unprotected ledge.

"I don't think it's a storm," Anna exclaimed next to her. Not a storm?

"Well, what else could it be?" she asked.

Anna didn't respond as the wind picked up and they made themselves smaller against the rocks. It didn't matter what it was or wasn't. They needed to go, they needed to get off this mountain right now, it was just too dangerous. The wind was cold as ice and strong enough to make rocks fall and throw them off balance and over the edge. This was not a safe place to be at a time like-

"My aunt!" Anna finally remarked breathlessly next to her. "I don't think my aunt wants me to tell my sister what I found out!" Her mouth was hanging open in shock. Anna had spoke of her aunt having powers, but was she this strong? Could her aunt actually do something like this?! What was she trying to do? Get her niece killed?! She didn't have any family she'd ever been close to that wasn't her mother, father, and grandmother but she knew that it wasn't exactly normal for an aunt to want to harm their niece! And with magic no less! What had she walked into? How was she going to walk out?

"Well…if she has all this magic a-and you have…good intentions, what are we gonna do?!" she asked. The wind was howling again and making her shiver, the storm was moving too fast it was already practically on top of them. She was right. This had to be magic. It had to be. And over what?! What had she learned that she wouldn't want revealed? Anna hadn't told her yet.

"I have more than good intentions!" Anna shouted back over the howl of the wind. "I have this!" she reached into her bag and pulled out the hat that she'd seen earlier, the one capable of stripping away powerful magic. "She can't hurt us if she doesn't have magic!" But…did she even know how to use it? It didn't even look like a hat!

Suddenly, before she could ask anything, the mountain moved, again!

And it didn't stop.

Instead of just trembling the shake was violent and she felt her footing fail as she fell. Her heart stopped as it happened and she tried to control her fall as best she could, she tried to stay away from the edge. In the end she managed but only barely, by throwing open her hand and holding herself secure where she was. But her hand-

The stone!

Where was it?!

She looked around frantically for a moment, expecting it's purple to stand out against the grey rock and clouds and-

There!

Her heart stopped again the second after she located it.

She may have found it, but that didn't mean all was well.

The rock was on the ledge, the very edge of the cliff face! If she didn't reach out and grab it back it would fall when the next tremor came! Would it survive a fall like that? She didn't know! And even if it did she didn't know if she'd be able to find it again! Those were her answers, her memories, everything she wanted and needed to know! It was everything her father had tried to hide from her! It was too valuable she just couldn't let it go! She crawled forward on her belly, bracing herself against the rock as she reached out and down for it!

No! It was too far! She just needed to be a little closer!

"Belle!" she heard someone shriek her name. "Belle!" she looked around and located Anna. In the midst of the chaos she'd forgotten that she wasn't alone on the mountain and Anna…oh, she'd fallen too! Only her situation appeared worse than her own.

She was hanging there from the face of the cliff.

"I can't pull myself up!" she screamed.

She let out a breath of relief at those words. That was…that was good! She couldn't pull herself up but she was secure where she was. That was great! All she had to do was get the stone and get to Anna, maybe by then the mountain would have stopped shaking! She reached out for her rock and found that she was no closer than she had been before. She glanced at Anna then back at it! This was simple! She could do this, she could save them both! She knew she could!

"Just hold on I'll be right there!" she yelled back.

"Belle hurry, please!" her friend screamed as she reached out once more for her memories. She was hurrying. This would only take a couple of seconds. She was closer, but not close enough. They were within reach she just needed a little more-

Suddenly her fingers touched the rock and elation screamed through her body…

Before her heart fell and she watched it fall from its perch. She hadn't rescued it, she'd destroyed it herself. The tips of her fingers had knocked it from it's perch and now it fell down tauntingly slow before her eyes. Then she watched as her memories dashed against the rocks below…and shattered.

No. Her memories. Her only chance at getting them back…they were gone. Her mother…her mother was gone again. How could she have let this happen?

"Belle hurry!" she heard Anna cry out from somewhere behind her, a place that she'd forgotten about for a moment as she realized all hope was lost. It was too soon. She wanted to stop and hang her head in defeat, she wanted to bury her face in her hands and cry for her loss just as she had when she realized she truly had lost something.

But she couldn't.

Her mother was gone.

Anna wasn't.

She needed her to pull her up onto the mountain while she still could.

She cast a glance over her shoulder as she got to her feet, tears pooling in her eyes, then located Anna and crawled over toward her. "I'm coming!" she screamed. "I'm coming!" she assured her as she reached out for her. "Here!"

Anna reached her hand out for her and she moved to grab it-

But suddenly she was farther than she was before and she watched in horror as she realized why. "Anna!" she cried as the woman slid over the rock and fell down the mountain a flying cloud of purple against the dull grey around her.

Anna didn't shatter as her stone had. She didn't break. She just lay there at the bottom of the gorge. Motionless. For a moment she felt as though she was in shock as she contemplated what to do. She should call to see if she was still awake only…then her common sense returned, blood began to flow back through her entire body, and she realized what had been done.

No. There was no way to survive a fall like that. It simply wasn't possible. And if she hadn't survived…if she wasn't alive then that meant, that meant that she, that Anna, that she was…

Like her Grandmother…

Like Samuel…

Like her mother…

Like her village would be…

She was…not alone.

She'd only barely begun to panic when she realized that something was moving and it wasn't Anna. She watched as a woman dressed in white emerged from the base of the cliff where she'd been hiding from her sight under the rocks and walked over to the body of her friend. Her friend. Oh she'd let one of her only friends die because of a rock!

At first she'd hoped the woman would help as she hadn't, that she might gather her up and she'd realize that there was hope after all if they got her to a doctor right away…but then she just stood there. She just stood there and looked down at Anna's lifeless body before stooping down and…reaching into her bag.

The hat!

The woman was after Anna's hat and that could only mean it was one person.

Anna's aunt…

"Leave her alone!" she shouted down the mountain.

All at once the woman looked up at her as if suddenly realizing that she wasn't alone.

She shivered and had the urge to hide herself among the rocks. Suddenly she realized that perhaps she shouldn't have revealed herself. That woman had killed Anna because of what she knew. No! She didn't know anything, she'd only killed Anna because of what she might have known!

What if she thought she knew what Anna did? What if she tried to kill her too?

"You'll have to excuse us," the woman cried up to her suddenly. "But this is family business!"

She froze there and watched in horror as thick grey smoke the color of the clouds rose up around them and enveloped their bodies and-

Disappeared.

Just as quickly as it had come it had gone. And so were the women.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ::Sigh:: Don't mind me, I'm just going to go beat my head against a brick wall! I'm sorry, this scene it just...I hate it. I don't know that I've ever hated a scene in Once as much as I hated this. Don't get me wrong, I get what the creators were trying to do with this scene but they went too far in my opinion. I've always been a Belle fan and I didn't like her in this scene. It wasn't just that she went against her own character, it was that she went against human nature. I mean, come on! There is a girl hanging from a cliff, I get that you are upset about your mothers death and all that but in the midst of adrenaline like this you aren't going to worry about a rock, your instinct would kick in and you'd go off to rescue that person, no matter how much grief you are experience! Excuse my language but it really would take a cold heartless bitch to ignore that and I really don't think that the creators were going for cold heartless bitch Belle. Fail, guys. Also, reminder because I had to explain this way back in MT&U, yes, I had here that Belle believes Anna would die because really-wouldn't you? That was one hell of a long drop to the bottom of that cliff, on to rocks no less. Do I think the creators intended for Belle to believe she was dead, no, but I'm writing based on what I see in the show and lets face it, if you go back and watch that episode, where Belle and Ingrid are so far away from each other they have to shout to be heard, there was no way anyone could have survived a fall like that.
> 
> A big thank you to Deweymay for the comments you left on the last chapter. I feel like hoping that you'll like this chapter is a bit stupid considering how much I hate it, so all I feel I can really say is that I hope you'll be alright with how I translated it. I did my best, but I fear that even my best is not good enough for this mess of a chapter. Peace and Happy Reading!


	46. Winning Battles and Losing Wars

The women were gone. The women were gone and she was still here. The women were gone and she was still here and Anna was…

One word echoed through her mind in the seconds that followed.

Run.

All at once she snapped up back on her feet and did just that. She descended the mountain the way that she and Anna had come, back over the rocks, through the brush that Anna had cut away for them, down to the ground where they had talked of their mothers, through the field, and even passed Oaken's.

Her body rebelled. Her ribs spiked with pain and at some point she was certain that she'd stopped breathing. It was tempting to stop, to hunch her body over a rock or by a wall, it would be lovely to breathe, to think…but all it took was the image of the woman standing over Anna's body and the question of what she'd do if she caught her to push her forward, to move onward. Too soon she found herself back at the busy dock as the sun was setting. This wasn't how she'd anticipated returning to this place; panicking she asked someone when the last ship for the Enchanted Forest was leaving, the answer frightened her.

At the end of the dock right now, the next wouldn't be in until morning.

Immediately she'd taken off for the other side of the dock. She had to get home, she had to get to the safety of her home and her father and even Gaston. They'd never let that woman come anywhere near her. And her magic…well…her father already knew one magician according to her nurse, maybe he'd help them again if she told him what she'd seen, if she told him what had happened. Oh he'd be furious of course but he wouldn't let anything happen to her.

Or maybe it wouldn't be necessary. There was a lot of space between home and Avonlea with the ship finally docked, for that matter there was a lot of space between here and Avonlea! Would that woman be able to reach her then?! The book in her bag, it talked of that Dark One, Rumpelstiltskin, that was his name. Could she somehow call him to her side to protect her or get her back to safety? Would he see a deal as worth his time? A deal…a deal required a cost, a cost her father had warned her might be too high to pay. She wasn't sure if she was ready to deal in magic again.

She'd gotten onto the ship with just enough time by offering twice the normal price to cross despite the fact that they had no room for her. There were only two families below this time and instead of interacting with them or looking enviously at their blankets and food…she found a small niche between some large crates and barrels. At first she made herself small as possible and began to shake, but the moment she felt the security of the ocean put space between her and Arendelle she began to panic, tears slipped over her eyes, and then she dropped her head into her arms and cried.

Her father had told her not to do this. He'd told her not to pursue her memories and she'd ignored him and been selfish. What had it gotten her in the end? Anna was dead, the first friend she'd made in years and she didn't even know where her body was. That mean that her sister and her fiancé, whoever and wherever they were, could be wondering where Anna was and why she hadn't come home right this very moment. She'd lost her memories, but somewhere out there someone had lost their sister. And her…she hadn't even tried to get help or locate her family, she'd just run! And ignored her. She'd placed that silly stone over Anna's life, over her future, her sisters happiness, her fiancé's happy ending…

This hadn't been worth it. Not one bit. And back home, what had the cost been there? She hadn't had a decent conversation with her father in months, instead of getting married and giving the people something that might have stirred their spirits she'd focused on nothing but this one thing. And now here she was running for her life with no memories to show for it?!

It wasn't worth it.

She missed her mother, truly she did. She wanted nothing more than the truth but this…somehow in the last few hours everything seemed to have shifted for her. She wanted to know the truth, but now she wanted more. She'd been living in the past. For months her life had ended in the library that day and she'd left everything behind except for that. And it was terrible, he knew it was. But there was more going on in the world than just her mother's death and she'd purposefully blinded herself to it all to figure out what happened there but…no more.

She'd lost her mother.

Her country had lost their Queen.

The ogres had taken their land.

Wives had lost their husbands.

Children's lost their fathers.

Parents lost their sons.

Anna had died…and she didn't even know why.

She'd had a job to do today. One job. She was Anna's friend, her traveling companion. She hadn't known that she was anything more. She wasn't a daughter or a princess or anything else. All she'd had to do was reach out and pull her to safety and she hadn't.

She'd had a job to do before today. A job to her country, her people, her father, and even to Gaston. They didn't know her as anything other than their princess, a princess that would one day be Queen. She had a job to do. She couldn't ignore it anymore.

It was a long couple of days venturing back to her home, but everything here felt different than it had when she'd left. The little slips of paper tucked into her bag addressed to her mother carried the weight of her nation, Avonlea was crawling with far more soldiers than she'd expected, the forests seemed more depressing as she rode, darker and more sinister than they had been before, or maybe it was just that she really hadn't noticed how bad it was before she'd gone. And her home, the place that had begun to feel like a prison holding her captive…she still wasn't happy about what her future would hold. Marrying Gaston and their wedding night…but she was supposed to be their Queen one day, just like her mother. They expected greatness of her and she wouldn't let them down in any way. If that meant marrying Gaston and bearing a child…so be it. If it meant doing something more, if it meant settling an old fight between her mother and father with new eyes, then that was what she had to do.

She had a plan, a longshot she knew her father wouldn't like. But looking at her once beautiful country ravaged by war, she had to try. She couldn't fix what had happened to Anna. Maybe she could fix what had happened in her homeland.

She put her horse away in the empty stable with a couple extra pats for the hard push to get her home so quickly and found the stairs. The halls were quiet. She met almost no one on her way back to her room. Nearly the entire castle was asleep, shut down for the day. The few that she did see stared open mouthed at her, looking as though they'd seen a ghost, some even called out for her but she didn't stop. Tomorrow. Tomorrow she would face the consequences of what she'd done, but for tonight she just wanted to go to sleep in her own bed and try to get the horrors of what she'd seen over the last few days. She had a long life to live ahead of her. Nothing would ever make up for the life she'd lost, but maybe those years of good would come to outweigh the days of bad. She hoped.

She slid back into her room quietly enough, thrilled to hear the fire Lydia had lit for her-

Only it wasn't Lydia standing by the fireplace. It was her father. Her heart beat fast as she stared at him there before her, looking her over, his face nearly unreadable. She knew she'd have to face him eventually…she'd just hoped that she could get a good night sleep first.

"Father, I…I-I thought you'd be asleep," she admitted stepping forward to set her load down. Somehow it didn't relief half of the weight that she felt on her shoulders.

"I haven't slept in days," he corrected, his tone dark. "How could I when you left without so much as a good-bye?" She felt bad about that now, truly she did especially now that she knew what she did. It had all been for nothing and cost her another friend. She had nothing to say to his hidden accusation, no excuse. She knew that now. "So…did you find what you were looking for?"

For a moment the person she'd been before she left was tempted to say she had, that she knew everything, and hope that would be enough to get an answer from him. But she couldn't bait him. Not again. This had to stop. This war between them that was both loud and yet unsaid-it had to stop now. They'd all been at war with too many casualties to engage in another war here at home. It all ended now. From now on they all had to be a united front, her and her father…her and Gaston.

"No," she conceited, giving the honest truth. "You were right father I should have just…left things alone. That trip was a huge mistake." For more reason than one. She tried not to cry. She tried to hide it. Now they were even. He had his secrets and she would have hers from this day on. If she had good reason for keeping hers…maybe he had good reason for keeping his. Maybe Anna was right. Maybe knowing wouldn't bring her peace.

"I'm the one who's made the mistake Belle," her father admitted. His words shocked her and her stomach twisted into knots as she glanced up at him moving toward her window in disbelief. After all this he was finally going to tell her? It took her leaving to get him to tell her what she already knew?! "I've been keeping a secret from you. I know what happened during the ogre attack."

"Wait…what?" After all this! After months of fighting and secrecy, after she'd watched another innocent person die…now he was going to tell her?!

"I didn't want to add to your grief," he responded sadly. "When the ogres stormed the library where you and your mother had been working the guards heard the commotion, they rushed in, they saw the ogres were about to attack but your mother, she…she stood in the path of those monsters to protect you. She kept them at bay while the guards pulled you from danger but by the time they came to save your mother…"

"It was too late," she finished for him.

She'd heard this tale before. Not all of it of course, not the part that mattered. He was lying again, or at the very least he was still withholding. His response didn't explain why she'd been found in the study or awake or why he'd had a strange man visit her before the doctor…it didn't explain why her memories were missing.

But suddenly that wasn't as important as it once had been.

Now she knew what happened to her mother. She was alive because of her. She was alive because her mother wanted her to live. Wanted them all to live. That was all she wanted to know. Anna was wrong…it did make her feel better. Until she remembered Anna.

"She sacrificed herself for me," she realized. She hadn't done the same for Anna.

Her mother would have been so ashamed of the life she'd bought.

"She loved you so much," her father smiled, stepping forward and touching her cheek. "And so do I."

She was crying again, pitifully crying because she knew it was true. She was so happy he'd said what he'd said. Seven months ago she'd lost her mother and then she'd come too close to allowing herself to lose her father too. It must have been the spirit of her mother, working on them, changing them. She wouldn't want them to drift apart.

"I'm so glad your home," her father smiled. "I don't know what I would have done if the ogres had gotten you on the road."

Her happiness faltered. Ogres. On…on the road! They were on the roads now? The road to their village. Again?! The last she'd heard they were sequestered to fields by the soldiers. They'd broken the ranks again?! "They…they've reached the roads?!" she bellowed moving away from him and stepping up to her window as if it would help. It didn't. It was the same old view, shrouded in darkness that she'd always known. But beyond it…what lay beyond this?

"The war is not going well, but you need not worry of such things. We have soldiers to fight."

She shook her head. "But those soldiers don't stand a chance!" she realized, recalling what she'd seen at Samuel's camp. The LeGume army was good, but not good enough, not when their own country had been invaded. They needed help. "They'll only slow down the advance…"

She did worry. She did worry about these things because she'd had the opportunity to help her people and once again she'd been selfish and chosen the wrong path. She could have inspired them, given those soldiers something to fight for and instead…

Anna wasn't the first person she'd left hanging there on the cliff. But she was certainly going to be the last. The window was passed. She knew that. The time for her to marry Gaston was gone if the ogres had advanced as far as she suspected they had then a wedding and a baby now wouldn't inspire it would only anger them, make them think the royals were living lavishly in the face of all adversity but…

Maybe there was something else that could be done. Something that she could do now to ensure no more lives had been lost. She did have a plan. One she'd put together on her own, one that had sparked back to life as she'd sat on the boat cowering, one that had taken form and determination as she rode through her forests to return home.

"We need someone who can stop them once and for all!"

"And who would that be?" her father asked behind her.

Who indeed. She'd figured it out. While looking for an answer she'd replayed the argument she'd once heard her parents have over and over in her mind and recalled that little bit of information about a certain wizard that she had read about in one of the books she'd rescued. She knew her mother wouldn't like it, she hadn't liked it then and doubtful she would have liked it now, but here mother wasn't here now. It was just her and her father. And while her father had once fought for this same plan, somehow she found herself nervous about how it would appear to him now, given what he'd recently told her about magic. But her mother had sacrificed herself so that she could live. She didn't know what the price would be or even if he'd find it worth his benefit as the books warned, but it was time that she and her father took a risk for others no matter what, just as her mother had apparently done for her. If he would help them, then they'd have to pay whatever price was offered. No matter what!

She turned back to her father and took a deep breath. "On my journey…" she began, because she wasn't about to tell her that she'd already overheard them arguing years ago or how she'd gotten those books into her room. Besides, if this hadn't been a journey…she didn't know what was. "I did some reading…and well…there's a wizard a powerful, powerful wizard who may just help us. His name is-"

"I know his name!" her father suddenly roared, putting that hand out at her again as if he could keep the word in her mouth. "And I dare not speak it. Trust me Belle if we do-"

"I know," she whispered, trying to cool her father's temper. "Magic always comes with a price," she'd learned that the hard way in the last few days, she knew better than anyone maybe even her father. But the thing about a price…if the situation was dire enough sometimes the high cost was actually a good deal. "But if mothers death taught me anything…it's that sometimes a hero has to sacrifice everything to save the people they love. And I will do whatever I can to save our land! And I can be a hero, just like mother," because she certainly hadn't been a hero up to this point. Her people were calling for her help, to pull them up to safety. This time she'd do what had to be done. No matter the price. Because some day she didn't want to be known for being just Gaston's wife or the future King's mother. She wanted to be known for doing something more, looked to as her mother was. A true hero, better than any storybook she'd read.

"And if that means summoning Rumpelstiltskin…then so be it."

For a moment she thought her father was going to consent to the summoning, to doing what she knew in her heart of hearts had to be done. But he only shook his head and smiled at her. "We'll consider it," he said, "but my girl we may not have to. We have a plan in place Belle, a good strong plan in place."

"But Papa!"

"You needn't worry my girl. This battle isn't over yet, you'll see. There is hope for us still!" He kissed the top of her head quickly before calling out over his shoulder that he would send for Lydia to help her settle in and explain in the morning, leaving her confused and unsure about how her father could still fail to see the difference between battles and wars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much to say about this chapter. So...I guess that I'll begin with the beginning bit. I might not have understood what happened in the last chapter but I actually could understand what happened with Belle leaving. If I'd been in her situation, if Ingrid had seen me, my instinct wouldn't have been "I have to find Anna's sister and tell her what happened" (remember, I'm going off the idea that Belle thinks Anna died) my instinct would be "Oh my goodness I have to get as far away as possible before that woman comes after me", so that's what I went for in that moment. Doesn't make that choice right, it just makes it natural. Second of all...this was another one of those scenes that I suspect they kept open for one reason or other. That pause that Maurice gives before he confesses the "truth" to Belle about what he's been hiding...it just seemed to me like he was still hiding something. It was like he resolved to tell her the truth and then lost his nerve at the very last minute. So that's another reason I did this the way that I did. Also, why not just have her father give in now and agree to summon Rumple? I didn't think that would be in character for him. After building up so much "no, no, no" when it came to magic I felt that it would be odd for him to just finally turn around and say "yes". So I am delaying that a chapter or two. I'm going to push Maurice a little farther towards absolute failure before I let him give in like that. Let's see? Did I cover it all? On to...
> 
> Thank yous! Thank you, thank you, thank you SkinnyCanuck, Paige_Turner36, and Deweymay for your awesome comments on the last chapter. It was a doozy, that's for sure. But of course I always appreciate your support and love reading your thoughts and opinions. That always leads to some wonderful conversations. Peace and Happy Reading!


	47. Making Her Own Fate

There was a reason her father hadn't wanted her to know the truth and a reason her father hadn't wanted her to have those memories. The memories were scarring enough to make her lose her mind, the truth was scarring enough to make her lose her head. It hadn't taken long after her father had left for the truth to seep into her and one small thought struck her that wouldn't leave her be.

Her mothers death was her fault.

It had been just a passing thought initially but now...the more she thought about it the more she found herself horrified. It was true! If she hadn't been there, if she hadn't gone to the library then her mother wouldn't have had someone to protect and she would be alive right now. She'd killed her mother.

She'd been having a cup of tea when that thought struck and she'd heard the cup fall from her hand and shatter onto the stone floor. Lydia had been there, she'd reached forward and asked her what was wrong but she'd been inconsolable. Her mother was dead because of her. Was that why her father had changed so much since then? Was that why he'd become so cold?! Because she was the reason his wife was no longer alive?

She took to bed in the week following the incident. She kept her curtains drawn, her room dark as a tomb, and ignored Lydia's urging to get up. She just couldn't. She hadn't felt this awful since her mother had died. Her father was right, she was better off without the images and without the knowledge. Until...

"Enough of this. It's not your fault." Lydia's suggestion made her roll over where she'd been crying and stare at the woman who had taken a seat on the side of her bed. How did Lydia know? She hadn't told anyone about what her father had said! "You talk in your sleep, especially when you have nightmares," the woman explained away as if she'd read her mind.

"It is my fault," she insisted through the tears. "Lydia, if I hadn't been there-"

"Then your mother still would have been there!" Lydia argued. "She was down there packing those books up long before you arrived and would have continued even if you hadn't. The ogre would have struck and you may not have been in the room but she would have. I believe with my whole heart she still would have died."

"She died for me," she cried burying her head in her pillow again. "Papa said she died trying to save me!"

"Then you gave her a great gift! You gave her purpose!" Lydia stressed putting a hand on her shoulder and rolling her over to face her again. "If you hadn't been there she would have died a useless death, nothing more than a victim trying to protect some books from a terrible ogre. It would have been senseless. But you gave her a good reason to die, to be a hero, and that's much better than anything she would ever have wanted."

"Nobody wants to die," she reasoned.

"Nobody wants to die for nothing," Lydia corrected. "Fate is a funny thing, Belle. When your time is up and it's coming for you then there is nothing you can do to stop it. But how it takes you, who you are and what you've done when it arrives, that is what you are remembered for. And when you find something worth fighting and dying for, like a war or your daughter...it's not really a choice or a sacrifice at all. I should know...I-I love you like you're one of my own. I watched you grow up and...and right now I'd give my own life just to see you smile again...in a heartbeat I'd do it and it would all be worth it."

Lydia loved her? Like a daughter? It made sense, but this was the first time she'd ever thought about it. Lydia had raised her, been there for her just as much as her mother had...maybe more. She'd just never seen it before. "You love me?" she asked though her tears.

Lydia smiled, then drew her forward and planted a sloppy, ordinarily inappropriate kiss on her cheek. "Course I do, love. Now...get out of this bed. Go live the life your mother wanted you to live. Go talk to that fiance of yours."

Her stomach soured at that suggestion. Up until then her speech had been wonderful...just not after the suggestion of Gaston. "Lydia..." she sighed and weighed her options. "I really, really don't like Gaston," she admitted quietly, wondering what she'd say or what she'd think.

Lydia looked at her for a few moments, then nestled back down against her bed, where she had been. "I know," she confessed. "It's why you have my admiration."

"Admiration?!"

"You carry a burden that many in their lifetime will never know or understand. It's unimaginable. But you do it anyway, without complaint and without fear. It's admirable."

"I want to be more though Lydia! I don't just want to be known as his wife, his Queen! I want more for myself than that."

"I imagine you will be," she smiled. "If I know you, and I do, you won't let that boy or this marriage stand in your way. Though...I do wonder how you intend to accomplish something more when you won't even leave your bedroom."

Lydia was right. There were a million and one things she wanted to do. Marriage might not have been one of them, but this was her land, her country, her people. Why couldn't she do them married to Gaston?

She'd quickly roused herself out of bed. Her mother had died protecting her life, so she'd better use it wisely, not just for her, but for her people as well.

Her father believed that their plan was strong, stronger than summoning Rumpelstiltskin to their aid-she wanted to know what it was. She didn't care if it wasn't proper or right by their standards, she wanted to know what was happening in her own country and remarkably she found an advantage in what many would call her disadvantage: her sex. Women were useless in a war room, that's what she'd grown up believing. So when she asked Lydia when her father was and she said that he was in the war room, their former throne room, discussing battle plans, she had an idea.

She retrieved her book,  _La Belle Et La Bete_ _,_ and went to the war room. "Belle, my darling," her father stated when she opened the door. "I'm so happy to see you up!"

"I uh...I just hoped you'd want to have lunch with me today," she excused looking purposefully intimidated by the generals and soldiers.

"An excellent idea. I'll be available shortly, just as soon as we're finished discussing the latest reports."

She'd nodded, but didn't leave. Instead she slipped into the room, sat on one of the window ledges and propped her book open on her knees.

No one noticed.

A woman in the war room, their own princess in the war room, was worth nothing. As far as they were concerned she was merely reading a book and waiting for her father while the men discussed their plan. As far as she was concerned that was the farthest thing from the truth. She wasn't reading, she was listening.

Listening to battle plans and updates from battlefields, correspondence from generals and scouts. And slowly her plan became a success. The plan her father had…she understood what it was now. And she thought it was stupid. Years ago when this terrible war had started, when Samuel was alive and optimistic that it would be over in a few months, when everyone had faith the tiny invasion would not go any further south than the mountains, when their soldiers were numerous and strong, then she supposed that it might have been a good plan and they would have had a chance at success. But now…

Their troops were tired, their villages were tired and beat down, most of them nearly destroyed, today they possessed only an eighth of the land they had back then, only two or three small villages left including this one and Avonlea, and her fathers plan…it was simply to solicit help from other Kingdoms, send them all to Avonlea, their strongest most fortified city, and overwhelm the ogres there. He'd called on all the Kings and Queens, all the generals and noblemen he knew, hoping that someone would donate more men to their aid! He'd had Gaston do the same in his Kingdom, it too had been hit hard over the last few years but not nearly as bad as their own. Between the two of them they were certain others would help! But she knew it was a long shot even on a good day. Their Kingdoms were dying to terrible ogres. That wasn't a war that the Kingdoms would want to assist with. It was a loosing battle in their eyes, it was going to take a miracle for them to win this war now and from where she stood they were doing nothing but preparing their own graves. Another time another place it might have been a worth while plan but now…

Now it just sounded like death.

And annihilation.

Her father seemed blinded by his optimism. Avonlea may be strong but could it really take on dozens of ogres? Possibly even hundreds! Could soldiers who had been at war for more than four years muster enough energy and strength to fight a battle like this? And even if they did…their land was hardly their land anymore. It would take centuries to turn it back into what it had been rather than what it was now, a few struggling villages.

She had her doubts.

Her father did not.

"But please father what have we to lose in just asking for his help?" she questioned as she trotted after him one afternoon of listening to it all again.

"More than you can ever imagine. I won't do it so long as this plan stands a chance," he growled over his shoulder. Months of this request and denial hadn't softened him on the topic, though she wished with all her heart that it had. She wished he'd see that what she was asking wasn't a bad thing or a good thing, it was just…it was a sacrifice. It was what had to be done for the greater good.

"But Papa-"

"Belle, you don't know what that creature is capable of, the magic that he wields the price for it is always…it's always high. The advantage remains with him not with us."

"But if it means saving our people then don't we have a responsibility to pay it and take that risk? Isn't that what heroes do? Save those less fortunate than them no matter the cost? Isn't that what mother did?!"

"Oh my Belle," he sighed suddenly spinning around to look at her with sad eyes. He opened his mouth to say something as he took in her appearance and then shook his head. "Life isn't a fairy tale, or a story found in one of your mother's books. Sometimes true bravery, true heroism is found in resisting the temptation to take the easy road."

She sighed when he stepped away from her and didn't even bother to follow him into his next meeting. Instead she just sat on one of the window ledges in the hallway and looked out the window at the sky that she swore grew thicker with the smell of rot and metal every day. There land, their country…it was dying. True heroism…was it truly in resisting temptation to take the easy road? Was summoning the Dark One the easy road? And if it was then wasn't that the road they should be pursuing and not avoiding?! From where her father stood she felt like this battle was becoming the more difficult road every day. The way she saw it, in order to summon the beast he'd have to put aside his pride and his loyalties, his morality and beliefs. Sending soldiers off to die…

Well, maybe she didn't know which was worse. Both were hard, but which was worse? Which was the greater risk? Which would take the most bravery?

She could do it herself. She didn't need her father in order to summon him. She could just write up an offer and send a currier off to deliver it. Her father would never know she'd done it until it was too late to stop!

But she couldn't. It had been nearly a year since her mother died and she was finally beginning to feel like she and her father were father and daughter again and not two lone nations hellbent on destroying one another. To send something to the wizard Rumpelstiltskin without his knowledge certainly wouldn't help them. But it would help her people. The cost would be great for her but the reward for her people would also be great. She just didn't know what to do! Wait in silence for permission that might come too late or never at all or do what she knew would work and destroy her relationship with her father in the process, forcing him to pay some unknown price that may or may not be worth it.

"Belle?"

She glanced up and found Gaston standing before her. "Gaston..." she muttered looking him over. "My father's already inside if you are looking for him."

"I am," he beamed. "There is much work to be done but...forgive my intrusion but you do seem upset."

Upset. That was one way of putting it. Not that she would ever tell him that! Samuel or Lydia certainly but Gaston...

This was it. This was exactly what Anna had accused her of, not trying with Gaston. Asking a person who appeared upset was a perfectly respectable thing to do and yet instead of giving him a chance she was simply content to push him away. His eyes...she'd seen his eyes in the mirror and just couldn't trust him but...but years ago her mother had told her to look past it, that he was young and he might grow. She had certainly grown since then. Had Gaston? Was it possible to change a wicked soul? How would she know? She'd never tried. She could pick apart the bad until she saw nothing but blackness, or she could find the smallest bit of good and try to make the best out of her fate. She was the one to decide how she handled it. Not her parents.

Take a chance.

Make a sacrifice.

Choose her own fate.

"I supposed I'm just worried is all," she muttered sitting up, doing her best to engage him in a conversation that wouldn't include what she was wearing or how beautiful she was. "I'm always worried."

"About the country?" Gaston laughed. "It often keeps me up at night too. But your father seems to have it under control and I'm doing my best to be of assistance to him. I really do believe we have the power to win this he and I, we just have to be smart about it."

It took a deep breath and a reminder to be steady and determined to banish the unimportant demeaning bits of what he'd said and pick out the good. But in the end she managed. "That's what I'm afraid of," she said instead.

There was silence for the longest time between them. In that time Gaston looked at the doorway to the war room twice and around him once for someone but then finally moved closer and took a seat beside her on the ledge, forcing her to rearrange her skirts as he did. "What do you mean?" he questioned sincerely. She didn't know if she had it in her to tell him, to take a step forward in the way that he had. But she should. If she wanted this "future" they inevitably had together to succeed…then she had to do the brave thing just as she had that day in the library, just as she had when her engagement had been announced, and move on. That's what Anna would have done.

"I worry this plan isn't as fool proof as you both thinks it is. I worry our soldiers are tired and small while their numbers are far greater than our own in too many ways to count. I worry you're not looking at every option and that you're ignoring the best one we have out of fear and pride. And I wonder what will happen if my father wakes up one day and realizes the time has passed and he's made a mistake! What if this plan doesn't work? What if instead of surviving Avonlea is crushed? Has he even thought of that? Of what will happen to the people who aren't soldiers and what they will do if this doesn't work and this little village is all we have left and we're surrounded? We can't start over from scratch with just this no matter how competent you and I are to rule."

The emotions of it all were so raw that she couldn't look him in the eye. So long as she didn't she could pretend that she was talking to her mother or Anna or even Samuel instead of Gaston. Because this felt like it was some strange dream instead of a reality.

"Have you let your father know of your concerns? Have you told him how you feel?" he asked with conern. Concern for her? That was good. This was the right direction. Sudden and forced as it was, it was a good thing. A healthy decent conversation with Gaston?! It just wasn't possible.

"I've told him," she admitted, facing him this time. "I've explained to him over and over that we have another option, that we need not suffer any more bloodshed. He doesn't listen…"

"Another option? You know of something more we could be doing? Something better besides fighting?"

"Fighting hasn't exactly gotten us far in this war," she countered. "All it's really done is slowed them down over the years…"

"And you think you know of something better than fighting? Something that will help…"

She nodded, tempted to hold her tongue and say no more about the testy subject to him but…they were supposed to be a team weren't they? Husband and wife. What harm could it do? "There's a wizard," she explained, "he's called the Dark One and he's capable of great magic. He has the power to help us I know he does. He won't just fight, he can stop this war completely and restore our lands-both of them."

"If such an option existed then I'm sure your father would have sought it out by now."

"It does exist!" she insisted. "He knows it just as I do. But it'll cost us. Magic always costs something dear and I think my father is just too afraid to make that payment."

"Why? This price…what would it be? He's the king surely he can afford-"

She snorted and shook her head at the fact that Gaston had stumbled upon the point she'd been trying to make to her father in the months since she'd returned. "We don't know," she answered. "He won't even consider making contact to learn the price. How can we know if it's fair or not if he won't even consider asking?!" she finally shouted aloud, her frustration growing before she had a moment to swallow it back down again. She wasn't going to get mad. Not again. Getting mad never helped her do anything good it only made things worse. This problem had to be solved one way or another without anger.

"Perhaps if it would make you feel better and ease your worries I might speak with him about this, about the advantages of having something to fall back on…insurance as my father might say."

"No thank you I'll handle it" was what she should have said and the words were right there on her lips…before she closed her mouth and thought through it again. Gaston. He'd been something of a pet to her father since the news of the engagement had been slipped and though she thought very little of him she knew that her father thought very highly of him. She hated to involve another person in this but…Gaston…he might be just the person that she needed. And even more, he was willing?

"You'd do that? For me?"

Gaston beamed. "It would be worth it to see your beautiful smile again on our wedding day!" he declared. "And it would be for the good of the country. I don't know where you heard tale of this magical wizard but if he does as you say then it would indeed be foolish not to pursue his assistance. Too many have died already and I see no use in allowing more death if this so called 'price' is one that can be easily paid. I'll speak with him about it immediately."

"Not in front of the other generals, please!" she begged reaching for his hand the moment he got to his feet. She didn't want her father to feel embarrassed or backed into a corner. She wanted him to accept the future as it was and come to the conclusion that it was-

"Of course not," Gaston parroted, squeezing her hand painfully in what she was sure was meant to assure her. "He needs to remain fearless and humble to the generals. For now it will be just between the three of us."

She sighed in relief. Brutish as he was she'd found a good thing. Her parents were right, he did seem to understand certain things she doubted Samuel ever would have. "Thank you, Gaston," she breathed. "Truly."

"You are most welcome, Belle," he smiled. And before she had time to react, before she had time to even make a face at what he'd called her she watched as his head descended and the hand that had a grip on one of hers tugged her forward so he could put his mouth on hers. The kiss was over before she'd really even realized it had begun and he was off down the hall and following after her father without another word.

He'd kissed her. Her first kiss. It had been…well…abrupt to say the least. Fast. Unfeeling. Was that what they were all supposed to be like? Unconsciously she found herself reaching up and wiping her mouth on the back of her hand before she sat back down on her ledge and paged through her book feeling more in shock than when she realized that Samuel had attempted to kiss her.

She didn't know what she was supposed to feel. Her mother wasn't around, she had no friends or family that she felt comfortable asking. So she went to the one place that she knew would give her answers, good or bad. Her books.

_"And lo! The beast was alive! And far greater than that, as the beauty gazed down at the face of her beast she found that he was no longer a beast at all but a man. A handsome and charming man with beauty to match her own. 'Belle' her prince spoke, moving his fingers delicately through her hair and over her neck. Not a word more needed to be said between the pair for she was beginning to think that they alone could know each other's innermost thoughts with nothing more than a loving gaze. Belle carefully lowered herself to touch the lips of her tamed beast with her own mouth and the two were swallowed up in a frenzy of unspoken love."_

Odd. That hadn't been what she'd felt at all. But their conversation…it was a start.

She hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, way long chapter, but there was no way I was going to get it to break up well. 
> 
> Thank you, thank you, thank you Deweymay for commenting on the last chapter. Only one more to go and now the announcement comes that we'll have a season 6. I suppose that means another year of writing for Belle on my end. Who knows how many I'll need for Rumple once she is done. How are ya'll feeling about the announcement? Happy? Sad? Mixed? I'll be honest, I'm kinda mixed on the whole thing. But probably before I worry I need to see 5B, finish Moments Taken, start Moments Clear and Unclear, and then I can panic. Ladies and gentlemen, my to-do list. Peace and Happy Reading!


	48. The End of the Beginning

Time did not heal all wounds.

She could remember the time that her mother told her it did, just after her Grandmother died and she thought she'd never smile again. She'd asked her mother once how she managed it, how she managed to go on when her mother was dead; she'd only told her that she knew time would heal the wound and years from now it would not be as painful and she wanted to look back on these years then and be proud of the way she acted under pressure.

It was a lie. She knew that now. It was nothing but a coping mechanism, something to get her through the day. But she knew the truth now.

Time did not heal all wounds.

But it could ease the pain.

Long ago time moved on after her mother died, despite the fact that she didn't want it to. The proof of it was in her arm, that dreadful wound she'd had when she first woke up with no memories. It had hurt at first. Terribly hurt. But then it began to heal. It scabbed over, little by little it shrank, new skin formed red and tender around the edges, it knit itself back together, until it was nothing but a small raised scar that her fingers absentmindedly skimmed over on even the worst of days a year and a half later.

It was a reminder. A scar wasn't healed. Not in her mind. A scar was different. It moved with her arm, flexed with her, reminded her of that horrible day, but was also a testament that life went on even in the face of the deepest of wounds. She'd learned to live with the scar on her arm until day by day it became part of her and she began to accept that the arm she'd had before that scar haunted her may not return, but she could live with the little mark, this new version of the arm she'd been left with.

She could live without her mother.

She hated that truth but that was exactly what it was. The truth. She could live without her mother. And she finally felt as though she could accept it.

She could live without Samuel and without her mother, she could live without her grandmother and someday she'd have to live without her father and although she hoped that day would come decades from now she'd learned that it could happen at any moment and that no matter when it happened it wouldn't matter. She'd have to get up and live on anyway. She had to. It was the difference between being a girl, nothing but a child content to let her parents run their Kingdom and dictate her life, and being a young woman, a young Queen, helping her father rule over the nation that would one day become her own. Deciding her own fate.

It wasn't always easy. She could live without her mother and she could live with Gaston. Gaston was trying. But…trying was something at least and she had found some good qualities, vain as he was. He meant well. His intentions were to be a gentleman, to make sure that she was happy. At least that was what she told herself when she refused to think about what the mirror had told her. Time went on and people could change. Without the mirror to judge his character for her, she'd have to do it herself.

She hoped that over the years she'd grow to feel something more for him than what she knew she felt now. She hoped that she'd come to care for him in some way, maybe even love him. She'd already grown to accept the frantic and sporadic kisses he placed against her lips when she least expected and wanted it. She hoped one day she'd be just as pleasantly surprised by it as her mother had been when she'd seen her father do the same to her, and then, maybe it would be possible for her to return the small favor. Maybe.

And she could live with having a small country. Size meant little and she knew now that after the war, what they were left with was going to be small, but it was no excuse for it not to be great. She hoped that she would rule a great nation. She hoped she wouldn't be left with only one small village. She hoped that her father wasn't wrong, that progress could be made and would be made beyond what she saw day in and day out. Men standing around a table giving reports, favorable as they were, wasn't progress to her.

Progress was…

Progress was insurance, as Gaston had said. Progress would be more reassurance than a gamble. And yet it seemed to her that they did nothing but gamble with the lives of people. Their people. People that trusted them and respected them, and believed they would protect them.

The day that they finally lost their bet was devastating…

They thought they'd taken every precaution. They thought they were taking every precaution. It had taken months and nearly everyone was in place. Every soldier they had available was at Avonlea. The woman and children of the city had been evacuated here. The ogres were still being pushed in the direction that they wanted them to go. In a few months they would arrive in Avonlea and then they would know for sure how it all ended. Of course none of the other Kingdoms had agreed to help them, but against the odds everything appeared to be working according to plan…until a scout arrived with devastating news.

It appeared that a village they'd believed to have been destroyed hadn't been. The small handful of survivors had somehow managed to rebuild their lives and create a new place to live all on their own. Unfortunately their home was also in the path that their soldiers were guiding the ogres. This time there were no survivors. Fifty-six young men, women, and children where slaughtered when the beasts attacked. And this time everyone around the table knew that it was no one's fault but their own. In their haste to secure peace they had destroyed more lives. And no one was proud of that.

Her father was absent from dinner that night. And before they even got to their first course she declared to Gaston that she wasn't hungry and dismissed herself to bed, only instead of the bed she wandered around until she finally found her father in the one place she hadn't expected him to be. The ruins of the old wing. His old study.

He sat alone in the dark of the abandoned office just like he had years ago before the ogres had destroyed it, his arm on the chair and resting his chin on his fist and staring at the fireless fireplace as if in a trance.

"Papa?" she questioned. She drew the shawl around her arms as her voice echoed in the dead halls. Her father didn't answer, merely continued to stare. "Papa, you shouldn't be in here it's dangerous." Two months ago one of the walls had finally given out and collapsed. They said that the castle was fine, that it was still structurally sound but the top floors of this wing had been evacuated just as a necessary precaution and she didn't like the idea of anyone being here, especially not her father, not like this. Not alone.

"Papa," she moved quickly into the study, doing her best not to trip over fallen wood and stones before she knelt down next to her father and took his hand in her own but still he wouldn't look at her. If she couldn't hear him breathing she might have thought he was dead. "You should eat something," she insisted. "Please come upstairs with me and have some dinner."

It was hard to tell in the dark room but she could have sworn that she saw him shake his head. But then again maybe it was her imagination. It was dreadfully hard to tell and even if he had that wasn't what she wanted. "Father please say something. You're worrying me."

And so he did. He let out a deep sigh and looked around the room that had once been much more cheerful and peaceful than it was now, then opened his mouth. "I'm told...I'm told we met in here often, your mother and I. After you went to bed, in the middle of the day, whenever one of us wanted to talk or just to have the company."

She smirked and gave a small nod. "When I was a child you used to send me to bed early because you knew I would be up for two more hours. I used to come down here and mother would read me a story before putting me back to bed again, I'd come back down and eventually just fall asleep in her arms. You used to say you weren't bothered but you always had a smile like you were listening. Do you remember?"

Her father didn't answer. He was crying! No, he wasn't blubbering on as she might have but...there were tears in his eyes and she watched as he tried to fight the frown forming on his face. "Papa?!"

"On...on the day your mother died…I didn't realize you were still in the castle. I thought you'd left. When they attacked and I was sequestered for my own safety it wasn't until I looked out the windows and saw the carriages still here that I realized…and I panicked.

"Lydia helped and the guards traced the pair of you to the library but…but by the time they arrived it was already too late.

"Oh my darling, you weren't found in the library as I once said. You were here. Your mother was already dead and you ran here. You baracaded yourself in this room but the beast followed. The guards arrived just in time to save you. They killed the monster and when we finally broke through the doors…

"You were crouched, huddled in that corner there, crying. For your mother. For me. But even when I came you couldn't be comforted. You told us how she died yourself. How she stood in the way and told you to run before you saw…horrible terrible things, my girl. Brutality no woman or man should ever have to witness, least of all with their own mother.

"You couldn't be spoken to after that. Your words were nothing but nonsense, unintelligible babble as when you were a baby. You fought us when we finally managed to pull you away, you didn't want to leave the corner afraid for what lay beyond it and when you saw the ogres body…you couldn't be calmed.

"The guards took you to your room kicking and screaming and when your nurse offered a bit of sleeping draught she had I consented. It made you sleep, but it didn't give you peace. I watched you. I stayed by your side the entire time and watched you toss and turn in your sleep night and day. You cried out for your mother, shouting and screaming even as you slept and when you woke the only thing that could be done was to give you more of the sleeping draught.

"I began to worry about what you'd seen, how the violence would affect you. So I called forth a man from the village. One well versed in magic but the cost to craft a spell that would remove those terrible memories and give you back to me, the daughter I'd had before the incident…it was high. The spell required the sacrifice of good memories, powerful good memories for the removal of bad ones.

"I agreed. The sorcerer completed the spell and all my happy memories of your mother, everything I loved about her, about the family we had-it's all gone, my darling. The price was high. But instantly you were calm."

She had tears in her eyes by the time he finished his story and her mouth was hanging open in shock. She didn't know what to say. It was hard to believe, but the pain on his face…he wasn't lying this time.

"All of them? He took all your happy memories of her?" she clarified sadly. Her father didn't answer and that told her all that she needed to know. She sniffled as she sat back on her heels, then let her back hit the wall and sat down on the ground. She hadn't prepared for news like this, for a cost like that! How could she?! And he...he remembered nothing of them? The walks they'd taken when she was little? The dinners they'd shared. Night times by the fireplace as they all read together. And worse than that. If he'd only taken his good memories of her mother…did that mean that he'd been left when nothing but the bad? Was that why he'd been so emotionless about it all? Because he didn't have any emotion to give?

"You can't remember anything about us?"

"I remember you," he added quietly. "I remember holding you when you were born. I remember reading to you when you were little, watching you ride your horse through the pasture the first time, I remember…the time you fell from the ladder in the library and how you cried when you broke your arm. And in the back of my mind there is a shadow there in all those memories, a foggy memory of a conversation that I had with a woman as she placed you in my arms and stood by my side as you rode, of a woman that held you at night when the pain was so much you couldn't sleep…but it's like a dream. I can't remember her face. Or meeting in this room, talking with her, laughing with her. And so now you see my Belle, all I have…is you."

Suddenly his protection of her since her mother died made sense. If he was the only thing she had, no memories, no thoughts...she'd have been protective too. It all made sense. All but one thing. "Why didn't you tell me all this before? Why did you lie to me about what really happened?"

"How could I? What you'd seen before nearly destroyed you once! After your mother died…I saw her body. The things that creature did to her…the things you had seen it do…you didn't need that in your head my girl. I paid a great price to make sure that you lost it, that it stayed lost…I didn't want to remind you-"

"You shouldn't have had to bear this on your own."

"That is the price of magic my girl," he answered quickly. "It isolates, it snuffs out light, destroys happiness. You are my daughter, the only family I really remember having, it's a fathers job to bear the weight his daughter cannot."

"And yet you know what has to be done," she whispered quietly, realizing what he was doing here suddenly, why he was choosing now to bring it up again.

"I got that report this morning Belle…and I see your face. I see your mother's body in my mind's eye…but I feel nothing for it but shock and horror. Everyone says we were happy together and yet I feel…I feel nothing at all…but I know that I can't let what happened to them happen to you! I worry we're out of options. And I worry what our last option will cost!"

There was a time that she'd thought her father was lucky, that he'd survived the attack that day without a scratch as nothing more than a widow but suddenly she realized, suddenly she saw that he'd possibly lost more than she had, that he had been scarred far more in order to make sure that she walked away with no more than a scratch.

And yet here he was, here she was, asking him to do it all over again. To be burned once more. No. There was no choice in the matter. She still though that it was the right thing to do for the kingdom…just not necessarily for her father. It wouldn't be easy. It wouldn't be happy. But he knew as well as she did what had to be done.

"Papa," she crawled forward again and put her hands in his own once more as she recalled the fight she'd first overheard her father and mother having about this very subject. Could he remember it? "We don't have to take what he offers," she urged, "we can send him the request, we can decided how much gold to pay him for something like this, make sure our terms are clearly laid out. And Papa…we can say no," she stressed. "If it proves to be too much, we can say no. But…our people…they need-"

"A hero," her father finished for her. "They need someone like your mother. Someone to stand in the way of the beasts, willing to give all so that they might be spared. I know my girl."

"They need someone like you!" she corrected. "Someone willing to pay for another's happiness even at the cost of their own."

"But it is hard," he argued. "It is hard to run back into a burning building, when one has been burned so terribly in the past."

She nodded. She nodded because she understood. Because she agreed with him. But she also knew that it was what had to happen. She knew that even if the building was on fire her mother would run back in no matter the consequences and if she was inside of it…she knew he would too. There was a time that her father would have known that, but now he didn't, now he couldn't. Her mother, his one great love, was gone. She was still here. And if she had to run into a burning building herself in order to do it, she wanted him to know the kind of daughter he and her mother had raised, the kind of woman he'd married.

"I have a memory," she sniffed, reaching forward and taking his hand into her own again. "I have a memory of mother, the day she died, only moments before perhaps. She um…she had us crawl under a table and told me everything would be alright. But I was scared. I was so, so scared Papa, but mother wasn't. She was…she was brave. I'm…I'm sure she must have been petrified too but…even through the fear she was brave. And she told me…she told me that everything would end soon and once it did…then I would see how truly brave I was.

"Maybe being a hero isn't about finding the bravery or summoning the courage to do something heroic. Maybe it's just taking a deep breath and doing something heroic first. Maybe…maybe it's about facing our worst fears without a thought and then looking back and realizing just how brave we were the entire time."

Her father broke.

They both did.

But they only cried together, resigned to what was left, for only a short while before they heard one of the guards calling out for him, that he was needed immediately. And then they'd let each other go. Their plan was decided and agreed upon. They'd send word right away to the one that called himself the Dark One. They'd promise a price of gold they believed suitable payment for his services, for banishing the beasts from their land not just for a generation, but forever. If he didn't come through then maybe there was still hope to be found in Avonlea. If that failed…then at least she'd go to her grave knowing that she'd tried everything she could to save the world that her mother had left behind for her.

Her father followed the guard down the stairs but before she left the little hall she stopped in the doorway to the former library. It was barren now. Not a single book left on its shelf and now she knew why. He wouldn't have done it. If he knew what it had meant to her mother he wouldn't have done it. And so she made herself a promise, a vow. If this worked, if this plan that her mother had come up with helped win them their land back then she'd restore it. She'd take the librarians job until it came time for her to ascend the throne. She'd breathe life back into these shelves and then the castle and then her land. Because she'd finally figured it out, what her mother had wrong all this time.

The cure for death wasn't time.

It was life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, welcome to the end. I really hope that you enjoyed this story! If you chose to read the Moments Prequel first and want to read more then your next stop will be Moments Known and Unknown, it is everything that happened to Belle in the Enchanted Forest after she met Rumpelstiltskin, after she's dismissed from his castle, meets Mulan, and is captured by the Evil Queen; it takes us right up to the moment the Dark Curse is cast.
> 
> Of course if you liked what you read please give kudos or comments! I love getting those wonderful little gems in my inbox and communicating with the people reading on a personal level. And if you want to read more (and leave more comments please check out any of the other fictions in the Moments Series. For more information on the Moments Series, upcoming fictions, posting and publishing dates, or a reading order check out my profile for updates. Peace and Happy Reading!


	49. Chapter Updates

Hey ya'll! Since the series is still running and I'm doing my best to keep it as accurate as possible there is always the chance that I will have to add another chapter or two to this story to do that (course that also means I might have to delete or edit some but it hasn't happened yet and if it does I'll cross that bridge when I come to it). I will post all the chapter updates to this fiction here so that you don't need to go searching to find the new stuff!

As of June 6, 2016 Moments Lost is updated through 5x17. The new chapters are:

3\. An Unplanned Match (One Year, Six Months)  
4\. Truth and Rumor (One Year, Six Months)  
5\. The Ogre Test (One Year, Six Months)  
6\. The Compromise (One Year, Six Months)  
7\. Troubling Decisions (One Year, Six Months)  
8\. More Than a Pretty Face (One Year, Six Months)  
9\. In and Out of Her Hands (One Year, Six Months)  
13\. Sacrifices to be Made (Two Years)

In order to accommodate these new chapters the following chapters have been heavily updated:

2\. Family, Friends, and Pawns  
10\. The Way Things Really were  
11\. Between a Rock and A Hard Place (Two Years)  
12\. The Ugly Truth (Two Years)  
14\. Drastic Changes All Around (Two Years, Six Months)  
15\. Missing Somethings (Two Years, Six Months)  
16\. What Their Fathers Saw (Three Years)  
17\. A New Old Truth (Three Years, Six Months)  
43\. Past Failings and Future Fates (Severn Years, One Month)  
48\. Making Her Own Fate (Seven Years, Six Months)

Thanks for your wonderful and continuing interest in this series! I do my best and work really hard to make sure that it all is smooth and in canon! I appreciate your interest and of course if you like what you are reading please don't hesitate to leave a review! Peace and Happy Reading!


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